Dissenters and Descendants
by ChuckyDoll
Summary: Jonas ran into the snowy blizzard to help a starving Community woman. She fell dead into his arms, holding a diary with a note. Jonas opened it. "Jonas and Gabriel, there are two things you should know. One: Your community is destroyed. Two: I am your Birthmother. Read my diary, and you'll know everything." This is his Birthmother's life story and Jonas's path to redemption.
1. Jonas: Age 15

Jonas and Gabriel were living in the same house they encountered two years ago when they were on the brink of starvation. Jonas was soon to turn thirteen by the time they arrived to the snowy mountain and Gabe was a mere toddler. The family living here was more than kind to the pair and nursed them back to health. Gabe thrived under their loving care and was able to sleep at night. Jonas became a rather strong almost-fifteen-year-old. As for Gabe (who was past toddlerhood), he grew to be quite the socialite, charming everyone with his cherubic face and dark curls. Sometimes Jonas would get exhausted chasing after the boy, but nevertheless, he felt it was worth it. He loved his little brother.

Jonas's foster family was preparing dinner and getting Gabe situated when the adolescent peered out the window. A frizzy-haired older woman carrying a thin blanket struggled to come forward to the house. She looked emaciated and freezing. Jonas put on a fluffy coat before going outside to assist the poor woman. He noticed the gray tunic she was wearing, causing him to think of a million questions.

_Who is she?_

_Is she from the community?_

_How did she get here?_

_What happened to my former home?_

_What happened to my family?_

_Asher?_

_Fiona?_

_The Giver?_

He raced, feet sinking in the snow, as the woman stumbled through the white fluff. He called out to her, but she didn't respond. Her lips seemed fused together and her eyes unseeing. Her arms were put out in front of her and her thin legs appeared as if they were about to snap. He called again and the woman moaned like a zombie. Just as he finally reached her, she fell dead into his arms. He lay her gently in the snow and saw a lump in her tunic. He reached inside and pulled out a diary. He didn't dare read it yet.

He ran his finger over the pages when his foster father, Jacob, came out into the storm.

"Jonas," he shouted. "What are you doing out here?"

Jonas turned around, revealing the dead woman lying right in front of him. Her eyes were barely closed. Jacob sighed and placed a hand on Jonas's back. Jonas closed her eyes with his two fingers and placed the blanket over her face, wondering just who she was. He wasn't sure whether he should cry or not, so he took the diary and ran back inside the house, straight to his room.

Just as he removed his coat and relaxed on his bed, Gabe came trotting in, curious about the mysterious diary.

"Who was the old woman?" he squeaked.

Jonas motioned Gabe to climb on the bed. Gabe was soon snuggled against his older brother and feeling the pages of the near frozen diary. Jonas kissed Gabriel's forehead and sighed.

"Let's find out," he said quietly and opened to the first page. There was a note attached to it. He read it aloud.

_Jonas and Gabriel,_

_If you, by any chance, are reading this note, there are two things you need to know. One, the community you left some years ago is destroyed. Everyone either committed suicide or fled. Two, I am your Birthmother. Here is my diary. Read it and you will know everything._

_Love, Rhiannon_

* * *

**If you are familiar with my work, you will know that I haven't read the sequels to the Giver and as a result, I ignore them in my fanfiction. I have messaged some of my readers, who have told me about _Gathering Blue, Messenger _and _Son._ Yes, I know that in _Son_, a young girl named Claire gives birth to Gabriel and retires to the Hatchery and whatnot, but at the start of the story, I was not aware that _Son_ was even being written.  
**

**So, if you choose to read on, just bear with me here and forget everything about the sequels. This fanfic is mostly experimental writing, just warning you there. **


	2. Rhiannon: Age 12: Part 1

Rhiannon was turning Twelve today. She hoped she would see Emanuel at the Ceremony, not that he was really required to come. He turned Twelve two years ago and since then, he has worked away from the community, so Rhiannon couldn't see him often. She remembered watching Emanuel up alone on stage, everyone's eyes centered on him as he tried to shrink away from the crowd. The Elders had told everyone he was Selected. After that ceremony, everyone acted in a more distant manner toward Emanuel except Rhiannon. Rhiannon and Emanuel were friends, no matter what.

Rhiannon hoped that she could leave early in hopes of seeing Emanuel, but her parents remembered that she hadn't shared her dream. She was too embarrassed to share.

"Rhiannon," said her father, Savely. "You haven't shared your dream."

She felt butterflies in her stomach, not that she would phrase her emotions this way. She looked away, trying to figure out what parts she should omit, even though she would be breaking the rules.

"Emanuel and I were near the river. In the dream, there was an odd looking bridge and we were standing right in the middle. He was hugging me closely and he leaned in."

She kicked her legs nervously, keeping her parents on edge, as they wanted her to finish the dream-telling.

"We kissed," she said, then touched her lips. "Here. It lasted maybe ten seconds. There was a strange feeling accompanying it."

"What was that strange feeling?" asked Savely.

Rhiannon thought about it long and hard, struggling to come up with a word. Language wasn't her strong suit.

"I guess you could describe it as feeling sort of good. Uhh, pleasurable. Yeah, that describes it."

"Thank you," said her mother, Carlota. "for sharing your dream."

Savely told Carlota he would be off to the Ceremony to help set up the Auditorium. Her mother sat down, as if trying to figure out what to say to Rhiannon.

She reflected on her dream. The kissing part was true. She technically did not lie, but simply lied by omission. She smiled at the part she omitted, blushing furiously. After they had kissed, they looked at each other's bright eyes (Emanuel pulled off the "mysterious" look better than she ever could). Emanuel had exposed her shoulder and kissed her there, his lips climbing up toward her neck. It tempted her to return the favor and she gave in. She tried not to think about it anymore, as she saw her mother preparing for a discussion, but it proved too difficult.

"Rhiannon, what you described in your dream," said Carlota. "That was your first Stirrings."

"Yeah? So?"

"You're going to need to take the Pills."

"Oh," Rhiannon replied, rather bored with the conversation. She didn't care to ask any questions about Stirrings and if she did, she would ask Emanuel when she saw him at the Ceremony. Despite it being considered rude to talk about personal subjects, she felt she could talk to Emanuel about anything. Considering his training, Rhiannon thought, he could tell her more than her mother would ever know.

"You don't have any questions?" her mother replied quizzically.

"Nope. Give me my pill and I'll head to the Ceremony. I don't want to be late."

The older female stood up impatiently, her arms crossed against each other.

"Rhiannon, what happened to your manners?"

"They're being Stirred, mother," Rhiannon replied, receiving a stern look and sighing. "May I please have my pill?"

"Yes, you may," said her mother. "And please act politely during the Ceremony."

"Yes, mother."

Rhiannon left, placing the pill in her pocket for later. For now, she wanted to enjoy the emotions she got from remembering the dream. She knew Emanuel had already started taking the pills, but she always wondered whom he dreamt about. To find out he dreamt a Stirrings dream about her would be quite fascinating (although rather ridiculous, as she would have still been Ten when he had the dream).

She rode her bike toward the Auditorium and found Emanuel pacing outside. After she parked her bike near the entrance, she raced to Emanuel to say hello.

"Emmy!" she squealed. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, Rhi," he replied sweetly. "I wanted to see what Assignment you'll receive. None of the others interest me nearly as much."

"You're sweet to say that," Rhiannon replied. "Guess what happened to me?"

"What?"

Rhiannon placed her hand in her pocket and pulled out the tablet her mother gave her this morning. It lay still in her palm and Emanuel picked it up, examining it.

"Stirrings pill?" he asked.

"Do you have to say that so loud?" she asked rudely before remembering his position. "I apologize for being rude."

He ignored her comment, rubbing the pill with a sly smile. He then faced another direction and threw it into some flowery bushes. She started laughing.

"Emanuel, _why?_"

He turned back to her and smiled. "If you _really_ wanted to be rid of your Stirrings, you would've taken your pill _before_ you left the house. Keeping it in your pocket sends an entirely different message."

She sighed and checked her watch. It was only five minutes until the ceremony, which Emanuel didn't really have to go to. Everyone was almost finished setting up and people were approaching the building on their bikes.

"Who did you dream about?" he asked in a more serious tone.

"I'm not telling you!" she replied. "I can't be forced to answer a personal question, even if you _are_ as High and Mighty as the Elders make you out to be."

Emanuel frowned, making Rhiannon feel guilty for a reason she couldn't understand. She looked into his eyes and felt Stirred, biting her lip.

"You dreamt about me, didn't you," he whispered, leaning closer to her ear and smiling. "You knew you would see me today and refused to take the pill."

Almost everyone was in the Auditorium and the doors were about to close.

"So maybe I am a rebel, Emanuel."

"Only from the waist down," he cleverly retorted.

"Wait, what does that mean?" she asked, but he was already on his way inside the room, leaving poor Rhiannon to hop after him.

She sat next to him, listening to him hum random sounds and noticing the alternating high and low pitched notes. She listened closely, realizing that he was hearing something no one else was. The Elders called it Hearing Beyond. Fascinated, she observed him tapping his fingers against the chair to the tune of his humming. Her focus was cut off by the booming sound of the Elder's voice in a microphone, announcing the names of the little Ones and who would receive them. None of them were particularly cute, in her opinion, and she dozed off, missing everything up until the Ceremony of Fives. She stayed awake until lunch, which prompted her to run outside after everyone. She grabbed only an orange before she found Emanuel biking toward the river in solitude. Rhiannon raced toward her bike, mounting it before pedaling as fast as she possibly could in order to catch up to him.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To the river," he groaned. "I need some space."

"Does that mean I can't go with you?"

"No, it doesn't."

She followed him to the river. Emanuel rested there, dipping his feet into the cool water and observing its flow. Rhiannon sat beside him, wondering what he was paying attention to. She grew bored of this and splashed him. She thought she saw him smile a bit, but he quickly hid this.

"Please don't do that," he said.

"Why? You used to be so much fun. It's like somebody stole you from me," she whined.

He frowned and she pouted, upset that he wasn't nearly as lively as he was this morning. She noticed that his mood swings were increasingly frequent and this worried her. How long would it be until this completely ruined their friendship?

They sat there until Rhiannon assumed lunch would be over and left Emanuel behind, not wanting to deal with his sadness. She biked to the Auditorium and got to her seat, watching the rest of the Ceremony restlessly. She hadn't even noticed her other friends in the crowd until it was time for the Ceremony of Twelve. She scurried up to the stage, finding the seat that corresponded with her number: 23. She pondered the possibilities of her Assignment and realized her options were few. Her language skills weren't good enough for the Instructor of Threes, she had no interest in science, and was horrible in care-taking (oddly enough, she thought about applying for a child. Her hypothetical Spouse would do well in the child's early life, while she could play a larger role in his or her late childhood. She would never lie to them). She now wished she hadn't completed her hours. That way, she would never receive her Assignment and would be held responsible for finishing them, thus allowing her to continue freelance work without any commitment.

She waited for her friends to get into their seats, happy that her two closest friends (aside from Emanuel) were sitting at her immediate left and right sides. Dagney, to her left, and Aedan, on her right, were polar opposites. Dagney was intelligent while Aedan was intuitive and imaginative. Dagney worked hard while Aedan had a more playful disposition. Aedan tugged and poked at Rhiannon's dark curls happily until Dagney gave him a look.

"Ignore her, Aedan," said Rhiannon. She never minded it when Aedan played with her curls and, at a moment like this, it felt comforting.

Rhiannon saw Emanuel enter the Auditorium and take an empty seat near the front, sulking. She considered leaving the stage to comfort him, but knew it was wrong and restrained herself (although she couldn't help but wave). The Elders announced the various Assignments given to each child up on stage. Soon enough, Dagney was brought up to the front of the stage. She was given the assignment of a Paralegal in the Department of Justice, which satisfied her. She was a quiet girl, so this job did not require much social interaction.

Rhiannon smiled at Dagney, mouthing "congratulations" before heading to the front of the stage. The Elder gave her a fake smile, discomforting her. _I'm probably not that honorable_, Rhiannon thought.

"Birthmother," was all Rhiannon heard, aside from. "Thank you for your childhood."

Rhiannon crinkled her nose, taking her folder filled with rules and trudged back to her seat. '_Thank you for your childhood'_, she thought sarcastically, _yeah, like I had much to offer._

She looked at an Instructor near the back of the stage and approached him, asking for permission to use the lavatory located just outside (yet in the same building). She exited the Auditorium and threw her folder down, jumping on it. _Am I not worth more?_ To her surprise, Emanuel appeared just behind her.

"Rhiannon," he whispered, close behind. "What are you doing?"

She spun around quickly, surprised that she didn't accidentally hit his face. He peered into her eyes so deeply that she turned away. He placed his hand on her upper arm, causing her to pull away and he looked down.

"I'm just mad because of my assignment. Does everyone think I'm stupid or something?" Rhiannon vented.

"No, Rhi," Emanuel said. "I especially don't."

Rhiannon was close to crying now. She took a deep breath and tried to control herself, looking at her watch to see how much left of the Ceremony there was. She finally calmed down.

"There's no honor in my Assignment, Emanuel. People will look down on me."

He sighed. "Honor is hardly worth what you think it is."

Rhiannon went back inside and sat next to Dagney and Aedan on stage. Dagney paid no attention to Rhiannon, as if she wasn't worth looking at anymore. Aedan still smiled at her with childlike innocence and Rhiannon looked at his folder.

"I'm a Nurturer," he said, still smiling. "That means I'll meet your future kids."

He said this as if being a Birthmother had no social implications, which Rhiannon appreciated. Considering that he was one of her best friends, she allowed him to poke fun at her Assignment. Dagney gave them an odd look. It surprised her that the pair was friends with Dagney. She was more of a tutor than a playmate.

"If you want, I'll tell you all about your kids someday," Aedan continued. "Birthmothers aren't allowed to connect much with their babies and I know how you are."

"Thank you, Aedan."

It wasn't long until the Ceremony was over. Rhiannon met up with Aedan outside, who was content thinking about nurturing children he knew would be descended from his best friend. It gave him a sense of responsibility and made him see Rhiannon in a new light rather than something less than worthy.

"Will you tell me about your Assignment once it starts, Rhi?" Aedan asked. "It's probably more fascinating than people give it credit for."

"Sure, Aedan."

Dagney approached them just moments later, reading her thick folder and smiling. She shifted her attention from her folder to the pair and smiled. Both Aedan and Rhiannon knew it was fake, for the smile was a tad bit too wide.

"Congratulations on your Assignments," she said, almost forced and then relaxed. "I didn't expect to be a Paralegal, but I'm excited."

"It suits you," Rhiannon replied before leaving.

Aedan stayed behind to exchange a few words with Dagney about nurturing (he could never keep in his excitement). Rhiannon found Emanuel again and said hello, but he simply gave a nod and left. She guessed he had some additional training to do. It wasn't long before the previous Receiver would be relieved from his duties and Emanuel would be the only Receiver. It was just another year, or so she heard.

She arrived at home just in time for the family's Evening Meal and parked her bike in the garage. As she opened the door, her two parents looked up from their plates and smiled.

"Congratulations on your Assignment, Rhiannon," they said in unison.

"Don't be fake," Rhiannon grunted, pulling out her chair and throwing her shoe-printed covered folder of rules on the side of the table. "You always told me being a Birthmother held no honor, so don't pretend to be proud of me."

She stabbed her food with her fork and barely ate her food when her father suggested the Telling of Feelings, irking Rhiannon. No one volunteered to go first, so her father decided to speak.

"I was content today. Tomorrow, they're going to introduce some technological advancements in the Pharmaceutical Department, so I'm rather excited to see them."

Her mother patted her father on the back in understanding (not that Rhiannon couldn't see right through it). She wiped her mouth with her napkin and cleared her throat before speaking.

"I'm next to Release another one of our elderly residents tomorrow. It's unfortunate because I bonded with the man, but he's looking forward to it, so I'm relieved."

Rhiannon spit out a piece of food that tasted particularly disgusting into a napkin and resumed chewing, trying to appear aloof.

"Manners, Rhiannon," Carlota reminded her daughter. "and you haven't shared yet."

"Okay," she replied, leaning back and dropping her silverware and searching for the right words. "I'm angry at my selection because I feel undervalued."

_Undervalued, _Rhiannon thought. _C__lever._

"Why?" her father asked stupidly.

"Because Birthmothers have no honor. After they pop out a few babies, they're thrown into the lot of Laborers that fix everything up for the rest of society to – oh what's the word – devalue them. I wish I hadn't finished my Volunteer hours, that way I could continue to do freelance work."

Her mother and father seemed surprised at her answer and then noticed the shoe-prints on her folder. No one in the community wanted the shame of not having their Assignment announced with the rest of their age group. Most wanted a place to belong, even if it wasn't the most honorable.

"Rhiannon, you have to understand. Prestige is not the most important thing. Even if an Assignment carries little honor, there is still vital importance to each and every Assignment. That alone should be fulfilling," her father explained and sighed, "Just try your job for a little while and if it is so unsatisfying, send an Assignment change in for Study."

_You're a funny man, Father._

Rhiannon yawned. "Well, I'll sleep on it. It'll be a busy day tomorrow, so I should be getting to bed."


	3. Rhiannon: Age 12: Part 2

Rhiannon and Aedan rode together the next day at a slow pace, taking in the scenery (at least that's what Rhiannon was doing). Aedan was probably thinking of all the little infants with their big eyes and high-pitched squeals. Rhiannon lamented the end of the last year of volunteer work and the beginning of a degrading job. At least she had the hope of making some friends here that shared her frustrations. If not, then she would send an Assignment Change in for study (not that it would be at all effective).

They stopped in front of the Nursery, a tall building connected to the hospital where her father worked. At least she would have contact with him if need be and Aedan could make short trips to say hello to her every so often. _But I wouldn't get to see Emanuel._

"Well, here we are, Rhi," Aedan said enthusiastically. "I suppose I'll ride home with you after our first training session."

"See you later, Aedan," Rhiannon replied, reading the papers in her dirty folder for directions as to where to go.

She went to the main hospital and entered an elevator, going to the floor where expecting women would reside. While in the elevator, she looked at the rules.

BIRTHMOTHER REGULATIONS

1: During a Pregnancy, the pill is prohibited. However, during Training periods and the period between pregnancies, the pill is required.

2: During a Pregnancy, you are required to dwell in the hospital. During Training and In-Between periods, you have the option of staying in your dwelling.

3: During the first month of your Pregnancy, you may leave the hospital during the leisure hours assigned to you by your Nurse. However, in all other months, absence from the hospital requires special permission.

4: You are only allowed visits from members of your Family Unit. Any other visitors require permission from your Nurse. Nurturers may visit in allotted times.

5: You may not lay physical claim on the child born to you. They immediately go to the Nursery, where they are watched over by Nurturers. Inquiring about their whereabouts is discouraged, but not entirely prohibited.

6: Birthmothers are allowed only three births. Miscarriages, although not common, may occur. In this event, miscarriages will not count as a birth.

7: You may lie about work-related topics.

8: If you are ever questioned by a Receiver or a Receiver-In-Training, you must answer with absolute honesty.

She arrived at her floor, closing her folder and going to the front desk. She saw a pregnant woman being pushed in a wheelchair by a male Nurse, paying attention to her rather rotund abdomen. Rhiannon patted her own stomach and gulped.

"Hello, Rhiannon," said the front desk clerk. "We've been waiting for you."

She stood up and introduced Rhiannon to another young male Nurse named Mattan, who guided her to a private room for a Training Session. Here, she would be informed of the various stages of Pregnancy and would reside here in the event of one. She would share the room with a few other Birthmothers, who may or may not act as additional guides. She noticed he had neatly trimmed curly hair and a heart-shaped face. When Mattan looked at her, he smiled. Her body gave her a strange reminder that she hadn't taken the pill today. He didn't seem to take notice.

"You have curly hair like I do," he remarked, examining her locks. She remembered that curly hair, as well as light eyes, was a rarity.

"I thought people weren't supposed to make remarks about different traits," Rhiannon replied. "Or is the relationship between a Birthmother and a Nurse different from others? If so, I'm not so sure I'm comforted."

Mattan looked confused. He sat down, looking at his clipboard and wrote something with his pen. Rhiannon didn't bother inquiring about it.

"So, what will I have to do today?" Rhiannon asked.

"Well, first, I'll introduce you to some of the older Birthmothers. Keep in mind that some are undergoing pregnancy. In your folder, curiously covered in shoe-prints," said Mattan, the shoe-print mark putting Rhiannon on edge. "should contain an informational packet covering the basics of pregnancy. That would include information about the various stages of fetal development, as well as some diagrams. Take note that the folder does not cover every bit of information required for your Assignment. Half of the knowledge obtained is from experience."

Rhiannon looked down when he remarked her shoe-print covered folder, mainly because it reminded her of the shame she felt upon receiving her Assignment. He opened a drawer, taking out another manila folder for her to keep her papers in (not that she knew what manila meant, but that's what the type of folder was referred by).

"Do you really want to keep that folder, miss?" he asked, handing her the new folder. "Carrying that thing around sends a message not everyone would approve of, not that some wouldn't be understanding."

She accepted, thanking him for his kind gesture and replacing her folder. Mattan took the dirty one and threw it in a nearby trash bin before he guided her to another room, where four Birthmothers were waiting for them. They were all resting on hospital beds, two of them with large, protruding abdomens, one with a stomach that could barely be considered a small mound, and the youngest looking one with a flat tummy. They all smiled at her warmly, the youngest one not paying as much attention as the rest.

"This one is Evette," Mattan said, pointing to the oldest looking one with the largest belly.

"Shelia," he continued, pointing to the other rotund-stomached one.

"Fillipa," he said, causing the small-mound tummy girl to lift her head.

"And Nasrin."

He turned to the four Birthmothers and introduced Rhiannon as the newest birthmother, aside from another girl in her age group given the same assignment. Given that Rhiannon was absent during most of the Ceremony of Twelve, she forgot who this girl was. Rhiannon was informed that during the more private hours of her Training sessions, she would go to her original room. Otherwise, she would accompany the older Birthmothers and learn from them.

Rhiannon and Nasrin were stuck helping Mattan look after Evette, Shelia and Fillipa. It was through these sessions that the two younger ones learned about each other and about the difficulty of pregnancy. Sometimes Nasrin was allowed to accompany Rhiannon in her private sessions with Mattan. Once Mattan went to run a quick errand, leaving Nasrin and Rhiannon alone to chat.

"How old are you, Nasrin?" Rhiannon asked.

"Fourteen, I assume," she replied. "I was in the same age group as our current Receiver-In-Training."

"Emanuel?" Rhiannon asked, wide-eyed at the sound of her best-friend's name.

"Why do you say his name like _that_?"

"Like what?"

"Like he Stirs you," Nasrin replied slyly, causing Rhiannon to blush. "Was he in your first Stirrings dream?"

"It seems Birthmothers aren't strict adherers to the rules," Rhi replied, hinting at Nasrin's rudeness. "It's probably why we're assigned Birthmothers rather than having prestigious jobs."

"Well, was he or was he not?"

Rhiannon's silence was informative enough. Nasrin laughed while mocking her with repetitive I-knew-it's. Rhiannon looked away until Nasrin stopped laughing. Nevertheless, the older girl never stopped smiling.

"Do you forget your Pill sometimes? Because I do. It's all right, many Birthmothers 'forget' it."

"I don't want to know of your dreams!"

"Oh yes, you do, Rhiannon. You can guess who I dream about," Nasrin replied, winking right when Mattan approached the door.

"Nasrin!"

"Oh hush, Rhi. Soon enough, you'll dream of your Nurses," Nasrin said smiling as Mattan opened the door, peering at the young pair.

"Well, guess what we were talking about?" Nasrin almost flirted.

"I don't want to hear of your Birthmother banter," Mattan retorted. "Sometimes it's disturbing. Your mind hasn't been too corrupted by the likes of her, has it Rhi?"

Rhiannon shook her head. Even though the Assignment carried no honor whatsoever, she came to appreciate the camaraderie that developed between Birthmothers. It just so turns out her personality isn't as uncommon as one might think.

* * *

Evette was giving birth to Number 3. Mattan had been holding a private session for Nasrin and Rhiannon when he was alerted and the pair was invited to see the process of a birth. Evette was screaming in pain until Mattan administered a Pain Relief drug. While Nasrin stood calmly, Rhiannon watched in horror, grabbing on to Nasrin's hand tightly until it seemed like her hand was about to lose circulation. It seemed like hours until Number 3 was born and he turned out to be an ugly, wrinkly thing. Evette wanted desperately to hold him, but Mattan said no, reminding her of Rule 5 in the folder. Number 3 was cleaned, clothed and diapered before being sent off to the Nursery, where Rhiannon knew Aedan was training. Maybe if Rhiannon could glean some information of Number 3's condition and whereabouts from Aedan, Evette would be comforted. Rhiannon couldn't imagine how Evette felt about not being able to hold her child, but she feared the same thing would happen to her when the time came.

Rhiannon learned that Number 3 was Evette's third and last child, giving her the realization that Evette was soon to become a Laborer. She imagined the backbreaking work awaiting her and comforted her, even though she did not know her long.

"Thank you for your comfort, Rhiannon," Evette said in a quiet voice. "You look like a strong girl. You'll need it, trust me."

"When do you leave?" Rhiannon asked.

"By the end of the month," Evette replied. "The Nurses said I need to regain my strength before I do physical labor. It's a nasty system, in my opinion."

That was the last time she saw Evette. She heard Evette was placed in a recovery room with the rest of the Ex-Birthmothers. Nasrin was moved permanently into Rhiannon's room, as well as the other girl in Rhiannon's age group. They would always be under Mattan's watch. The other Twelve brought in turned out to be a shy girl named Sigilind. Rhiannon and Sigilind hardly conversed with each other and the former doubted having the same occupation would change that. Nonetheless, the three gained much needed information from Mattan, whom they all seemed to develop a crush on when they forgot their Pill. Sigilind was the most frequent pill-popper of the group, much to the amusement of Nasrin and Rhiannon. One day, when Nasrin was in the bathroom and Mattan was finishing some clerical work, Sigilind confronted Rhiannon about her absence during the Ceremony.

"I heard that when you received your Assignment, you were so ashamed that you stomped on your folder," said Sigilind in her usual meek voice.

"Yes, that's true. The thought of being a Birthmother was just horrible to me, back then. I felt undervalued."

Sigilind paused for a moment to register her statement and frowned.

"I'm just curious, Sigilind," Rhiannon inquired. "What was your reaction to becoming a Birthmother."

"Ashamed, like I let my parents down," she confided. "I hoped for Nurturer."

Rhiannon frowned at the thought of her initial reaction and thought of her future. _How long will it be before I'm tossed away?_

* * *

Rhiannon rode home with Aedan, both of them riding slowly so they could ask each other questions.

"So did you see an actual birth?" Aedan asked. "Because Number 3 came in today. He sleeps a lot, so it's a relief."

"Yeah. I know his mother. Her name is Evette and that was her last child. She's residing in the recovery room until the end of the month and I don't get to see her."

They stopped to observe Laborers cleaning and the sky darken. Rhiannon took a deep breath in time with Aedan. Rhiannon thought about her developing friendships with Nasrin and Sigilind, immediately feeling guilty for neglecting her bonds with Aedan and Emanuel. She realized she didn't feel one bit guilty for nearly forgetting Dagney. Dagney was probably thoroughly enjoying her work as a Paralegal and creating friendships with her superiors, which would serve to her advantage in the future, as far as Rhiannon knew.

"Do you ever think about Dagney?" Rhiannon asked Aedan.

"No," he confessed. "She hardly fits anywhere in my thoughts. I miss you, though, Rhiannon."

"I miss you too, Aedan," she sighed. "You know, when Evette saw her child, she cared for him so much that she struggled with the thought of letting him go."

"Do you fear feeling the same thing?"

"Yes," she whispered, loud enough for Aedan to hear. "I know that will happen to me. Aedan, can you promise me something?"

He turned to her attentively. "What is it you want from me?"

"When the time comes for me to give away my children, chances are, they will fall into your hands. For about a year, they will be yours to care for. Make sure they thrive. If something makes the other Nurturers consider a Release, convince them to give the child a fighting chance by any means."

Aedan looked confused and worried. He bit his lip and Rhiannon came closer, looking at him in the eye.

"Please do this for me?"

He paused for a moment to consider the implications of such a deed. Rhiannon was one of his best friends and the only one he cared for anymore, so he was won over.

"Yes, Rhiannon. I promise."


	4. Rhiannon: Age 13: 14

Shelia had her baby, a somewhat attractive female known as Number 6, and felt the same despair Evette did when separated from her child. It was only her second child, so she was eligible for a third and would not have to become a Laborer any time soon. Evette had finished recovering and started working among young boys, older men and tossed away Birthmothers. Whenever the trio of young girls came to visit Shelia and Filipa, Shelia would confide in Sigilind, and Filipa in the tougher pair. Filipa felt a kick and let the girls place a hand over her womb. Rhiannon felt Filipa's child kick against her hand and squealed.

"Did you feel it, Nasrin?" Rhiannon asked.

Nasrin nodded, almost disinterested and Rhiannon moved her hand. Filipa rubbed her hands over her growing stomach, which made Shelia lament. Their replacement Nurse assured them that the Pill would rid them of the feelings, which hardly helped, as most Birthmothers reject the Pill over time. The girls told their deepest secrets and giggled, which convinced Rhiannon that the job would be worthwhile.

Mattan told the young trio to return to their private room for further lecture, leaving the two older women behind. Shelia and Filipa returned to their private discussions and the trio sat in their corresponding hospital beds, attentive to their handsome Nurse. He talked about how a fetus was made, which surprised and disgusted the Twelves. Nasrin doubled over laughing at their innocence, much to Mattan's annoyance.

"Can't you Birthmothers be mature? Besides, the primitive method is hardly practiced anymore. We use in vitro fertilization," he informed them before looking at Nasrin. "Unless you _prefer_ more primitive methods."

It was the Twelves' turn to laugh at Mattan's comments, which made Nasrin blush, but the pair secretly suspected that Nasrin enjoyed Mattan's supposed advances.

* * *

Several things happened by the end of the year: Filipa had her child, Shelia was pregnant again (and by the way she looked at her Nurse, the trio joked that she used the _primitive_ method), and Evette was Released. Rhiannon sat in the Auditorium again, reflecting on these events and wondered if any other members of the community felt strong connections to such events. The events in mind didn't necessarily have to do with the occupation of a Birthmother, but simply events happening to companions involved in anyone's work. She wondered about the circumstances of Evette's Release. At the Ceremony, she sat near Sigilind, Nasrin and Filipa. It was Filipa who told Rhiannon of Evette's Release and now that she thought about it, she inquired about what had exactly happened.

"Oh, Evette always talked about Release after her third child," Filipa told Rhi. "She had committed two infractions before. I told her if she wanted a Release, she could simply apply for one. She insisted she commit a final infraction to make up for her wasted time."

The thought confused Rhiannon, but the more it spun around in her head, the more it seemed like something Rhiannon would do once she reached that point in her life. She kept thinking of Aedan until the Afternoon Meal was prepared. The idea of a being growing inside her, kicking about and developing limbs seemed almost pleasing now and knowing that they would be cared for by someone she knew dearly simply added to her comfort, given the promise Aedan made to her months ago.

She ran into Dagney during the Afternoon Meal, who gave Rhiannon a forced smile. She approached Sigilind and Nasrin the same way and Rhiannon immediately felt the distance that grew between her and her former best friend. _So much for friendship._ Her new friends stuck close behind her. Rhiannon started to wonder whom Dagney befriended, aside from her superiors.

"How has working as a Paralegal been?" Rhiannon inquired. "I recall at the last Ceremony, you were quite excited about the job."

"Oh, excellent," Dagney replied. "The people I work under are fantastic. I couldn't have had a better job."

The three Birthmothers could easily detect the arrogance of that statement, which made Rhiannon feel increasingly better. Aedan soon found the group and quickly greeted Rhiannon, ignoring Dagney. Dagney left, conversing with other members of the Department of Justice. Aedan and Rhiannon sat together, conversing about their occupations. Nasrin and Sigilind listened closely to Aedan's story and Aedan was equally fascinated with the deep bonds quickly formed by Birthmothers. Nasrin and Sigilind quickly picked up that Aedan and Rhiannon deeply bonded as well, just not in a Stirred way.

"So how are the Nurses?" asked Aedan. "Do they treat you well?

This caused Nasrin to giggle. Sigilind nudged her and Aedan looked at them in a confused manner.

"Nasrin detected a Stirrings reference in your question." Rhiannon explained.

"That is truly strange," said Aedan, who left to talk to the other Nurturers in Training.

* * *

It wasn't until after the Ceremony of Twelve that Rhiannon ran into Emanuel. She had found him strolling near the river and rushed to him, ready for a tight embrace. She remembered dreaming of him several times within the last year, feeling flushed and happy by the time she woke. He hadn't expected to see her there, so when she ran to him and hugged him, he toppled over.

"Rhiannon," he spoke, his voice just a tad deeper than before. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I know. You wouldn't have come to the end of the year Ceremony, so I came to look for you. I wanted to tell you everything."

Emanuel smiled and they both sat down, dipping their toes into the cool water. He placed a hand on hers and she looked at his bright eyes, which held that strange _wise _quality to it.

"Being a Birthmother wasn't so bad, actually," commented Rhiannon. "I've made a couple of friends there. A girl in your age group, Nasrin, shares a hospital room with me and another Twelve named Sigilind. Well, Sigilind and I aren't really Twelve anymore, we're Thirteen, but no one counts age after Twelve. I befriended two older Birthmothers, Shelia and Filipa. Filipa had a baby this year and Shelia's pregnant with her third child. I was friends with a Birthmother named Evette, but she already had her third child and continued to be a Laborer. She was Released this year, on the account of a third infraction."

Rhiannon sighed, looking at the other side of the river.

"I wish Evette were here. She would've wanted to know what happened to her last child. He was Harold. Dagney's his older sister now. I wonder where Evette is now."

Rhiannon noticed Emanuel's tears streaming down his face, the tiny veins in his eyes becoming more apparent. She immediately felt guilty.

"Oh, Emanuel! I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!" she pleaded, rubbing his tears with her sleeve. "I don't understand and – I'm sorry. Please, please don't cry!"

Emanuel ran his fingers through her curly hair and kissed her forehead, surprising Rhiannon. She hadn't expected him to be this intimate, but didn't push him away either and relaxed. She felt comforted by the fact that Emanuel still cared deeply for her as he meant the most to her, bar none.

"Emanuel," she whispered. "Why are you crying, if you don't mind me asking?"

"You mentioned Release, that's why. My Mentor is due for it in about a year. I'm just scared, that's all."

Rhiannon comforted Emanuel for as long as she could, understanding but not quite understanding his reported fear, but still caring about him just the same.

* * *

Over a year had passed since the last Ceremony, making Emanuel the lone Receiver. Rhiannon never resided in the hospital during her night hours as Filipa and Shelia did, but she knew the option was open to her if there was trouble at home. Her parents became less awkward (she still wasn't sure if that was the right word) about her occupation and she, in turn, was more open in discussion. One night, during the Telling of Feelings, she and her parents had a long discussion about the importance of building friendships surrounding one's occupation and her father remarked just how fulfilling they are. For once, they laughed together and Rhiannon realized she had a much different attitude towards Birthmothers than she did just two years ago.

During early February, Nasrin had been informed that she was expected to conceive her first child soon, which at first provoked apprehension. Rhiannon and Sigilind reassured her that they would be there for her, so Nasrin was comforted and even excited about the idea. At one point, Nasrin considered having the younger pair stay in the hospital overnight to keep her company, which thrilled Rhiannon. Rhiannon loved Nasrin like a sister, even if she had never heard the L-word before. They decided to pitch the idea to Mattan.

"Mattan!" the girls squealed. "We have a proposal to make."

"Typical Birthmothers," he sighed, rather jokingly. "What is your proposal?"

"Well, we know Nasrin is about to conceive in a few hours and she wants us to stay in the hospital with her overnight," explained Rhiannon. "If we promise to take part in extra-training, can we stay?"

"Yes, you can," he said, much to their excitement. "I have to notify your parents individually."

Nasrin, Rhiannon and Sigilind embraced each other a little too tight, but none of them cared a bit. Mattan watched them, quite amused.

"What is with you Birthmothers and physical contact?" he asked, smiling and left the room.

It was after nightfall and Nasrin was brought to a separate room to become pregnant. They had laughed at the idea of the "primitive method", each of them knowing that Nasrin secretly yearned for it, as made apparent by her refusal to take the Pill. Rhiannon and Sigilind waited alone in that room, holding hands and counting down the seconds until Nasrin's return. One of the Night Nurses came through the door and introduced himself as Ralph. There wasn't much left to learn, so the two girls asked him questions about his experience in working with Birthmothers.

"Oh come on," Rhiannon urged. "What's the most confusing thing about Birthmothers?"

"They tend to have a rebellious streak," Ralph replied. "I'm rather relieved it's not genetic."

"Rebellious streak?" piped Rhi.

Ralph continued. "They refuse to take their Pill when needed. I might as well propose a rule change forbidding it at all times in hopes that future Birthmothers will break _that_ rule."

"And what? Send it in for _study_?" Rhiannon replied.

Ralph chuckled. "Mattan and I banter about this frequently, but what is it with Birthmothers and the need for physical contact from each other? I think it's the abstinence from pills that fuels it."

"I've seen the way Nasrin looks at Mattan," whispered Sigilind. "Every time Mattan mentions the 'primitive' method, Nasrin blushes."

"I've seen it before. None of us male Nurses have any reason to be alarmed."

Nasrin finally returned from the Conception with Mattan. Nasrin sat beside Sigilind and Rhiannon with a smile from ear to ear while Ralph and Mattan exchanged words. The male Nurses proceeded down the hallway, continuing other work. Nasrin got up to close the curtains hanging over the transparent windows and doors facing the hallway and front-desk. She sat down again and squealed.

"What, did you use the _primitive_ method?" Rhiannon asked, poking fun.

"Oh, I wish!" Nasrin replied. "But, yes, Mattan was there, supervising the whole thing. The way he smiled at me–"

"Now you're imagining things," Sigilind remarked. "You just want something to fill up your empty fantasy."

"Don't ruin my happiness, Sig," Nasrin retorted and then rubbed her lower abdomen. "At first, seeing the symptoms of pregnant women put me at edge. Now, I'm just excited to see what it feels like to have someone growing inside of you."

Sigilind fell asleep quickly in her hospital bed, leaving Rhiannon at the mercy of Nasrin. Rhiannon picked a robe from a dresser drawer to change into, noticing Nasrin's gaze as she changed. She knew the way Nasrin was, so she refused to comment and continued changing. Content in a fresh change of clothes, she sat on her individual bed, staring at the ceiling. Nasrin motioned her hand, telling her to come over.

"Stay awake with me, Rhi."

"Okay."

Nasrin sat behind Rhi, making little braids out of her messy hair and holding them still with bobby pins (Rhi had yet to find out where she got them). After she grew bored of that, they lay down, talking about Nasrin's yet-to-be-born child.

"Do you ever think about naming your own child, Rhi?"

"No. Why? What would you name yours?"

"If it's a boy, then Henry."

"If it's a girl?" Rhiannon whispered.

Nasrin sighed deeply. "Isabella."

Nasrin stroked her thumb against Rhiannon's cheek, making her feel cared for. _No,_ she thought. _T__here _has _to be another word for it!_ Nasrin kissed her and held her close, whispering "goodnight" into Rhiannon's ear. Rhiannon snuggled closer to Nasrin and fell asleep.

* * *

Throughout the next nine months, Rhiannon was very attentive toward Nasrin. Sigilind was as well, but she was placed on a different agenda, so she had a very pregnant Shelia to care for. Filipa, who wasn't scheduled for pregnancy any time soon, assisted Sigilind. This made it easy for Rhiannon to devote most of her attention to her sister-figure. Nasrin, outspoken as she was, surprisingly wasn't very demanding. Rhiannon assumed Nasrin's perception of her caused her to be lenient. Somewhere in Nasrin's middle months, Shelia had her last child and was given a month to recover before becoming a Laborer. She vowed not to make the same asinine decisions as Evette did, just less than a few years ago. Rhiannon never forgot about the older Birthmother and kept wondering what happened to Released people. If they indeed went Elsewhere, Rhiannon imagined it must be paradise.

In mid-November, Nasrin gave birth to a crying male, Number 41. Nasrin whispered the name Henry, which worried Mattan. Mattan took the male away, handing it to a Nurturer-In-Training Rhiannon recognized. She waved and him and Aedan smiled back at her, caressing the newborn male. Rhiannon went to Nasrin's bedside and whispered in her ear.

"Listen to me, Nasrin. I know you yearn for your child, but you don't have to worry about his well-being. Aedan is one of my best friends. He will look out for your child. Please believe me and rest well."

Nasrin fell asleep. It took her a month to get over her child, whom she wished to name, but Rhiannon and Sigilind were skilled at directing one's attention towards other things. Nasrin once again took attention to Mattan, who for once didn't seem puzzled by Nasrin's "appreciation". His face expressed that he was flattered and the trio wondered if he had skipped his Pill that day.

"I can hope, Rhi. I can hope."


	5. Rhiannon: Age 16

It took a total of four years to complete the training period. Rhiannon was staying behind at the hospital more often and got occasional visits from Aedan, who was anxious to know when Rhiannon would have her first child. Aedan became good friends with Sigilind and Nasrin, although Filipa had yet to warm up to him. Over time, Aedan acted like a son towards Filipa, who was soon due for Conception. Aedan updated Nasrin about Number 41's health, temperament and the name he would be given. By the end of the year, he was named Jake and given to a young couple that excelled in the art of caretaking. Nasrin no longer paid attention to Mattan, which relieved Rhiannon and Sigilind, and instead devoted all her attention to being Rhiannon's older sister and confidante. Sigilind suspected that Nasrin had other emotions toward Rhiannon that she couldn't name, even bordering on Stirrings, but Rhiannon dismissed them. Rhiannon occasionally heard news of Dagney and once ran into Harold at the Childcare Center. He was Three at the time, but already showed traits that would clash with Dagney. She smiled at the thought.

The following year, there had been an Undeclared Holiday, to the delight of the entire community. These came sporadically, so no one knew when they would come, only the excitement that accompanied it. Rhiannon had planned on finding Emanuel.

Sure enough, she found him by the river, sulking. She wasn't sure why he was in this mood, but it became so common that she almost expected it. Instead of running toward him like she usually did when she saw him, she walked at a rather slow pace so as not to disturb the peace.

"Hello," she spoke softly when she was close enough to him.

"Hello," he replied. "Sit with me."

Rhiannon obeyed and ran her fingers through the water, blurring the reflection. Emanuel was distant. She didn't ask him any questions.

"Tell me of your work," Emanuel whispered.

"My friend Nasrin had a child last year. Aedan would tell us how the child was doing. He was named Jake. He has good parents now, as far as I know."

Emanuel moved a bit and winced. He placed his hand on his thigh and scooted until he could get up and even then, he limped about. Rhiannon was unsure of what to do, so she stayed put. The adolescent boy retreated to that mysterious building behind the place where the elderly resided. Rhiannon didn't bother chasing after him and wondered if she wanted to chase after him anymore. He seemed to enjoy the solitude and she could get attention from her peers at her workplace. He didn't even bother looking back to say goodbye, so she figured she shouldn't make an effort either. She biked away, not knowing that Emanuel had looked back to see if she left until many years later.

* * *

"Rhiannon," said Mattan. "You're due for Conception in a few days. You can stay at the Hospital at night for the next few days or you can go home. Tell me where you'll be tonight so I know whether or not to notify your parents."

She hadn't missed her family at all when she stayed at the hospital and when she occasionally did go home, she felt an uncomfortable distance growing between her and her parents. Often, when she would go home at night, she yearned for her friends, particularly Nasrin. She thought of Aedan as well. She noticed he replaced Emanuel in her strange dreams, though not particularly intimate. She once dreamt of that day she had Aedan bound to a promise. The way he looked at her in the dream both confused and fascinated her. In real life, only Emanuel had given her that look. She woke up wishing that dream was still happening. That was only a short time ago, when she decided to stay at home with her parents. Considering no one would reject her here, she made her decision.

"I'm staying here. I like it here."

Mattan smiled and left. Nasrin and Sigilind came back from watching over expectant Birthmothers and seemed pretty tired, but were still excited to see Rhiannon. They lay beside her and Rhiannon looked up, rather nervous about the idea of what lay ahead.

"It's not so bad, Rhi," Nasrin comforted. "We're here for you, so don't worry. Conception isn't painful. As for the rest, we'll be here to make sure nothing bad happens."

* * *

She woke up from a strange dream about Mattan. She dreamt that she was in the shower and the handsome nurse walked in rather nonchalantly. He was wearing a lab-coat, not really paying attention to her nudity until he was in the same state. Just remembering the dream gave her that familiar odd feeling, especially because in that dream, she and Mattan explored the realm of the _primitive_ method. The particular sensations in that dream weren't very strong, but the way Mattan looked was rather thrilling.

Nasrin sensed Rhiannon's awkwardness when she woke and teased her about it all day. Rhiannon begged her to stop and even though Sigilind kept quiet, one could easily tell she was tempted to treat her the way Nasrin did. Whenever Mattan walked in, Rhiannon wanted to shrink and disappear. The two other girls would giggle to themselves, which was rewarded by Rhiannon's burning glare. By the end of the day, it had become a personal joke between them, just as Nasrin's former infatuation did. _Sigilind has yet to reveal her dreams,_ Rhiannon thought.

The next day brought the Conception. Mattan brought Rhiannon to a private room with test tubes, microscopes and Petri dishes. There was a single hospital bed in the corner of the room. She noticed it was padded.

"You can sit right over there," he said, pointing to the bed.

Rhiannon sat down while Mattan prepared a long, but not particularly sharp needle. She gulped at the thought of that thing invading her body, but remembered Nasrin had dealt with this before. She took a deep breath, which Mattan took notice.

"Don't be nervous, Rhiannon," he said as he approached her. "I'm very experienced."

This made Rhiannon chuckle softly and she was sure that she blushed right then and there.

"You Birthmothers are deeply disturbed," he said lightheartedly.

She realized he was pretty close to her now, which reminded her of her dream for reasons she was hardly aware of. He had a sly, asymmetrical smile, which was rather charming, and Rhiannon noticed a single curl hanging against his forehead. She leaned in, looking at his lips, and kissed him gently, albeit with passion. She wanted to bring him closer to her and to feel a sense of comforting warmth that she knew was prohibited. The sensation she usually felt in her Stirrings dreams returned, albeit this time, it was stronger.

He backed away, rather alarmed and she looked down in shame. She fidgeted with her fingers and Mattan switched from shocked to angry.

"Rhiannon, don't ever do that again!" he raised his voice. "You can't pursue this _Stirrings_ with anyone, especially with me! I am your Nurse and nothing more! Do you understand?"

She nodded and felt horrible. Overcome by sadness, she shed a tear. Mattan brought her a tissue and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Mattan."

"I accept your apology," he replied automatically. "And I apologize as well, for being so harsh with you. I just hope you understand the dangers of what you attempted to pursue. The Elders have witnessed things like this happen between Birthmothers and Nurses and it doesn't end well. That's why Birthmothers are required to take the pill between pregnancies."

She calmed down a bit, but still felt heartbroken.

"Now, spread your legs, I have to finish the Conception."

She did exactly as she was told and remembered not to fantasize about Mattan anymore. Controlling her dreams, however, was another matter.

After she had finished _that_ business, she fled to her private room without Mattan's company. Nasrin and Sigilind greeted her warmly, but she ignored them and closed the curtains. She cried on her bed.

"Oh, Rhi!" Nasrin said. "What happened?"

Rhiannon didn't say a word and the girls never left her company. She simply wept and breathed unevenly, sniffling until she fell asleep.

* * *

She had been pregnant for less than a month (she could tell by her missing period) and already she felt symptoms. She thought less about Mattan and more about the child inside her. Nasrin and Sigilind thought of names and soon made a game of it. Soon, they decided to ask Rhiannon about the names she was thinking of. Rhiannon first made them guess the name had the child been male.

"Does it start with a vowel?" asked Sigilind.

"Yes."

"A!" piped Nasrin.

"No."

"E!" Nasrin guessed again.

Rhiannon nodded. Nasrin and Sigilind were quite engaged in this game, but Rhiannon's mind was elsewhere. She thought of her mother and father, who hadn't at all bothered to visit (and they were notified of her pregnancy). Her minded wandered to Aedan and Dagney, whom she had shared fond memories with. She thought of Emanuel too, but because of the distance growing between them, he was only a fleeting thought in the midst of her mental chaos.

"How many letters?" Nasrin asked repeatedly.

"Five."

After pondering the possibilities, the pair gave up. Rhiannon told them it was Eliot and the pair asked what she would name the child if it was born a girl. Rhiannon thought about it for a while and then smiled.

"I would name her Evette."

* * *

By the end of the month, disaster happened.

She remembered it happening sometime in midday. They had eaten a late breakfast that morning (and to the best of her recollection, it was rather bland) before heading off to the showers. Sigilind had gone home last night for reasons unknown to Nasrin and Rhiannon. Mattan left the pair behind to shower and Nasrin separated from Rhiannon, neither one saying a word to each other. She closed the stall door and pressed the button that turned on the water. Mid-shower, she felt warm, thick liquid drip down her legs. She looked down. It was blood.

She was devastated.

* * *

By the time Sigilind came back that evening to visit Rhiannon, it seemed like everyone knew of her miscarriage. Rhiannon wouldn't speak for the whole day, so Sigilind and Nasrin talked to each other, ignoring Rhiannon's presence. She didn't want attention anyway, so she didn't mind the distance. The entire hospital seemed to remind her of what felt like her failure, so she decided to tell Mattan she was going home. He notified her parents and she left the building, running into Aedan.

"Oh, hey Rhiannon!" he greeted cheerfully. "I was just riding home and – Rhiannon, what's wrong?"

"I miscarried," she whispered. "Let's not talk about it."

He gave her an understanding glance and biked alongside her, silent the whole ride. When he got off his bike and put it in the garage, he stopped to watch her ride to her dwelling and saw her look back at him. She waved goodbye and walked in.

"Oh, hello, Rhiannon," Carlota greeted. "It's been a long time. You're just in time for dinner."

"Then we'll continue to the Telling of Feelings," Savely followed, "It's been a long time since we did that as a family."

"I'm not in the mood to share my feelings, thank you, nor am I in the mood to eat. I'm going to bed."

The couple looked at each other, confused.

"I don't understand," said her mother. "We haven't seen you in such a while and now you refuse to stay with us? At least tell us about your day."

She was about to enter her room when she glared back at the couple, who seemed so foreign to her.

"Some things just aren't worth sharing, thank you very much," she said bitterly and slammed the door behind her, much to the couple's dismay.

She removed her clothes, wishing to sleep only in her undergarments and crawled under the covers of her bed. She thought about every dream she had and looked at the oh-so-full pill jar on her desk. She decided to survey her room. There was an old backpack from four years ago, still filled with old homework. She didn't even remember the last time she attended a classroom. There were a few failed tests in that bag and some unfinished homework, as far as she remembered. The room felt like a time capsule. For some reason, this made her overcome by nostalgia and she began to cry.

She spent the entire night shedding tears until it exhausted her and she finally fell asleep.


	6. Jonas: Age 15: Part 2

Jonas put the diary down when Jacob's wife, Lillian called them to dinner. He folded the page corner of the diary and grabbed Gabriel, who protested.

"Read more about Rhi!" he complained.

"We have to eat, Gabe," Jonas explained. Gabriel shut up, but he was still indignant.

He came downstairs, where his new family was awaiting him. Jacob sat at the head of the table with Lillian on his left. Their biological children sat on the right. Jonas and Gabe sat next to Lillian. Jacob and Lillian had quite the age difference; Lillian was only thirty while Jacob was in his late forties. Jonas noticed Lillian had quite the gentle nature about her. It reminded him of Fiona.

"What the hell were you carrying inside, Jonas?" said fifteen-year-old Magdalene, Lillian's eldest daughter.

"Magdalene, remember your manners."

"Yes, mother."

Jonas immediately thought of his Birthmother, who according to her diary, had a similar nature. He started to wonder what she looked like in her youth. He almost forgot that she was just lying dead outside.

"But seriously, Jonas, what were you carrying?" asked Ernest, a boy only a few years older than Gabriel. He had a twin sister named Eleanor.

"It was a diary," he whispered.

"Who's?" asked thirteen year old Esme, who smiled at him (when Jonas first arrived, both Esme and Magdalene had a crush on him, although the latter was too proud to admit it).

Jonas sighed. "It was my Birthmother's."

"I thought you never knew her," Magdalene said, rather accusingly.

"I didn't. She's dead. I saw her before dinner, walking down the hill. She collapsed into my arms."

Magdalene didn't apologize for her rudeness. Esme stuck her tongue out at Magdalene. Eleanor and Ernest watched curiously, but kept silent. Jacob looked rather bothered and Lillian seemed concerned. Gabriel was busy playing with his food.

"Where is she now?" Esme asked.

"Outside. I couldn't put her anywhere now. She just has a blanket covering her face."

"She'll be a popsicle by morning," Magdalene predicted, which greatly upset Jonas, even if he didn't show it outwardly.

"Magdalene!" shouted Lillian.

"See mom!" cried Esme. "She always does this to him!"

"As oppose to you, having a huge crush on him!" replied Magdalene, who proceeds to make mocking kiss noises.

"You do too!"

"Do not!"

Gabriel started to cry, the twins covered their ears, the two older sisters kept fighting and the parents raising their voices to get them to quiet down. It was getting to be too much for Jonas. He stood up and pounded his fist on the table. This got everyone's attention.

"I'm not hungry anymore. I'm going to bed. As for you, Magdalene, you can finish my meal," Jonas said in a very irritated voice, sliding his bowl of stew with more force than he intended. The bowl slid off the table, spilling its contents on Magdalene's dress. She stood up, rather annoyed and made a face to Jonas.

They walked upstairs, Jonas toward his bedroom and Magdalene toward hers. When they were finally alone, Magdalene expressed her annoyance.

"Well, that was rude!" she cried. "And all over my new dress. Just washed it, too."

"You are so shallow," he said in a quiet voice, not that Magdalene cared one bit.

He retreated to his room, hating Magdalene all the more. She had gotten on his nerves ever since he met her, but considering all the rest of the family has done to welcome him, he only considered her a mild annoyance.

He ran his fingers over the diary pages again, wondering what Rhiannon looked like. He had no idea that anyone other than the Receivers could love in that community. If only he had met someone like Rhiannon, perhaps a Birthmother (now that he thought of it, he wished he had befriended Inger), he would have enough motivation to stay behind. In his hopeful youth, he thought his absence would shape the community so they would learn love, at least through the help of the Giver. The arrival (and unfortunate death) of the older woman, as well as the note in the diary, proved his theory wrong. If the community had been destroyed, then it was very likely everyone he knew there was dead. This depressed him so much.

He flipped through the pages up until where he had left off. On its own page was a drawing of an adolescent girl with curly hair and light eyes (as the picture was black and white). She had a sarcastic expression, but nevertheless, was beautiful. At the bottom of the page, he saw "drawing by Nasrin" written in pen. He grew to like this Nasrin character, whoever she was. It didn't occur to him that the Giver and his Birthmother were only two years apart. It saddened him that he didn't get to really mourn the mother he never knew. He decided to light a candle for her, which was sitting by his bedside. It was a short, thick, round red candle sitting on a dish that Esme had decorated herself. He ran his fingers over the little decorations she made and smiled. He lit the candle and ripped the picture out of the diary, placing it under the decorated dish. He felt a little better now.

Magdalene appeared in the doorway, wearing a short nightgown and a thin negligee. Although it was freezing outside, she could wear this indoors, as they had a very efficient heating system. She lacked the bitter expression she often wore and didn't stand so tall now. He could have sworn he saw a weak smile. _First she insults me, now she's seducing me?_

"I'm sorry, Jonas, for the way I acted earlier," she said in a soft voice.

"It's fine," he replied, not really looking at her.

She walked in uninvited and surveyed the room. She found the leather-bound journal resting in the middle of Jonas's bed and sat beside it. She picked it up, running her fingers over the pages the same way Jonas did. Jonas took note of this.

"What are you doing?"

"Is this her diary?" she asked, more childlike and sweet. Jonas wasn't having any of it.

"Yes, and it's not for you to touch," he said, snatching it away from her and holding it dearly. "As accepting as I am of your apology, I'd like to have my property respected."

She looked down, playing with the strands of her ash brown hair. As shallow and annoying as she could be, she did have her sweet, human moments. It was in these rare times when Jonas found her quite enticing. He ignored the thought and focused on the diary and the burning candle. He flipped open the pages and Magdalene looked on with curiosity.

"Why are you so curious now, Magdalene?" Jonas asked, rather annoyed.

"I just wanna know."

"Fine, you can read with me, but don't make stupid comments."

The pair started reading again and soon enough, both were entranced by this seemingly ancient story.

* * *

**Tell me your thoughts on the following things:**

**a) What will happen with Rhiannon?**

**b) What do you think Jonas's relationship is like with each member of the family, given the limited information?**

**c) Are Mother, Father, Lily, Fiona and Asher alive or dead?**

**d) Which family member do you like most (Jonas and Gabe don't count)?**

**e) Will Jonas's relationship with Magdalene change? If so, for better or for worse?**

**The pictures of my characters are on my DeviantArt page, under gailryder17.**


	7. Rhiannon: Age 18: 21: 23

**I will include minor characters (mentioned in the book, some unnamed) throughout the story. Here are the minor characters with the book's page number that mentions them. Leave a review saying which ones are mentioned and which ones should or shouldn't be in the story.**

**The Released Pilot-In-Training (page 2)**

**Mother (page 5)**

**The Repeat-Offender (page 8)**

**The Released-Father (page 9. The son was in Jonas's age group)**

**Katya (page 14. Find her name and you'll know who Aedan is)**

**The Female Five (page 30)**

**Natasha (page 21)**

**The Eleven who didn't finish his hours (page 28)**

* * *

By the time Rhiannon had turned eighteen, Filipa had become a Laborer and Nasrin was undergoing a second pregnancy. Sigilind underwent her first, so Rhiannon had to watch over two birthmothers. She wasn't particularly annoyed by it, as they had become her best friends. Nevertheless, it was a lot of work.

"Rhiannon, won't you stay the night with us?" Nasrin asked.

She nodded and lied down on the hospital bed, listening to Nasrin and Sigilind think of names for their kids. She learned that Nasrin was still intent on naming it either Henry or Isabella. Sigilind thought they should have more unique names and decided on either Klaus or Charlotte. Rhiannon didn't think they were particularly unique names, but decided to keep her mouth shut. She didn't bother thinking of names for children anymore. She knew she would never bond with them, so it was best to act as distant from them as possible. Her miscarriage two years ago reinforced that feeling.

Rhiannon still got visits from Mattan, who had acted more distant towards her since her first Conception. She still dreamt about him, but she started to dream about all the young nurses. Aedan would sometimes appear in her dreams too, but not very often. Her dreams weren't very intense.

By the end of the year, Nasrin and Sigilind had their children. Nasrin acted more callously towards her female child, but Sigilind cried for the male she birthed, which broke Rhiannon's heart. She hoped she would never react that way. Aedan would often visit her, reminding her of his promise, and she found solace in this. She no longer reacted in horror to the screams of the Birthmothers in labor. Rhiannon watched the babies go down to the Nursery and said her goodbyes.

Sigilind had spent her night crying over her loss. Nasrin watched her closely, but Rhiannon left the pair alone and wanted to go home. Mattan notified her parents, who had applied for a second child that year. She biked home alongside Aedan that night.

"Rhiannon!" he greeted her, as if their friendship had never changed. "Two babies came in today."

"I know," she replied. "They're my friends' children. Sigilind won't stop crying. That's why I'm going home tonight."

"I still remember that promise, by the way," he stated.

"Good."

"How long has it been since we rode home together?"

"A few years."

"I always miss you, Rhiannon. I don't think I've felt that for anyone."

"Emotions are very complicated surrounding Birthmothers," Rhiannon replied. "I think the only one with more complex emotions is the Receiver."

"I don't think it's much complexity as it is a constant lack of contentment."

They laughed at the thought. They paused for a moment, as they always did when they occasionally rode together. Rhiannon thought that maybe going home was a mistake. She didn't want to stay at the hospital either, so she considered staying at Aedan's house. _That's ridiculous, you'd be breaking a major rule_. She thought about the consequences of breaking such a rule, but considered asking. _It's only one major infraction. I have to have three to get Released._

"Aedan," she said. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"But," he stuttered. "That'd be a major infraction. I can't let you do that!"

"Please, Aedan," she replied. "I know it's a major infraction, but it's only one. I can't stay at home; I don't like the way my parents look at me anymore. I've grown so distant from them."

"Then you should have stayed at the hospital!"

"I can't!" she cried. "I'm just reminded of my failure two years ago and now Sig won't stop crying because of her child. It's heartbreaking. I just can't, Aedan. Please."

Aedan reluctantly gave in, although he didn't fully understand Rhiannon's reasons. He still cared for her, so he decided to make her happy just this one time. He sighed and told her what to do.

"Fine, Rhi. You can hide in the garage until the evening meal is finished, if you don't mind skipping a meal. Then you can sleep in my younger sister's room. She no longer lives with us and the door is always left closed."

"Thank you!" Rhiannon squealed, hugging him. He was only a bit surprised and didn't bother correcting her. She did just as she was told and hid there. It wasn't that long of a wait before she snuck into the house and saw that closed door. She wondered if it was just as much of a time capsule in there as it was in her own room. She opened the door and saw everything in a preserved state. She softly closed the door behind her and lay on the bed, not disturbing the covers. She wanted to leave the room as it was.

She found that she couldn't sleep. _Why bother preserving the room?_ She doubted the parents came in this room anyway, so she thought of searching around the room for its secrets. Rhiannon opened an old bag lying near the desk and saw several homework assignments. She learned that his younger sister was very intelligent and mature. _Probably why she moved out early. _She learned (or remembered) that her name was Katya; she was working alongside Dagney now, and is starting a family unit of her own. To do all of that by the age of fifteen was considered quite impressive. She decided not to disturb her belongings anymore and tried to sleep. She failed. Sleeping alone just felt strange now, since she had gotten so used to having Nasrin and Sigilind in her room.

She went to Aedan's room and knocked on the door, waking up the older adolescent boy. He turned to face her with half-open, confused eyes.

"Hey, Rhi."

"I couldn't sleep in the other room."

"There's a couch, although you'd have to wake up early to leave. My parents won't be pleased to learn that I hid someone in this house."

"Can I stay in your room? I'm uncomfortable sleeping alone now."

Aedan reluctantly allowed her in, getting up and closing the door. She sat on his bed, tired. He came back, sitting as far as the bed allowed him, and leaned against the wall. She turned to face him, but he didn't return her glance.

"You changed, Rhiannon," he whispered.

"We both did," she replied. "Either that or our surroundings did."

"How could the latter have happened? The community never changes. The community is the same as it has always been."

"Not that, Aedan. I mean since we became Twelve. Neither of us talks to Dagney, your sister has moved out, and I barely talk to my parents. You see the way people view me, Aedan. Why don't you view me that way?"

He sighed. "Because you're my best friend."

"Dagney was our best friend, too, for a long time. Now look at how she sees us. She sees us as _less."_

Rhiannon looked at Aedan's face, not sure if he was registering what he was saying. He didn't seem to do so. _He's just as confused as I am. _He scooted closer to her, perhaps to comfort her. It seemed like Aedan didn't know why he did the things he did. _That makes the two of us._

"Dagney always had that attitude. I knew, ever since I can remember, that she would turn out that way. I also knew that we would stay friends even after turning Twelve, you and I."

"I knew that, too," Rhiannon replied. "But I didn't think we would grow even closer."

They lay beside each other all night talking. Aedan asked questions about Birthmother rumors, all of which Rhiannon answered; Birthmothers refused to take the pills, they often made advances toward their Nurses and they develop deeper bonds with their "coworkers" than in any other occupation. Aedan thought that he had never formed such a bond, but was nevertheless fascinated by every aspect of it. Rhiannon was happy to answer the questions of her younger best friend.

"Is that why Birthmothers lament over their children?" asked Aedan. "Because of their refusal to take the pills?"

"I think that's part of it. I don't understand fully," she confided. "I wish I could talk to Emanuel some more. He might know the answer to it."

"I remember him being the only one closer to you than I was, back when we were children. There was one day where I found myself jealous of him, for being so close to you," he whispered.

"When was this?"

"A day before I was put on the Pill," he replied. "I don't think dreams are the best indicators of one's need for it."

Rhiannon smiled at him lovingly and snuggled closer to him, much to Aedan's delight. Aedan playfully tugged her curls. He was rewarded with a soft giggle and they fell asleep in each other's arms. Rhiannon kissed his forehead when she said goodnight. Although Aedan was quite confused, he didn't dare push her away. Neither fully understood their own rather puzzling bond, nor did they ask any more questions about it. It would have been pointless anyway; at some point, they would talk less to each other and see each other less often. Nevertheless, Aedan would never, ever, break his promise to Rhiannon.

The next morning, Rhiannon went to work only to have Mattan confront her angrily.

"Rhiannon, your parents notified us this morning that you never went home last night! Where did you go?"

"I went to Aedan's dwelling and spent the night," she explained, not seeming worried at all.

In truth, she was very worried, as she had committed a major infraction and would be brought before those in the Department of Justice. She wondered what her punishment would be. _Were all Birthmothers destined to go against the system_, she thought. _O__r have I always been this bad?_ Ever since she was a child, she had been rebellious. She would purposely mix up words in her language compositions to create new phrases, she refused to take her pill even before her Assignment and she had always talked back to her parents. She noted that the most disobedient citizens received the lowest positions in society while those who upheld the rules with the utmost respect held prominent positions. _It's probably why Emanuel is the Receiver while I'm a pathetic Birthmother_.

She was brought to the building for the Department of Justice that afternoon and ran into Dagney, who was accompanied by Katya. Dagney and Katya were running errands for their superiors.

"Hello, Rhiannon," Dagney greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"I committed my first major infraction," she admitted. "I'm here to receive my punishment."

"Oh, what did you do?" Dagney asked, faking concern.

"I told the hospital I would be going home, but I spent the night at Aedan's dwelling instead."

"Aedan?" Katya piped in. "That's my brother."

"Yeah, I know."

"Now, why did you do such a thing?" asked Dagney.

"It's none of your business."

Rhiannon was brought to the courtroom. She noticed there was a single seat for the accused (or witness) in the center of the room. Beside it was a cushioned seat, propped much higher, for the Head Judge (this person usually doled out punishments). The former Head Judge was replaced by one not much older than Rhiannon. She learned her name was Gaelle-Grace, a girl who seemed more mature than others her age. Rhiannon had never heard someone with a hyphenated name before, so this struck her as odd. She sat down in the "accused" seat with dread. There were other attendants as well, but she didn't bother checking who each one was.

"Rhiannon, I understand you were supposed to be at your Dwelling after work." Gaelle-Grace asked. She didn't ask it in a harsh, accusing way like Dagney would have done, had she held such a prominent position in this department. Gaelle-Grace didn't seem like a judgmental individual, however, first impressions had the potential to be _very_ wrong.

"According to the rules set by your Assignment, you are allowed to remain at the hospital grounds or in your Dwelling during 'in-between' periods. Where were you last night?"

She looked at the other attendants of this "trial" in the surrounding seats. Aedan was seated near the front next to Mattan and Rhiannon's parents. Behind them were younger citizens training for various positions in this particular department. They all stared at her with judging eyes, putting her on edge. Both Aedan and Mattan looked away.

"I spent the night in Aedan's dwelling," she admitted.

"What time did you go into his dwelling?" Gaelle-Grace asked.

"Before dusk, that's all I remember."

"So you weren't outside during nighttime hours?" she asked.

"No, I wasn't."

"So you're only guilty of one major infraction," she said. "Breaking and entering."

Rhiannon waited until Gaelle-Grace came up with the appropriate punishment. Rhiannon surveyed the room; the citizens-in-training were indifferent to the verdict, her parents looked down in shame, Mattan just looked at her awkwardly, and Aedan was the only one who seemed genuinely concerned for her. She guessed he felt a little guilty too, as had she been in his situation, she would have felt the same thing.

"As for your punishment: you will have a written apology to your parents, Aedan and your Nurse. Instead of going back to your workplace, you will spend your hours in a Civil Procedures Reeducation Center during the morning and noon hours. As for the hours normally spent at one's occupation or volunteering, you will spend them as a Laborer. You will spend the night hours in an Isolation Dwelling. This punishment will last up to a month."

Gaelle-Grace instructed Dagney and Katya to fetch the appropriate papers for Rhiannon. Gaelle-Grace organized them into a neat folder and gave them to her. Rhiannon read through them. There was a map showing the locations of the Civil Procedures Reeducation Center and the Isolation Dwelling. She then noticed a list of rules for the punished on probation.

Probation Rules

1. You are to go to the Civil Procedures Reeducation Center during the allotted hours assigned to you. You may not attend for less than your allotted hours.

2. After you finish a daily session, you will immediately report to the Department of Labor. There, you will be assigned a job. You will spend your allotted afternoon hours at the aforementioned job only unless instructed otherwise.

3. You may not communicate with any other member of the community. Exception: the Head members of the Department of Justice, the Elders, your Labor Overseers, your reeducation Instructor and other probation officers. In these cases, you must only speak when spoken to.

4. You may not attend your normal occupation under any circumstances during your probation period unless instructed otherwise.

5. After your daily-allotted hours of labor, you will go to your Isolation Dwelling immediately. Once you enter your Isolation Dwelling, you may not leave until the morning hours to repeat your daily schedule unless instructed otherwise.

6. You will be given an identification number and a separate uniform for your allotted probation period. You will wear both of these at all times during your probation period, with the exception of provided nighttime clothing or separate clothing provided at certain labor jobs.

7. Failure to abide by these rules will result in an extension of your probation period. The circumstances concerning the aforementioned extension are left up to the Head members of the Department of Justice.

She sighed and rode to her assigned Isolation Dwelling, which had a particularly utilitarian design. She parked her bike in a small garage and entered her dwelling, which only had two rooms: a lavatory with a shower and a machine for laundry and a bedroom with a small table for her morning and evening meals. Neither room was particularly large, or even particularly average sized. She noticed a pile of uniforms, all in a nondescript shade of gray. On the right sleeve, there was a single white stripe sewn in to denote the punished individual. Next to the uniforms were identification number tags along with her name printed clearly. She placed them neatly in a small dresser placed beside her bed and rested on a seat near her table for meals. On the table, she noticed, was a single sheet of paper. It was a Daily Schedule with her name on it.

She was to attend the Reeducation Center from eight to twelve. She would be allowed fifteen minutes for an afternoon meal. From 12:15 to 04:45, she would spend her hours as a Laborer. She would be sent home immediately with a nightly assignment from her reeducation lessons. Rhiannon noticed the schedule started tomorrow. Her ending date was exactly a month from now.

_The punishment wasn't that bad_, she thought. She would end up having to be a Laborer at some point anyway. The only rule that concerned her was being prohibited from communicating with anyone. How could she deal with not talking to her friends at the workplace? She pushed the thought aside and rested on the bed. A mechanical sound came from the corners of the room. _Oh, great, cameras!_

It took her a week to become accustomed to her probation schedule. Her pill intake was monitored, so she couldn't afford to skip. A probation officer wearing a badge on his tunic accompanied her to her lessons, where she was watched over by her Instructor. In her class was a younger adolescent named Justin who had just became a Twelve the previous year. She knew he had committed one major infraction before he even became a Twelve, which was almost unheard of in the community. They simply nodded and smiled at each other. Neither one wanted to risk an extension on their probation period.

The Instructor was an older female named Lila. Rhiannon was sure she had never seen her before. The entire lesson was on various civil procedures the pair had dealt with before. She was relieved that this was entirely review, as she didn't have to pay as much attention as she would have in regular schooling (which she no longer had to attend). On the other hand, dealing with this for a month could get rather annoying. Justin sighed and Rhiannon repeated this action.

During the Laboring hours, she and Justin were sent outside the community where farms were located. They were both assigned to work in the fields, which was difficult, as they were unaccustomed to such physical labor. They wore separate uniforms for this and wore an armband to show they were on probation. They were the minority and everyone else seemed to look down on them. Nevertheless, no one mentioned anything. No one _could_ mention anything, she deduced.

After the first week ended, she was used to the isolation accompanying her punishment. She changed into her nighttime clothes and almost fell asleep when her evening meal was delivered. She noticed the portion was smaller than her normal meals, but didn't bother inquiring about it. She couldn't talk to the person delivering the food, so she sat down and ate slowly. Surprisingly, she wasn't very hungry. She hadn't even bothered to finish the small portion and left it outside before she went to sleep.

Two weeks in and she had finally exchanged words with Justin. It was during a short lunch period when their usual overseer, Jackie, had gone to use the lavatory. It was Justin who asked first.

"So, why are you in trouble?" he asked rather mischievously.

At first Rhiannon ignored. The boy asked again and again, so Rhiannon finally answered out of annoyance.

"Breaking and entering," she said. "What about you?"

"Theft," he replied, "I–"

"I don't want to know your story."

"What's your story?"

"I'm not willing to say."

"What's your Assignment?"

"Birthmother," she replied bitterly.

"Oooh," he said. "So you'll be stuck with this anyway. I'm a–"

"I don't care to know. Shut up, she's back."

Jackie returned with a stern face, as if she knew what was going on. Justin smiled back while Rhiannon kept her head down. Justin was giggling.

"Did you speak to her?" Jackie asked.

He kept silent.

"Answer me when I speak to you. Did you or did you not speak to this woman?" Jackie inquired again.

"Yes, Jackie."

"Did she reply?"

"No," he lied. She started to wonder if Evette was his Birthmother, considering they were both rule-breakers. Maybe rebelliousness was genetic.

Jackie spoke to Justin privately about a possible probation extension, which he was indignant about, but didn't say anything. Rhiannon kept out of the matter and reported to the Department of Labor. She was separated from Justin.

The next two weeks were spent mining metal for the community's factories. It was in these laboring hours that Rhiannon saw how different the community was from the outside world. She _had_ visited other communities as a child, but she had never seen the likes of this. Their working environment was hardly a sanitary place. From what she had learned in school, she was put at risk of quite a few diseases. She noticed that regular laborers weren't seen here. On her drive here, she had noticed creatures and geographical features she had never seen before (one resembled a giant mound). The punished were instructed to keep quiet about what they had seen. The secrecy concerned her greatly. _Do Receivers know about this?_

During the automobile rides, she would think to herself about her day, particularly of the new things she had been exposed to. She would ask herself what those creatures she had seen on her way to her assigned labor workplace were. Other times she would wonder about the name of the seemingly giant mounds they would work at, as they are distinct enough to have a separate name. Those giant mounds were located near large expanses of water, which she also concluded should have a separate name. None of these names ever entered her vocabulary, but nevertheless, she felt unique in having seen these sights. She wondered if others had seen this and kept it a secret or if this was a truly an experience unparalleled by the life stories she had heard in the community. If there were new physical entities to be exposed to, she concluded that other abstract and unnamable concepts have yet to reveal themselves to her. This thought alone was troubling, yet fascinating.

The last week of labor was quite easy compared to what she had been exposed to. She spent it alongside the Cleaning Crew, much to her relief. It was fairly easy. At the end of her probation period, she had to take an exam. She passed and was instructed to return to her Isolation Dwelling for one last night. Tomorrow morning, her probation officer would accompany her to the Department of Justice, where she would be assimilated back into the normal community again. She went back, happy to have finished her punishment. On the other hand, she thought about the shame accompanied with her deed and wondered if her peers would treat her poorly. She was able to take the lack of honor accompanying the assignment of Birthmother, but she wasn't so sure the shame of being one of the punished was so easy. Perhaps her assignment caused her to develop a thick skin. She thought about that last notion and went to bed.

The next morning, her probation officer guided her to the Department of Justice. She was met by Gaelle-Grace, who smiled politely at her. She didn't seem to look down on her. Rhiannon felt comforted. Dagney was standing alongside her, working as an assistant. She was told to get Rhiannon's old uniform for her to change into. Rhiannon took the uniform to the lavatory and changed. Shedding the probation uniform felt a lot like bathing, she concluded. The probation uniform was quickly discarded.

She met up with Gaelle-Grace again, who took her aside. The younger woman looked around and then whispered, closer to Rhiannon now.

"You must remember one thing. If anyone inquires about the past month's experience, you must not give him or her any information. It is not to be spoken about openly. Do you understand?"

Rhiannon pulled back a bit and registered the expression on the Head Judge's face. She seemed hopeful for reasons beyond her own understanding. Rhiannon nodded and was dismissed.

She biked back to the Hospital, which felt unfamiliar to her now. On the first floor, she saw Aedan heading to the nursery, but didn't say a word. Even if he didn't view her any differently, she would only be reminded of her own foolish decision. She headed up to the floor where Nasrin and Sigilind were residing. Rhiannon felt particularly empty.

She entered the private room where they were resting and they greeted her warmly. Although appreciative that nothing has changed, she wasn't so sure she was ready to be integrated back into society again. She was not well suited for being in a limbo.

"Rhiannon!" Nasrin shouted rather excitedly. "I missed you!"

Although Sigilind wasn't nearly as vocal, she held her close just as Nasrin decided to do. She was enveloped in a group hug that made her feel claustrophobic.

"Hi, Nazzy," she said. "Hi Sig."

They stepped away from her, obviously very confused. Sigilind just awkwardly sat on her hospital bed and turned away. Nasrin stared at Rhiannon intently, her eyes demanding to know the truth.

"Rhiannon," she asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rhiannon said quietly.

Nasrin backed off and sat beside Sigilind. She watched the pair sigh and take comfort in each other. _This is _worse_ than when I received my Assignment_. The distance put the older adolescent on edge and she rested on her hospital bed, covering herself.

_I can't tell them anything._

* * *

It has been three years since her first major infraction. Rhiannon had settled back into society rather well and was more careful about what she did. She spoke to Aedan one day when they were riding toward the Hospital. It wasn't a particularly light-hearted conversation, but there wasn't some bizarre topic to be discussed, so Rhiannon was satisfied. Well, she was until the subject of Spouses came up.

"I applied for a Spouse yesterday," said Aedan excitedly. "I'm moving out of my parents dwelling soon. It's pretty exciting, in my opinion."

"I assume you hope to start a family," she replied. "I knew you'd be perfect for it."

"Did you apply for a Spouse?" he asked.

"No. Why would I?"

Aedan looked away and Rhiannon quickly inferred that he was disappointed. Reasons as to why he would feel that way were beyond her comprehension, so she didn't broach the subject anymore. Still, the thought haunted her.

"I was just thinking," he finally said. "Who _would_ I be paired up with? What would it be like?"

"Imagine if you were paired with Dagney!" Rhiannon joked, earning a chuckle from Aedan.

"You know what would be funny?" asked Aedan. "If there was a clerical error and I was accidentally paired up with my sister or another male."

"I doubt the Elders would make such an asinine move."

They paused in the middle of their ride, much to the annoyance of other bicyclists that almost crashed into them. They giggled to themselves about it.

"Who do you hope to be paired up with?" Rhiannon asked.

He looked at her and smiled. "Somebody like you."

"I'd choose you too, if I ever applied," Rhiannon replied. "However, life in the community is almost never in my favor, so the Elders would likely have something else in mind. Besides, do you really think they would pair up two individuals capable of such radical notions as ours? For instance, your idea that they could be capable of such folly."

Aedan paused in confusion, which was made evident by his funny-looking facial expression. Finally, he spoke.

"And what is your 'radical notion'?"

Rhiannon replied. "That one would want a say in what happens to them."

* * *

She couldn't stop thinking about the conversation she and Aedan had that morning. Applications for a Spouse hadn't crossed her mind until then. After what she said to Aedan, however, the idea tormented her all day. She decided to talk to Nasrin and Sigilind about it.

"Why wouldn't I?" replied Nasrin when she was asked about the subject. "I would want someone to be there when I start a family of my own, wouldn't I?"

"What about you, Sigilind?"

"Me?" she answered quietly. "Sure, why not?"

"Am I the only one apprehensive about the subject?" she asked impatiently.

The other pair looked at her as if she had grown an extra appendage. She suddenly felt like the odd one out again. It surprised her that this feeling had already grown so familiar.

"What makes you so apprehensive?" Nasrin asked.

"Well, what if the Elders don't make the right choice? What if I preferred someone else to be my Spouse? What if I'm unhappy?" she asked. "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like if you could _choose_ your Spouse?"

"Oh, Rhiannon," Nasrin laughed. "Even for a Birthmother, you have the strangest thoughts."

* * *

The thoughts had tormented her for a week. She stayed up all night thinking about who would be suitable enough to be her Spouse. Her mind always seemed to point to Aedan – and why not? He could raise the children in their early years and she could take over in their later childhood. By then, she would have enough life experience to raise them right. With his understanding for children and her sense of imagination and wonder, the children would end up intelligent enough not to make the same mistakes she had made in her own life. She thought about that last idea repeatedly and it slowly seemed less credible. If her children ended up exactly like her, the leaders of her community would see cause for concern. _Or perhaps, _she thought. _I would bring the next Receiver._

As the odds have never been in her favor where she lived, she assumed she would be paired up with a complete stranger. She assumed she would be paired up with the most pedantic, polite, rule-abiding man who had ever roamed the community grounds to counter her rebellious streak. He would have to have a calm temperament, she assumed, for such a man to deal with her imaginative mind. Otherwise, both would go ballistic.

Impatient with the lack of answers her own musings seemed to provide, she decided to sign up for a Spouse. If she didn't like her result, she might as well send it to the Committee for study. She headed right to the Elders and asked for a sign-up sheet.

"Well, here you are," said one elder male. "Write your name, birth year and birth number on the form."

She did as she was told, noticing the incredible amount of information that the Elders would have to enter. All of this included temperament, behavior records, records of her school assignments to glean information of her intelligence, her assignment, her interests and countless other details. She wasn't sure of the relevance of all the extraneous details nor did she inquire about it. The idea of Spouses was puzzling enough.

She had just handed in the form when she saw Emanuel walk in. He was only a few years older than her and it seemed like he had aged a few decades. If not for his eyes, she would not have recognized him. She sensed a great distance between them and felt like a failure. Once, over ten years ago, she promised she would not treat him differently after he had been Selected. _I broke that promise, _she thought. _I am sorry._

"Hello, Rhiannon," he said.

"Hey, Emmy," she replied, almost forgetting just what job he did.

"Rhiannon," said the other Elders. "Address him in a more appropriate manner. You _do_ know who he is."

She sighed. "Hello, Receiver of Memory. I apologize for not addressing you with the appropriate honorific."

Every bit of that statement sounded rather ridiculous, she concluded, but she did not dare say this aloud. The Elders seemed satisfied, however, Emanuel seemed to see right through it.

"I accept your apology, Rhiannon," he replied. She noticed it sounded artificial.

Emanuel requested a Spouse Application form and filled out the necessary details. He handed it back and walked out of the room, followed by Rhiannon. Now that she had seen him after such a long period of time, she was rather curious of his current state. What made _him_ want to apply for a Spouse? Emanuel noticed her following him and finally stopped.

"Hello again," he greeted. "I would like to know why you're following me."

"I'm simply overcome by curiosity, that's all," she replied. "I haven't seen you in years. What strikes me with interest is your reasons for applying for a Spouse."

"That's a private matter," Emanuel answered. "What are your reasons?"

"To find an answer to a question."

"And what is that question?" he asked rather curiously.

"That's a private matter."

Her answer earned an impish smile, which was unexpected from the Emanuel she expected to see now. It seemed like she saw just a glimpse of the boy he used to be. It made her feel warm inside. She turned around to leave with a smile on her face when he said something unexpected.

"I turned around that day," he blurted out and continued once she turned to face him again. "Remember the last day you saw me? I left to the Annex building behind the House of the Old and you went away. I looked back to see you."

She had no idea what to say. To the best of Rhiannon's recollection, she had never felt like this before. She looked back at him intently. His eyes revealed an emotion too complex to name, which made her think of her musings back as a punished laborer. _If there were new physical entities to be exposed to, I concluded that other abstract and unnamable concepts have yet to reveal themselves to me. _She started to wonder if his emotional capacity was a part of this. If it was, that meant the abilities of a Receiver surpassed anything even she could imagine. This thought almost enchanted her. For some reason, she wanted to kiss him.

"Why do you say this now?" she asked. "It's been years. We have separate lives. What's left of–?"

She found she was unable to finish. Emanuel looked down in anguish. Rhiannon got closer to him slowly and he peered into her eyes. His light eyes seemed to burrow through her thoughts and memories, exposing her deepest emotions and reading through everything like a book. This alone made her stomach feel as if it was tying itself in knots. She wondered if her eyes had the same effect on anyone else and concluded otherwise; there was more to that capability than the eyes.

"I hope to see you again," he whispered and walked away.

That night, for the first time in a long time, Emanuel had entered her dreams once more.

* * *

"I applied for a Spouse," Rhiannon told Aedan one day. "Guess who I ran into there."

"Who?"

"Emanuel!"

"The Receiver?"

Rhiannon shot him a sarcastic, "are-you-that-stupid" look as they rode together.

"He's the only Emanuel around!"

"Well," he asked. "What happened?"

"He asked me why I applied for a Spouse. I told him it was a private matter."

They decided to ride toward the Plaza and sit down. They had a few hours before they had to return home. They observed the various laborers as they had many times before, causing Rhiannon to reflect on her future. Three births and she will be one of them. She had only one miscarriage and wondered just when her next Conception will be scheduled. She hoped the next one was in the distant future, as she was afraid of another miscarriage and hardly thought she had the emotional resilience to deal with another.

"So why did you apply for a Spouse?" Aedan asked.

"I'm trying to confirm or deny yet another suspicion," she replied.

"And what would that be?"

"That they are capable of making a wrong decision."

Aedan laughed nervously, as he always did when she came up with such crazy thoughts. She treasured this friendship more than she did with her relationships with her Nurses, Nasrin and Sigilind, and her parents during her youth. Whether or not this surpassed her past relationship with Emanuel was a more complicated question.

* * *

It took a couple of years before she was assigned a Spouse. She had been eating breakfast with Nasrin and Sigilind when she was notified. They were talking about when each one's next Conception was scheduled when this happened.

Mattan came in with a fast stride through the door, surprising every girl in the room. The door had seemingly burst open, causing Sigilind to drop her food. Nasrin laughed at the younger girl's clumsiness. Rhiannon hardly found such things humorous.

"Rhiannon," Mattan said. "You applied for a Spouse two years ago, yes?"

She nodded.

"The Elders instructed me to notify you. Your Spouse has been chosen. You are to report to them by the end of the day."

She spent all day thinking about potential Spouses. She concluded that it would be someone smack in the middle of the social hierarchy with a tendency to uphold every rule in the book. He would also have an incredible amount of patience and adequate caretaking skills. She didn't see any other possibility. She _had_ to be paired with Aedan.

She met up with Aedan after work and inquired about his Spouse prospects. He hadn't been notified that day, much to her dismay and confusion. If not him, who _was_ her Spouse? He rode away from her, leaving her to deal with her own confusion. She biked to the building the Elders told her to report to in haste. By the end of the ride, she was panting.

Rhiannon ran inside, again, curiously running into Emanuel. They didn't speak to each other. They simply awaited the results. The pair was separated by other Spouses-to-be waiting in line and Rhiannon busied herself evaluating each male in the room, recognizing only a few that might be paired up with her. One was an older male named Xavier, whom she remembered as a very pedantic boy when they were children. He was five years older than her. Another possibility was a man ten years older named Terrance. She didn't like either man very much and hoped there was another possibility somewhere.

Rhiannon finally went up to the Elders, who handed her a form with the name of her Spouse, his occupation and the location of their new dwelling. She saw Emanuel receive his form and look at her. He had an expression of bewilderment and happiness. Confused, she finally opened her form.

"Emanuel – Receiver of Memory," she read aloud.

She blinked twice, looked up and then down again. It didn't even seem remotely possible that such a pairing would occur. She read the paper again.

"Emanuel – Receiver of Memory."

_This can't be!_

Unsure of what to feel, she left the building and went to her workplace to fetch her uniforms. She visited her private room where she kept spare uniforms in a dresser. Nasrin was overseeing other Birthmothers while Sigilind was resting on her hospital bed. Rhiannon didn't even notice Sigilind until she spoke.

"Rhiannon," she said. "Why are you taking your clothes?"

"I'm moving, remember?" she replied. "I have a new Spouse, which means we're moving in together. I have to bring my clothes."

"Who's your new Spouse?" Sigilind asked.

Nasrin had just entered the room when Sigilind asked that. Rhiannon was getting quite irritated. Nasrin would no doubt ask all about it.

"Oh, right, you have a Spouse now!" Nasrin squealed. "Tell us who it is! Please, tell us!"

"Emanuel, okay?" she answered irritably.

Nasrin smiled mischievously. Sigilind looked back at Nasrin, then at Rhiannon and at Nasrin again. Rhiannon suddenly remembered that awkward conversation she had with Nasrin years ago, when she first received her Assignment.

"_Emanuel?" Rhiannon asked, wide-eyed at the sound of her best-friend's name._

"_Why do you say his name like that?"_

"_Like what?"_

"_Like he Stirs you," Nasrin replied slyly._

"I wonder how this plays out," Nasrin said. "This should prove to be interesting."

Rhiannon ignored her comments and packed her things, heading down to the lower levels of the building. There, she ran into Aedan, who was holding a child and playing peek-a-boo with it. She raised an eyebrow. He glanced at her and nodded in her direction.

"Hi Rhiannon!"

"Hey," she said. "I have a Spouse now."

"Really?" he asked. "Who?"

The baby barfed on its rag, some of it spilling on Aedan's hand. Rhiannon shuddered in disgust and backed away. Aedan fetched a clean rag and wiped his hand along with the baby's face. The baby stared at her stupidly.

"Emanuel," she replied.

He looked at her, a little confused and somewhat disappointed, but not entirely shocked. They didn't exchange any more words and Rhiannon rode to her new Dwelling. It wasn't very far from the Hospital, she noticed. She missed it at first, due to many of the dwellings having the same appearance, but she soon recognized the address numbers and parked her bike in the small garage.

Rhiannon walked inside and saw a small living room with a couch, a table for morning and evening meals, three bedrooms, a lavatory and room for laundry. Every thing was averaged sized. There were two pill jars resting inside a cabinet near the table. She made her way to the larger bedroom and rested there until it was near evening.

Half-asleep, Rhiannon heard the door open. A tall figure entered and closed the door behind him. He approached her and she saw those light eyes sparkle in the dim light. She sensed he was smiling.

"Did I wake you, Rhi?"

Rhiannon replied. "Kind of."

Emanuel sat on the bed beside her, stroking her curly hair affectionately. She started to blush and he scooted a little closer to her.

"Let me hold you," he whispered, wrapping an arm around her. She snuggled up against him and fell asleep in his arms, feeling him kissing her forehead and cheek. His hand turned her head to face him and he pecked her lips before they drifted off to sleep.


	8. Rhiannon: Age 26: 27: 30: 31

Sigilind was having her second child. By now, Nasrin had become a Laborer and Rhiannon only saw her sparingly. Even then, they didn't exchange words. The most they would receive from each other is a glance, an understanding smile, and perhaps a wave hello. It was depressing.

The poor girl had a difficult pregnancy. She showed signs of having certain disorders that Rhiannon couldn't name, so she was kept under special care with very attentive nurses. Rhiannon noticed that she suffered from nausea and high blood pressure throughout her entire pregnancy and assumed that the nurses took careful note of this. Although Rhiannon was very attentive towards Sigilind, the younger girl felt lonely. Rhiannon wondered whether or not she should be surprised, as she had grown more distant from Nasrin and Sigilind since she moved in with her Spouse. She decided not to bother thinking about it and sat beside Sigilind. The woman was happy that Mattan was her Nurse, making Rhiannon suspect Sigilind still had Stirrings for him. It made her think of all the conversations they had as young adolescents. These thoughts depressed her so much.

Sigilind ended up having her child a month early. It was sometime in the middle of the night when she started screaming in pain and Rhiannon alerted a nearby night Nurse. The Nurse, named Cleo, quickly administered a Pain Relief drug. Rhiannon assumed it wasn't working as well as it should and worried about the baby. Considering how hard it was for Sigilind, she detected the child would have problems too. Although it was rare for such an event to happen, she feared that the community would have to perform a Ceremony of Loss over Sigilind. The whole time her friend was in labor, she was panicking.

Sigilind had almost expired, but Mattan performed a quick operation, saving both Sigilind and the new, tiny baby girl. Rhiannon saw the little child who struggled for air. Mattan finally made the child breathe, as made evident by a loud cry that filled the room. Sigilind was too tired to reach out for the girl, so Mattan didn't have to deal with a weeping Birthmother as he usually did. Sigilind was kept in a special care unit to rest and be monitored until she finished her extended recovery time. Meanwhile, her baby, Number 17, was taken down to the Nursery.

* * *

Rhiannon came home in a rather awful mood. She hadn't had the opportunity to speak to Aedan, which upset her, because she wanted to talk to him about her friend's ordeal. In that situation, she felt rather alone. Rhiannon thought about the Pills and wondered just how much they would numb her from that kind of pain. She knew it prevented the dreams she was getting less frequently now. Could it numb other emotions? She decided to test that theory.

For the first time in years, she popped a pill and almost instantly felt better.

Emanuel finally came home. They didn't talk much until their Evening Meal, and even then, not much was said. Rhiannon just ate bits and pieces of her food, listening to the clanking of silverware and getting lost in her numbed thoughts. The pill seemed to limit her need for extraneous musings, but it didn't stop her entirely. Emanuel finally mentioned something.

"Aren't we supposed to have the Telling of Feelings?" he asked curiously.

She nodded and volunteered to go first.

"My friend Sigilind had her second child today. It was a female, number 17. She was born a month early," Rhiannon explained, "She had a rather difficult pregnancy. Today, during the birth, she was in so much pain. I was afraid that we would have to conduct a Ceremony of Loss."

Emanuel grabbed her hand soothingly. Rhiannon didn't feel as soothed as she should have been by this gesture, but then again, she had never really been fulfilled by the simple social customs of the community. Emanuel gazed at her, likely hoping that this was enough to soothe her. There was that look in his eyes that told her he understood her completely and she relaxed.

"Thank you, _Emmy_."

The rapid-aging man smiled. She noticed that even though he was only two years older than her, they seemed to be over ten years apart. He always seemed wiser, she remembered. For now, she felt comforted by this. The gesture wasn't phony after all.

"And now you."

He paused and looked up at the ceiling, still holding Rhiannon's hand.

"I've been thinking," he said, "Maybe we could apply for a child."

She wasn't particularly caught by surprise. Having a young child's attention would bring the man out of the doldrums whenever she couldn't and he had asked hypothetical questions about children before. Emanuel squeezed her hand tighter, seemingly hoping to gain some approval for his proposition. Rhiannon smiled at him.

"We could," she said, "I'd like that."

* * *

Rhiannon woke up to Emanuel's arm wrapped tight around her torso and giggled. He was barely awake and made a tired moan when his sleep was disrupted. His eyes were barely open. At that moment, his mannerisms resembled that of a small child. He closed his eyes again and snuggled closer.

"We have to get up at some point," she whispered, "I have to get to the Hospital to care for other Birthmothers. You, well, I don't know."

"Don't they have plenty of other Birthmothers to take your place?" moaned Emanuel, "And I don't have much to do today, or any other day. We could have a day of rest. I'll notify the Hospital. No one asks me questions."

"Then why would we, of all people, need a day of rest?" Rhiannon asked, "Besides, we would need to have our Morning Meal, and more importantly, _the Sharing of Dreams."_

He held her closer until their faces were centimeters away and almost fell asleep again.

"What are you so tired from?"

"That's a private matter."

There was a knock on the door and Rhiannon got up. It was a young man who brought their morning meal placed neatly in front of their doorstep. She grabbed them and brought the food to their room, where Emanuel was (no surprise) resting. She set them down on a nightstand and shook him awake.

"Oh, the Morning Meal," he said unenthusiastically.

"_Oh, the Morning Meal,"_ she mocked, "Yes, and also the _sharing of dreams._"

Rhiannon handed Emanuel his meal along with the necessary utensils before eating her own food beside him. As a good-morning-and-thank-you gesture, he kissed her cheek, making her blush.

"Receivers are exempt from dream-telling," he explained, "You, however, do not fall under that category."

"I don't like being reminded of that."

"Of being a regular citizen?"

"No, Emanuel," she huffed, "Of being reminded that I'm _less."_

He set his meal aside and comforted her, "You aren't less, Rhiannon, not to me."

Emanuel separated from her and said, "Now, to dream-telling. Rhiannon?"

"I didn't have any. End of story."

He sensed she was lying, but he didn't press for further details. They finished their meal and Rhiannon agreed to spend the day off. Emanuel notified the hospital of Rhiannon's absence, no questions asked. She felt relieved that she didn't have to spend the day at the Hospital caring for other Birthmothers, particularly Sigilind, who was still in a special care unit. Mattan had told her before that Sigilind should be just fine and not to worry. The couple rested on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"Do Receivers keep secrets?" Rhiannon asked, out of nowhere. It was a stupid question, she realized, but something made her ask anyway.

"Yes, they do."

"You say it like you aren't one."

"Do Birthmothers keep secrets?" he replied.

"Yes, of course."

"What kind of secrets?"

"I'd like to ask you the same thing."

He smiled, "Just secrets."

She nodded in reply, "Same here. Just secrets, but I doubt they are anything alike."

* * *

The application for a child was sent in. The couple waited until the December ceremony, anxiously waiting for their new baby and wondering what he or she would look like. They weren't yet notified of whether it would be a male or a female, as they made no indication of what they would prefer. Rhiannon secretly wanted a male, as her best friends had been guys and she would better deal with them. She learned that Emanuel wanted a female. He had odd notions of males and females: males were a rough-and-tumble type while females should be cared for and protected. She had no idea where these notions came from, nor did she think they suited her. She noticed he treated her as someone to protect, which conflicted with her interests. She wanted a partner, not a caretaker. However, what she wanted often differed from what people thought she needed.

The couple attended the Ceremony together, Emanuel appearing quite content. Rhiannon, however, was apprehensive. She wondered whether or not applying for a child was a mistake and thought about what could go wrong with the child's development. It was time for the Ceremony of Ones and Emanuel gripped her hand tightly in anticipation. She recognized a baby boy named Roy, who was born to a Birthmother that once helped look after Sigilind. She looked for that Birthmother, Natille, in the crowd, but couldn't find her. After several babies were given to couples, they were finally called up.

"Number 17," the speaker said, "Rosemary."

The couple approached the stage and the speaker gave Emanuel the baby girl. Rhiannon worried about being given Sigilind's baby. If she messed up when it came to parenting, she would be ridden with guilt. How would she explain that to Sigilind? _Oh, I'm sorry, I somewhat messed up with the baby who you had several pregnancy problems with. Hope you can forgive me. _Emanuel sensed her tension and placed a comforting hand on her back. They grabbed a stroller and returned to their seats.

Rhiannon spent the rest of the Ceremony thinking of her friend's children. She remembered Shelia birthed two girls (she learned they were Laverne and Fransiska), who were grown now. Even Dagney's little brother Harold, who was Evette's baby, was grown up. Filipa's first baby, who she learned was named Mitch, had befriended Jake (belonging to Nasrin). Somehow, those children had all become friends with each other. She thought it puzzling that things would work out in such a way, but concluded that those children wouldn't once think of their birthmothers' identities, let alone the idea that they were all friends as well.

She remembered the two children Nasrin and Sig birthed almost ten years ago, Nasrin's being a female and Sigilind's child a male. The Ceremony of Nines was starting and Rhiannon paid attention, trying to identify which two out of the numerous children were her friend's children. When the first child was given her bike, she looked throughout the crowd to see if her old friends, Shelia, Filipa and Nasrin were watching. None of them were, so she went back to the young children anxiously waiting for their brand new vehicles. She finally identified Nasrin's child when one of the older, seemingly shy girls came up. Her name was Safira. She compared Safira's face to that of Jake's from her memory and noticed they had quite the resemblance. Up next came Sigilind's child, a rather outgoing male named Greger. She compared Greger's face to Rosemary's. They didn't look anything alike, but Rhiannon concluded that it was too early to tell.

By the end of the ceremonies, there was an afternoon meal, where she ran into Aedan. It was completely accidental as well, which made the situation all the more humorous. She had left Rosemary with Emanuel and gotten some food when she tripped and fell on him.

"You always knew how to make an entrance," commented Aedan, which was followed by Rhiannon's civil apology.

They both got up, noticing that some food spilled on their tunics, and laughed it off.

"So how are you?" Rhiannon asked, "I remember you applied for a Spouse."

He nodded and she inferred that he was quieter than he used to be, which made her feel rather strange. She wondered what caused this withdrawal, but decided not to ask. If he was ready to say something, he would tell her.

"Yes. I was paired with Gaelle-Grace."

"The Head Judge?" she said, surprised, "Strangely, I find this ironic."

Aedan looked down in embarrassment, seemingly uncomfortable with the implications of the statement. Rhiannon then remembered her first infraction nine years ago and understood, so she dropped the subject.

"I'm sure you two get along well," she commented, which was followed by a nod, "Is something wrong?"

"No," he lied (or so Rhiannon thought).

"I find it odd," she said, "That we are both paired with individuals of high status."

Gaelle-Grace approached him and Rhiannon ended the conversation, fetching more food and returned to Emanuel, who was quite hungry. Rosemary was fast asleep, a little smaller than she should be, but nevertheless healthy. Emanuel was just delighted to have a daughter, not to mention that he simply adored the name. Rhiannon thought it was a good name too, but secretly she would choose a different name.

"Emanuel," she asked, careful not to use his private nickname, "Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if you could name the child yourself?"

"Yes," he replied, "I wonder about the possibility of having other choices too. Why do you ask?"

"It's a Birthmother thing," she explained, receiving a confused look, "We sometimes choose names we would give to our babies. We know we can't name them, but it's a private game we play amongst ourselves to pass the time."

"What would you name your child?" he asked, more curious than she expected.

"If it was a girl, Evette. She was a birthmother who purposely committed a third infraction for a Release. For a boy, I would name it Eliot. I would name it after you, but you're still here and we can't have duplicates."

Emanuel smiled when she mentioned naming a boy after him and went back to caring for Rosemary, who just woke up. She saw her father and giggled, which pleased Emanuel. He craved that sort of connection, Rhiannon concluded, so that moment was simply fulfilling for him. She didn't expect Rosemary to react to her this way and for some reason, she wasn't sure she was okay with that.

* * *

Rosemary was Three. Rhiannon had gotten used to the child's presence, and vice versa. During her work, she told Sigilind of Rosemary's development and how similar she looked to her Birthmother. After noticing Sigilind's apathetic attitude towards her musings, she stopped altogether. None of the Birthmothers seemed to care for their biological children, which only made Rhiannon feel more left out. If she had birthed a child, she would want to know every detail. She begun to think of her miscarriage several years ago and wondered what that child would have been like had it been carried to a full term. She concluded that such musings were useless and paid attention to her current child, who was having so much fun with her dad.

One day, rather early in the year, she went to work and visited Sigilind when Mattan notified her of an upcoming Conception. She was to stay overnight for the appointment and for the rest of the term, not to return to her Dwelling. Mattan notified Emanuel of Rhiannon's circumstances and she remained in Sigilind's hospital room until Mattan organized the Conception.

"Sigilind," Rhiannon asked when they were having their Evening Meal, "Why don't you care for your biological children?"

"Because I would never see them," she replied, "It's pointless to wonder of their whereabouts."

"I saw your real son, Greger. He and Rosemary look so much like you."

"Don't mention the male again!" Sigilind snapped, "I don't want to be reminded of that."

Rhiannon and Sigilind didn't exchange words for the whole night. Rhiannon was brought to the Conception room. She thought of the incident with Mattan that happened several years ago, in this very room. She found it laughable now, how stupid she was just four years after she became a Twelve. Mattan seemed like he had forgotten about the incident completely, which comforted Rhiannon. It was a relatively speedy process and she returned to her room.

* * *

During the first month, Rhiannon took as many outside excursions as she could, under the supervision of Mattan. Another Birthmother, Natille, assisted her. She remembered that Natille had birthed Roy, who judging from Rosemary's stories at the nightly rituals, was Rosemary's best friend. She wondered if Natille would object to hearing about her biological child the way Sigilind did and decided not to take the risk.

Rhiannon wasn't allowed to do much physical activity, but oftentimes she protested. She would want to take bike rides around the Plaza, participate in games, and go swimming. The last of those preferences was strictly forbidden and the others were very limited. She resorted to creating imaginative stories about the little clouds that would occasionally appear in the sky and everything else that happened. Sometimes the clouds formed familiar shapes.

Some day in the later months, she got two surprise visits: one from Aedan, the other from Emanuel and Rosemary. When Mattan first notified her, she was thrilled. Sigilind rolled her eyes when Rhiannon reacted this way, for reasons beyond her comprehension. Aedan walked in the hospital room and Rhiannon could barely contain her excitement.

"Hey, Aedan!" she squealed, "Tell me everything that is happening outside."

Aedan sat beside her and stared at her protruding abdomen.

"Remember my old friend, Andrei?" he asked, "He designed a bridge to be built over the river, which will lead to increased development of the western side of the community."

"I once dreamt about that bridge, when I was almost Twelve," confided Rhiannon, leaving out the intimate details that led to the Pill.

Suddenly, Rhiannon felt a kick in her abdomen. It didn't particularly hurt, but it caught her by surprise, causing her to giggle.

"What happened?"

"I felt a kick. Feel it!" she said, grabbing his hand and placing it over her tummy.

Aedan, at first, pulled away because he considered the gesture rather rude, but apprehensively let his hand fall on her abdomen. He jumped back, which amused Rhiannon, and then came back slowly.

"I told you I felt a kick!"

From then on, Aedan kept staring in wonder and amazement. He talked to Rhiannon about all the things she did in her spare time. She spoke of the imaginary stories she fashioned during her first month and the shapes she saw in the clouds. He laughed at all of them and commented on how she was still such a child.

Mattan came in.

"Rhiannon, you have another visitor."

"Who?"

"Your Spouse and daughter."

Emanuel and Rosemary came in the hospital room. Rosemary hid behind her father, who was growing unusually light hairs, giving his hair a salt-and-pepper look. He looked more like _Rhiannon's _father. Aedan saw Rosemary clinging to Emanuel's tunic and smiled.

"I remember you, little Rosie-Mary," cheered Aedan, "You were a tiny baby."

"Rosemary," said Emanuel, "Say hello to your mother."

"Hello," whispered Rosemary.

Rosemary skittishly approached Rhiannon, placing a hand on her big belly when she finally reached her. Rosemary acted surprised when Rhiannon felt yet another kick.

"That's the baby," Rhiannon explained.

Rosemary shied away.

"Sigilind," piped Rhiannon, "Say hello to your birthchild."

Sigilind turned her head away from Rosemary. Rhiannon explained that Sigilind was her Birthmother, to which Rosemary reacted with complete indifference. Rosemary was confused by Sigilind's reaction, looked at Rhiannon, and asked a puzzling question.

"You treat this like that?" said Rosemary, pointing to her mother's large belly.

"No, Rosemary," Rhiannon answered, "I wouldn't treat it that way."

Rosemary had always been an observant child. Rhiannon thought that it must have been because she spent so much time with Emanuel. Rosemary placed her head (or ear) on the belly, wondering if she would hear anything. She just felt another kick and grew bored, so she returned to Emanuel.

The visitors were told to leave, so Aedan waved goodbye and Emanuel patted her forehead with a smile. They left and Rhiannon felt lonely again.

* * *

A girl who had just become a Twelve visited Rhiannon and Sigilind's room. She had light eyes like Rhiannon and wavy hair. Sigilind compared her to Rhiannon and remarked that aside from her hair, they looked exactly alike. Rhiannon found a mirror somewhere and compared her own face to the Twelve, paying attention to every facial feature, the shape of the jaw and her cheekbones, all of which appeared unique. Considering the uniqueness of such traits, she found it odd that she shared them with this Twelve. Rhiannon learned the girl's name was Maeve. She had asked Mattan to go through old files to see if they had the same Birthmother. Turned out, they were blood sisters. Their birthmother's name was Aerona.

Maeve spent a lot of time caring for Rhiannon and the two talked about their childhood. Maeve was just as sarcastic and strange as Rhiannon was in her youth and the two formed a fast friendship. The younger girl developed a curiosity for Rhiannon's child and occasionally placed her hand over the womb to feel a kick. Rhiannon introduced the young girl to the game of naming their potential children. They had a lot of fun with this.

"So what letter does the name start with?" asked Rhiannon.

"H."

"How many letters for the girl's name?"

"Nine."

"_Nine?"_ Rhiannon asked, "How am I supposed to guess?"

"Fine," Maeve replied, "It's Hildegard."

"And for a boy?"

"Halden."

"If you had said just the names, I wouldn't be able to tell which one applies to each gender," Rhiannon commented.

"And what names do you plan to choose?" she asked, "I know they start with E."

"Eliot and Evette."

Pretty soon they had grown tired of this topic. Maeve started to wonder about the dynamics of a Family Unit and asked Rhiannon all about it.

"So who's your Spouse?"

"Emanuel."

Maeve gasped, "The _Receiver?"_

"Is there another Emanuel?"

Maeve plopped on the Hospital bed, lying beside Rhiannon, "Why don't you tell me about him, Big Sister?"

Rhiannon laughed, "Well, we have a daughter named Rosemary. Sigilind birthed her, actually. He adores the child more than anything. He has so much free time, considering his occupation, so he tries to spend it with her. Rosemary likes him more than me and to be quite honest, I'm not so sure how I should feel about it."

"I remember seeing you, at the Ceremony," Rhiannon continued, "You were so upset by your assignment."

"Well, of course," Maeve replied, "It's Birthmother."

"It's okay," Rhiannon replied, " Over fifteen years ago, when I became a Twelve, I reacted by going outside and jumping on my folder containing Birthmother regulations."

"Really?"

"Yes."

The two girls cracked up and even though it was against the rules, they embraced each other.

"Isn't physical contact prohibited with those outside your family unit?"

"According to my rules," Rhiannon said, "We _are_ family!"

* * *

Rhiannon was in Labor. Mattan rushed to her aide and Maeve watched in horror, as Rhiannon did when she first witnessed a birth. The pain was excruciating.

Finally, a female child came out crying. Rhiannon, however, still felt her muscles contracting rapidly and painfully. Mattan paid attention to this and watched as the woman birthed a twin. When Rhiannon had finally birthed the two identical children, she instantly fell asleep. She surprisingly didn't need as much recovery time as others did, so she was able to go home that night. Before she left, she said goodbye to Maeve and wished her luck in her future. Maeve didn't quite understand why Rhiannon did this, but then again, neither could she.

* * *

Rhiannon rode home one day with Aedan, who talked about Rhiannon's twins incessantly. It was a particularly nice ride, so Rhiannon and Aedan rode slowly and discussed amongst themselves. Rhiannon had thought about her twins and knew one of them had been Released, as twins never exist in the community. Ever since, she thought about what Release was. The more she thought about it, the less plausible it seemed that they truly went Elsewhere.

"They both have dark eyes," he remarked, "which is odd, considering you're their Birthmother. The committee already released the smaller Female and now they're considering Releasing the remaining one. I looked at the naming list prepared. Her name is to be Emilienne."

"Tell me, Aedan," she said, "What _is_ Release?"

"Going Elsewhere, of course," he replied, as if it was a stupid question.

"Really?" she asked, "Elsewhere? Do you expect me to believe that? I've been in the Auditorium at the House of the Old with the special little door that leads to the Release room. I've been around the building, that door sure can't lead out. Besides, if they were leading the people Elsewhere, why don't the people being Released go on vehicles used to transport people to other communities and travel that way? Or are the rooms supposed to have secret tunnels? If so, that really isn't the most efficient way to get to this hypothetical Elsewhere."

"Rhiannon," Aedan said uncomfortably, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes!" she shouted, "My birth-child is to be Released and I'm starting to think the whole community was lying about the very process of it all! Are you even doing anything about it? Because I sure can't, I don't have any power! What makes that feeling worse is that I feel like I've been deceived my whole life!"

"Do you think I forgot my promise to you, Rhiannon?" Aedan asked, "I'm already petitioning to have Emilienne stay in my Dwelling during night hours to improve her development. Had it been another woman's child, I may have felt the usual shame of a Nurturer, but I wouldn't feel such a burden to look after the child like I do with Emilienne. Do you think I want to feel the guilt of betraying my childhood best friend?"

"I apologize, Aedan, for screaming at you."

"I accept your apology," Aedan sighed.

* * *

Rhiannon attended the Ceremony with a complete lack of enthusiasm. Rosemary was turning Four and there wasn't anything particularly interesting going on. She watched the Ceremony of Ones and counted down the babies until she reached the one she birthed: Emilienne. She was number 37.

Just as Emilienne's number and name was announced, Justin and a woman she had never seen in her life climbed up the stage to receive her child. She couldn't believe it. The boy she had met during her probation period years ago, who had committed two infractions, one before he became an adult, was eligible for a child. Considering Justin's ways, she doubted he would be a good parent and started to worry about Emilienne's future. Rhiannon looked at the woman beside him, who seemed older than Justin. She hoped the woman's disposition countered Justin's criminal streak and stopped thinking about it.

Rhiannon started to wonder about her own parents when she saw them sitting far away from her, looking over the male they had applied for back when she was eighteen. She knew he was a Thirteen now, but she couldn't remember his name, nor did she care to. He had replaced her in her parents lives, which she wanted no part of anymore, and she thought about when the boy would move out and start a family of his own. How long would it be until Carlota and Savely lived with the Childless Adults, let alone the House of the Old?

What will happen when they are _Released?_


	9. Rhiannon: Age 36: 37

Several years had passed and Rhiannon watched as Emanuel grew inexplicably close to his daughter. Rosemary also bonded with a boy her age named Roy and Rhiannon suspected that when Rosemary reached adolescence, Roy would be the center of her first Stirrings dream. Whenever Rhiannon saw the two playing together, she thought of herself and Emanuel as children, treating each other like the brother and sister they thought they truly deserved. She thought about how Rosemary grew to be one of the smartest children in her class and one of the most intuitive people Rhiannon has ever known. When Rosemary finally turned Eight and started her volunteer hours, she immediately stopped hanging around the Recreation Center that others her age would volunteer at for the first year and branched out to different facilities, focusing mostly on the Nursery, the Rehabilitation Center, the Birthing Center, and the House of the Old. A year had passed since then and Rhiannon was still amazed at how much Rosemary grew.

Rosemary was proudly spinning around on the new bike, displaying just how well Emanuel had taught her.

"Look at me, Father!" Rosemary squealed. "Just like you taught me."

"You're doing so well, Rosie-Mary," Emanuel replied affectionately. "You were always a fast learner."

Rosemary rode in circles and laughed, making her father smile with delight until she got off and parked her bicycle. Emanuel opened his arms and she hugged her father. Rhiannon didn't think much of it and went inside to read her diary, which was an old notebook from her school days. She trusted that no one would read it, as it contained details rather intimate in her life. Rhiannon flipped through the pages and stopped at a picture of her when she was a mere adolescent. At the bottom, it said "drawing by Nasrin". She traced her fingers over the drawing and closed the book, thinking that she wanted nothing more than to be a child again.

"Mother," Rosemary squealed when she came into the house. "Did you see me ride my new bicycle?"

"Yes, Rosemary," she replied. "It's evident that your father taught you well."

"And I no longer have hair ribbons and braids," she pointed out. "I somewhat miss having them, though. I liked the way they looked."

Rosemary stared quizzically at what Rhiannon was holding and raised an eyebrow.

"Mother?" she asked. "What's that notebook in your hand?"

"Oh this?" Rhiannon replied. "It's nothing. Well, it's private."

"A _private nothing_?" Rosemary asked skeptically. "If it was private, it wouldn't _be_ nothing, and vice versa. Why would you feel the need for privacy?"

Rhiannon sighed, not really sure how to explain certain things to a nine year old. She looked at her diary and put it in a private drawer before sitting down to talk to Rosemary.

"This notebook is for my private feelings."

"Why would you have _private_ feelings?" Rosemary asked. "We share our feelings during our evening meal. That's why it's called the Telling of Feelings."

Rhiannon chuckled nervously. Rosemary kept staring at her quizzically. The girl always sensed that her parents were somewhat different from the community, such as that they both had rare eyes. Rhiannon noticed Rosemary had started suspecting that her parents were more than just different, they were dissenters.

"For specific occupations, there are feelings that you can't share because they aren't meant to be shared," Rhiannon explained. "It would otherwise be too difficult to describe, so people in those occupations tell bits and pieces of it and omit others."

"Does that mean you _lie _during the Telling of Feelings?" Rosemary asked accusingly. "What about Father?"

"We don't deliberately lie to you, Rosemary," explained Rhiannon. "We just omit certain things because we're obligated to. Your Father and I don't _want_ to lie to you or hide things from you. Believe it or not, we're not the only ones who do this. Most children don't find out that their parents lie and omit things until they receive their assignment and are told that they may lie."

Emanuel came in right in the middle of the conversation. Rosemary ran to him.

"Is it true, Father?" she cried. "That adults lie because they have to?"

Emanuel was shocked that Rosemary would ask such a question. He glared at Rhiannon as if his eyes were asking "what did you tell her" and looked back at Rosemary, who was demanding an answer.

"Yes, Rosemary, some adults are required to lie, even though in our childhoods, we were told it was wrong," Emanuel said. "Oh, how confusing this must be for you! Especially because you're so young."

"You mean you and Mother have lied to me?" she asked, fretful.

"No, not deliberately," Emanuel answered. "And we never wanted to."

"But you did lie!" Rosemary shrieked. "You're both liars!"

"Rosemary," Emanuel whimpered while Rhiannon stood there awkwardly, waiting for the events to unfold. _Stupid me_, thought Rhiannon. _I hardly know how to raise a child. I caused trouble all because I had to open my mouth!_

"Leave me alone," she cried and left to her room, closing the door.

Emanuel and Rhiannon looked at each other, exchanging expressions of confusion and possibly other emotions that Rhiannon couldn't name at the top of her head. Rhiannon started shaking her head apologetically.

"I-I-I didn't mean to," she whispered.

"I know, Rhi," Emanuel replied.

Emanuel held Rhiannon close to him in attempt to comfort her, but she didn't feel any better. Rhiannon shed a tear at her mistake and Emanuel kept making "shhh" noises before saying something else.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Rhi. She would have found out at some point."

Rhiannon separated from him and cried. "At some point, Emmy, but not today!"

* * *

Rhiannon was watching over Sigilind, who was now four months pregnant. She wasn't as attentive as she could be, but Sigilind had plenty of nurses to tend to her. She knew it was Sigilind's last pregnancy and was almost grateful. Sigilind would be with Nasrin, whom she favored, and Rhiannon wouldn't be in her presence any longer. Rhiannon would have her younger sister Maeve, who was growing up to be quite the young woman. She and Maeve were making fun of Sigilind when she was notified of her upcoming Conception. The Conception happened that night and felt ritual now. She was sent back to her room next to Sigilind, who was napping.

"Hey, Rhiannon," Maeve greeted her. "What number is your child?"

"Number 19," she replied, anticipating the moment her flat tummy would grow into a huge bump that kicked.

* * *

A few months into her pregnancy and she had already started having strange visions. The first time was during the latter part of her first month, when she had been served a midday snack. She was resting outside, looking at Landscape Crew tending to the flowers. She was holding an apple in her hand, although she wasn't really eating it. Rhiannon looked down at it and noticed it _changed_.

"What?" she asked herself before it went back to its nondescript shade.

Just then, the change occurred again. The apple went from a nondescript shade to something incredibly vibrant. She looked around to see if anyone else noticed this change and saw several things getting that strange and fascinating appearance.

At first, it was just the apple. After that had blinked in and out of view, she noticed that certain types of flowers acquired that quality. Everywhere, the geraniums, roses, some camellias and some peonies gained that strange, vibrant, _lovely_ quality. She turned around to see if she could find it elsewhere and saw it appear on the hair of some Birthmother she wasn't familiar with and parts of it in people's skin. It was more apparent on people's lips than it was with the rest of their body. As a whole, it looked otherworldly. She soon inferred from the indifference of others that she was the only one seeing it. Rhiannon could barely contain herself. Those moments, however, were fleeting and Rhiannon would wait eagerly for those flashes of that otherworldly quality to come back again.

The second month, she saw that thing again, except it looked different. She noticed it replaced that nondescript shade she saw in things. It occurred in different types of flowers and she noticed that _this_ change didn't replace the previous change in the same flowers. This change wasn't as attractive as the other change, but it was still wondrous nonetheless. She noticed it happen in a single marigold flower. On it rested a monarch butterfly (Emanuel had pointed it out once when they were kids), whose wings featured the same change. She recorded the changes in her diary, calling the changes in the apples, roses, and the hair of the Birthmother Change One. She called the change she saw in the marigold and the wings of the monarch butterfly Change Two. She much preferred Change One, but she couldn't see it as long as she had Change Two, so she didn't bother asking for Change One back (assuming somebody gave her these Changes). Rhiannon found it odd that she never saw it before she was pregnant with Number 19. She didn't want to ask Mattan if this was some mysterious condition brought upon by the pregnancy, as the doctors would attempt to cure her of these Changes. Instead, she confided this to no one but her diary.

It wasn't until near the end of the year when she saw Change One and Change Two simultaneously. It happened when she was spying out the window and saw the sun set. She admired the scene and scanned the sky, seeing Change One and Change Two blend together, just underneath grayness. She wondered what the rest of the gray sky would look like if she saw any more Changes and fell asleep hoping for more of them.

Change Three happened in late November. Rhiannon saw it in daffodils, acacias, primroses, and bits of it in the sun when she watched it set. The sunset looked a little more complete with Change Three, but seeing multiple Changes at once was very rare. She once saw a single Adonis flower feature the Change and she placed her hand on the window, wanting so badly to pick the flower and give it to either Emanuel or Rosemary, in hopes that they would see the Change.

"Maeve," Rhiannon asked one day when Maeve was looking after her. "Have you seen these changes?"

Rhiannon showed Maeve the list of Changes in her diary. Maeve read through them, looked perplexed, and scoffed.

"I don't know _what_ you're seeing, sister," said Maeve. "But I'm sure no one I know has saw anything like that! How could they _not_ have a nondescript shade?"

"Oh forget it, dear," Rhiannon said. "You'd probably think I'm crazy anyway."

* * *

It was Rosemary's Ceremony of Ten today and Rhiannon was stuck at the Hospital. Sigilind was a full eight months pregnant and almost always asleep. Rhiannon, on the other hand, was pregnant for less than six months and was still very lively. She hoped that seeing the various Changes would entertain her enough throughout the December Ceremony day. She had seen a fourth Change in the grass and the leaves of trees and a fifth one started to appear in the sky during the day. She quickly recorded all of these and soon became excited. She once saw all of those five Changes at once and noticed that some things were still carrying a nondescript shade. When she found the sixth Change, she would be satisfied.

She kept peering out of the windows and pacing around the Hospital in hopes of finding that sixth Change. She looked closely at each scene she witnessed, wishing to see the sixth Change. Change One would appear the most and Change Five would appear the least, but the lack of Change Six was incredibly frustrating.

The visit from Emanuel and Rosemary took her attention off of the Changes. She was in the room when the pair came in, Rosemary wearing a haircut that all Tens received. She wouldn't stop flipping it around to feel how light it felt on her head. Rhiannon chuckled at the sight of it.

"Mother, her stomach is _huge!_" Rosemary commented on Sigilind, much to her parents' amusement. Rhiannon wished Sigilind were asleep when the comment was made. Sigilind looked at Rosemary with an expression of annoyance and glanced away.

"I know you're my Birthmother, Sigilind," said Rosemary. "Mother told me it was difficult, when you were pregnant with me."

"Go away," she said irritably. "I'm tired."

Rosemary left Sigilind alone and sat beside Rhiannon, whispering. "It's because I remind her of all that stuff, isn't it? I doubt that she's actually tired."

"You've always been very observant," said Rhiannon. "I wasn't nearly as intuitive at your age. Come to think of it, I didn't excel academically either, nor did I have definite interests. That's probably why my body is hosting a thing that likes to kick."

"It's talking to you in Morse Code," Rosemary said.

"What's Morse Code?"

"Father says it's a code that was used on old machines to send letters far away. If you write it, it's in dots and dashes. He and I have been practicing."

Emanuel shrugged it off, watching Rosemary stare at the protruding belly. She started giggling and placed her head near the round belly, pretending to hear something.

"The baby is sending a message," Rosemary giggled. "Oh, I hear it! Rosemary. Wants. Her. Braids. Back. Over."

"Rosie-Mary," Emanuel teased her, sitting beside her and tickling her until the child begged her father to stop. Rosemary kicked everywhere, much to Rhiannon's amusement. She could tell Emanuel adored Rosemary's laugh.

"All right, Rosemary, I'll give you braids," Rhiannon said.

"But my hair is short," said the girl, waving her short hair around.

"I can make little ones."

"Okay."

Rhiannon found old pins that Nasrin had mysteriously discovered years ago. She took some out and placed them on a dresser. She began to make a small braid on Rosemary's left side and then mirrored the action on the right. She held them down with the pins, securing them so Rosemary didn't accidentally get them loose. Once she finished, Rosemary traced her fingers over the braids and grinned, later hopping around. Emanuel couldn't help but smile at his daughter's reaction.

"You look wonderful, Rosemary," he complimented.

After their time was up, Emanuel and Rosemary embraced Rhiannon in a tight group hug, causing Rosemary to giggle about being squished. Emanuel separated from them and Rhiannon noticed Emanuel's eyes. They had acquired Change Five.

"Your eyes," Rhiannon whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, nothing. They're just very pretty," Rhiannon sheepishly lied.

"Well, thank you," Emanuel replied and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, Rhi."

"Goodbye, Mother," Rosemary said.

Rhiannon watched them leave. From then on, she counted down the days until she could return home.

She focused her attention on the Changes again. She recorded how often she saw Change One occur and averaged it to be about ten times a minute. Oftentimes, she would stare at the things that would feature Change One, but it would make her dizzy. She spent one week recording how often she saw each Change. Change Two happened ten times every thirty minutes. For every Change Two flicker she saw, she saw about thirty Change One flickers. As for Change Three, it was about ten every hour. Change Four was ten every two hours. Change Five was once an hour. She decided to make a chart.

CHANGES CHART

One Sighting of Change Five:

Five Sightings of Change Four:

Ten Sightings of Change Three:

Twenty Sightings of Change Two:

Sixty Sightings of Change One.

Rhiannon looked out the window and saw little dirt places where flowers had yet to be grown. Next to it were cardboard boxes filled with little pot plants being overlooked by Landscape Crew. She noticed that dirt and the cardboard boxes would feature little specks of these Changes, just as skin had. The bark on the trees seemed to have this quality as well. When she saw multiple changes at once, the bark, skin, dirt, and cardboard boxes would achieve more of their own quality. She assumed that their quality wasn't an individual change, but a messy combination. Thus, she called them Multi-Change. Recording how often she saw this new Multi-Change was proving difficult, so she didn't bother.

* * *

During her last month, the Changes would occur in her dreams as well. In her waking life, they were fleeting, as if they were indecisive sentient entities. In her dreams, however, one Change would stay in her dream for the entire time and she could predict which Change would occur in her next dream.

Sigilind had given birth to a male child, Number 4. Aedan visited once and told her all about Number 4, claiming that he was always a happy child and charmed the Nurturers. Sigilind was now a Laborer, much to Rhiannon's relief, despite the lack of honor in the title. Her private room was for Rhiannon and Maeve alone, which made them both happy. They could stay up all night talking without anyone telling them to go to sleep.

Rhiannon's stomach was as large as a watermelon. Maeve was listening to it kick when Rhiannon saw a woman with Change One hair walking outside. Her water broke and she started panicking. The sisters watched as several nighttime Nurses came to the woman's aid. Rhiannon closed the curtain and tried to shut the image out of her mind.

"You wanna do braids?" Maeve asked.

"Sure, why not?"

So, they sat there, making braids in each others' hair while a woman was giving birth to what Rhiannon learned was a female, known as Number 18.

* * *

Rhiannon saw a flash of every Change, allowing no room for nondescript shades of gray except for objects that were gray anyway. She finally saw the sixth change, which made itself appear on the flowers of a jacaranda tree. Every Change was clear and vibrant and Rhiannon thought those Changes were just the most beautiful thing. She had been looking out the window at the time, seeing people scurrying about. Even things that featured that funny sight of Multi-Change seemed to have its own shade of it. She gazed with wide wonder and started to ask herself why she could never see this before. Had she been the only one who could see it? It seemed unlikely that she was the only one who _couldn't_ see it before. She had heard of people sensing beyond. Maybe this was Seeing Beyond.

The Changed image in front of her lasted a minute and ended right before a painful contraction. She screamed and the Nurses hurried to her aid, settling her down on a Hospital bed. Mattan delivered a Relief-of-Pain drug quickly to ease the Birthing process. During her delivery, Changes kept appearing and fleeting as the contractions became more frequent. The baby practically pushed itself out, causing the Changes to flicker back and forth, making Rhiannon dizzy. When the baby was partially out, the Changes kept disappearing randomly and Rhiannon shut her eyes to keep from going insane. She was over-stimulated.

She heard the child cry and relaxed. The baby was a healthy male, Number 19. Mattan told someone to bring Number 19 down to the Nursery. She took several deep breaths and opened her eyes again.

The Changes were completely gone and she had the sick feeling she wouldn't see them again for a long time. For this, she lamented.


	10. Rhiannon: Age 39: 40

Rhiannon went to the Annual Ceremony, meeting Aedan there. He was sitting beside Gaelle-Grace and she noticed he was shying away from everyone that approached him. She decided not to greet him just yet and sat beside Emanuel, holding his hand. She wanted to see where her child would end up. She hoped he wouldn't end up with Justin, who already had her surviving twin child. She assumed Emilienne was either turning eight or nine today, as far as she remembered. Rhiannon kept repeating to herself not to let Justin receive Number 19.

Luckily, Justin instead received a child named Phoenix, who was birthed by a woman she didn't particularly like. She saw Sigilind's child, Number 4, and learned his name was Asher. It was a rather adorable name, but not one she could see someone growing into. She compared Asher's face to that of Rosemary and noticed they looked a lot alike, but their expressions were vastly different. Rhiannon assumed that the boy would forever remain with a juvenile mind, just like her. He was a bubbly baby, making several unintelligible noises that charmed the crowd. She wondered if Sigilind cared to see her child and assumed otherwise.

She saw the Change-One-Haired woman's baby, Number 18, being given to two people who were on the higher end of the hierarchy. Her name was Fiona and the couple proudly took and embraced her. They appeared to care for her just as Rhiannon would have, had it been her birth child, but she sensed that there was a lack of authenticity. She saw Number 19 and watched eagerly.

The baby opened its eyes slightly and Rhiannon admired their paleness. She assumed they would be Change Five eyes, as Emanuel's were. No doubt the child would see the same Changes at some point. Rhiannon couldn't see any other reason she had only seen them when she was pregnant with the boy.

"Number 19," the speaker said aloud. "Jonas."

She wasn't particularly fond of the name, but decided it suited him, as he did _not_ look like an Eliot. She saw Aedan and Gaelle-Grace go up to the stage to receive him and her heart swelled with happiness. Her child would be in the care of a man she dearly trusted, so she no longer had to worry.

* * *

"Oh, the odds!" Aedan laughed with her when they finally could talk to each other. "I swear, I did _not_ arrange to receive your birth child."

"Sure, you didn't," Rhiannon teased. "You'll be a great father. I should know."

"How is Rosemary?" he asked as he placed fruit slices onto his plate hungrily.

"You know how it is," Rhiannon replied. "By Eleven, one is only waiting to become a Twelve. You better take good care of Jonas. I'll be checking in some way or another."

"Understood," Aedan replied with a smile before returning to his Spouse and child.

Rhiannon looked at Jonas for a while, feeling a bit hurt that she wouldn't know him personally. She hadn't felt this badly about it with Emilienne, but considering the odd experiences with her pregnancy, she yearned to know whether or not Jonas would end up like her. She hoped he would see the Changes and embrace them as she had.

* * *

"Hey, Rhiannon," Aedan greeted her when they were riding home together. "What's going on lately?"

"Remember your doctor-friend, Yoshiko?" Rhiannon asked. "From when we were kids? She's working with my father on an experimental drug to make Birthmothers fertile longer. The Hospital is having trouble filling the quota of births each year because more and more are becoming Laborers before they could have three births. The Committee is already thinking of a rule change that would make Birthmothers have the births in three consecutive years, but my Nurse Mattan is trying to argue otherwise. I volunteered myself."

"Why did you volunteer yourself?" Aedan asked. "Most people don't volunteer for them. Do you know what you're subjecting yourself to?"

"Yes, I was warned," she answered. "There may be some horrible side effect that would occur with my next child. I don't mind, though. I've seen the other Birthmothers become so apathetic with their birth children; maybe I should adopt the same attitude."

"Rhiannon. _No,_" Aedan replied. "I don't want my best friend changing. You're the one thing that reminds me of childhood. I pretend to change, but I'm not actually doing it."

Rhiannon became uncomfortable and changed the topic.

"So, do you like Gaelle-Grace?"

"Of course I do," Aedan replied. "She's my Spouse. The Elders made a good choice, pairing me up with her. Speaking of which, how are you and the Receiver?"

"He adores Rosemary," she responded. "I'm starting to wonder what occupation she'll get. I know she'll get a high status job. She's very intelligent and observant, almost to the point where it's unnatural. Emanuel ages rapidly, though. It worries me."

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Aedan replied. "As for Rosemary, I'm sure the Elders will know just the job for her. Considering Emanuel is the most important Elder, he'll have some say in the future of your daughter."

"I hope you're right," Rhiannon said and the two smiled at each other, just the way they always did.

* * *

The December ceremony was looming ahead. Rosemary was becoming apprehensive about it, as all Elevens do. Rhiannon was supervising Rosemary as she was completing her nightly assignments. Rosemary gripped her leg and acted like she had tripped and injured herself. Rhiannon saw no indication of injury and Rosemary hadn't even bumped her leg on a surface.

"Father's in pain," Rosemary explained.

"And _you're _acting hurt?" Rhiannon asked skeptically. "He's not even home. Rosemary, you can't see him."

"I don't _have_ to see him. I can feel it. It's not as strong, but I can feel it, too," Rosemary elaborated. "Once I felt a strange pain in my lower abdomen and knew it was from you because you came home later that night and said you delivered a baby. I've always had this ability, Mother. I just don't know what to call it."

Emanuel came home a little later than usual and Rosemary greeted him, mentioning the pain in his leg. He told her he was fine and sat at the dinner table, consuming the food that was brought earlier. It was Rosemary's idea to wait until he came home before having their evening meal and nightly ritual.

"You're lying, Father," Rosemary said. "Your leg hurts and you need to rest."

"I can eat my evening meal first, Rosie-Mary. It's not so bad. I'm quite used to it," Emanuel replied.

"Well," Rhiannon spoke to break the awkward tension filling the room. "Who's first for the Telling of Feelings?"

Emanuel and Rosemary shook their heads, so Rhiannon volunteered to go first.

"Well, the experimental drug being tested so far has had no particularly bad side effects on me. I've been closely observed and it feels strange. Some test subjects are being kept at the Hospital under a stable environment. There are various control groups, but I don't know all the details of the experiment. I'm hoping everything goes well, as always."

"Nothing significant happened today," Emanuel said and sighed, eating his food slowly.

Rosemary stared awkwardly at her plate, shoving food around but not really eating it. Emanuel and Rhiannon glanced at each other with worried expressions. Rhiannon held his hand to comfort him, hoping it would take the edge off of whatever tension was lingering in the room.

"How was your day?" Rhiannon asked. "You're the last one to share tonight."

Rosemary straightened herself and complained. "Today wasn't a particularly good day. A boy made fun of me. I was very hurt."

"Who was this boy?" Rhiannon asked.

"Lysander. His mother is a Paralegal and his father is in the Law Enforcement. He told me the Paralegal knows you, Mother."

"Oh, it's probably Dagney," Rhiannon explained. "We were once friends, but ever since we became Twelves, she's had a rather arrogant attitude towards me. It's not hard to understand, given my position."

Rosemary elaborated further. "I told Lysander not to judge others too harshly because he was making fun of this younger boy named Abel who had trouble with Language Acquisition. Then he taunted me by saying I had no right to tell him what to do and called me arrogant because I was the daughter of the Receiver. I told him I wasn't, otherwise I wouldn't have stood up for the younger boy. Then he told I had no right to be arrogant anyway, since I was also the daughter of a Birthmother."

Rhiannon watched Rosemary sigh slightly, still somewhat confused by Lysander's actions.

"Mother?" Rosemary asked nervously. "Lysander told me you committed a major infraction once. Is that true?"

"Yes," Rhiannon said. "It was many years ago, not long after I became a Twelve. Why would he bring it up now?"

Rosemary fidgeted while she spoke. "He said I should be ashamed of my mother because all Birthmothers were rebellious and stupid. I slapped him in the face because I was so angry and I sarcastically asked him if he would dare insult my father as well. Lysander said I would end up as a Birthmother and then made a derogatory comment. Roy was the only one defending me. When Lysander was chastised, he apologized in a very sarcastic way."

Rhiannon couldn't help but giggle. "You slapped him in the face? Sounds like something I would have done at your age."

Rosemary chuckled, but Emanuel didn't find it funny. "Rhiannon, that's not going to help her learn."

"All right," Rhiannon said, trying to calm herself. "I understand that you were angry and sometimes anger makes us impulsive. I should know. What Lysander did was incredibly wrong and I understand why that would anger you, but it was still wrong to slap him. That would count as physical assault and when one is an adult, punishments are harsher."

"It's better to simply turn away from the situation and walk out as the better person," Emanuel explained. "Sometimes these situations get more complicated, but it's important not to give in to sudden impulse. Many have made costly mistakes because of this and I have seen quite a lot."

"That's not all that happened," Rosemary confided. "Later, Lysander saw me during our volunteer hours. He started talking about how often those with less honorable positions were more likely to get Released on the account of rule violations. I knew he was talking about Birthmothers and Laborers and he made it seem like he was talking about Mother. He made me feel horrible."

Rhiannon promised herself that she would find Dagney tomorrow, if she remembered correctly that Lysander was her child. She would then ask what in the world was wrong with her. She was never sure why she wanted the confrontation, as it wouldn't do much good in the long run, but she might as well have been Released immediately if she didn't stand up for herself and her daughter.

* * *

It was the day of the Ceremony. They had had their Sharing of Dreams (Rosemary was on the pill today on account of dreaming about Roy) and Rosemary seemed nervous when she left for the Ceremony. Rhiannon tried her best to comfort the young girl, to no avail. Rosemary held Emanuel's hand for as long as she could and then finally sat beside her friends. Rhiannon watched as her daughter greeted Roy and they sat together, laughing. She decided she was going to sit by Maeve, but first, she was going to do what she had promised herself the night before.

She scanned the room, finding Gaelle-Grace. She assumed that the lower-level titles in the Department of Justice were right behind her, and sure enough, found Dagney sitting right next to Katya. They were giggling to themselves, as they had been quite some time before they would have to sit politely for the dreadful ceremony. Rhiannon greeted Dagney, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"Oh, hello, Rhiannon," she said with a hint of bitterness as well. "It's been so long since I spoke to you last."

"I assume you have a son," Rhiannon said. "If so, how is he?"

"Oh, Lysander?" Dagney replied. "Oh, he's doing well. I hope he receives a prestigious position. I would be so proud."

"And if he doesn't? What if he got something like Landscape Crew Member or Laborer?" Rhiannon seethed. "Would you still be proud of his accomplishments?"

"Well, yes," Dagney replied very uncomfortably.

"Funny," she responded. "That's not at all how you treated your friends when we turned Twelve. You still look down on me. Your attitude is reflecting in Lysander's actions. I know because of what Rosemary told me."

She stood up, indignant. "She slapped my son in the face."

"After he mocked a younger child who struggled with Language Acquisition and she stood up to him. Do you know how he responded? He told her she was arrogant because of her father's position and when she proved him wrong, he told her she should be ashamed of her mother. Can you think of any other reason she may have 'wronged' your son?" Rhiannon asked. "He used information of her personal life against her and humiliated her, all because she told him not to mock a struggling boy. As far as I recall, that is completely against the rules. You should know. You study Law."

"End of discussion," Dagney replied, rather angry that she had been told off.

She smirked and sarcastically replied. "Nice attitude."

Rhiannon wasn't sure whether or not that was as satisfying as she had hoped, but she figured whatever feeling came with standing up to someone sufficed for now and returned to her seat among the Birthmothers. Maeve had saved a seat for her and asked her what happened.

"Somebody's kid talked bad about me to my daughter so I talked to his mother," she replied quickly, not wanting to give the unabridged version.

She watched the Ceremony, counting down the minutes until the Ceremony of Twelve. She and Maeve held hands as they watched. Rhiannon told Maeve about her daughter's possible occupations once she became a Twelve and desperately hoped Rosemary wouldn't become a Birthmother like she had. Rosemary had far too much potential.

Finally, the Ceremony of Twelve started. She watched the children receive various occupations. She wasn't particularly interested in any one of them except for Rosemary and Roy. A girl born before them, Cara, was assigned Birthmother and Rhiannon and Maeve knew they would be taking her under their wing pretty soon.

Roy, number 16, was right before Rosemary. The speaker told the audience of how Roy enjoyed watching cargo planes by the river and always volunteered in places where he could get closer to planes and other flying vehicles.

"Roy," said the speaker. "You have been assigned Pilot. Thank you for your childhood."

Rhiannon waited until the speaker would call up Rosemary, but the speaker skipped her and said Number 18. She started to worry. Lysander, who sat behind Rosemary, smirked. She saw Rosemary attempting to shrink as the crowd saw her sitting alone in her area. Pretty soon, the entire stage was empty except for her. She squeezed Maeve's hand until the woman winced uncomfortably. Finally, the speaker spoke to the crowd.

"First off, I apologize to my community for causing discomfort," said the speaker. "And I apologize to you, Rosemary, for causing discomfort."

"I accept your apology," Rosemary said weakly.

"She has not been assigned," said the speaker, causing murmurs. "She has been Selected."

Rhiannon lit up. Selected! Rhiannon knew she would amount to something great, but to be Selected! What an honor!

Her mind flashed back to when she was ten and Emanuel was sitting up alone on the stage, the same way Rosemary was now. She remembered how Emanuel had changed just within a few years. It was still hard for her to imagine how much he changed since childhood now, considering just how much his occupation consumed him. He had become so withdrawn. She wasn't sure she could cope with Rosemary having the same ordeal.

"She has the necessary qualities that come with being a candidate," said the speaker.

"Intelligence. Rosemary is one of our top students."

Rhiannon smiled at the thought.

"Integrity. Rosemary had always apologized for minor transgressions."

Rhiannon thought of the dictionary definition of integrity. _The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles_, she remembered. Recalling the incident with Lysander and Abel, she thought to herself. _Th__e speaker couldn't be more right._

"She has also been firm with what she believed to be right and wrong," the speaker said, making Rhiannon smirk at the thought of Lysander.

Rhiannon listened as the speaker talked about Rosemary's supposed ability to acquire wisdom, which wasn't surprising, given her remarkable social and emotional intuition. It frightened Rhiannon sometimes, just how it seemed that Rosemary could almost mind-read.

"Finally," said the speaker. "Your selection was finalized when we heard of your Capacity to Feel Beyond. Our current Receiver was unable to describe it. He told us only that he is certain you have it and that it was a rare ability, even among Receivers."

The speaker left Rosemary alone. It was Rhiannon who started the soft murmur of her child's name. Maeve caught on, and soon, the entire crowd was doing it. Soon, Rhiannon stopped as the chanting of Rosemary's name grew louder until it was almost a cheer. Rosemary looked out nervously at the crowd, half smiling. Rhiannon saw the same expression on Rosemary face that Emanuel's had years ago, when he was Selected. Considering that Emanuel had emotional depth that Rhiannon never understood, even though Birthmothers tended to care more deeply than others in the community, she was afraid that Rosemary would become something entirely otherworldly. _Entirely otherworldly. S_he thought further. _Something that even Emanuel might not understand._

Rhiannon looked at Rosemary, who felt her mother's uncertainty like a phantom limb.

* * *

Rhiannon felt an incredible rift grow within the household. Rosemary and Emanuel spent most of their time with each other, making her feel strangely alone. The two shared secrets that Rhiannon was willing to Release someone in order to find out, so when they conducted their Telling of Feelings ritual and the pair glanced at each other, Rhiannon felt her heart ache just a bit more. By the end of the first few weeks, she was seething with jealousy. She, to the best of her recollection, had never felt this strongly before.

One night, during the second or third week, they were conducting the ritual Telling of Feelings and Rhiannon was simply _tired_ of Emanuel and Rosemary exchanging glances and her feeling of loneliness. When it was her turn to "tell her feelings", she did just that.

"I wished I had stayed with the other Birthmothers tonight," she said. "They always share such nice secrets with each other, things they don't share with anyone else. I miss my friendships with them, as my earliest Birthmother companions are all Laborers now. I still have my younger biological sister, Maeve. We practically formed a pact with just each other."

Emanuel and Rosemary could easily see Rhiannon's intentions, but both decided it wasn't worth having a conversation chastising her. They seemed to understand Rhiannon, who claimed that she was tired and went to bed.

However, as long as Rosemary and Emanuel had that secret pact-like bond, there would always be tension in the household.

The second week, both Emanuel and Rosemary were miserable. Rhiannon wasn't sure what to feel and she sure didn't want to be around them, so she spent her nights at the Hospital, helping the Night Nurses care for pregnant women. Maeve and Rhiannon retired to their shared room, where they talked all night.

"So tell me how it is, living with two Receivers," Maeve said.

"The first few weeks were irritating," Rhiannon confided. "It was like Emanuel and Rosemary formed a secret pact. I know they probably aren't allowed to share information about training with outsiders, but it seemed like they were gloating."

"And now?" she asked.

"Now, they both seem miserable. I didn't want to be there, so I came to the Hospital. I actually managed to find something _more _uncomfortable than watching Birthmothers lament over lost children and suddenly grow apathetic. It's that household!"

She sighed.

"Sometimes, I wish I had applied for a son."

* * *

Five weeks after Rosemary's Selection, Rhiannon had woken up from several horrible nightmares. She had been alone in her bedroom when it first happened. It was the day she had been notified that her daughter had applied for Release. Emanuel was in his Annex that night and Rosemary was "Elsewhere," so Rhiannon had no one to comfort her from the strange, foreign dream.

The dream took place in a strangely cold environment. Several adults were beside a strange thing called a train track. She was inside a strange vehicle known as a train wherever the dream took place. In that dream, she was still a young child. A woman she recognized as her mother – her _Birthmother_ – was waving goodbye and crying.

"I'll see you again, I promise," said the woman in a foreign language. Oddly enough, Rhiannon was able to understand it.

"Okay, mother," Rhiannon wept "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," said the woman. "I love you."

"I love you too, mother."

The vehicle made a loud creaking noise and left the train stop. Rhiannon watched as the woman known as Mother shrank slowly and disappeared into the mass of grieving parents. The child that Rhiannon had taken place of seemed to know that she would never see her mother again. That feeling alone seemed to strike Rhiannon as the most familiar, considering her occupation_. Oh, if only my birth-children felt that way about me,_ she thought to herself upon waking. She didn't particularly enjoy the strange visions that had come to her, but she found that there were few she identified with, so she decided to treasure them, no matter how awful.

There was another one, similar to the first, in a similar cold environment. There was a large, dismal building. She was crammed inside a train car with several others. She realized she was in the body of a young boy, somewhat older than twelve. Her legs were tired and weak and her stomach ached for food. She was cramped because of the several bodies packed tight in that train car. She could hear the wheels of the train rolling over the tracks.

The train car stopped abruptly, causing some to topple over one another. A uniformed man opened the train car and threw everyone out one by one. All the people who had been cramped in train cars were lined up outside in the freezing weather. She (well, "he") was pushed alongside other young men. He turned around frantically, trying to find his mother. Finally, he saw her. She was screaming for her child.

"My son!" she kept calling. "I'll see you again, I promise!"

"Mother!" he screamed. "No!"

The woman, against the orders of a uniformed man, ran to him. The man turned around, screaming at her to return to her line. She refused without responding to him and the man pulled out a pistol, shooting her right in front of her son. The shot echoed throughout the area and the boy went completely mad. He was restrained until he would go back in his line of young men, where they were led into the gates of a dark and dismal place. The gate had a message hanging above them, saying "ARBEIT MACHT FREI". Although Rhiannon wouldn't have known anything in a foreign language, the boy she seemed to be replacing understood it perfectly and read it with dread.

She had had other, happier memories, but she hadn't particularly identified with them, so she was happy to give them back to Emanuel when he came home. With the few painful memories she had had, she started to understand just how deep in grief Emanuel was. She had gone to work alongside Aedan one day and noticed dark bags under his eyes. She assumed he had received an emotionally painful memory.

"Aedan," she asked. "Are you okay?"

He shook his head and moaned. "It's been awful since Not-To-Be-Named was Released."

"Not-To-Be-Named?" Rhiannon asked, rather surprised. "Oh, wow."

They stopped to look at everyone around them, unusually solemn. One nearby young girl was crying and begging for the memory to end. Rhiannon came to her aid and offered to take the memory from her.

"But," she sniffled. "We aren't allowed to touch others outside of our family unit."

"I think, under the circumstances, we can make an exception."

The girl was comforted and Rhiannon told her how to transmit the memory. Rhiannon received a few happy ones and one painful one, relieving the girl of the foreign visions. Pretty soon, many saw the service she was providing and gave her their painful memories. First, it was children who returned the memories. With the influx of memories, Rhiannon started to see the Changes again, changes she only saw when she was pregnant with Jonas. Secretly, she enjoyed receiving the memories and wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to return them to Emanuel. Still, that's what she promised to whoever asked for her help.

Aedan was particularly surprised at her willingness to help others rid themselves of that strange pain.

"Rhiannon," he said to her one day. "Do the odd visions not hurt you?"

"They do, Aedan," she replied. "It's just with being a Birthmother, you witness women lamenting over their lost children when they first get pregnant. That, alone, takes a lot of emotional, well, what's the word? Never mind, you know what I mean."

"I thought only Receivers would understand fully what's in those visions."

"I don't understand fully, Aedan," she explained. "It's just given my experience, I'm able to cope with it a little better than those of other occupations. Birthmothers are surprisingly resilient, you know."

Everyone that came across Rhiannon gave her a newfound respect. On days when Emanuel was in pain and couldn't walk around the community to take back the memories, Rhiannon did it for him. All the Changes she saw were now in her vision permanently. She became a celebrity of sorts and was known as Rhiannon the Resilient. At home, she would transfer all the memories she had received from others back to Emanuel, but vowed to keep at least one sad one. She wanted to understand what was perceived as incomprehensible, so she kept the first two painful memories that had come to her the night Rosemary was Released. She felt a similar feeling of grief over Rosemary as Emanuel had, but soon guessed that Emanuel's grief was far deeper than she could imagine. She wanted so badly to know, simply so she could ease her Spouse's pain.

One night, she and Emanuel lay awake in their room, crying. They simply held each other and Rhiannon was at loss of words.

"Rhiannon," he asked. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" she whispered back, barely awake.

"Help them," he replied. "Why did you take the memories from them? You don't have to."

"I thought it would make the assimilation process more efficient. Some days you can't even come out and I figure, well, I live with you so I can transfer whatever I received throughout the day back to you. It wasn't that hard."

"The assimilation process is almost complete, Rhiannon," he said to her. "I only need to retrieve a few more memories."

"Can I keep one?" she asked. "It doesn't have to be a particularly happy one; I don't even want the happy ones. It's a sad one where a child loses his mother. I know it seems strange that I would want emotional pain, but the memories allow me to see the Changes."

"The Changes?" he asked, sounding somewhat alarmed.

_Rhiannon, you just HAD to open your mouth!_

"It's hard to explain," she said. "They're always in my vision now, but they weren't before. I saw them when I was pregnant with a male, Number 19. They seem to replace the nondescript shade of everything. Please, let me keep that. They're so vibrant; they give me joy."

He sighed, a little surprised that she saw these changes.

"Can you tell me more about them?" he asked.

"I recorded my experience with the Changes in my private journal, back when I was pregnant with Number 19, well, Jonas," she admitted. "I'll allow you to read it, if you'd like to."

He nodded and Rhiannon got her private journal out of a dresser drawer, flipping to the page where she first recorded Change One. Emanuel read it intently and Rhiannon knew he was completely absorbed in her recordings. He finished the part where Rhiannon gave birth to Jonas and placed the notebook beside him.

"Why did you ask to know more, if you don't mind telling me?" Rhiannon asked.

"The Elders," Emanuel whispered. "They saw what you did for the Community. They're trying to find new candidates for the position of the Receiver and one suggested Jonas. Considering what you have done, the Elders are now observing Jonas for the same qualities."

"What do the Changes have to do with it?"

"The Changes you told me about?" he asked. "That's the Capacity to See Beyond. The first time you Saw Beyond was when you were pregnant with Jonas." He then murmured. "I have to tell the Elders of this."

"You think Jonas would have the Capacity to See Beyond?" Rhiannon asked him.

"Yes. Why would the Capacity to See Beyond only come to you when he was inside you?" he replied. "They're monitoring Jonas's behavior. They claim they already see qualities. You probably know this by now, but of all the children, he received the most memories."

"Yes, I know, I had to take them away," she confided. "It was the first time I talked to my son. It's probably the only time I ever will. That's the thing that worries me. He won't remember me."

Emanuel wrapped his arms around Rhiannon, kissing her forehead. She snuggled against him and worried about her son.

"Do you think most of a person's strength is genetic?" Rhiannon asked.

"Possibly, why?"

"Maybe that's why the Elders are paying close attention to Jonas. Maybe strength comes from your biological parents. That could be why Rosemary didn't make it. Her Birthmother wasn't so strong and she had a rather difficult pregnancy, which was why she tried so hard to become stoic. She couldn't stand emotional pain."

"Please," Emanuel cried. "I can't talk about her anymore. The Community depends on me to be strong, with all these memories. I can't fall apart, I _can't!"_

"You don't have to be strong, here, Emmy," she comforted. "Here, when it's just us, you can cry. I won't judge you."

Emanuel spent the night sobbing in Rhiannon's arms while she hoped Jonas would have _some_ fault that would prevent him from becoming a Receiver. Although she barely understood the pain they were subjected to, she saw just what it did to them. First it was Rosemary, now they considered her son.

_Please, no, _she begged the Elders as if they could somehow hear her thoughts. _You took our daughter, please don't take my son._


	11. Rhiannon: Age 40: 43: 44

It had finally hit her. After processing so many memories, she had learned why Emanuel was grieving so heavily over Rosemary, which explained her suspicions surrounding Release. When she had finally fit the pieces of the puzzle together, she had a mix of confusion and fury. The community she helped just recently had lied to her for her entire life. _Why should I bother helping them?_ For some time, she thought about refusing to come to their aid. It wasn't until after a while when she realized that the children – and some adults – hadn't been told, nor will they ever come across the truth until it was their time to die.

She kept the memory of a boy's mother being shot. After her experience, her life felt like a lie and keeping one painful memory made her existence seem more real. As well as enabling her to feel the deep emotion she already had the potential to feel, it allowed her to see the Changes permanently. She still felt an overwhelming sense of betrayal toward the authority figures in her life. She sensed that they had deceived her and she still helped rid the community of their pain. Despite all that she did, the Elders still considered subjecting her only son to a life of pain and loneliness. How was _that_ for compensation?

More often than not, Emanuel would stay in his private Annex, leaving Rhiannon to grieve alone. Sometimes she would go into Rosemary's room and wonder whether or not she should just get rid of everything in there. Most of the time, the sight of the room itself was simply overwhelming and she would break down, crying and telling the thin air before her that she could have been a better mother to Rosemary. Oh, how she wanted to be talking to her and braiding her hair again! If only she had been less immature and more understanding! She couldn't help but think that pretty soon, their daughter will be nothing but a pile of lovely bones forgotten in the community's mass grave. They would be unidentifiable among the mass of remains that were once the respected elderly, defective newborns and criminals.

One night, she mustered up the strength to enter Rosemary's room and stay there, looking through what remained of her daughter's life. In one of the drawers, she found a notebook lying underneath a pile of clothes. She knew she should have sent the clothes back to be recycled, where the identification tag would be removed. The notebook had a page inside it, labeled "private thoughts". Rhiannon was awfully tempted to read it, but instead kissed the cover.

"I'm sorry, Rosie-Mary," she wept in a whisper and placed the notebook into the drawer where she found it, half-dropping it and accidentally flipping to the last page. She read the last note on it.

"I just hope Mother and Father know that I love them."

Rhiannon shoved the notebook back into the drawer, closing the drawer with a loud thud. She looked around, seeing Rosemary's old backpack and thinking of the time when she returned to her own Dwelling for the first time in a while, back when she first had a miscarriage. The feeling of being inside a time capsule was incredibly overwhelming for Rhiannon and she fled to her room to cry.

* * *

For three years, she had a reccurring nightmare. Emanuel would be in a deep structure filled with water, which she had learned was a _well._ It was dark and the water, she assumed, was cold. She would be outside, peering inside the deep well and carrying some sort of light source known as a flashlight, trying to find him. She would hear his cry echo against the dark brick walls, but she wouldn't be able to see him. His cry would soon be shushed by a chant spoken from community members angrily demanding that the pain be removed from their minds. She would be so overwhelmed that she backed up against the brick well and fell inside, hitting the damp sides and receiving several scrapes. It was a long fall and she finally splashed against the water. Disoriented, she scrambled to get to the surface.

She grabbed her flashlight, pointing it up and watching as the heavy lid slid across the top of the well. It made an awful scraping sound against the bricks and she heard a deep thud when it was fully closed, blocking out any light from the outside.

Every sensation in that well was incredibly vivid. She could feel the goose bumps against her wet tunic, her curly hair dripping wet, and the strange feeling of fear. Across from her was Emanuel, who was rapidly aging before her eyes. First, he was the Twelve-year-old version of himself, uncertain of his future and who he was to become. He started aging until he had finished adolescence and resembled the man Emanuel was when they had first applied for Spouses. She felt herself aging alongside him, albeit at a more ordinary rate. His hair started to become gray and he had finished aging up until the point he was in real life. Rhiannon could no longer look at him and felt a hand grab her arm. She gasped and almost jumped back to see a body of a twelve-year-old girl float up to the surface. Rhiannon recognized Rosemary's face and cried.

"You're here with me, Rosie-Mary," she whispered to the pale-faced body she now held in her arms, brushing her wet hair out of her face.

Her nearly transparent face started to disintegrate. The white flesh disappeared, revealing a dark gray skull, which fell back on Rhiannon's arm. Her beautiful hair disappeared and all that was left was an array of bones held together by Rosemary's old tunic and pants. _Just a pile of lovely bones soon to be forgotten._

"Mother?" a boy's voice said.

Rhiannon looked across from her and saw a boy who partially resembled a Twelve-year-old version of Emanuel, but with some of her own facial features. He didn't seem to notice the clad skeleton in her arms and she dropped it, letting it sink slowly back into the cold, dark water, where the body would join the earth once again. Rhiannon looked back at the strange boy, who she seemed to recognize immediately. _My son…_

"Mother?" he asked, shedding a tear.

"Jonas…"

"Don't let me drown, Mother," he begged, his flesh becoming pale and his veins becoming dark and apparent. The dark color of his veins appeared like worms slithering just beneath the surface of soil.

"Don't let me drown," he begged again, hanging on to her. His voice wasn't louder than a whisper, but it seemed like he was screaming. His hand grabbed onto her arm with a tight grip, leaving a dark handprint.

"I won't let you," she whispered, hanging on to him.

A pair of hands belonging to who seemed to be elderly reached out of the water, grabbing onto a twelve-year-old Jonas. The boy scrambled to get a firm grip on his mother, who was struggling to keep the deathly looking child out of the water.

"Jonas!"

"Mother!"

The elderly hands dragged him into the deep abyss, causing Rhiannon to struggle with the boy. She screamed for whoever it was to let go of her only son. The boy that looked so much like Emanuel, yet strangely resembled Rhiannon, let out a cry for his mother until he was completely submerged into the water. She watched as a couple of bubbles rose to the surface, making a soft echo sound in an otherwise silent well. Rhiannon turned around frantically to realize she was completely alone in that dark, desolate well and let out a cry of despair.

* * *

Rhiannon saw Aedan at the Ceremony. He was sitting with Gaelle-Grace, who was watching over Jonas. He was asking if she could _please_ let him sit with Asher and Fiona, his two good friends. She noticed that Jonas was starting to look disturbingly like the boy in her reoccurring nightmare and tried not to focus on it, as the dream made her cringe, at the very least. At most, it would wake her up in the middle of the night and she would cry, soaking her pillow with tears. She couldn't decide whether she should approach Aedan or not and ultimately decided against it. He was too content watching over new-child 23, who she had learned was named Lily. She was a happy child with a rather beautiful name, Rhiannon thought. She would grow up under the care of her childhood friend, so Rhiannon had nothing to worry about. She tried to remember who Lily's Birthmother was, but failed. _Such is life, _she thought to herself and later found Justin.

"Rhiannon the Resilient," Justin said with an odd reverence. "How are you?"

"Oh, um, I'm fine," she lied. "And no one calls me that anymore. How are your children?"

She then joked. "You're not thinking of committing another infraction, are you? You already had a second one just a year after you were Twelve. I was there, at your probation period."

"Oh, wow," he chuckled. "So you _do _remember me."

"And it worries me deeply," she replied. "I actually birthed Emilienne, so you better not be convincing her to break any rules."

Rhiannon looked around, seeing Greger, who was Sigilind's child. He looked startlingly like Asher and Rosemary. _Rosemary. _She turned away from the young, albeit grown man, who was paired up with Safira. Safira looked just like her dear mother Nasrin. She found it strange that Greger and Safira ended up together. She started to wonder about the paths of all her fellow Birthmothers' children, but was soon distracted by Justin's response.

"_You_ birthed Emilienne?" he asked. "Well, that explains her personality."

"How is Phoenix?" she replied.

"Oh, he's doing well," Justin answered. "He keeps getting reprimanded by this boy his age. His name is Pierre. I'm convinced he's doing this to Phoenix because I have a bad record."

"Oh," she said in an understanding tone. "I know what that's like. This boy named Lysander bullied my daughter because of my bad record, not to mention my occupation."

"Your daughter was Ro–" Justin said, catching his mistake. "Not-to-be-Named."

Rhiannon looked down, wishing that everyone would stop seeing her daughter as the ultimate disgrace. If those living here had received the memories and begged for the pain to be taken from them, couldn't they understand the pressure Rosemary held? They didn't even have any heavy responsibilities, not to mention they had each other. Rosemary, had she lived, would have been doomed to a life of loneliness and a heavy burden.

"I'm sorry," Justin said. "It must be very difficult. I've seen what you did for everyone. It surprises me, that you aren't held in the same regard you were three years ago."

"They're just trying to forget," Rhiannon replied. "I still have nightmares."

"I'm sorry."

Even in his numbed state, he seemed to understand. She hoped that his compassion wasn't an illusion and started to wonder about the emotional depth of certain individuals. Why did it seem to appear in the Birthmothers and the punished? The only one individual that had unfathomable emotional depth was the Receiver and even then, it was triggered by painful memories. She wasn't entirely sure what triggered it in Justin, but whatever it was, she hoped to find out what it was. Figuring out that simple yet strangely complex question could help her figure out more secrets that the community kept from her. An overwhelming sense of paranoia struck her, but she pushed aside the thought until later.

"Am I crazy?" she whispered to herself, but Justin seemed to hear it.

"Rhiannon," he whispered back. "I have nightmares too."

She looked up at him with compassionate eyes and he held the same look. There was a strange sense of understanding between them and she tried to search for the right word. _Empathy_, she realized. She thought of holding his hand, but she knew someone would have reprimanded her and she didn't think she could take it emotionally. Justin's hand seemed to search for hers, but she held her hands behind her back and he looked down in dismay.

"I remember, after my second probation period, they made me witness a Release. It was on videotape," he said. "Do you know what Release is?"

"I know it's not going Elsewhere," she said in a quiet voice. "The memories told me. I figured it out on my own."

"They showed it to me because my second transgression was so close to my first. They worried that I would commit another major transgression, so they tried to scare me out of it," he confided. "I can't say it didn't work."

He sighed and Rhiannon guessed that confessing that little secret brought up a lot of emotional turmoil that Justin wasn't ready to understand yet. There was such _confusion_ in his eyes and she wanted nothing more than to place her hand on his cheek to comfort him. Sadly, such a move would have been prohibited.

"It's strange," he said. "I didn't have nightmares about the Release tape until the memories came."

"Let's not talk about the memories," Rhiannon said impatiently. "Everyone else is trying to forget, we might as well do the same."

* * *

Nearly five years after Rosemary's death and Maeve was pregnant. Rhiannon heard from Maeve that the Committee announced a new law surrounding Birthmothers: from now on, all Birthmothers must have their births in three consecutive years. Mattan informed her of a corollary applying to the Birthmothers that had participated in the nearly six-year-long experiment. _Those_ Birthmothers would be watched carefully to see if the drug had worked. For this, Rhiannon was grateful. Her decision to volunteer postponed her life as a Laborer.

Maeve was doing surprisingly well with the baby. Oftentimes, Rhiannon would stay overnight with her sister. It was partially because she cared for her sister, but most of it came from Rhiannon's inability to sleep with a tomb in the middle of her empty house. It reminded her of more pain than the Hospital ever could.

"So would you still plan on naming it either Hildegard or Halden?" Rhiannon asked.

"I don't _plan_ on doing it, but if I had the option, I would," Maeve replied. "Would you still name it Eliot or Evette?"

"Yes," Rhiannon admitted. "I wonder why they haven't used Evette's name for a new-child yet."

Maeve shrugged and rubbed her pregnant belly. Rhiannon saw Maeve jump a little at the feeling of a kick and giggled. Maeve kept staring at her own protruding abdomen while Rhiannon thought of her own previous pregnancies.

"How is this funny to you?" Maeve asked, like she was still a young child.

"Because you're adorable," Rhiannon replied.

"How?"

"You just are, sister," Rhiannon said. "You remind me of myself when I was younger."

Maeve grumbled and sat down on the hospital bed, rubbing her belly and shifting uncomfortably. Rhiannon sat down beside her and planted a kiss on her protruding abdomen, hoping that the child would have a good life. She hoped that the child wouldn't end up a tragedy like her daughter did, with her dying wish being that her parents knew she 'loved' them. She kept wondering what that mysterious L-word meant and her thoughts never ceased to include that detail.

"Maeve," Rhiannon asked. "Do you love me, whatever that means?"

Maeve shot her an odd look. "I know we're only Birthmothers, but we should at least _try_ to be precise in our language. You could ask 'do you enjoy me' or 'are you proud of my accomplishments' or 'do you appreciate our friendship'."

"_No, _Maeve," Rhiannon replied. "I may not know what 'love' means but from where I've heard it, it sure isn't that!"

"Rhi, I don't know what to think of your musings."

"I'm saying that I've never heard it before the Release of Rosemary and I'll do anything to figure out what it means!"

"Not-to-be-Named, Rhiannon," she muttered. "Not-to-be-Named. When will you understand? And why would you want to know, anyway?"

Rhiannon was about to cry, but she tried to hold the tears back when she spoke. "Rosemary–"

"Not-to-be-Named."

"Shut up, Maeve!" Rhiannon replied impatiently. "As I was saying, she wrote her thoughts in a private notebook before she was Released five years ago. I only saw the last page. She wrote that she hoped Emanuel and I knew that she loved us."

"Rhiannon, why is this so important to you?" Maeve asked. "You need to move on. Hanging on to that isn't going to help."

"That's not all, Maeve," she replied. "Remember the influx of memories that happened after her Release? I kept one of them."

"Why would you do that?" Maeve asked with a shocked expression and embraced her older sister. "No wonder you're such a mess!"

"I remember in one of the memories, a mother told her child that she loved her. In the other one, a mother and a son were being placed in this awful confinement camp and it was very cold. I took the place of the son and the mother came running towards me. A uniformed man took out a strange instrument and a small device was shot from it."

"Stop it, Rhiannon," Maeve said. "You need to give this memory back to the Receiver."

"I'm not done!" Rhiannon insisted. "It went through the mother and the boy – I – was hysterical. I don't think anyone in the community would have reacted so strongly the way the boy did in the vision. I think he was that way because he felt love for his mother, whatever love is. I can't sleep at night not knowing what that word means. I _need_ to know, for Rosemary."

"Not-to-be-Named," Maeve said. "We call her this because she caused us an incredible discomfort."

"Stop calling my daughter that!" Rhiannon cried. "You would think that with the influx, you would understand what drove her to Release! At least I'm trying to understand, even if I fail miserably. What's wrong with this community? So much for community! Something bad happens and no one is there for each other. They either withdraw into themselves or search for a scapegoat or a way out. Why bother calling this a community? Taking these visions from them caused me an 'incredible discomfort', but you don't see me refusing to call everyone by their name!"

"Rhiannon, stop it!" Maeve responded with anxiety. "You're causing me anguish. Please, stop it. You're making me uncomfortable. I wish you would let go and return to your life here."

"What life?! We do the same thing until we're Released! Speaking of Release," she muttered. "Haven't you ever wondered what it _really _is?"

"It's applying for Elsewhere, isn't it?"

"No, Maeve, it is NOT applying for Elsewhere. I don't even know if there is an Elsewhere. Hasn't it ever troubled you that throughout your childhood, people you have trusted lied to you? It certainly troubles me. If it weren't for the memories, I wouldn't have learned the truth surrounding Release. Sure, I've had suspicions, but I didn't think it would be so awful that it would drive my own Spouse away from me!"

"Whatever this truth you think you have discovered is, I'm sure there is a good reason behind it. Why would they implement it otherwise?"

Rhiannon was infuriated at her sister. She saw a tray of food placed in front of the Hospital bed and got up, purposely tipping it over to further discomfort Maeve.

"How can you _possibly _be my sister?" Rhiannon asked and when Maeve was about to speak, Rhiannon barked. "Don't answer that!"

With that, she left the room to look after Cara, the Birthmother who was in Rosemary's age group. Cara had just finished her training period and was undergoing her first pregnancy. Rhiannon knew that in only a few years from now, she would become a Laborer.

Rhiannon grew bored of looking after Cara and paced around that Hospital floor, thinking of the implications of her occupation. She would produce babies who would be indoctrinated by the community's lies and when they grew old enough for their occupation, when they found out the truth, they would accept it in their numbed state. Meanwhile, she would remain at the bottom of this invisible hierarchy, laboring for her children who might one day kill her when her time came to be Released. She decided she couldn't bear the thought of producing another child for this community and did something rather radical.

Rhiannon followed Mattan to a private room where Nurses and other authority figures discussed the schedules surrounding the pregnancies of Birthmothers, waiting until the last Nurse left the room and placed the schedules in a filing cabinet. She thought about her history with Mattan and with her old friends. It seemed so precious to her; the strange and funny conversations with Nasrin and Sigilind when they were mere adolescents, the kiss she had with Mattan (not that he was one to return such feelings), and her miscarriage. All of those moments all seemed so far away now and she wanted to return to that time. She noticed Mattan in that room and thought about how much he aged since she first met him. They couldn't be more than ten years apart, or so she thought. When they all left, she looked around to make sure no one was watching and entered the room.

She found the filing cabinet for the Birthmother schedules, searching for the file of papers concerning the experimented Birthmothers. Thumbing through the papers, she found a list of names of Birthmothers alongside their Conception dates. As she poured through the list, she muttered her own name trying to find it. It wasn't particularly difficult, as she was scheduled for Conception by the end of this year. She bit her nails in worry and looked at the list for later dates. She saw a name of a girl she didn't particularly know or have compassion for and looked at her Conception date. It was five years from now and she replaced that name with her own, hoping that her monthly period would cease before she could get pregnant. As soon as the dates were switched, she slipped the folder back in the filing cabinet and left, not sure if she should feel guilty or not.

_If the community is using you, _she thought. _Use them back._

* * *

**Whew! So, what do you think? By the end of this chapter, Jonas is Seven.**

**I got the idea of the dream from a scene in The Ring, where Rachel finds Samara in the well and holds her body, watching it rot. I thought that was a particularly profound scene.**

**What do you anticipate in the later chapters?**


	12. Jonas: Age 15: Part 3

"You're stopping there?" Magdalene asked when Jonas closed the diary. They had read about nearly thirty years of Rhiannon's life, which took quite a bit. By the time they got to the part about Maeve's pregnancy, Magdalene had snuggled close to Jonas.

"It's all I want to read for now," Jonas replied. "It's a lot of information to take in at once."

Magdalene said nothing and nodded, leaving the room. Jonas hoped that Gabriel wouldn't just come in the room hoping to read more of their Birthmother's story. It was confusing for Jonas alone; how would he explain the complicated details to somebody not even five yet? He thumbed over the pages of the diary, which he noticed had a leather cover over it. Where did Rhiannon get the leather cover if it was originally an old notebook?

There were several things that puzzled him. Jonas thought about the experiment that Rhiannon had participated in for nearly six years. Did the drugs have anything to do with Gabriel's developmental difficulties as an infant? The particularly interesting detail about Rhiannon was her deliberate attempt to prevent Gabriel's birth. He reread that part of her diary, realizing that she only tried to prevent his birth for the same reason he fled the community and brought Gabriel: to be spared from the Community. If he had thought that the Community was awful when he first left, then he knew it was incredibly sinister now.

During his lifetime, he never, even _once_, heard the story of Rhiannon the Resilient. None of the elderly he spoke to when he did his volunteering hours ever mentioned it; his parents never brought it up when he asked of the failed Receiver. Then again, he hadn't heard of the failed Receiver before he was nominated during the Ceremony of Twelve, but the fact that the Elders – including The Giver – neglected to tell him about "Rhiannon the Resilient" was incredibly confusing. He wondered just how she – a regular community citizen without _any_ training – mustered up the strength to do what she did after Rosemary's death. The fact that Rhiannon figured out what Release truly was simply from the memories troubled him. Jonas hadn't been able to do that and he had so _many_ of them. She had developed suspicions from the small details that Jonas had always overlooked, but when he thought about those details, he felt like an idiot for not recognizing them. How was she able to surpass him in that way?

What struck him as particularly unusual was Rhiannon's ability to see color. He hadn't seen all the colors until he had acquired very many memories during his training. How was it that, when Jonas was soon to be born, Rhiannon saw fully in color? He flipped to the page in the diary that recorded the frequency of the color sightings, almost giggling at what Rhiannon named the colors. He replaced the names in his head and closed the diary again, peering over to the candle that was lit near Rhiannon's picture.

Jonas's thoughts went back to Gabriel. He could hear the child laughing and assumed he was playing with Ernest and Eleanor, the twins who weren't much older. Jonas heard their mother, Lillian, telling them to go to bed soon and laughed at the thought of trying to control Gabriel. No one bothered coming into his room, which he was grateful for, as his musings could go on uninterrupted.

Jonas couldn't help but think of his Father, who he had come to hate after learning what Release was. He wasn't sure what to think when he reminded himself of the promise Father made to Rhiannon. Was Father's willingness to give Gabriel extra care simply due to not wanting to Release a child that year or was it actually because of that promise he made to Rhiannon long ago? He dismissed the thought when he remembered that after Gabriel's second year in the community, even _Father_ voted for his Release. If he were truly bound by such a promise, he would have done more. _Or would he,_ Jonas thought. _Father was just as bound by the limits of the community as everyone else._

As for Rhiannon's reasons for making Father promise her such a thing, Jonas was particularly surprised. He didn't think that _any_ Birthmother would care for her children, let alone feel what Rhiannon felt towards other people. As he thought about the relationship between his Birthmother and the Giver, he couldn't help but ponder about Rhiannon's emotional capacity, as she obviously wasn't completely numbed. Was she like the Giver and himself, or was she less than the Receivers, yet more than the average citizen? As least he knew where he belonged when it came to emotional capacity; he and the Giver were the most capable of this and the most connected to the past. Even with all he knew, he couldn't really picture what it would be like to be in a permanent limbo, a sort of in-between world. He likened the scale of emotional capacity and understanding in this situation to the growth of an individual human. The community citizens were children in their earliest stages with only the most rudimentary elements of a person. He and the Giver, as he thought of it, were adults. Rhiannon was caught in the throws of adolescence, thrust into elements of the adult world with no way of understanding it beforehand. He started to wonder if Rhiannon had ever felt a deep love for anyone or if she was stuck with the rudimentary elements required to feel it, but could never put the pieces together. If the latter were true, then The Giver must have felt an increased sense of frustration, since he was prohibited from putting those pieces together for her. Jonas would have, too.

Did the Giver love Rhiannon? He guessed so, how could he not? Although the Giver had never lied to him, he also didn't tell anything about his life unless Jonas asked about it. Compared to Rosemary, Rhiannon might not have seemed like a terribly important detail in the Giver's life anyway, when Jonas came along. The Giver said that when he had a family unit of his own, he still lived an incredibly lonely existence, as he could not share any part of himself with them. Their family unit must have been an incredibly unique dynamic by community standards, he thought to himself. Jonas wondered if Rhiannon ever applied for a son.

If only the Giver could see him now, in Elsewhere. Jonas had everything he could possibly want here: a fulfilling life full of color, happiness and love. He knew the Giver would be beside himself here and particularly enjoy seeing Gabe grow. _Funny, _he thought to himself. _Even when I learned his name, I still think of him as the Giver._

Just when Jonas was about to go to sleep, Gabe stood in the doorway, holding a small blanket. He held it up to his chin and swayed his body just a little bit, as children do. Jonas smiled at his little brother, who tiptoed into his room, just in front of the doorpost.

"Jonas," he said. "I had a nightmare."

"Come here, Gabe," Jonas replied.

Gabe trotted to Jonas's bed, climbing up and exhibiting the typical childish clumsiness he always did. Jonas couldn't help but smile as Gabe cuddled up next to him. The little boy tore the blankets out from under the pillow and crawled under them, covering his head.

Jonas peeked underneath the blankets and giggled. "Silly Gabe, what are you doing?"

"Hiding," Gabriel peeped.

"From what?"

Gabe pulled the bed-sheets over him again and Jonas heard soft giggles. The adolescent patted Gabe's back and the little boy wriggled under the covers. Jonas finally crawled under the covers to sleep when Gabe poked his head out. Jonas saw Gabe smile and he knew the little boy was curious about _something_.

"Jonas," Gabe said. "Tell me more about Rhi."

"Okay, Gabe," Jonas said and told Gabriel of their mother, who committed a crime, witnessed births, had and lost a family. Gabe tried to stay awake to the best of his ability, but the pair succumbed to sleep in each other's arms eventually.

* * *

"Jonas!" Gabriel playfully shouted, waking up the poor guy.

Jonas grumbled, barely able to push himself up from being so tired. Gabe kept poking his older brother until he finally sat up in his bed. Even then, Jonas leaned over, placing his hand on his sore neck. Thanks to Gabe, who always positioned himself awkwardly when they slept, this wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

"Jonas?" asked Eleanor, who stood behind the doorpost in his bedroom. "Breakfast is ready."

"I'll be right down," Jonas replied. "Just let me get changed."

Gabriel followed Eleanor downstairs to the table where they had their meals. Jonas closed the door, changing into a new pair of pants and a long-sleeved shirt. After fixing up his bed, he went outside into the hallway. Magdalene, who for once decided to put on pants instead of a dress, greeted him.

"You didn't read any more of her diary without me, didn't you?" Magdalene playfully asked.

Jonas shook his head, his hand on his neck (Gabe has _got_ to learn to sleep in his own room). The girl proceeded down the stairs and Jonas followed her, where their family was waiting for them. Ernest and Eleanor were trying to get Gabriel settled and failed, which made Jonas giggle.

"Two years and you still have trouble with Gabe?" he playfully asked. "He's always been a handful."

The twins enlisted the help of Lillian, who has been more than a good mother to Gabe. Even when Gabe had trouble sleeping at night (which he no longer does, as made evident by Jonas's sore neck), Lillian had the patience to deal with him, even when everyone else had enough. Gabe finally settled down when he was served warm maple oatmeal.

"Oatmeal?" Magdalene asked. "Really, mother?"

"Yes, _really,"_ Lillian replied. "Eat, we have a long day."

"What's going on?" piped Esme.

Jacob wiped his mouth before he explained. "Don't you remember? We're taking a trip to Aunt Robin's this Christmas and New Years."

"Aunt Robin?" Eleanor asked and Ernest echoed her question.

"Don't you remember?" Jacob replied. "Your Aunt Robin and your Uncle Simeon?"

"Of course, they wouldn't, love," Lillian responded. "Remember how young they were when we visited them last?"

"It is a shame," Jacob replied. "that we haven't visited in a while. They have been so busy."

"Don't forget to contact them before we leave," Lillian reminded him. "And confirm our arrangements at the inn."

Jonas had finished half of his meal when he heard that last part. He hadn't been aware that they were going away this year. Last year, they had several family members, including grandparents, come to the house to give each other presents and tell stories. It was a particularly fulfilling memory, seconded only by the memory of first coming here and being discovered. Sadly (and ironically) in the spring, the paternal grandparents had died. He remembered the funeral as if it were yesterday. A rather solemn event, he remembered, and probably one that wouldn't be given to his Birthmother.

"Who're Robin and Simeon?" Jonas asked.

"Robin is Lillian's sister," Jacob answered. "And Simeon is Robin's husband. They didn't come to Christmas last year. You never met them. They have two children, a boy and a girl."

"How old are they?" Jonas asked.

"The boy, Ezekiel, is about nine."

"And a pain in the ass," Magdalene interrupted, having finished her oatmeal.

"Magdalene!"

"But it was still better than when we spent the holidays at Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jonah's place, before Eleanor and Ernest were born. One of our cousins _there_ is a huge brat and there was a drunken man hitting someone else with a funny-looking candleholder. I'll never forget it."

Jonas laughed at the image.

"I'm not finished, Mags," Lillian said, purposely annoying her daughter with the childish nickname. "Anyway, Ezekiel is nine and Lucille is six."

"Lucille was mean to the twins," Esme remembered.

"She's mean?" Eleanor asked. "I don't wanna go then."

"I'm sure she's changed, Ellie," Lillian comforted her. "And we're leaving tonight, so you have the whole day to pack."

Lillian was collecting the finished plates from each person's place at the table and Ernest protested, as he was still eating. Eleanor mocked her twin brother, which resulted in a trivial argument between the two. Lillian had to intervene and the whole scene made Jonas smile. Esme and Magdalene went upstairs to start packing and they undoubtedly had a contest to see who could finish first. Gabriel was still squirming in his seat.

"Mommy," Gabriel asked. "Can I go play?"

Lillian said yes and Gabriel trotted up to his bedroom to play with his numerous toys that Ernest outgrew. Only Jonas and Ernest were left at the table and Lillian took to looking after the rest of the children, so Jacob was the only one in that room.

"Jacob," Jonas asked. "What are we going to do about my Birthmother?"

"You mean the woman outside?" Jacob replied. "Let's hope she's not a icicle, then we figure out what we do."

Jonas and Jacob put on heavy coats and went outside, trying to find Rhiannon's body underneath the additional snow. Jonas wiped his nose several times and Jacob commented on it.

"You look like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer."

"Let's just try to find her."

Jacob trudged in the snow a bit more and huffed, rubbing his arms from the cold. Luckily, it wasn't snowing now, but there was still a lot of snow from last night's blizzard. The light reflecting from the ground was somewhat blinding.

"Where do you think she could– _oof!"_ Jonas said, tripping over something and falling flat on his face. He spat out the snow that accidentally got on his mouth and Jacob rushed to his side.

"Jonas, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Jacob noticed a dark spot near Jonas's foot and started brushing away the snow. Jonas got up and saw what Jacob was doing, brushing away snow alongside him. It was the body of Rhiannon.

"At least she's not completely frozen," Jacob breathed into the chilly air. "I'm thinking cremation."

"Cremation," Jonas repeated, remembering what it was. "And spread the ashes and such?"

Jacob nodded. "Or keep them in a jar. It's not uncommon here. We'll have to bring her inside the garage. With our automobile out, there should be enough room."

"Okay."

Jonas and Jacob tried to dig Rhiannon's body out of the snow and brought her into the garage, waiting for some of the ice to melt.

"I was just thinking," Jacob said. "What if neighbors come by and ask what we're doing with a dead body."

Jonas giggled at his morbid joke. "The truth."

He then sighed. "How long?"

"I'll watch over her," Jacob said. "You go pack for tonight's trip. Lillian will help you."

Jonas trudged inside, unable to stop thinking about Rhiannon. What were her dying wishes, if she had any? Of all the things he could think of, it seemed significant for her story to be told. He would want the same thing, had he known he was going to die. As he went up the stairs, he could hear Gabriel laughing with Ernest and Eleanor as they played with the several toys the twins had received from past celebrations. He started to wonder if Rhiannon would have enjoyed it here too, had she lived. He heard Esme cheer that she beat Magdalene and assumed it was over the packing-contest.

"Oh, hello, Jonas," Lillian said as she nearly bumped into him. "Don't forget, since we're going to Robin and Simeon's, pack some nice clothes. They get rather fancy when it comes to Christmas, I never understood why."

"Who's going to pack for Gabriel?"

"I'll take to that," Lillian laughed. "He can't possibly pack for himself."

Jonas smiled weakly and went to his room, trying to figure out how many days he needed to pack for. He concluded that they would be staying for over a week and dragged a larger suitcase out of his closet, picking out clothes and hoping they would match. If they didn't, Magdalene would never let it go. It didn't take as long as he thought it would and after he finished, he relaxed on the bed and looked at the withered diary once again. He flipped through the pages and noticed some had been ripped out. Whether or not there was a reason for them being missing, he didn't know. Jonas decided not to think about it and kept it partially concealed underneath a pillow.

* * *

Everyone was almost finished packing and the family was about to leave. Jonas was double-checking everything when he wondered whether he should pack the diary in his suitcase or if he should read it on the way to Robin and Simeon's. While Lillian was managing the other children, Jacob knocked on Jonas's door. He turned to acknowledge him with a smile.

"You finished packing yet?" Jacob asked.

Jonas looked at the leather-bound diary in his hands and thought about Rhiannon. Earlier that day, they had a brief "ceremony", where everyone had circled around her and said some words (if they could think of any). The woman looked incredibly gaunt and zombie-like up close, but she still looked better than when she froze to death in the snow. Jonas couldn't cry then. They had later cremated her and placed her ashes in a jar, which was now on a shelf above the fireplace.

"Oh, the diary," Jacob said. "That reminds me of an Oscar Wilde quote. He said, 'I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train'."

"You could say that about this story," Jonas said, gesturing towards the notebook.

* * *

They were all in the car. The parents were taking turns driving and Gabriel was sandwiched between the twins in the back, all in booster seats. Both Magdalene and Jonas wanted to sit by the windows, so Esme sat between them, using a game machine to keep her occupied. Magdalene was reading a magazine through some electronic tablet that Lillian had gotten her last Christmas. Jonas had the diary underneath his jacket.

Everyone was starting to fall asleep. Jonas, however, couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. As he thought about Rhiannon's nightmare in the well, he developed the irrational fear of having a nightmare himself, so he tried his best to stay awake. He started to think about the implications of Rhiannon's dream.

Rhiannon's biggest worry must have been that Jonas would follow the same path as Rosemary. He remembered the chilling detail of Rhiannon's version of Jonas being dragged down by elderly hands. Did they represent the hands of the elders or specifically the Giver? If the latter were true, then Rhiannon must have held The Giver responsible for Rosemary's death. How could she make such a terrible accusation? Then again, The Giver must have felt incredible guilt for the loss of his daughter. The old man must have sensed Rhiannon's suspicions, which must have contributed to the growing rift between the couple. When The Giver had mentioned Jonas being a candidate, the distance must have been beyond repair.

Jonas took out the diary from underneath his jacket, which was quite a maneuver considering the limited space. He started to read.

* * *

**So what do you think? There's going to be more Jonas chapters as well as Rhiannon ones. As for the later chapters, there ARE going to be some character deaths after Jonas leaves the community, so help me decide.**

**Which characters should die (either in the community or when they flee) and which ones flee successfully?**

**A) Aedan/Father**

**B) Emanuel/The Giver**

**C) Gaelle-Grace/Mother**

**D) Asher**

**E) Fiona**

**F) Rhiannon's fellow Birthmothers (****Shelia, Filipa, ****Nasrin, Sigilind, Maeve, C****ara...)**

**G) Other Birthmothers' children**

**H) Any other characters that I failed to mention...**


	13. Rhiannon: Age 45: 46: 49

Emanuel didn't come home anymore and it became apparent that neither Emanuel nor Rhiannon would apply for a son. Even though Rhiannon wanted to, she knew that she wouldn't be able to handle the child on her own. The hypothetical boy would constantly ask where "Father" is and she couldn't think she could answer that type of question. When she finally decided this, she sent in an application for a Dwelling among the Childless Adults. After it had been approved, she was sent instructions as to how to get to her new dwelling. She packed her clothes and went into Rosemary's room one last time. All of the child's clothes had finally been recycled, but she still had the notebook containing Rosemary's private thoughts. Rhiannon hadn't read any of it and she wondered what she would use it for. She decided that Emanuel would gain more closure from it and decided to give it to him before she moved into her new Dwelling.

Rhiannon requested to be released early from her occupation so she could visit Emanuel in his private Annex. Of course, she didn't tell the other Nurses that she left specifically for this purpose. Instead, she told them she needed to leave early so she could move into her new Dwelling. Technically, she didn't lie. She just wanted to visit Emanuel first.

She rode home to pick up the notebook before riding to the Annex placed behind the House of the Old. Placing the bike neatly in the available ports, she trotted to find a room built as an extension to the entire building. She was about to open the door, but saw a buzzer.

"Hello?" asked a female voice.

"This is the Spouse of the Receiver," Rhiannon explained. "I need to give him something."

"Come in."

She opened the door to see a single attendant behind a desk, organizing papers. The attendant looked up at Rhiannon with a polite smile.

"What did you need to give him?"

"This," Rhiannon replied, holding up Rosemary's old notebook.

"Hand it to me and I'll give it to him," the female attendant said politely. "That is all."

Rhiannon hoped she would get to see him personally. It's been such a long time since they saw each other and the woman couldn't possibly imagine how much has changed. The attendant walked up to Rhiannon to take the notebook, but when she grabbed it, Rhiannon refused to let go.

"Is something wrong?"

"I was _hoping_ to talk to the Receiver personally," Rhiannon muttered.

"He's a busy man."

"He's a grieving, lonely man," Rhiannon retorted. "And I want to speak to him personally. I _am_ his Spouse."

The attendant huffed and pushed the button on the speaker. It took a bit of time for Emanuel to respond, but when his voice spoke through the machine, he sounded exhausted.

"Hello, Receiver," the attendant said. "You have a visitor. She insists on speaking to you personally."

"Hey, Emmy," Rhiannon said, specifically using such an informal name to annoy the attendant. "I have something to give you."

Rhiannon heard a soft chuckle from the Speaker. "I'll come outside, Rhi."

She heard a click from the door and saw Emanuel stroll outside. She noticed the Change-full room, but didn't get to see all of it, since Emanuel tried quickly to shut the door. The man winced every time he placed his weight on his left foot.

"You're in pain," Rhiannon pointed out. "Shouldn't you apply for some medication?"

"No."

The attendant returned to her work and Rhiannon held the notebook in front of Emanuel. The seemingly old man took it from her and flipped through the pages, puzzled. Rhiannon stood silently, waiting for a response. Emanuel looked like he was about to cry.

"Why did you give me this?"

"I thought you would want it," Rhiannon replied.

She took it from him and flipped to the last page Rosemary wrote on, handing it back to him and pointing to the last message. _I just hope Mother and Father know that I love them._

"I want to know what this means."

Emanuel sighed. Even the attendant was uncomfortable. For that single moment, tension simply filled up the room until no one could take it. Emanuel closed the notebook.

"I'm sorry," Emanuel said. "I can't tell you. I'm not permitted to."

Rhiannon huffed in frustration. When she looked at the attendant, the nameless woman looked down and Rhiannon sensed that the woman was feeling rather smug. One encounter with her and she already got on her nerves.

"And yet," the old man whispered. "Something tells me you might know already."

"No I don't!" Rhiannon shot accusingly. "Why else would I ask? Did you spontaneously become an idiot?"

"Excuse me!" the attendant shot up. "If you don't show respect to our Receiver, you will promptly leave this facility. If you refuse, you will be removed by force."

"I apologize, Receiver," Rhiannon muttered.

Emanuel placed a hand on her neck and kissed her forehead. She could feel his cheek against her own and placed her hand upon his. Even his touch felt foreign. The way his body seemed like it could fall apart any second frightened her. His physical state simply represented the broken man he was emotionally.

"I love you, Rhiannon."

"I hardly know what that means," Rhiannon replied, letting go of him and leaving the gray room.

* * *

Rhiannon lived in the Dwelling for Childless Adults for almost six months now. She enjoyed the solitude and recalled her moments in an Isolation Dwelling during her probation period. Maeve had her baby, who ended up with the same eyes Rhiannon, Jonas, and the Receiver did. She started to wonder if she and the Receiver were related, somehow. Their Birthmothers were related, perhaps?

It was the day of the Ceremony and she spotted a grown Emilienne with her mother. Phoenix was with his age group, but there was no sign of Justin. She waited around impatiently for a chance to talk to him, wondering where he could be. She spotted Maeve's baby among the Ones and after the babies' ceremony ended, she learned the baby was named Katherine. She watched as the Sevens became Eights. Sigilind's child, Asher, was fidgeting on stage. Jonas and the funny-haired child, Fiona, sat together. She inferred that the two were good friends. _They would be good future Spouses_, she thought to herself.

During the Afternoon Meal, she searched for Justin, but could not find him. She saw Aedan and Gaelle-Grace watching over four-year-old Lily. Jonas must have run off with Asher and Fiona and she smiled when she saw the trio in the distance. She saw Emilienne and Phoenix in the distance as well and approached them.

"I apologize if this is rude," she spoke to the siblings. "But where is your father?"

The pair shifted uncomfortably. Phoenix hid behind Emilienne, who looked at the ground.

"Is something wrong?" Rhiannon asked.

"Justin was Released," Emilienne explained. "On the account of a third infraction."

Rhiannon walked away, remembering the conversation they had about Release. Justin told her he had been scared out of committing another infraction. What could he have possibly done to get in trouble again? She remembered what his face looked like when they had met during her first probation period. He was so mischievous.

She spent the rest of the Ceremony alone. Aedan was happy with his Spouse and family, Justin was dead, Emanuel was away in his private Annex, and she lost her Birthmother friends a long time ago. During that time, she thought about her friendship with Emanuel, back when they were children. He had always seemed different, as far as she recalled. When he was first selected as Receiver, it came as a huge shock to him. When he came to her Ceremony of Twelve, two years later, she saw that he displayed the ability to Hear Beyond. She still had no idea what this was, but gave up on finding out a long time ago. _So many years_, she thought to herself. It felt like just yesterday when she and Emanuel were very young, making up games and playing near the river. During their youth, they had broken minor rules on several occasions. At the time, he acted as an older brother she never had.

Rhiannon returned home and thought about her Conception date, which was three years from now. Sometimes, she would get paranoid that someone had caught her changing the dates in the files. If she were caught, she would certainly be tried for a second infraction and questioned on her actions. Still, a year has passed and no one brought it up.

Night after night, she hoped for the time her periods would stop coming and she would be infertile permanently. Sure, she would be sent off as a Laborer until she was old, but at least she wouldn't give the Community another child before that happened.

When the periods kept coming, however, she started to lose hope. Sometimes she nearly cried herself to sleep.

* * *

"Rhiannon," Mattan greeted her one morning, three years later. "Today is your Conception date."

Rhiannon followed Mattan to the Conception room, almost angry that her plan didn't work. Despite her efforts, she would get pregnant, the baby would be born, and she'll be tossed away. The Conception was quick and she was sent to her room, where another Birthmother was waiting. Maeve had her three children (Rhiannon found it odd that only Katherine had the funny eyes) and was Laboring alongside Nasrin and Sigilind, as far as Rhiannon knew. Cara, a Birthmother she knew, was a Laborer as well. She felt lonely in that room.

A Twelve named Marie was watching over Rhiannon for the duration of her pregnancy. She didn't bother bonding with the girl, so oftentimes the young girl would get restless and bored. Marie much preferred the company of the younger Birthmothers, so Rhiannon entertained herself in solitude. However, the experiment she volunteered herself for must have been causing awful side effects now, because she was having several problems with the pregnancy. Oftentimes, she would be in severe pain. Several nurses watched over her for the duration of her pregnancy and Rhiannon hoped for a miscarriage so she wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. Although she didn't make any deliberate efforts to abort her own pregnancy, she grew depressed and as a result, didn't eat as much. At one point, she lost her appetite so much that the Nurses fed her through IV tubes.

One day, she got a surprise visit from Aedan. She was eating a little bit of normal food when he came by. When Mattan took Aedan to her room, he knocked on the door politely. Rhiannon barely turned her head to acknowledge him.

"She's been very tired," Mattan explained. "She lost her appetite and we have been feeding her through IV tubes. She's eating more and more normal food, so she's getting better."

Aedan thanked the older Nurse and sat by Rhiannon, who finished a cup of custard. She placed the empty cup on the tray to her side and reclined in her hospital bed. Her eyes wandered around the room and eventually focused on Aedan.

"How are you, Rhiannon?" Aedan asked.

"Fine," she replied. "How is Jonas?"

"He's doing very well," Aedan replied. "Did I tell you about the time he crushed his finger in the door last year?"

Rhiannon chuckled weakly. She combed her sweaty hair through her fingers and shifted to her side. Aedan looked at her pregnant stomach and smiled.

"I haven't seen you in a long time, Rhi," Aedan sighed.

"Tell me about your children," Rhiannon said. "How is your Spouse doing?"

"Lily is very talkative," Aedan replied. "Jonas isn't the same way, but he's not incredibly shy either. He's smart, but he doesn't have any definite interests. Gaelle-Grace is dealing with a bit more work than usual. A man named Jake committed his first infraction. She always worries about offenders."

"Jake," whispered Rhiannon. "I knew his Birthmother."

"You probably know _everyone's_ Birthmother."

Rhiannon shook her head. She lied in a supine position and threw her head back in relaxation. The child was kicking inside her, but she was too tired to do anything about it. She just moaned and placed a hand on her protruding abdomen. Aedan remained there, silent while Rhiannon stared at the clock, breathing deeply. Finally, Aedan grabbed another cup of custard and sighed.

"You should eat something."

At some point, Rhiannon was reduced to being spoon-fed. She felt humiliated, but didn't want to do anything, so she allowed it. She could only eat half of the cup before she refused and Aedan placed the cup on the tray to her side. Rhiannon had never felt so weak.

* * *

Rhiannon had been eating lunch with other pregnant, younger Birthmothers. The Nurses thought that she should be in good company, so Rhiannon obliged. A couple of young Birthmothers, Odette and Ilanit, were joking about something a Nurse had said. Ilanit nearly choked on her food when Odette imitated the Nurse. Two other Birthmothers looked at each other quizzically. Rhiannon felt completely out of place here.

"So, Rhiannon," said Odette. "You have any funny stories from your previous years?"

"Not particularly," Rhiannon replied.

"But you've been here the longest," the younger girl responded. "You don't have _any_ stories?"

That was when the group of Birthmothers heard a loud noise and looked out the window. There was a jet flying just above the community and Rhiannon watched with awe. The jet made her think of Rosemary's childhood best friend, Roy, who was a Pilot-in-Training. From what she heard, the training for that took quite some time and wondered if Roy was still in his training period.

A blaring voice came from the speaker, "Immediately! Go to the nearest building and stay there! Leave your bicycles where they are!"

Rhiannon watched as the adults and children rushed to the surrounding buildings in terror. Bikes were toppled over one another, but otherwise, the streets were completely empty. She noticed that one of the hoses near the landscaping area was still running, as whoever was using it had left it behind. The emptiness of the streets haunted her.

The Birthmothers in the same room were biting either their lips or their nails in nervousness. Rhiannon went back to her hospital bed and rested, waiting to see what would happen. The Birthmothers waited anxiously by the window.

By now, the jet had passed over the community twice and left. Rhiannon felt too far away to focus on the situation, but the other girls were clearly anxious. Finally, they heard the voice of the Speaker.

"You may return to your current duties," said the Speaker. "There's nothing to worry about. A Pilot-In-Training named Roy had misread his navigational instructions. Needless to say, he will be Released."

The other Birthmothers sighed in relief and returned to where they were originally sitting. Ilanit and Odette went back to their jokes while the rest listened intently. Rhiannon busied herself with thoughts of Roy and his friendship with Rosemary. Although she forgot most of what Rosemary told her and Emanuel, she remembered that they were best friends. _I guess they'll be together now…_

* * *

Rhiannon had given birth to Number 36. He was unusually small, as Aedan reported to her one day when she was in recovery. It took her longer than usual to recover, so she was relieved that her time as a Laborer somewhat decreased. During their visits, Rhiannon learned that Number 36 wasn't sleeping soundly at night and wasn't growing as quickly as he should. On his last visit with her, he ranted about the incompetence of the Nighttime Nurturing Crew.

"Oh, I don't think Number 36 will get his sleeping problems solved with them watching over him," he complained. "You should see them."

"What will his name be?" Rhiannon asked. "I know you're the type to look."

"I'm not supposed to know ahead of time, Rhi," Aedan said. "I haven't even told my family unit about Number 36, but I'm thinking of taking him home to our Dwelling so he can have better care."

"You didn't answer my question," Rhiannon replied. "It's only a few days before I work as a Laborer and then, I won't be able to see you."

"I checked the naming list," he answered. "His name is to be Gabriel."

* * *

**Now the story finally overlaps with the events in the book... the Released Pilot and the Repeat Offender are both there... Opinions?  
**


	14. Jonas: Age 15: Part 4

"Mmmm, are we there yet?" Esme asked as she barely woke up.

Jonas looked out the window and noticed how different the scenery was. In whatever town they were in, this must have been the wealthier side. There were large houses with snow-covered front lawns. He noticed that the layer of snow over the lawns was thin compared to his new home. After some time, they completely passed the residential area and drove by food markets and small inns.

"No, Esme," Lillian replied. "Still some time."

She closed her eyes and leaned against Magdalene. The older girl shifted and opened her eyes just a little, letting out a soft moan. She gazed outside the window and groaned.

"Still not there yet, I guess," she muttered and fell asleep again.

Jonas looked back at Gabriel and the twins. After just reading about the birth of the little boy, he couldn't help but feel bittersweet. He looked back at the diary and remembered that Rhiannon had once thought about aborting the pregnancy herself to stop the pain. Whenever that thought came, he would switch from one viewpoint to the other. First, he wondered how heartless she could be to want to stop someone from being born. Other times, he wanted to tell her he understood her pain, that he too had wanted to give up and not care about who would get hurt in the process. During those moments, he would feel awful for his previous thoughts of her. Jonas gazed at Gabriel again and was thankful that the circumstances surrounding his own birth and infancy weren't nearly so tragic.

* * *

The first thing Jonas noticed was the fact that he was blindfolded. He raised his left hand to remove the filthy cloth when he realized that his hands were tied together with a dirty rope. Under his feet, he felt soft soil and small rocks. Slowly, he lifted the blindfold and looked up.

It was somewhat dark outside and Jonas couldn't stand up. Frantically, he searched around the pit. Across from him was The Giver, who was blindfolded as well and cowering in the corner of the pit. He noticed the old man's face was incredibly pale.

Jonas looked up from the pit and noticed several angry community members surrounding the edges. He saw familiar faces. Lily was standing still, silently watching. Asher was screaming with the other adults and his parents were staring in confusion. As he kept identifying the faces in the crowd, a path parted. A few adults were carrying a middle-aged woman with frizzy hair, who was struggling to break free. She must have been begging them not to do this, but her words came out in muffled screams through the rag tied around her mouth. When the adults carrying her came to the edge of the pit, they threw her down and Jonas watched her land. He heard the snap of her neck and found himself surrounded with deceased bodies. Finally he looked straight up.

There stood Fiona, who was carrying a shovel of dirt.

"Jonas," she whispered and sprayed the dirt over his face. "Wake up."

Her voice changed as she said it. His eyes were closed again and he opened them slowly, seeing that his hands were free and he was back in the window seat of the automobile.

"Wake up, Jonas," Esme said, shaking him. "We're here."

"Did you have a nightmare, Jonas?" Magdalene asked lightheartedly.

"No, I'm fine."

Jonas opened the car door and slid out carefully, lowering his own seat to unbuckle the younger children out of their seats. Magdalene and Esme helped their parents unpack the bags from the car and carried them inside the inn. Gabriel was still asleep, so Jonas had to carry him in. He wrapped his arms around the boy, making sure the child didn't freeze to death. Although he didn't have to worry about it, he could never stop the habit.

Once they were inside, Jonas left Gabriel to Magdalene, who was relieved to not worry about the rest of the bags. While Jonas took the last few bags out of the car with Jacob, Lillian took to securing the rooms. Jonas realized he left the diary in the car mistakenly and snatched it quickly before they had to go back in the inn.

"You cold, Jonas?" Jacob asked.

"I'm fine," he replied.

Once they entered the inn, Jonas felt significantly warmer. Jacob put an arm around the boy and asked the receptionist where their room is.

"Oh, Jacob," Lillian called to them. "We're here."

Jonas followed Jacob to Lillian's room, where Eleanor and Ernest were resting on one bed. Jonas dragged the bag he carried to one side of the room, which was relatively small. There was another door on the other side of the room, which was slightly open. Magdalene came through it.

"So, what are the sleeping arrangements?" she asked impatiently.

"Your mother and I are staying here with the small children," Jacob answered. "You, Jonas and Esme are staying in that room."

Magdalene groaned.

"You didn't expect to have that room to yourself, did you?" Lillian teased.

"Where do you expect us to change our clothes if we're sharing a room?"

"You have a bathroom, don't you?"

Magdalene rolled her eyes and left to what must have been her bed. Jonas was scanning the floor for the suitcase he packed and Jacob handed it to him. Jonas responded with a silent nod and dragged his bag to his shared room. Once he was there, he plopped it near an empty bed and opened it.

"So who's sleeping with whom?" Magdalene asked Esme. "There's three of us and two beds."

"We're probably sharing beds," Esme replied, to which Magdalene groaned. Jonas didn't pay much attention to their conversation.

"What?" Esme asked again. "Were you hoping to get your own bed?"

"Perhaps," Magdalene replied. "I doubt Jonas would mind sharing a bed with you."

"If it helps," Jonas replied, turning to face them. "I'll sleep on the couch."

Esme chuckled. "Jonas, you don't have to."

Jonas went through his suitcase to find a pair of pajama pants and hid behind one of the beds to change into them. He removed his shirt and straightened his back. Esme and Magdalene both stared.

"Um," Esme giggled. "Do you need a shirt?"

"If this some sort of dirty joke, I don't want any part of it."

Magdalene left to the bathroom to change into her nighttime clothes while Esme settled on the bed opposite Jonas. The room was nice and warm, so the boy climbed into the bed and relaxed. Esme passed out on her bed just when Magdalene came out of the bathroom and the older girl sat beside Jonas, much to his confusion.

"I assume you brought that diary," she whispered. "Did you read any of it during the ride here?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I want to know what I missed."

"You missed the part I read with Gabriel before you decided to look at the story as well," Jonas replied.

"So why did you leave?" Magdalene asked. "I remember you came to us two years ago. You didn't say much."

"Why now?" he replied. "We never got along. Why do you care now?"

"I don't," Magdalene answered. "Not about you. Just about the history."

Jonas chuckled. Magdalene made sure not to touch the boy, but was nevertheless close to him. She turned off the light as not to disturb Esme. Jonas turned to his side and stuffed his face into the pillow.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" Magdalene asked.

"No. I'm tired, go away."

Jonas crawled under the blankets. Magdalene left and Jonas wondered if it was right to shoo her away.

* * *

It was early in the morning and Jonas couldn't sleep. On the nightstand rested the diary of Rhiannon and he grabbed in, opening to the first page. He noticed a pocket in the binding and the note folded inside it. Did he really receive the diary just less than forty-eight hours ago? He remembered the note that first told him she was his Birthmother and that the community was completely destroyed. For the first time ever, he felt horrible regret.

He noticed another piece of paper hidden in that pocket and took it out, looking at the date of it. Jonas realized this page was written when Rhiannon was just a Ten. The Giver, at the time, was just selected as the Receiver. He squinted to read it in the dim light.

_"Emmy became The Receiver today. The Elders told him he would face 'indescribable physical pain'. Also, there were a couple things that people had to have in order to become Receivers. They said that he would always be alone. Isolation, they said. They said he could Hear Beyond. I can't stop wondering what that is. I don't want him to be alone. He's my best friend. People are treating him differently. I'm not going to do that, because he's my best friend, and doing that to him is just mean. He wouldn't do that to me, if I were him. I told him this. I want to play imaginary games with him by the river, but I don't think he'll have time to do that anymore. I don't want him to be The Receiver."_

Jonas thought back to when he was first Selected and naively thought that things would never change between him and his best friends. If only he had someone the way Emanuel had Rhiannon. Jonas started to wonder if either Fiona or Asher thought of making a promise the way Rhiannon did and doubted it. Jonas put the folded paper back in the pocket and picked up where he left off.

_"I didn't see Gabriel today, at the Ceremony…"_


	15. Rhiannon: Age 50

Rhiannon didn't see Gabriel at the Ceremony. She saw Aedan riding to the Nursery with her last child that morning and at first worried that he would be labeled Inadequate and Released. However, when the Ceremony was being set up, she spoke to Aedan, who told her he was under a special care unit and was given an additional year. Rhiannon smiled, knowing Aedan was keeping his promise after all these years. She found a spot in the Auditorium and nearly slept her way through the Ceremony. After spending a few months as a Laborer, she always felt exhausted.

However, during the Ceremony of Twelve, she paid close attention. Rhiannon noticed Jonas among the rest of the Elevens and watched as the first child was given her occupation. Madeline, the first child, was to be a Fish Hatchery Attendant. The second child, Inger, was assigned Birthmother. _It's a shame we'll never work together, _Rhiannon thought to herself. _A__lthough you'll make plenty of friends._

She listened to Asher's childhood story, which everyone laughed at. He was known for his lack of language precision and coordination, so sometimes Rhiannon would pity him. She heard the story of Asher confusing "snack" with "smack" and receiving several whips from the discipline wand for it. Although others found it humorous, she was disgusted by the story. He was finally assigned Assistant Recreation Director and Rhiannon smiled.

She saw the other children being given various assignments, such as Engineer, Rehabilitation Doctor (which, of course, belonged to a boy named Benjamin), and Sanitation Laborer. The entire first row of children was cleared and Rhiannon started to pay closer attention. She noticed the girl with the funny hair sitting next to Jonas getting up to receive her Assignment.

"Caretaker of the Old," the speaker said. "Thank you for your childhood."

"Number 20, Pierre," the speaker spoke again.

Rhiannon noticed Jonas hadn't been called up. The boy was fidgeting from nervousness as Pierre received the assignment of Security Guard and Law Enforcer. The second row, aside from Jonas, was cleared out and Rhiannon imagined the other two times a child was forgotten on stage.

Her mind flashed back to when she was just a Ten and her best friend was alone on the stage, as Jonas was now. Emanuel had been fretting until the Speaker called him up to the front, announcing his Selection and talking of his ability to Hear Beyond. She remembered the promise she made to him as a child, not knowing then that she could never keep it.

Her mind fast-forwarded to ten years ago, when Rosemary had faced the same gut-wrenching process. Every detail of her, from the way her eyes stared into the crowd with confusion to the way Rosemary sensed Rhiannon's confusion, flooded into her memory. Rhiannon kept rubbing her hands in anxiety, rocking slightly in her chair.

_No, no, _she almost whispered. _Not my son, no, no, no…_

Even the details of the horrid recurring dream she used to have came back. The version of Jonas on stage now matched the boy in her dream exactly, everything from his facial features to the way his eyes seemed to read one's mind. Even the mannerisms were identical. The last part of the horrific dream replayed in her head.

_Rhiannon looked back at the strange boy, who she seemed to recognize immediately. _My son…

_"Mother?" he asked, shedding a tear._

_"Jonas…"_

_"Don't let me drown, Mother," he begged, his flesh becoming pale and his veins becoming dark and apparent. The dark color of his veins appeared like worms slithering just beneath the surface of soil._

_"Don't let me drown," he begged again, hanging on to her. His voice wasn't louder than a whisper, but it seemed like he was screaming. His hand grabbed onto her arm with a tight grip, leaving a dark handprint._

_"I won't let you," she whispered, hanging on to him._

_A pair of hands belonging to who seemed to be elderly reached out of the water, grabbing onto a twelve-year-old Jonas. The boy scrambled to get a firm grip on his mother, who was struggling to keep the deathly looking child out of the water._

_"Jonas!"_

_"Mother!"_

_The elderly hands dragged him into the deep abyss, causing Rhiannon to struggle with the boy. She screamed for whoever it was to let go of her only son while the boy screamed for his mother until he was completely submerged into the water. She watched as a couple of bubbles rose to the surface, making a soft echo sound in an otherwise silent well. Rhiannon turned around frantically to realize she was completely alone in that dark, desolate well and let out a cry of despair._

As the entire stage was cleared, except for Jonas, Rhiannon rocked more quickly now and was struggling not to cry. Jonas was called to the front of the stage and walked there uncomfortably. The audience heard an Elder say an apology to the crowd and then another one directed to Jonas. Rhiannon noticed Emanuel sitting closer to the stage, looking at Jonas intently. When she thought about the details of the dream, she realized that the hands pulling Jonas down didn't represent the Elders as a whole, but Emanuel specifically. She felt a surge of anger towards her former Spouse, even though deep down she knew there wasn't much of a choice. _Someone_ had to be the next Receiver.

Rhiannon listened as the Elder spoke of the failure just a decade before and how it had caused everyone a "terrible discomfort". Although Rhiannon was never one to be particularly precise about language, she knew "discomfort" was too weak of a word to describe everyone's pain. The crowd shuddered at the thought, but no one looked at Rhiannon in recognition. The Elder spoke of how there could never be such a mistake again and that no one doubted Jonas's potential for even a moment. _Oh, why couldn't there be just one thing wrong with you, Jonas?_

The Elder spoke again. "And finally, Jonas, thank you for your childhood."

Rhiannon could only watch as the Elder left Jonas alone on the stage and the crowd started whispering his name. The whisper rose to a normal speaking voice and soon escalated into a loud, jovial chant that could have resembled worship. Rhiannon snuck out of the Auditorium, making sure that no one had paid attention to her absence. Once she had left, she felt the urge to scream. She was in the exact same spot that she stood in almost four decades ago, when she first jumped on her Assignment Folder. Rhiannon half-expected Emanuel to come out of the Auditorium to comfort her, just as he had when she turned Twelve. She felt like a helpless child all over again.

* * *

**So I finally wrote about Jonas's Selection. It appears I'll have to write a few chapters documenting Jonas's year as The Receiver from Rhiannon's POV, so can you help me pick out a few events from the book or other incidents?**

**I'm definitely going to use the Unscheduled Holiday, but there will probably be other instances where Rhiannon might see Jonas limping or something while doing Labor.**


	16. Rhiannon: Age 50: Part 2

Rhiannon was lucky. Instead of being tied down to one Laboring job, she had opportunities to work in several lower-level fields. It made her think of the times she spent during her four years of volunteering as a child, although there was less of a choice now. She didn't have the option of choosing just exactly where she spent her time, but she was offered the choice of being either a Laborer in a specific field or a freelance Laborer, assigned to any job any day. She chose the latter.

She rarely saw the Ex-Birthmothers she was familiar with, but she was informed of their whereabouts. Shelia had recently entered the House of the Old, Fillipa was Released a few years ago (which explained the naming of a newchild Philippa just a year back), Nasrin worked in Sanitation, Maeve worked in Landscaping, and Sigilind worked in Food Production constantly. She found the mother of the Fiona, who she learned was named Scarlet. Scarlet was a freelance worker as well, so Rhiannon frequently labored alongside her. One day, while picking up leftover food from everyone's doorstep, Scarlet and Rhiannon started talking about their childhood.

"I often skipped days when it came to volunteering," Scarlet confided. "I didn't enjoy many of the day jobs."

"I only skipped some volunteering days because I would sometimes spend the day with one of my closest friends and he didn't get any hours of Recreation after his Ceremony of Twelve. He and I were Spouses, once."

"I hope you don't mind, Rhiannon, but can I ask you a personal question?"

"I don't mind," Rhiannon said as she picked up leftovers from one of the Isolation Dwellings.

"I heard your Spouse was the Receiver," Scarlet said. "What was that like?"

"What do you mean?"

The booming voice from the Speaker announced curfew, with the exception of those involved in Nighttime jobs. Rhiannon smiled a little at the announcement and felt a little special when she thought of a rule not applying to her. She looked at Scarlet, who must have held the same thoughts, for she too was smiling.

"He works alone, I heard," Scarlet explained. "And from the last Ceremony, I heard that Receivers face indescribable pain. Did that change the dynamic of the household?"

"I guess so," Rhiannon replied, walking to the next Isolation Dwelling and picking up food to be dumped in her trash-bag. "Sometimes he would be right next to me, but a part of him seemed to be elsewhere."

"Did you have children?" she asked.

"Not-to-Be-Named," Rhiannon answered. "We had no children before or after her."

"Oh," Scarlet said quietly.

Rhiannon looked up at an Isolation Dwelling that Scarlet was collecting food from and sighed. She gazed at the small house and started to wonder who was serving their probation period now. Soon, she started to think of Justin, who was Released five years ago, and the moments they shared during their punishment.

"I stayed here once," Rhiannon said, pointing to the house. "When I committed my first infraction. So, Scarlet, do you have any children?"

"Yes," she replied, "Leonard is grown now and he is a Nurturer. Tanya is a Ten."

"I always wanted a son."

"Why didn't you apply for one?"

Rhiannon thought back to when Rosemary applied for Release and how Emanuel grieved alone. The man would go to the Annex constantly, withdrawing from everyone. It became evident to Rhiannon that she couldn't raise a son alone, so she never applied.

"It's a complicated story."

* * *

A month or so passed since the last Ceremony and Rhiannon was just about done with her Laboring hours that day. Her job caused her to go home late on certain days, so she would sometimes obtain a note from the Department of Labor stating why she would be out after curfew, in the event that a Security Guard caught her. She felt a special privilege and smiled as she was on her way home. She decided to take the long way home, passing by the House of the Old and thinking of Emanuel. Rhiannon hoped that whatever made Rosemary apply for Release wouldn't happen to Jonas. She thought of Emanuel and Jonas bonding like father and son and smiled. That is, until she saw the boy limping.

She was about to leave when she saw her child pushing his bike and noticed that every time he put pressure on one of his legs, he winced. Although she couldn't see anything wrong with the leg, she assumed that it was from his training. Her heart sank. She knew she couldn't help him, so she rode home in silence.

* * *

Sometimes she would get jobs involving Maintenance and Landscaping. On those days, she would sometimes see her sister Maeve, but they wouldn't say a word to each other. Some of these jobs took place near the school she used to attend, so she would sometimes see the children go out for Recreation time. During these times, she would notice Fiona, Asher and Jonas playing together. However, as the time passed, Rhiannon started to see Jonas becoming more distant from them. When this occurred, she saw a bit of Emanuel in Jonas and this worried her. She started to wonder if Fiona and Jonas had a similar relationship that she and Emanuel had as children. If so, then Jonas must have felt the longing for Fiona that Emanuel did for Rhiannon. Rhiannon even felt the occasional urge to tell Fiona to be good to Jonas, that he may "love" her, and to be there for him. When she realized she had no way of changing their relationship, she would sigh and mourn before returning to work.

After those days, when she rode home, she would think of the last time she visited Emanuel. She gave him Rosemary's journal five years ago and wondered if he ever read it. That last note her daughter wrote still puzzled her sometimes.

_I just hope Mother and Father know that I love them._

As she rode home, she started to wish that Emanuel still lived with her so she could wake up in the morning and share her dreams. She missed those moments occurring years ago, when she would wake up and notice Emanuel snuggling closely, refusing to let her go. She would giggle and he would show her slight hints of affection. They would remain there until they absolutely had to leave. Even though the Elders, Emanuel included, had condemned Jonas to a life of loneliness, she thought of her own past with the Receiver and hoped that Jonas could have someone to "love" and for that person to feel the same way for him.

_Feel the same way for him…_

As she arrived home and parked the bike neatly in its port, she grew puzzled by her own thoughts. That last notion echoed in her head and her memory jumped back to that visit with Emanuel, when he held her close and told her words she would never hear from anyone else.

_I love you, Rhiannon._

She placed her right hand on the upper part of her left arm, trying to mimic the feeling of being held as she walked inside her room. Those four words repeated in her head and she closed the door, skipping the Evening Meal delivered to her Dwelling. She left the delivered meal outside and went to her bedroom, crawling under the covers and holding herself, trying to bring herself back to those moments years ago. Rhiannon remembered when Emanuel admitted to thinking that she already knew what love was. She regretted calling him an idiot, as she realized he had every right to have such a suspicion. Once she held that thought, she started to think that maybe he was right. No wonder he could finally say those words, which she replayed in her head again.

_I love you, Rhiannon._

"I think I love you too, Emmy," she whispered to herself, not even aware that those words even escaped her mouth.


	17. Jonas: Age 15: Part 5

_She loved him!_

That was by far the most shocking thing he had read in her diary. The thought of a regular community citizen learning to love was, at the very least, unsettling. At most, it was the most confusing and earth-shattering revelation possible. She saw Jonas alone, knowing he wanted someone to love. Jonas knew that Rhiannon couldn't have just gone up to him and neglected her daily duties, but he wished now that she had at least talked to him. He flipped back some pages documenting the time after Rosemary's suicide, reading a scribbled sentence near the bottom of the page.

"_I fear that my son won't remember me."_

_I'm sorry, Mother,_ he almost whispered and turned the pages back to where he stopped before. Jonas read over that part where Rhiannon admitted to thinking that she loved The Giver. He started to wonder if The Giver knew Rhiannon's thoughts at that point in time, but he understood that the old man wanted nothing more than love. Jonas couldn't have yearned for anything more, back when he was still in the community. He tried to get inside his Birthmother's head and understand her frustration when she couldn't change his relationship with Fiona and failed. Tired, he set the diary aside and fell asleep.

* * *

"Oh my god!" Lillian said frantically, "We forgot to buy presents!"

It was the later part of the morning when the realization came to the woman. They were all eating food at a local diner when she reminded the family of their holiday obligation. Eleanor and Ernest were busy playing food games with Gabriel, which left Jacob, Magdalene, Esme, and Jonas to listen to Lillian rant on how stupid she was to forget such a thing.

"Can't you just give them money?" Magdalene asked sarcastically, "It's not like they'll like our presents anyway. Just give them the means to buy their own crap."

"Magdalene," Lillian cocked her head and gave a stern look, "You know better."

"Why don't you contact Auntie Robin?" Esme suggested, "Ask her what Ezekiel and Lucille like?"

Lillian smiled sweetly, suggesting that they go to the nearest mall (which will no doubt be busy, as Magdalene pointed out) once they drop off the little ones back at the inn. Jacob was the first to ask who would stay with them, which Esme volunteered herself for. Both Magdalene and Jonas offered to help with picking out presents, but Jonas knew that Magdalene would have wanted to pick out a dress or two for herself. He tried to imagine her patiently picking out a gift for Ezekiel and Lucille, but then thought, "Who am I kidding?"

They drove back to the inn and Jacob and Esme helped the little ones out of the car. Lillian watched the five of them walk through the doors of the inn and drove off with Magdalene and Jonas in the backseat. She turned on the heater in the car and turned the switch on the radio. Every channel featured Christmas carols.

"Mother?" Magdalene asked, "Will I be able to buy something there?"

Lillian sighed, "Need I remind you that we're shopping for your cousins?"

"I know," Magdalene whined, "But I forgot to pack something nice to wear."

Jonas knew she was lying. He had seen her unpack her suitcase, which came equipped with at least three different dresses and a pair of shoes to go with each. She also had packed two different coats for said dresses and even more casual sweaters to go with her everyday clothes. He watched as Lillian chuckled.

"No, you didn't. I know you, you _never_ forget that sort of thing."

"Perhaps a necklace or something?"

Jonas chuckled as he listened to a song on the radio that caught his attention. Pretty soon, Magdalene noticed the lyrics too.

"Oh, god, not this," Magdalene complained, "Mom and Dad sang this all the time one year. It creeped me out."

"How could this song 'creep you out'? I think it's nice," said Jonas.

_"__I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside – I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside – This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in – So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice – My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry – My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar – So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry – Well maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour."_

"It sounds like date rape," Magdalene joked.

"You're sick."

Jonas hummed and occasionally snapped his fingers to the song, much to the annoyance of Magdalene (and the delight of Lillian). After some time, Magdalene begged her mom to change it. Lillian finally gave him, giggling when she turned it to a Jewish prayer station.

"Seriously, Mother?"

"Fine, I'll change it."

"And now," said the radio, "Even though this isn't necessarily something for the holidays, I'd like to introduce a Jewish prayer. Mah Tovu."

Jonas heard the tune and insisted they keep it on this channel. It was a soft tune and the man singing it had a deep, rhythmic voice. He wondered if The Giver had any memories of prayer and assumed he probably did. Jonas remembered telling The Giver that he wanted him to keep those memories for when he left.

"_Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. __Va'ani beh rov hasdekha, avo veytekha,_ _Eshta haveh el hekhal kodshekha beh yir'atekha. __Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. __Adonai ahavti meh-on beitekha, umeh-kom mishkan ke-vodekha, mishkan ke-vodekha._ _Va'ani eshtahaveh v'ekhra'a._ _Evrekha lifnei Adonai osi. __Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. __Va'ani t'filati leh-kha Adonai et ratzon._ _Elohim b'rov hasdekha, Elohim b'rov hasdekha, aneini b'emet yish'ekha. __Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el. Mah tovu, mah tovu, oh halekha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisra'el…"_

"What the hell does this crap mean?" Magdalene asked.

"I'm surprised you care, Magdalene," Jonas replied, "I'm genuinely curious. It sounds nice."

As if someone had come down to grant Jonas's wish, the man on the radio started to interview the man who sang the prayer, asking for the meaning. Although Jonas hadn't been paying full attention to further interpretation given by the singing man, he learned the basic meaning:

_How lovely are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel! As for me, O God abounding in grace, I enter your house to worship with awe in Your sacred place. I love your house, Eternal One, the dwelling-place of Your glory_

"Jacob," he muttered the name under his breath.

His mind raced to that moment two years ago, when he was freezing in the snow and the man had brought them inside when Jonas thought he and Gabe were both about to die. Since then, he had learned a little bit about the culture of that area and what God was and although he didn't particularly believe in it before, the idea of someone deliberately bringing him to a family like Jacob's seemed comforting. A permanent guardian, he thought, but why would that deity watch after some and abandon others? He pushed the thought aside as they arrived at the incredibly busy mall. It was a miracle that they found parking.

"How long do you think we'll be here?" Magdalene asked.

"How am I supposed to know?" Lillian replied, "We'll get back when we get back."

Jonas and Magdalene followed Lillian inside the store, where Jonas was still amazed by the decorations in the store windows. There was a Christmas tree in the center of the walkway and little jingling bells hanging near the benches. Soft music played throughout the structure and children laughed with their parents. A couple of young lovers here and there, admiring whatever there was, some old couples, and a little bit of everyone was here. Even a couple of men with top hats, suits and strings of curly hair hanging from their sideburns were walking around, one holding a brand new candle-holder with eight lower slots and one higher one. It was warm in the building and Jonas unzipped his thick jacket.

"One thing's for sure," Lillian said, "We're definitely going to a toy store for Ezekiel. As for Lucille, perhaps a dress."

When they arrived at the toy store department, Jonas marveled at all the little knick-knacks. There was a nutcracker that he admired and he kept flipping the lever that opened the thing's mouth, smiling. Jonas almost got left behind until he heard Magdalene's sudden voice.

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer," she joked.

He turned around and saw Magdalene smiling. The toy was still in his hand when she popped out at him with a smirk. She took the toy and raised an eyebrow.

"Jonas, you are such a child," she smirked, "I'll buy it for you. That way, you can't say I didn't give you anything."

"And since when are you nice to me?" Jonas asked, "What happened to the version of you that got mad when something spilled on your new dress?"

"That's still me," Magdalene answered, "Don't think there's no strings attached with this deal."

Jonas watched Magdalene pay for the nutcracker and handed it back to him. The adolescent boy kept playing with the lever, watching the mouth open and close with a childlike glee. Magdalene rolled her eyes and walked on, trying to find her mother. Jonas followed close behind, still playing with the new toy when they found Lillian looking at an electronic device for games. Jonas hardly knew what to think of it, but Magdalene just approved of it so they could get out of there. Lillian bought the device, wrapped and all, and they left to a little dress shop for Lucille's present. There, Magdalene looked at little pieces of jewelry near the cash register. Jonas helped Lillian pick out a dress, not that he knew the first thing about little girl's dresses. He had lived with four females for two years and still hadn't gleaned enough to know what was considered fashionable.

"Does Lucille like red?" Jonas asked when he saw a simple dress with beading at the top, "All I know is it's a Christmas color."

"I don't know," she replied, "Last time we saw them was the Christmas before you came."

"Oh."

Jonas spent the time at the mall idly watching while Lillian kept trying to decide between two dresses. She finally picked a white and blue one and went to the cash register. Lillian caught Magdalene admiring jewelry and rolled her eyes.

"I told you, I brought jewelry for this Christmas," she huffed.

They got the dress boxed and wrapped before leaving the mall. While Magdalene was finally relieved to have left the mall, Jonas couldn't stop thinking of all the blinking decorations in there. They had looked so beautiful. He wondered how many other places had blinking decorations like that, adorning the entire building and bringing it to life.

They entered the car and Lillian turned on the radio. Magdalene was grateful that it wasn't a channel featuring holiday songs, so she didn't complain and Jonas nearly fell asleep. If it weren't for Magdalene, he actually would have.

For some reason, Jonas had hoped that he would hear "Mah Tovu" again, but they arrived at the inn already. He carried in the two presents in addition to his wooden toy while Lillian walked ahead and Magdalene trailed behind. When they walked in, Gabe hugged Jonas's leg.

"Gabe!" Jonas chuckled, "You are too silly."

"What are those?"

"These are for Ezekiel and Lucille," he explained, "They're our cousins."

"Oh," Gabe said, disappointed.

"Don't worry, Gabe," said Lillian, picking up the little boy, "When we go to the Christmas party, they'll have presents waiting for us."

"Okay," said Gabe, who wriggled out of her arms and dropped to the floor, crawling to the twins. They ended up playing a wrestling game with Eleanor and Gabriel ganging up on Ernest. Ernest kept laughing while his twin sister and adoptive little brother were lying on top of his stomach, so no one put a stop to it. Jonas put the presents down in the room he and the older sisters shared. Esme had been preoccupied with a book she was reading for school.

"Magdalene wasn't too awful at the mall, was she?" Esme asked Jonas.

"She got me this," Jonas said, pulling out the wooden Christmas toy.

"I'm not _all_ bad," Magdalene teased Esme, "It's only when people bother me."

Jonas left the two girls to themselves and sat down on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. He kept pulling the level on the nutcracker, watching it change in front of him. Sometimes, when he did this, he thought of the time he asked The Giver to tell of his favorite memory – the Christmas memory. He only had a wisp of the memory now, which kept making him wonder what happened to his old mentor. The old man had told him that once he was done helping the community, he wanted to be with his daughter, Rosemary. If The Giver had died, then he got his wish. He felt a strange emptiness inside him when he thought about it.

The two older girls ended their mini quarrel and turned around to see Jonas solemnly staring upward.

"What's wrong, Jonas?" Esme asked.

Jonas turned his head and shrugged. While Magdalene looked at the dresses she carefully hung up in the room's small closet, Esme remained on the bed, looking at his seemingly forlorn visage. Jonas smiled weakly, but Esme wasn't convinced. She got up from her bed and held his hand for only a moment. Her thumb traveled slowly up and down one of his fingers, which made Jonas smile a little. Neither one looked at each other, so she let go, proceeding to read her book again. Jonas saw the cover and noticed it was in a different language.

He picked up the diary and read again.

* * *

**As for the Mah Tovu prayer, the "kh" sounds like saying "h" while clearing your throat. As for the tune, go on youtube and search up "Mah Tovu" "Danny Maseng". He is the cantor at a school I used to attend in Hollywood.**

**As for the other Christmas song, it's called "Baby it's cold outside".**

**Only one community person will escape the community alive and be featured in the later chapters. Decide:**

**A) Emanuel/The Giver**

**B) Aedan/Father**

**C) Gaelle-Grace/Mother**

**D) Lily**

**E) Asher**

**F) Fiona**


	18. Rhiannon: Age 50: Part 3

Rhiannon had more than once seen Jonas strolling along the river during the beginning of the year. He would pace by it a couple of times, stop, stare into the distance, and repeat the cycle. Sometimes she wondered whether or not she should talk to him, but when she gazed at some space for too long, a Labor Supervisor told her to get back to work. Scarlet would often work alongside her and catch her gazing at Jonas from a distance. At first, Scarlet would often ask if there was something wrong. Rhiannon would look back at a confused Scarlet, unable to explain.

Once again, while they worked alongside the Landscape Crew, Rhiannon saw Jonas walking along the river and staring out contemplatively. She saw the boy turn around with a forlorn expression and turned away, knowing she could do nothing to help him. Scarlet caught her once again and came up behind her.

"Is something wrong?" Scarlet asked. "This often happens. There's something you're not telling me."

Scarlet looked in the same direction Rhiannon was and noticed Jonas walking along the river, finding ways to occupy his time. They both noticed that the boy would occasionally look behind him to glance at the Community, but Rhiannon doubted that he saw either of them.

"Why do you keep looking at the Receiver-In-Training?" Scarlet finally asked.

Rhiannon sighed. "He is my Birth-child."

Scarlet reacted with awe. "You're his Birthmother?"

Rhiannon nodded and placed a hand over her abdomen, fully remembering her pregnancy with him. She remembered when Scarlet was wailing in pain just outside her hospital room, warning her that her time to give labor was soon to come. It was difficult for her to think that it happened nearly twelve years ago, back when Rosemary was still alive and complaining about a haircut. Every time Rhiannon thought about Rosemary and Jonas, she wondered what allowed Emanuel to choose them. If he had undergone indescribable pain, why would he choose his own daughter of all people to deal with the same process? The same thought tortured her now and Scarlet registered the pained expression on Rhiannon's face.

"Our birth-children know each other, Scarlet," Rhiannon pointed out. "I sometimes see them playing together, Fiona and Jonas."

Scarlet smiled weakly and continued working. They worked side by side every day and Rhiannon hoped to hang on to this friendship, but like so many other bonds, she expected this one to slip from her hands, rendering her to an existence of loneliness.

* * *

"Attention!" said the speaker from the device on her wall. "Today has been declared an Unscheduled Holiday!"

Rhiannon smiled. She was glad that she didn't have to work today. Now that she had a full day of leisure hours, she started thinking of ways to spend them. No doubt would she try to contact Scarlet today. Rhiannon started fantasizing about meeting up with her near the river and spending the day the way she used to with Emanuel.

_Emanuel_…

Rhiannon realized she hadn't talked to him in half a decade. What would she say if she saw him today? She wasn't sure she _had_ anything left to say to him, other than angry words of betrayal. Ever since she saw Jonas standing alone on stage at the Ceremony of Twelve, she never forgave him. She might have loved him, but that didn't mean she wasn't angry.

She finished her morning meal and biked past the School and Recreation Center, where she saw Asher and some others making a game of Goods Guys, Bad Guys. She used to play the same game with Emanuel when they were younger, but after his selection, Emanuel developed a strange aversion to the game. He never told her why, so she brushed it off and never thought about it again.

She stopped by the Nurturing Center to see if Aedan was still there. She hadn't spoken to him since her pregnancy with Gabriel, so she hadn't had the chance to know how the child was doing. When she parked her bike in front of the Hospital, she immediately entered the Nursery and saw Aedan caring for little Gabe, who was happily shaking a rattle. Other Nurturers were caring for the little ones, despite having a day off. She didn't recognize any of the little babies, nor was she familiar with the Birthmothers.

"Oh, Rhiannon," Aedan cheerfully greeted when he saw her. "I haven't seen you in months."

"How is he doing?" Rhiannon asked.

"Oh, this little one," Aedan said affectionately. "He's growing like he should be now. Before, he had a slow growth rate. He still doesn't sleep at night, though. I'm worried."

"How's your family?"

"Good," Aedan replied. "Well, except for the fact that little Gabe here keeps us up."

"Both of our children grew fond of the little guy," he added cheerfully.

Rhiannon took a good look at the baby, who was dozing off now. She saw a sliver of his Change-Five eyes before he fell asleep with the toy in his hand. A little bit of curly hair was growing and his cheeks were flushed. He was wrapped snuggly in a warm blanket and Aedan set him down in a crib, tickling the child's cheek.

"So how is laboring?" Aedan asked.

"It's not so bad," Rhiannon answered. "I'm a freelance laborer. I often work alongside a woman named Scarlet. Did you know she is Fiona's Birthmother? I wonder where she is right now."

Rhiannon tugged her own curls, watching them bounce as she used to when she was a child. Aedan chuckled at her little game, likely due to nostalgia. She looked at him and smiled.

"I remember I used to do that with your hair, when we were children."

"That was such a long time ago. We're fifty now."

"_Fifty?_" Aedan asked. "How do you keep track of your age?"

"I keep a journal with the date and year. That's how I know. I guess I'll see you later."

Rhiannon set out to find Scarlet. First, she searched the Plaza. She searched various volunteering locations, such as the Recreation Center, Rehabilitation Center and the Delivery Units. When she rode past the Recreation Center, she noticed that the Good Guys, Bad Guys game was no longer taking place and the children occupied themselves with other things. She rode past a Storage Building when she noticed her son.

Jonas was hiding behind the Storage Building, sobbing.

She took one step forward before she asked herself if she could really help him. Whatever he was crying about, it might be something only Receivers could understand, and yet again she condemned her former Spouse for subjecting her son to this sort of life. Her eyes soon felt heavy.

"Rhiannon," shouted Scarlet from behind. "There you are!"

Rhiannon turned around and smiled at Scarlet, who was holding her bike in place. The younger, funny-haired woman stood hopefully and Rhiannon looked back at Jonas, who was rocking and crying. She realized there was nothing she could do and turned away, approaching Scarlet.

"Hi, Scarlet," she greeted. "Where do you want to go first?"

"I want to visit the House of the Old," said Scarlet.

They visited the House of the Old, where anyone willing to volunteer was gladly accepted. One of the workers was leading recreational games for the elderly in one room. In another, volunteers were bathing a group of the old. Scarlet and Rhiannon headed to a room where the elderly were fed. Rhiannon scanned the room for familiar faces and saw the nametags of two people she knew. Her parents.

"I'm going to talk to that woman," Scarlet said, pointing to the right side of the room. "Maybe we can meet up sometime during the Afternoon Meal."

"Sure," said Rhiannon, who just moments later sat by her parents.

She read the nametags of her parents, who were eating some bland porridge with a side of mashed fruit. The man's nametag read Savely. The woman, who sat two seats away from him, had the nametag that read Carlota. _Mother and Father…_

"Hello, Mother," she said to Carlota. "Remember me?"

The old woman looked up in shock. Rhiannon smiled at Carlota and waved. She looked at Savely, who was nearly finished with his meal. He was just about to get up when Rhiannon decided to catch him by surprise.

"Father, won't you sit with Mother and I?" Rhiannon asked.

Savely turned around to face Rhiannon with the same shock that Carlota did. Slowly, he chose a seat beside Carlota. He didn't bother exchanging glances with his former Spouse, which didn't surprise Rhiannon at all. They both looked at Rhiannon as if she was a complete stranger.

"I'd like to ask you how you've been doing," she said. "I have a lot to tell you."

"Oh," Savely chuckled. "You probably remember that long experiment with the fertility drugs. A woman named Yoshiko took over when I retired."

"I was one of the few volunteers," Rhiannon said. "And yes, I remember Yoshiko. She was in my age group when we were children. How is life here, for you two?"

"Oh, it's wonderful," Carlota said enthusiastically. "After a life of hard work, living here feels rewarding. It's a gift for a life well-lived."

"I had a Spouse and a daughter," Rhiannon said. "His name was Emanuel."

"The Receiver?" said both parents. "The man training an apprentice?"

"I birthed the apprentice."

"Who was your daughter?" asked Savely.

"Not-to-be-Named," answered Rhiannon. "She was Released, don't you remember? It was then when I learned what happens behind that special door, Mother. You can't expect me to believe that the little door that doesn't even lead out will show people Elsewhere. Why did you lie to me?"

Both parents were tense now. Rhiannon glared at the both of them and Savely got up to leave. Carlota and Rhiannon remained. Tension filled the room, or so it seemed, as Carlota became increasingly fidgety. The younger woman looked around the room, wondering who else she could talk to. It was clear she couldn't talk to Mother anymore.

"Forget it," said Rhiannon, who left and thought of other things.

She looked around, thinking of when she and her parents once lived under the same roof. They had pretended to be proud of her when she received the assignment of Birthmother. Speaking of Birthmothers…

She found it odd that both she and her biological sister were assigned Birthmothers. They both had Change-Five eyes, which she guessed bore some relevance to the Receiver, since he had the same eyes. Rhiannon had the feeling that the Elders specifically assigned her to be a Birthmother so she could spawn a candidate for the position of Receiver. She thought of Maeve and her only funny-eyed child, Katherine and wondered if the little Six would end up as a Birthmother like herself. Rhiannon tried to remember the name of her own Birthmother when an elderly woman walked into the room. Of all the features that stood out, her bright eyes fascinated Rhiannon the most. She approached the old woman, who seemed to recognize her immediately.

Rhiannon saw the nametag. She whispered "Aerona" and the woman smiled, inviting her to sit down with her. Rhiannon saw that Aerona's thin, wiry mane sported tiny hairs and a small spot near the edge of Aerona's left iris was dark. _Multi-change_, Rhiannon thought. She felt comfortable with her Birthmother in front of her and suddenly, she found herself overwhelmed with curiosity.

"I hoped you would find me," said Aerona. "I wondered if I would ever see my children."

"How did you react when you got assigned Birthmother?" asked Rhiannon. "I remember when I was Twelve, I stomped on my folder."

"I didn't have a Ceremony of Twelve," said Aerona.

"What do you mean? _Everyone_ has a Ceremony of Twelve."

"Everyone born here has a Ceremony of Twelve."

Rhiannon was shocked. She had never heard of someone from Elsewhere coming here. No one came here. Everyone "went Elsewhere", or so she had been told for a good portion of her life. Whatever Aerona had to tell her, it would explain a whole lot.

"You're not from here?" she asked.

Aerona shook her head and continued. "I came from… Elsewhere. There was, hmm, hardship there. There was nothing for me, so I thought of fleeing to these communities. This one, the Head Community, was the closest. I was eighteen when I fled. When I came, I was brought to a Council of Elders."

Aerona sighed, stirring her soup. "I waited for one of my children to come to me for a long time. I had three children, one boy and two girls."

"What happened when you were brought before the Council?" Rhiannon asked.

"I had no place to go. When I fled my old home, this seemed like a blissful haven. I sat before a group of Elders, but there was one who was the most significant."

"The Receiver of Memory," said Rhiannon. "The one who trained the mentor of my son?"

"Yes. The other Elders had never seen a newcomer flee to their community, so they asked the Receiver what to do with me. I remember, he came into the room and everyone stood. His eyes were pained. I'll never forget the way he looked at me when the Elders told him of a young woman from Elsewhere. It was pure awe, pure wonder."

"He let you stay?" asked Rhiannon. "What was transitioning like?"

Aerona smiled at the recollection. She ate a bit of her soup and pushed it to the side, tapping her fingers. Rhiannon couldn't help but feel absolutely fascinated by her Birthmother's story.

"It was strange. The Receiver had to help the Elders create a new schedule for me. Two years of schooling and volunteering. That was it."

"What was _that_ Receiver like?"

"He was a wonderful man," said Aerona. "His name was Jasper. I remember the kindness he showed me. He understood so much. We grew to be very close."

"How did you end up as a Birthmother?"

Aerona sighed and fidgeted with her fingers, frowning. Rhiannon sensed something was wrong, that the story behind the answer to her question was a painful one. She felt guilty for asking, but was overwhelmed by curiosity anyway.

"During the two years of schooling, I struggled. Once those years were over, Jasper took me to his private room and told me that no matter my skill level, no matter my intelligence, the Elders chose my assignment."

"Why was it fixed?" asked Rhiannon.

"First thing you need to know is that potential Receivers are marked. Part of it is from the genes. Did you notice that both Receivers have light eyes?"

"Yes."

"Jasper had the same eyes. If the Receiver's Birthmother had a female child with those eyes, she would end up as Birthmother, no matter what her aptitude was. Problem was, Jasper's Birthmother had only boys. Sure, males could easily provide genetic material to impregnate a current Birthmother with."

"But they couldn't, could they?" said Rhiannon. "Was there something wrong with the brothers?"

"Jasper did some research on his brothers. One was Released as a baby. The other had committed three infractions. Jasper couldn't. He was so aged. There were too many risks."

"So they chose you," Rhiannon replied. "all for the hope of spawning the next Receiver?"

"Yes. It worked. I birthed Jasper's apprentice."

Rhiannon was shocked. In all her life, she never suspected this. She never thought that it was even possible. Now it all seemed to make sense.

"Emanuel is my _birth-brother?_" she asked, surprised. "Yeah, right. I highly doubt that the Elders would assign birth-siblings as Spouses."

Now it was Aerona's turn to be shocked. "You were Spouses. You didn't feel… _that_ for each other, did you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, before coming to a sudden realization. "You mean Stirrings, don't you? I – I…"

"Oh, oh my, you did," Aerona huffed, half muttering to herself. "You did, oh no. How could this happen? Oh, why? You didn't _do_ anything, did you? Well, no, you can't do anything – never mind!"

"You said that if a Receiver's Birthmother had a female child, she would end up as a Birthmother as well. Is that why I ended up with that occupation?"

Aerona nodded and looked away. Rhiannon felt as if whatever was holding her up left her body and she was left with a deep pit in her chest. No matter her aptitude, no matter her intelligence, she would have been a Birthmother. That same thing happened to Maeve and to Maeve's daughter as well. Did Emanuel know any of this? Rhiannon had the feeling that Aerona was ashamed of her.

"Yes. Same reason your sister is a Birthmother too."

"Maeve."

"You two were assigned in hopes that one of you would birth the next Receiver," said Aerona. "Although some females do end up with that honorable title."

"Not-to-be-Named," said Rhiannon. "She was our daughter. I knew her Birthmother, it was a difficult pregnancy."

Aerona smiled at her response. She set aside her meal, telling a caretaker that she was no longer hungry, and twirled her fine hair. Rhiannon found it odd that Emanuel must look older than his own Birthmother. Everything about him now seemed all the more confusing. Their childhood, their adolescence, their Spouse-hood; she started to wonder if that, too, was a calculated move. Why was she paired with that man?

"I remember you came by to help these people," said Aerona. "That was when I knew who you were, who your children will be. I knew you were my true daughter."

"Aerona," said Rhiannon. "I remember there was one thing that Not-to-be-Named had written in her diary and something that Emanuel had told me once, five years ago."

Aerona paid close attention to Rhiannon's words. "She wrote that she hoped Emanuel and I knew that she loved us. I asked him what it meant; he refused to tell me on the basis that I might already know. I know it's not something people have here, otherwise I would have known what it was. Then, he – he told me he loved me. What does that mean?"

Both Rhiannon and Aerona were on the verge of crying. They could both see it in each other's eyes and Aerona held Rhiannon's hand tightly. Rhiannon's other hand grabbed Aerona's and the old woman smiled, shedding a single tear. It was too much for the both of them.

"It's a strong feeling of caring for someone. You would do anything for that person to be happy; you wouldn't dare thinking of betraying them. If something had happened to them, say a Release, you would be devastated. You want nothing more than for them to be happy and have a good life and you hope that they feel the same for you. It's one of the strongest things we can feel." Aerona sighed. "I hope that explains it."

"Do you feel love for anyone?"

She nodded. "Even though I never knew my children, I loved them. I love you."

They were both silent. Rhiannon thought about what Aerona described and knew that was exactly what she had felt for her sons, for her dead daughter, and for her only brother. She wondered if Birthmothers felt that when they were separated from their children, if the emotion was something that lasted forever, and if that's what the Pill eliminated, among other things.

Rhiannon burst into tears.

* * *

For the next few months, Scarlet noticed something was off with Rhiannon. The light-eyed woman was unusually quiet and sulky. Although they worked alongside each other every day, she hardly exchanged words with her anymore. Rhiannon would sometimes stop working completely and be harshly chastised by a Supervisor, but she wouldn't find it in herself to keep working.

"Rhiannon, what are you doing?" Scarlet asked. "The Supervisor will chastise you again."

"I don't care!" she snapped.

Sometimes that was the extent of their dialogue and other times, Rhiannon would ignore Scarlet completely. There was a growing tension between them and Rhiannon knew the path their bond would take. It would slip from her hands, just as the rest had, and she would be alone.

* * *

It was December, two weeks before the Ceremony. Rhiannon had come across Aedan that day on the way to work. She hadn't intended to run into him, but she wasn't paying attention when she rode her bike and nearly crashed into him. She noticed Gabriel was in the child seat.

"Oh, wow, I nearly knocked you over," Rhiannon chuckled when she saw Aedan. "How's the little boy doing?"

"He _was_ doing well when he slept in our Dwelling. We kept him in Jonas's room and he slept soundly. When he sleeps at the Nurturing Center, oh!" said Aedan. "The Night Crew has so much trouble with him. We kept him at the Center last night and they were frazzled."

"Is he going to be Released this year?"

"We're voting on it today," Aedan sighed. "I did everything I could."

In a more cheerful tone, he added. "I'm taking the little guy on a bike ride. He enjoys it."

Rhiannon thought about what Aedan had said. Will he vote for Gabriel's Release? She guessed he wouldn't, as he _did_ make her that promise. Everyone else would, though; she knew that for a fact. Aedan did everything he could, and that was enough. Still, one of her children was already Released, so she wasn't sure if she could take another. She kept hoping that Gabriel would be given another chance.

However, another part of her knew there was nothing left for Gabriel.


	19. Rhiannon: Age 50: Part 4

"RECEIVER-IN-TRAINING," blared the speaker, "REPORT TO YOUR FAMILY UNIT IMMEDIATELY!"

The warning had woken Rhiannon. She started to fret over the child and wondered what could have possibly happened to him. Did he commit an infraction? She hurried to change her clothes and rush out the door when she heard yet another command.

"JONAS, NUMBER 1219, RECEIVER-IN-TRAINING, REPORT TO YOUR FAMILY UNIT IMMEDIATELY! BRING NEWCHILD 01-36 WITH YOU!"

_Gabriel_…

Rhiannon rushed outside, using her bicycle to race to Aedan's Dwelling and saw his family in a distraught state. The door was wide open, Lily was calling out her brother's name, Gaelle-Grace was cursing her son for being gone and Aedan was combing his fingers through his hair, muttering quietly. Rhiannon made eye contact with Aedan and rushed to him.

"What happened to Jonas?" she asked.

"We – we, we woke up and we found Jonas and Gabe gone!" Aedan said, "I'm so _angry_ and worried! Gabe was supposed to be Released this morning, where are they?"

"Released?"Rhiannon cried, "_Released?_ Did Jonas know this?"

"Yes."

It all seemed to make sense now. Emanuel's grief over Rosemary's death, her own worry over her children's well being, Jonas in all his painful solitude. She heard once that Jonas had stayed away for "additional training" and Aedan had told Rhiannon that her son had become more distant from him ever since. She wondered if that had anything to do with it.

"Oh, no wonder," Rhiannon replied, "That's why Jonas left. He wants to save Gabriel."

"What? I don't understand."

"He loves Gabe. He doesn't want him to die!"

"Rhiannon, what are you talking about?" Aedan asked and the rest of his family had heard their conversation, "Love is an obsolete word and no one says 'die' anymore…"

She wanted to explode, to punch his face until he bled, to scream at him, just _something_ to release her anger. However, Rhiannon knew she couldn't do any of that or she wouldn't be heard. She tried to contain herself. Lily stared at Rhiannon and Gaelle-Grace held Lily's hand. The two females were both very confused.

"Not to him, that's not true!" she started to weep, "Love and death are very real to him. They're real to his mentor and they're real to me. No wonder he left, no wonder! You know what, go ahead and dismiss my reasoning. I'm going to speak to his mentor and find out more. Aedan, if you want to know too, then follow me. If not, then join your Spouse and daughter to condemn him when it's undeserved."

She mounted her bicycle and started to ride to the private Annex when Aedan called after her. She turned around and saw him getting on his bike.

"Rhiannon, wait!"

Rhiannon waited for him and they rode together to the Annex behind the House of the Old. In the streets, Rhiannon saw distraught citizens murmuring to each other, wondering what happened. When Aedan and Rhiannon zoomed past, they attracted the attention of every man, woman and child. She could feel their gaze burn through her as she rode and she occasionally looked back to see if Aedan was keeping up.

They finally arrived and Aedan noticed the buzzer next to the door. He pressed it.

"Hello?"

"This is Number 50-23 and Number 50-24," said Rhiannon, "Rhiannon and Aedan."

"I apologize," said the Attendant, "but you are not authorized to enter these grounds."

Aedan shuffled uncomfortably and nodded towards Rhiannon, suggesting that they leave to find Jonas. Rhiannon refused to leave and when he noticed Aedan pacing towards his bicycle, she grabbed his sleeve. He pressed the buzzer again.

"Rhiannon, talk–"

She turned the doorknob, shoving it wide open angrily. Aedan nervously followed her inside, looking at the impatient attendant. The Attendant glared at Rhiannon, who huffed as she confidently stood before her. The Attendant stood up and confronted Rhiannon.

"Excuse me, Rhiannon, but you are unauthorized to be here."

"Listen, lady!" Rhiannon shouted angrily, "He and I both need to speak to the Receiver about the whereabouts of Jonas and Newchild 01-36. I just might know a little something about the two and will withhold what I know until I'm permitted to speak to him. If you want to listen to our conversation, then by all means, join us. If you deny me what I want, you will never know what happened to our Receiver-In-Training. Need I remind you of what happened to _Rosemary_ over ten years ago?"

The Attendant and Aedan were shocked by the mention of Rosemary. Rhiannon stood there, out of breath, her finger pointing at the Attendant. The woman before her gulped and pressed the speaker in order to communicate to the Receiver.

"Receiver, sir," said the Attendant, "A man and a woman demand that they speak to you about the matter of the Receiver-In-Training's whereabouts."

"Who are they?" asked the Receiver.

"It's Rhiannon," said the curly-haired woman, "I'm with Jonas's father. I'm not leaving until I speak to you and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

"Rhiannon!" said the Attendant, "Show some respect."

Rhiannon wanted nothing more than to rip that woman's head off. Her hand fell on the locked door in a fist. Aedan shuffled nervously and the Attendant was tense.

"Excuse me, Attendant, are you exactly in the position to negotiate?" asked Rhiannon.

A weary voice came from the speaker in almost a whisper, "Let them in my private room, miss. You may supervise the meeting."

The Attendant pressed a button to unlock the door and the trio entered the luxurious room. The Receiver was resting on his bed, holding his leg and his face somewhat contorted. Rhiannon caught his attention and he ceased this habit, yet his visage held the same expression.

"Remember me?" she asked, "I'm your Spouse. Did you know I'm also your Birth-sister? I found that out less than a few months ago."

The Receiver's expression changed from pained to surprised. Aedan and the Attendant politely stood before him while Rhiannon obnoxiously plopped herself on a cushioned chair, running her fingers over some books. She took one out, suddenly curious, and skimmed through the pages.

"Rhiannon, put the book down, you aren't allowed to have access to such material," the Attendant instructed.

"Fine."

Rhiannon threw the book across the room and watched it land beside The Receiver, the pages becoming bent due to the way it landed. She reclined in the seat and glared at the aged man.

"Why are you being like this?" said The Receiver not in an angry tone, but in a pained and concerned voice. Rhiannon noticed just how patient he was being with her, despite her anger and behavior. She felt a little guilty and calmed down.

"My two sons are missing," she said, shedding a tear, "Jonas knew Gabriel was going to be Released this morning. He knows the truth, otherwise he wouldn't have fled and taken the baby."

"Oh, wow, he – he left," said the old man and whispered, "It's too soon."

"What?" asked Aedan, "What do you mean by 'it's too soon'? I don't understand. Did you know he was going to leave?"

"No."

"Don't lie," Rhiannon said, "I know you're allowed to lie, but I demand the truth. This is my son we're talking about. Aedan's, too."

The Receiver shifted his head to gaze at Rhiannon, who glared at him bitterly. He didn't shy away; rather, he looked somewhat compassionate. The older man got up and shuffled weakly, placing a hand on Rhiannon's head. She slapped his hand away and The Receiver looked away, rubbing his hand to soothe the sting of the slap. Neither Aedan nor the Attendant could understand why Rhiannon was being so cruel.

"Yes, I did know. I knew he was going to flee. He voiced concerns about wanting the community to change, so they could all understood pain and love. I, naturally, felt the same way. I didn't know he would flee so early, with the New-child, no less."

Aedan fidgeted where he stood, "Why would he care for the Release of the child so much that he would take him when he left?"

"You idiot!" cried Rhiannon, "He loved the child. You can't love someone and not care when they die!"

"Rhiannon!" replied Aedan, who was interrupted.

"She's right," said The Receiver, "I showed Jonas a tape of the Release process, to be specific, the one featuring you and the twin male. He was devastated and angry. It took a long time to get him to quiet down, he was shouting so much. Even when I finally got the boy quiet, he kept sobbing. He begged me not to force him to go home that night, Aedan. Jonas couldn't even look at you. I've never seen such rage before. That's when he decided he wanted to flee."

"I… I still don't understand," said Aedan, sounding ashamed, "I apologize, for not understanding."

"It's not your fault, Aedan, you couldn't if you tried."

"He fled the community," the Attendant said and left hurriedly. What she was up to, the other three weren't sure. The Receiver politely asked Aedan to take a seat and he did as instructed. The old man took the book and fixed the pages, placing it back on the bookshelf. A silence hung in the air, eating away at the trio. It lasted for several minutes, interrupted only by the sound of The Receiver suddenly being overcome by pain.

"Are you all right, sir?" asked Aedan, "Should I request some medication for you?"

"No, I'm not allowed to, anyway," said the old man, wincing and holding his leg.

"I must confess something," whispered Aedan, "I voted for the Release of the New-Child."

"What?" asked Rhiannon, "Why would you do that? You promised me you would do anything to keep my children from Release. Years ago, you promised me this!"

"I had to, Rhiannon," retorted Aedan, "I knew he wouldn't live well here. Even if I voted against it, everyone was for it and he would be Released anyway."

"That doesn't mean he had to die! No wonder my son hates you!"

"Your son?" replied Aedan, "He lived in my Dwelling."

"That doesn't make you his true father!" she screamed and sobbed, "You never loved him. He came to you every day and you never loved him, not like I did! And I could never hold him and comfort him. You had the opportunity and you turned your back on him!"

"I'm leaving," Aedan stated, "I won't be yelled at and I have to return to my family."

Aedan left the room and Rhiannon was sobbing on the floor, cowering in front of the bookshelf. The Receiver came to her and held her, rubbing his hand on her back in attempt to comfort her. She let her face fall on his shoulder and he shushed her affectionately.

"I'm here, Rhi," he whispered, "I'm here, my love."

"What if they're dead?" she cried.

"I doubt that," he said, "He must have left last night, he couldn't have gone far."

"Why did you let him flee?" she cried.

"Because he wanted to change the community. I warned him that if he left and the memories came back, it would be worse than ten years ago. Rosemary had only some weeks worth of memories; Jonas has a year. Still, Jonas insisted that the community needed to be changed, that the burden of the Receiver be shared."

"Oh," she said softly, "I understand that part. I remember ten years ago, everyone panicked but you and I."

"He wanted me to come with him, he said that we didn't have to care about the rest. That sounds a little like you, actually," he chuckled weakly, "I told him they would destroy themselves. They would need my help in coping. If I helped them, the change he wanted for the community could happen."

"You sent him to die?" she asked angrily.

"What, no!" he replied quickly, "He doesn't have to die for the memories to be left behind. He just has to not be _here_."

"What made you so confident that these community people could cope?" asked Rhiannon.

"I think of you and I know strength could be found in some," he replied, "It _has_ to be. I can't imagine what would happen if it didn't work."

"I'm not one of them, Emmy," she said, "Neither are you and neither are Jonas and Gabriel."

"What do you mean? Emotion-wise?"

"No," she said, "I mean genetically, and not just light eyes. Our Birthmother – well, ask her yourself. Her name is Aerona. She'll be willing to tell you everything, in case you don't know. It's how I found out you were my brother."

Rhiannon got up and left to see the entire community in panic.

* * *

"Jonas left?" Rhiannon kept hearing, "How could he?"

Many others kept asking why he left and where he could be. Everyone kept asking each other how they knew this and where they heard it. Some claimed that a friend of theirs told them, others claimed it was family members, and a few claimed they heard it from Jonas's family, but only his family claimed to have heard it from Aedan. Everyone was distraught and finally a voice from the Speaker came.

"Attention. We are aware that Jonas and New-child 01-36 are missing. Planes are being sent out to locate them. While we do this, return to your civil activities and do not panic."

Rhiannon had run into Scarlet during their laboring period. The two hadn't exchanged words the entire day, yet Rhiannon could hear the murmurs of the other laborers. Apparently, everyone knew who she was now, especially in terms of her relation to Jonas, and that she knew about Jonas's whereabouts before everyone else. Rumor had it that she was hiding something, which was only confirmed when Rhiannon refused to answer any questions. She couldn't possibly explain anything to the community folk, so she was glad to keep quiet.

* * *

It was the day of the Ceremony. For the past fourteen days, the Speaker would announce the fact that planes were sent out to find Jonas and for the past fourteen nights, the Speaker would announce that they have failed yet again. Slowly, the community started to lose hope that Jonas would be found and rumors started to spread that what happened ten years ago would happen again. Whenever Rhiannon heard this, she smirked and when she held this expression, others suspected her of withholding knowledge useful in the situation. Thus, everyone became contemptuous toward her, that is, until someone mentioned what she did for the community ten years ago. Rhiannon wasn't sure who brought it up, but when this was mentioned, everyone gained hope that even if Jonas was gone, chaos wouldn't descend upon them.

After the Ceremony of Twelve, the Elders all stood on stage to deliver a speech. She noticed that The Receiver wasn't there and assumed he must have been in pain today. The community citizens were tense, as the Elders had never made a speech following the Ceremony of Twelve. They all knew something was wrong.

"As you know," said one Elder, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has left us two weeks ago and taken New-Child 02-36 with him. Daily, we send out planes, to no avail."

_He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, _Rhiannon thought, _this is just like Rosemary._ She fidgeted nervously, hoping they wouldn't further condemn her son. It was painful when they condemned Rosemary. She couldn't imagine what she would feel when they talked about her son.

"It is now evident that he may not be found," said the Elder, "and what happened ten years ago could happen again."

The entire community gasped. Rhiannon couldn't find the words to describe the awful feeling that consumed every member of the audience. She noticed the way they murmured with each other, the uneasy mannerisms, and the gasps of breath that made their way into the short moments between whispers. Finally, the Elder spoke again.

"We are conducting a rush Selection," said the Elder, "However, there is no guarantee of success. We had no doubts with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the time of his Selection, and he failed. In the event that we fail to find an apprentice for The Receiver, we will call all relatives to maintain order in the midst of pain and chaos."

All relatives? Did she mean the descendants of Aerona? Rhiannon shifted uncomfortably in her seat, scared of what was to come. She heard more murmurs before another Elder stood beside the speaking one. He cleared his throat and spoke, taking the place of the female Elder.

"We request the following relatives of The Receiver to come to the stage. Number 73-51, Aerona, Birthmother of The Receiver. The first Child of Elsewhere to live in the community."

The woman with the fine, wiry, curly hair and the oddly tinted eyes slowly helped herself to the stage. The Elders came to her assistance as she walked to the speaking Elder's side. She shivered on the stage.

"Number 50-23, Rhiannon, Birth-sister and former Spouse of The Receiver, Birthmother of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Otherwise known as Rhiannon the Resilient."

Rhiannon slowly trudged up the stairs, gulping. She saw the numerous pairs of eyes gaze at her in wonder and suspicion as she walked on the stage. There, she stood by Aerona and the other Elders, who gave her a reassuring smile. The Elder spoke again.

"Number 33-13, Maeve, Birth-sister of The Receiver, assigned Birthmother."

Maeve timidly trotted up the stage and stood by Rhiannon, whom she hadn't spoken to in years. They didn't even look at each other. The audience paid close attention to the women on stage and Rhiannon wanted to shrink from the crowd and find her son. She wanted to tell him he didn't have to be alone, he didn't have to run away, and there was a better way.

"Number 19-37, Emilienne, Birth-child of Rhiannon, assigned Assistant Food Production Supervisor."

She came up on the stage, just as the others hand. Despite the child's dark eyes, she was being called up, which struck Rhiannon as odd. She hadn't thought much of Emilienne as she did with Jonas and Gabriel. Now that she stood by Maeve in front of everyone, she thought of the twin child as a stranger.

"If and only if we fail to find He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or fail to select a new apprentice for our Receiver, the burden falls on each of you to assist us in maintaining order," said a female Elder.

"Aerona," said a male Elder, "We have chosen you because you are a child of Elsewhere. You are the Birthmother of our Receiver and we hope to see the appropriate qualities. You are the carrier of the genes needed for the creation of a Receiver."

"Rhiannon," said another Elder, "We have chosen you because we have observed your actions nearly eleven years ago, when Not-To-Be-Named had failed us. We know it must have caused you incredible discomfort, yet you assisted us in assimilating the terrible visions. In the event of a failure, we hope you can find it in yourself to summon up the courage for the good of the community."

"Maeve, Emilienne," said a third Elder, "We have chosen you merely due to your genetic relation to the Receiver and to our other Chosen Ones. In such an event, we are merely taking chances on you. We hope that you take after your predecessors and relatives in terms of strength."

The Elders sat down again on the stage and the crowd kept murmuring. Aerona held Rhiannon's hand tightly and the younger woman held Maeve's hand. Maeve held Emilienne's hand and together they banded, serious expressions facing the citizens of the community. Someone started to chant the names of each woman.

"Aerona, Rhiannon, Maeve, Emilienne," they kept chanting, progressively getting louder until it was a shout, "Aerona! Rhiannon! Maeve! Emilienne!"

Eventually, the crowd was deafening and Rhiannon's heartbeat quickened. There was so much she wanted to tell the community, that there was a reason Jonas had left, that he was being wrongly condemned just as Rosemary was and she wasn't sure she could help them this time. She was sure that the community wanted them to contain every painful vision so they could be protected, which was the opposite of what Jonas wanted.

"AERONA! RHIANNON! MAEVE! EMILIENNE!" they cried and Rhiannon wanted to flee. She had no idea what the community would become after she and The Receiver would help them take in the pain, if there was a possible apprentice candidate, and if she was capable of doing it. Would they successfully change?

Or would they panic, like they did eleven years ago, and eventually destroy themselves?


	20. Rhiannon: Age 51

Every day, Rhiannon heard murmurs, yet she didn't listen. Occasionally, she would receive stares, but she would dismiss them, so they soon ceased. She noticed that even Scarlet kept a distance from her. Rhiannon imagined what the distance must have felt like for Jonas at the time of his Selection. What did he think when his own friends became distant from him in an instant?

It was particularly late in the day when something strange happened. A single child was standing by the river. She was gripping her bicycle handles tightly. A single cargo plane flew in the distance, making a soft noise rivaled only by the soft rushing of the river and the hubbub of the community. Rhiannon saw the girl drop her bike to the side and crawl into a ball. The child let out a depressing cry.

Rhiannon ran quickly to help her, but it was too late. The girl threw herself into the river and everyone close by turned their heads. She saw the girl, who was named Harriet, purposely drowning herself. Rhiannon tried to pull her out of the water, but the child fought against her. She dropped the child, who was swept away willingly. All of the sudden, she suffered from a strange vision.

She found herself on the top of a strange device, which she learned was a sled. The sled was perched on a geographical feature she had seen long ago, during her probation period. She learned it was called a hill and it was covered with cold, white powdery stuff called snow. Rhiannon pulled the ropes on the sled and it went downhill at a rapid speed. The feeling was exhilarating.

Soon, the runners on the sled started to skitter across frozen water, which she learned was called ice. Frantic, she tried to control the ropes so the sled would stop, but the situation was beyond repair. She was eventually thrown off the sled, flailing wildly. After only a moment, she landed awkwardly, one of her legs snapping in two. The pain was nearly unbearable and she puked whatever was in her stomach until it was empty. Her blood stained the snow and she wailed.

Rhiannon was back at the edge of the river and Scarlet was by her side, among several others. She grabbed her leg and rocked rapidly, screaming. Others watched helplessly and Scarlet offered to retrieve pain pills. Just then, The Receiver came out to survey the scene. Rhiannon pleaded for him to help and he knelt down, holding her hand. It only registered then that these visions had to potential to tear apart an entire civilization with its pain. She remembered what that Elder said. _In the event that we fail to find an apprentice for The Receiver, we will call all relatives to maintain order in the midst of pain and chaos._

Considering the pain she was in, she lost hope that she was capable of helping them. Rhiannon looked at The Receiver, whose eyes were pained. He placed a hand on her back and she was thrown into another one of those puzzling visions.

It was nightfall and there were twinkling lights everywhere. She sensed that she was in the body of a young woman and looked down. She saw that she was wearing a dress that was _red._ _So that's what Change-One is called, _she thought with her real mind. The mind of the memory simply thought that the place was beautiful. She surveyed the scene and noticed they were on a floatation device called a boat, which was crossing the surface of a large expanse of water. _Ocean,_ she perceived. There were several other men and women dressed in fancy clothing, but one stood out and Rhiannon sensed that the woman in the memory knew this man. _So handsome, _she thought and it reminded her of her Stirrings dreams she used to have so frequently in her youth.

The man with the _blue_ eyes held out a hand and she took it, following him to the middle of the _dance floor_. His hand traveled to her waist while his other hand held hers. She heard soft noise with short sounds of alternating pitch emanating from strange devices held by several people on an elevated podium. _Music,_ she learned and finally knew what the Elders meant by Hearing Beyond.

She and the man swayed from side to side in perfect rhythm and she figured out that they were _dancing_. The man smiled at her and she couldn't help but blush when he twirled her unexpectedly. She spun back into his arms and felt a certain closeness to this man. He slowly dipped her and she relaxed, placing her trust in this man. As she was brought up, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Rhiannon found herself back on the river, the pain in her leg a little less intense. It still throbbed, but it was somewhat bearable comparing to what it was previously. She fell in The Receiver's arms and breathed slowly in order to stop her previous sobbing. He comforted her as best as he could, yet they both knew that this little episode was barely a sufficient preview of the deep suffering that was to come and this would hardly be enough to assuage the pain.

* * *

"Attention," said the speaker, "Stay where you are for this upcoming speech from the Elders."

Rhiannon sat still, rubbing her leg from that memory. She would constantly relive that painful experience in her dreams. Other times, she would be dreaming of the dancing man and wake up flushed with satisfaction. On occasion, however, she would wake up from the recurring nightmare she used to have several years ago. When this happen, she would wake up crying and wondering what happened to her two sons. Sometimes Gabriel was featured in the dream, screaming as he was being dragged down with Jonas into the water. Now that she heard of a speech coming through the speaker, her thoughts were scrambled.

"It is now evident that our search planes have failed. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has evaded us successfully. As you may know, what we have feared would happen has come upon us. You should also know that the Elders are working diligently to select a new Receiver, as our current Receiver is growing weaker. As for the relatives of The Receiver, it is imperative that you assist us to the best of your ability. Whatever is happening to us cannot be compared to anything that has been documented, not even to the catastrophe that happened over ten years ago. It is important that we maintain the civil order expected of the community."

Rhiannon refused to listen to the rest of the Elder's speech and went for a bicycle ride, watching as distraught citizens struggled to cope with the influx of memories. After the speech came to its conclusion, some of the citizens tried to exert control over the more frantic ones. She rode to the river and saw children following her desperately.

"Rhiannon," said one child, "Help me. Please!"

Rhiannon stopped the bike and turned around to see Phoenix standing beside Lily, both crying. Lily ran to Rhiannon and Phoenix followed suit, both whimpering.

"Rhiannon," said Phoenix, "Help her, please."

Rhiannon knelt down to look at nine-year-old Lily, who was looking down and shedding a tear. She placed a hand on her cheek and Lily backed away, wiping her own face.

"What's wrong, Lily?" she asked.

"Just take it away," she choked on her tears, "Please, take it away."

"Just think of what's hurting you and place your hands on my back," instructed Rhiannon.

Lily placed her little hands on Rhiannon's back and the woman received a strange vision of being in a house set ablaze. She heard strange, frightening cries coming from outside and the scent of smoke filled her nostrils, making it difficult to breathe. Pieces of wood fell from the ceiling, obscuring her path to safety. A man in a _yellow_ uniform found her and she was escorted out of the burning building. Once she was brought outside, she saw her charred son being placed in a body bag. _He's dead, _she realized and let out a mournful cry, becoming weak at the knees. She would have fallen to the ground had it not been for the fireman holding her up. It felt as if a stake had been driven through her chest.

She opened her eyes to find Lily standing apart from her, calmer now. Behind her stood a long line of children. They were all crying except for Lily, who had trotted off elsewhere. It took a long time for Rhiannon to stop crying and the next child, only a Four, came to her and placed his hands on her back. She told each child that they could only pass one vision, as she could only handle so much.

Throughout the whole day, Rhiannon received visions from numerous children. Adults, however, were another matter.

* * *

"Give us the pills!" cried a crowd just outside a Hospital building, "Give us the pain pills!"

Rhiannon witnessed a riot taking place. Angry adults were screaming from pain and the workers inside the Hospital building had attempted to bolt the door shut to keep them out. One Laborer accused the doctors and other staff of hoarding the pain medication for themselves, rousing incredible rage in the crowd. A large group pushed against the doors and a stray worker used a gardening tool to shatter a window. He climbed in and others followed suit, breaking the windows of the Hospital until the entire first level was exposed entirely. The crowd rushed in and the Law Enforcement was summoned. She noticed they were holding restraining tools to handle the citizens.

"Attention citizens!" said the Speaker, "Those rioting near the Hospital grounds, stop immediately or you will be brought before the court and Released!"

No one listened, for they were too desperate. Some of the Pharmaceutical Workers were thrown out of the building and cabinets of medication were raided and distributed among citizens. Many citizens among the crowd fought each other over the pain-relieving medication and it got so chaotic that the Law Enforcement had to detain many of the rioters. Some were dragged across the ground; others were shuffling their feet, and some willingly walked with the Law Enforcers to the Department of Justice. Rhiannon watched in horror and the speaker blared again.

"Attention, citizens!" said the speaker, "From now on, this community is under martial law. Commit only one major infraction and you will be Released immediately!"

The citizens reacted angrily. Some reacted in fear and retreated to their homes. A group of citizens was surrounded by Law Enforcers and cowering towards each other. Another group angrily headed toward the Department of Justice and Rhiannon went home, afraid for her life.

* * *

**So what's next, a Rhiannon or a Jonas chapter?**

**And how was that? I'm trying to think whether or not that would be a likely circumstance of Jonas's absence. Any tips on the downward spiral of the community would be appreciated. Thanks...**


	21. Rhiannon: Age 51: Part 2

Many people were Released that day and a similar pattern occurred for numerous weeks. When this happened, the painful memories would again scatter among the population. Rhiannon would help the children daily, but after two months, she told everyone she would stop taking in the visions. Instead, she would transfer memories of happiness to the children to help them cope. Of course, Rhiannon could never be sure if this worked, as children kept asking for both methods of relief.

The Pharmaceutical Department kept trying to keep up with the demand of pain relieving pills, to no avail. Some that those working for the Pharmaceutical Department were hoarding the pain pills for themselves. Other sources said that they were only making pain pills for those high in prestige, which including Elders, Judges in the Department of Justice, influential Doctors, and Heads of various Administrations. On many occasions, Rhiannon had to deny the rumor that she, among the other relatives and The Receiver himself, was receiving pills daily. She had seen The Receiver in pain on many occasions, so she knew he was denied medication.

After some time, the Elders announced that they would ask the neighboring communities for help in producing pain pills. The community was overjoyed by this possibility and chaos ceased for a little while. After a few weeks, the Elders had addressed the community, saying that the attempt had failed. Rhiannon learned that the neighboring communities had suffered from visions too and chaos reigned there.

Some time in the middle of the year, Rhiannon heard of one individual experimenting with Stirrings pills. She saw him working among the Landscape Crew in an unusual state of emotional callousness. A younger female had requested his help and all he had said was "I don't care", which took Rhiannon by surprise. She approached him and saw that his name was Homer. He laughed weakly.

"I know who you are," he said with a monotonous voice, "And I know how you do it. It's not that you get rid of pain, you just get rid of your ability to care."

"What do you mean, not care?"

"Stirrings pills," he replied, "Take enough and you don't care."

Rhiannon was rather surprised by this suggestion. Never, except on one occasion when Sigilind had birthed Rosemary, had Rhiannon taken the pill. She remembered that one time the pill had suppressed those negative emotions for the time being and understood what Homer was talking about.

"I never took them!" she corrected him.

"Careful," said Homer jokingly, "One infraction and they send you Elsewhere."

Rhiannon went back to work and heard murmurs of the Stirrings pills helping with pain. She predicted another medication shortage. She was right.

* * *

Everyone was popping pills like a desperate desert dweller finding an oasis. She was often tempted to take the pills, but she firmly reminded herself that she needed to be in a fully aware state of mind if she was to handle the responsibility of keeping the community intact. She started to wonder how Maeve and Emilienne were coping, as she hadn't seen them so often in the community. Often, she would walk out to see everyone unusually stoic. It frightened her and she couldn't stop thinking about how Stirrings pills would run out soon. One day, they did.

There was another riot at the Pharmaceutical Department and the windows were still broken, so the entire floor was raided. They came out empty handed and several more were Released, albeit less than the number of Released citizens during the first riot. Again, the strange visions scattered throughout the minds of the community. Sometimes, many would refuse to go to work and others would go missing. After that Stirrings Pill riot, a crowd had gathered around the tall Hospital building, witnessing a single female standing on the roof. She learned her name was Madeline. The girl was crying.

Madeline threw herself off the building, snapping her neck on the ground and spilling blood. A man by her dead body suddenly dropped to the ground and screamed. Rhiannon assumed it was from a memory.

That day, she had received her first memory of war.

* * *

**Any more chaos advice? What do you think would make a good Jonas chapter? I was told by SOMEONE (you know who you are) that they are Filler Chapters (I see what you mean), but I PROMISE something interesting will happen in ONE of them (at least ONE)**


	22. Rhiannon: Age 51: Part 3

She couldn't get up from that spot for the whole day. Only after nightfall was her body finally free of pain. Many of the Security Guards were missing, so it was easy to sneak back into her Dwelling. She rode home, which was somewhat difficult to do in the dark, but she made it. She placed her bike neatly in its port and stepped inside to find Aedan in her house.

"Aedan!" she shouted, quite surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"Birthmothers don't take their pills, right?" he asked desperately, "I need numbness…"

"No, I don't take them and how do you know where I live?" she asked, "Actually, never mind."

"Give me the pills," he cried, "Please!"

"Why should I?" she asked, "I lived with these feelings for such a long time. Besides, you voted for the death of my baby."

"I'm sorry," he cried again, shedding tears, "I'm sorry, Rhi, I'm sorry. I can't stand these feelings, I just can't."

She shook the little pill jar in front of his face and went into the bathroom, dumping the pills slowly in the toilet. Aedan watched hungrily and leaped at her, but she flushed the pills down and it was too late. He fell on her and she hit her head against the wall, the rest of her body crushed by his weight. She struggled underneath him and he got up, gripping the sides of the toilet in despair.

"Why did you do that?" he wailed and dropped onto the floor beside Rhiannon. Slowly, he moved closer and placed his hand on her shoulder, saying, "Sorry for this too."

Rhiannon found herself in the middle of a filthy room, surrounded by other prisoners. They were relatively healthy, but Rhiannon felt the host's memory tell her that there were plenty others outside this room that were starving. The prisoners were all female with eyes looking like thin slits. This didn't strike Rhiannon as unusual anymore, as in the memories, she had seen many different types of humans, all with different colors of flesh and other various features. Some military-like guards came in with some cabbage leaves, throwing them among the prisoners. Some had eaten and they were soon crying in pain. A guard pointed a gun at her head and ordered her to eat, so she took a bite.

Soon after she had swallowed, her stomach was in intense pain. She bent over and vomited. Once she had coughed up whatever was left in her mouth, she noticed there was blood in the puddle of bile. She noticed others were in this pitiful state as well. Rhiannon sat down and felt something soak her pants. Despite her pain, she moved ever so slightly and her fingers fell in the puddle she sat in. It was more blood.

She saw others bleeding out of their behinds and vomiting blood, crying for mercy and death. The ordeal seemed to last for twenty minutes and when she felt like she was going to breathe her last breath, she woke up beside Aedan. He got up without so much as looking at her and left the house.

* * *

"Rhiannon, come to the stage," said an Elder.

She trudged up to the podium, all eyes on her in this emergency gathering. What was left of the entire community came to the auditorium where Ceremonies normally took place. Many had been Released and others committed suicide. Only two Elders were left, aside from The Receiver. The Receiver had attended today, but he was too weak to speak to the audience. Both Maeve and Emilienne had killed themselves, so only Aerona and Rhiannon remained of the original summoned group. Aerona was sitting beside The Receiver and she, too, was incredibly weak. That left Rhiannon alone to address the audience.

"Uh, hello, community," she spoke, "I've never given a speech before and to be honest, I'm not sure what you want to hear."

One woman, whom Rhiannon recognized as her former friend Dagney, stood up angrily and shouted, "I want to know why He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named left and took the New-child!"

"Oh. Hello, Dagney, I remember you. Well, before I tell you, I will make one thing clear. Jonas, as well as Rosemary, was wrongly condemned."

The statement shocked the crowd and Rhiannon heard murmurs getting louder. She made the microphone emit a screeching noise to get their attention and politely cleared her throat.

"Now that I have your attention, I will tell you why. You were angry with Rosemary for applying for a Release because her memories spread to all of you. The memories were too much for you. You are angry with Jonas for the same reason. Look at you pitiful lot; at least you have each other. Jonas and Rosemary were both _alone_. Can you imagine this, dealing with such awful visions alone with no one to share them with other than your mentor, who would be Released after your training? Can you imagine dealing with that and being expected to hold such a responsibility over your community? At least you were all spared the pain of loneliness," explained Rhiannon, which would have caused uproar, had she not continued.

"Those memories taught Jonas about a different life, an _obsolete_ life. He had learned a life full of pain, war, and death. He had also learned a life full of joy, color, music, and love. Love, a concept that was once obsolete. I remember after Rosemary had committed suicide, I read the last page of her journal. She had written that she hoped her Father and I knew that she loved us. That was the first time I ever heard of love. When I had asked my Birth-sister about love, she told me it was obsolete. I imagine Jonas has heard the same thing."

"Five years after Rosemary's death, I gave Rosemary's journal to The Receiver and asked him what 'love' was. He refused to tell me, as I now know that Receivers aren't permitted to speak of their occupation, and told me he loved me and that I may already know what love is."

She sighed, "And he was right. I already knew what love was. I felt it for my birth-children, Jonas and New-child 02-36, otherwise known as Gabriel. Jonas learned love and felt it for his younger brother. He had learned of death and couldn't bear the thought of such a thing happening to someone he loves. That's why he took Gabriel and ran."

"What do you mean?" asked Scarlet, "That Rosemary committed suicide? That Jonas worried for Gabriel's death and ran? Isn't Release going Elsewhere?"

Several Nurturers, Caretakers of the Old, and other citizens that knew the truth of Release shifted uncomfortably in their seats, guilt written all over their faces. Other community members sensed this and their eyes went to them like predators toward prey.

"No, Scarlet, Release is not going Elsewhere," answered Rhiannon, "Rosemary applied for Death. It was no wonder The Receiver felt such grief for his daughter. When I saw his pain, that was when I figured out the truth."

"Jonas saw a tape of his own father conducting a Release on a male twin. When he mustered up the strength to hide his feelings of betrayal from his own father, he went home and his father told him Gabriel was to be Released the next morning. Jonas saw this as a great atrocity and took the child. The boy had planned to flee the community already, on the day of the Ceremony. He didn't want the loneliness and the bland community life. He wanted to find the true Elsewhere, where there would be love. I don't know if he succeeded or not, but I hope he does. I hope he has found a place where someone could give him the love that no one here could feel and the love I wasn't permitted to give."

The community was silent. Rhiannon saw Aedan in the front rows of the crowd and noticed that he fell to the floor, sobbing. Angry citizens turned on those who had conducted Release, attacking them. One was beaten to death and the Elders had called the Security Guards, to no avail. Only a few had come and that was only to escort the Elders out of the building, now ridden with violence.

* * *

"Do you feel guilt for your wrongdoings?" asked Phoenix, who was perched on the highest seat in the courtroom.

Rhiannon sat beside him and looked out at the group of supposed criminals. Laborers, the formerly punished, former riot members, angry Birthmothers, and other lower-status members of the community surrounded them, carrying some sort of melee weapon in one hand. One girl named Inger was brandishing a leg that was broken off of a table. Various document papers were strewn across the room and younger children were encouraged to crumple them into balls and throw them at the tried. She watched as Lily turned on her own parents and smiled.

Gaelle-Grace was at the front of the group, cowering before Phoenix. Phoenix was standing on the higher chair now, pointing the gavel at the former Judge. She nodded in fear and Phoenix laughed.

"Yeah, _right, _of _course_ you feel guilt for ordering the Release of my father, Justin, years ago," Phoenix cried and laughed maniacally, "You sentenced a Pilot to death two years ago, that I remember. That was only for misreading his navigational instructions. So undeserved."

Rhiannon nodded with the rest of the angry community members. Phoenix encouraged the loud jeering with raised fists, pounding on the table with the gavel. He then mockingly called order.

"Order, everyone, order!" he laughed, "So, former Judge, so high in your esteem, what do you want? Transfer, exile, or Release?"

"Eh-eh, ex-ks-ks-ile," she whimpered, "Please."

"Community!" he cried, "What does she deserve?"

"Transfer!" they cried and several community members surrounded her, placing their palms on her back and closed their eyes. Gaelle-Grace twitched where she was and let out a great cry of despair. They left her alone and she was wailing on the floor, rocking back and forth as she was tossed aside. Several more were brought forward and those directly involved in Release previously (as it was part of their occupations) were sentenced to Release. The other tried were forced to beat the victims to death themselves and surround the dead bodies to receive the influx of memories. Whoever resisted was subject to beatings by the angered community members.

Fiona was brought up next. Phoenix ordered some others to sit her down in front of him and she shivered in fear. The boy tried to sit down in a dignified manner, yet it seemed stilted to Rhiannon.

"Ah, Fiona, Number 13-18, Caretaker of the Old," he said, reading off of some document, "Do you understand the implications of taking a life?"

"Yes," she said, "Now I do. I never did such a thing, but I did learn about it in my training."

"Liar," said Phoenix, "I remember somewhere it said you committed one Release. Now, I don't think you are quite worthy of death – yet."

"Transfer!" cried the community, "Transfer!"

"Now, stop!" answered Rhiannon, "What choice did she have? She is still somewhat only a child. I don't think she needs so many to learn her lesson."

Phoenix snickered. He reclined in his seat, kicking his legs onto some more papers managed previously by Paralegals. Phoenix brandished his gavel at Fiona and spoke again.

"Rhiannon's right. Who will do the honors?"

"I will," said a voice and Rhiannon saw a boy named Asher come to the front, "I have a memory particularly suiting."

"Go ahead," said Phoenix, "Number 13-04."

Rhiannon watched as Asher slid his hands onto Fiona's back and whispered something in her ear. Fiona nodded and Rhiannon didn't think Phoenix paid much attention to what was happening, otherwise he would have demanded to know what Asher had told her. Asher closed his eyes and completed a long transfer, much to the delight of the community, and Fiona dropped to the floor, crying. Asher left to the back of the crowd and Rhiannon reclined in her seat, watching as several were tried and given memories, some were brought outside to the roof of the building to be transported somewhere else, and a few were beaten to death, giving the surrounding "criminals" the painful visions.

Once that day's session was over, Rhiannon snuck out the back door and saw Asher and Fiona holding hands, speaking in whispers. Rhiannon hid behind the partially open door and eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Thank you, Asher," Fiona whispered, "for showing me mercy."

"Anything for you, love," Asher replied and planted a kiss on her cheek. Fiona blushed and wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his hands around her waist and Rhiannon thought she should give them a bit of privacy, so she found another exit and rode home.

* * *

**So the memory Rhiannon was given described an experiment taking place in a camp in North Korea. I found it on Wikipedia...**

**What do you think of the Asher/Fiona pairing?**


	23. Rhiannon: Age 51: Part 4

Rhiannon had seen Aedan being repeatedly punished throughout the past several weeks the mock trials had been going on. Sometimes Phoenix, the thirteen-year-old boy acted as the judge, sometimes it would be any Birthmother who had a Released child, sometimes it would be a relative of a Released criminal. Rhiannon couldn't be sure if there were any who didn't approve of the process, but if there were, they kept silent.

She had seen Aedan and Gaelle-Grace grow more distant from each other and from Lily. Separation of couples from each other and their children wasn't so uncommon and with so many empty Dwellings, thanks to Releases and suicides, people could afford to run away from home. She had seen many children of former Release-conducting citizens flee from their Dwellings. Sometimes the older children would take their younger siblings with them. She had encountered Asher and Fiona bringing their younger siblings into an empty Dwelling next to her own. It was no longer uncommon to see young lovers coupling and retreating somewhere to be alone and Rhiannon could only guess what was going on. Such things made her think of her youth, back when she and Nasrin were joking about "the primitive method". Rhiannon started to wonder what happened to Shelia, Nasrin, Sigilind and Mattan. She pushed the thought aside and went outside.

* * *

It was close to the end of the year and Food Deliveries started to fail. There was a surplus of food in various Storage buildings, but the community worried that those would run out. The Fish Hatchery was still running, but with current conditions, no one was quite sure how long that would hold the community together. Considering that many had memories of starvation, the food supply would be consumed at a fast rate.

The Elders had addressed the community through the speaker that in order to make the food supply last until alternate options came up, meals were reduced to only twice a day. The community was outraged and another riot happened at the main Storage building. This time, there was no fear of Release, as anyone who so much as threatened them with it would suffer beatings and memory transfers, if not death itself. Pretty soon, the entire building was raided and empty. The citizens' stomachs were full, if only for a short while.

The following day, the Elders had announced yet another ration reduction, much to the anger of the community. Rhiannon heard that the Elders had barricaded themselves inside some building to remain protected from the angered public. Which building, she wasn't sure.

With the lack of Relief-of-Pain, Stirrings pills, and sufficient food, everyone was going crazy. Luckily, the people were becoming a bit more accustomed to the pain of the memories. Stirrings, however, was another matter.

Rhiannon went home from work and was eating something she had stolen from someone else's meal when she heard a knock on the door. She quickly hid her food and trudged to the door. Another knock and she opened the door to see someone she dreaded.

"Aedan," she said, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, Rhiannon," he wept softly, "I don't know what to do. I can't live with this guilt anymore. I need you to forgive me."

He entered her Dwelling and shut the door behind him, leaving Rhiannon confused. Aedan went to the couch and fell, his hands burying his face. He was quivering as he sobbed. She didn't want him here.

"Lily turned on Gaelle-Grace and I. She couldn't believe what we did when we Released new-children labeled as Inadequate. Her mother and I, it's been unbearable. She blames me. I had to leave that house, Rhiannon, I don't know what to do."

"Do you really expect to be welcome here?" she asked angrily, "After everything you did?"

"Well, no," he said, "But I didn't know what to do."

He got up and looked around the Dwelling curiously, much to Rhiannon's annoyance. Rhiannon was about to retreat to her room when he held her hand. He traced his thumb on her palm and she thought of pulling away, but wasn't really sure of his intentions. He pulled her closer to him and gave a weak smile.

He kissed her.

"Aedan!" she cried, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered and backed away, "You know how it is, with the Stirrings pill shortage."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, "You expect me to forgive you and now this! Get out of my house!"

"But, Rhi."

"GET OUT!"

* * *

Rhiannon decided to take a day off of Laboring, as many others had done. Since she had the choice to do whatever she wanted, with no one to stop her, she decided to visit The Receiver.

She biked to the Annex behind the House of the Old, which she noticed was becoming run down due to the recent food shortages. It worried her to think of what her Birthmother must be dealing with, so she tried to push the thought aside whenever it came up, but the thought kept coming back. Still, she tried to focus on her goal at hand.

Rhiannon pushed the buzzer beside the door and she heard the voice of a distraught attendant.

"Entering this premises had been strictly forbidden, except to those formally authorized," said the Attendant.

"It's Rhiannon," she said and pulled on the door, noticing it was locked.

"Number 51-23," said the voice, "Spouse of The Receiver."

"Yes," she replied, "That's me. I want to speak to him."

She heard a click and opened the door, finding the last two Elders hiding in this room. Rhiannon waved to them and they cowered in her presence, guarded only by the thin Attendant. Her thinness didn't strike Rhiannon as particularly odd, as the food shortage was making everyone lose a little weight.

The Attendant clicked a button beside her, unlocking the secret room, and Rhiannon walked in. The Receiver was eating a small portion of soup and Rhiannon was surprised that he could get his hands on such a meal. The food seemed like an incredible luxury now and Rhiannon licked her lips.

"You can have some," said The Receiver, who pushed his bowl away, "With my current stress, I can hardly eat."

The Receiver went to his bed and Rhiannon raced to the bowl of soup, gulping down the thing without any thought. The Receiver chuckled and Rhiannon looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," he sighed, "I'm not sure why I laughed."

Rhiannon placed the empty bowl down and The Receiver motioned her to sit by him. She obeyed and he held her hand, looking away at something in the distance. What he was looking at specifically, Rhiannon could hardly guess.

"Why did you come, Rhiannon?"

"To see you," she said, "I miss you."

He turned to her and placed a hand through her curly hair, kissing her forehead and sighing, "I miss you too."

"You can imagine what it's like out there," said Rhiannon, "There are food and medication shortages. There was a riot near a Storage building not too long ago. The Department of Justice was overthrown."

"So I have heard," said The Receiver, "I thought I could help the community cope. I was wrong."

"Have you seen the punishments?" Rhiannon asked, "People that conducted Release were given several memories at once. Sometimes the self-appointed Judge was merciful enough to offer exile. Sometimes, they would make the other former Release-conductors beat the tried to death and surround the body to receive the memories. It's brutal."

The Receiver sighed weakly and leaned forward, his hands buried in his face. She placed her hand on his back and gave him that memory of music and dancing to calm him, which seemed to work. His breathing was more steady and his eyes less pained.

"So music was Hearing Beyond," she whispered, "I understand now. I just wish I knew earlier, say, back when we were children."

"I love you, Rhiannon," he chuckled and smiled, wrapping an arm around her, "I always have. I felt this way for a long time."

"I love you too, Emmy," she whispered, "I think I have loved you for a while now."

She leaned in for a tight embrace and buried her face in his shoulder. Rhiannon breathed deeply and The Receiver rubbed her back in attempt to comfort her. Several minutes passed and she finally separated from him.

"Do you still have music?" she asked, "I really liked it."

"I suppose I could give you a memory of it."

"No," said Rhiannon, "I mean here. You said you could hear it before you got the memories."

He smiled and got up, taking out a disc and placing it in a strange device that Rhiannon had learned was a radio. Soon enough, beautiful music emitted from the device and The Receiver started to snap his fingers, making Rhiannon giggle. She got up and did the same thing.

"Danke Schoen, darling Danke Schoen. Thank you for all the joy and pain," the man started singing, which made Rhiannon crack up.

He took her hand and swayed her back and forth, which made her blush and he smiled. His left hand held her right and his other hand held her waist and they danced.

"Danke Schoen, darling Danke Schoen. Thank you for walks down lovers lane," he sang again and she rested her head on her shoulder, "I can see hearts carved on a tree, letters intertwined, for all time, yours and mine, that was fine."

This time, he spun her around and she imagined herself wearing that red dress, seeing that man from the memory smile at her. Although she only had a wisp of the memory left, this moment was enough to make her remember. She wanted to stay here with The Receiver, dancing and forgetting about the emptiness in her stomach and the pain in her heart, always.

"Can I stay here, tonight?" Rhiannon asked sweetly, "Please?"

The old man chuckled, "Sure, why not?"

They let the disc continue playing and remained on the bed, talking all day. Sometimes they would both run out of things to say and remain there, almost falling asleep. She felt safe here, despite whatever chaos was happening outside. They had remained together all night as well, talking of their youth.

"I guess I needed this," whispered Rhiannon, "Whatever this is."

"This is love, Rhi," he whispered.

"All these years and you still call me by that nickname, Emmy."

"You still call me by my nickname," he reminded her, "Even when we were Spouses. I remember being happy to come home simply to see you."

"Same here," she said and sighed, "Do you still think of Rosemary?"

He shed a tear and held her close.

"Yes, every day I think of our daughter," he wept, "I thought that after I would help the community cope, I could be with her."

"You mean you want to die? When you die, there's nothing left. You won't be with her, you'll just be gone."

"I don't believe that."

"How can you not?"

He pointed to the bookshelf, staring at it when he gave his explanation, "Many civilizations believed in an afterlife. Sometimes, I wonder if that's what's waiting for me. That might explain why people used 'going Elsewhere' as a cover-up for execution. People once believed there was an Elsewhere you went to when you died."

"Do you really believe that Rosemary will be there?"

"Yes. I hope for it with all my heart."

"Can you promise me something, Emmy?" she asked and he paid attention, "When you get there, will you wait for me?"

"Yes," he replied, "And we'll be a family again."

They fell asleep in each other's arms. Rhiannon knew that her feeling of safety and security here would end, but she didn't think it would end so horribly.

The next morning, Rhiannon woke up to see that Emanuel had gone to Rosemary without her.

* * *

**So what do you think? Yeah, I just HAD to write that dance scene, I couldn't stop imagining it. Isn't it sweet? Please tell me 'tis sweet! :(**


	24. Rhiannon: Age 51: 52

"Emmy?" she asked, shaking his dead body in attempt to wake him up, "No, no! Please don't leave without me, oh no, no, no. I love you, don't leave me!"

No matter what she did, he lay lifeless on the bed they shared for a single night and she started to wonder if it had been her fault. Even though the logical part of her knew that she had nothing to do with it, some part of her consciousness had the feeling that she encouraged him to die. She began to sob and receive several memories at once.

First, her mind flashed to a dark, dingy room where she was being injected by several syringes and suffering horrible symptoms of some disease. The memory stopped short and she was in the middle of a warzone, several bombs detonating and people dropping dead everywhere. Those two memories switched back and forth, fighting for her mind's attention. She received a third where a strong, cold-hearted man was violating her with what she only knew as "the primitive method" and her lower half was in deep pain and bleeding. Again, those three memories switched back and forth and several more painful memories came in, fighting the same battle as the previous ones until she completely went limp from pain. As the memories started to lose the battle, she could hear the cries of the community. Still, she couldn't care less about them. She just wanted Emmy back.

* * *

There was no formal Ceremony this year. The only Elders left couldn't assign jobs for the new Twelves and the Bicycle Department had completely dissolved, so the new Nines weren't getting new bikes for themselves. Instead, they received old bikes left behind by the dead and discovered that some didn't quite fit them. The new Twelves took to finding jobs for themselves and the older children would approve or disapprove of their decisions. She was invited to this little gathering and saw Phoenix sitting on an elevated chair on the stage.

"Hello, Rhiannon," said Phoenix, "Take a seat beside me."

"I prefer to stand."

He nodded at her and proceeded with the job approvals. Tanya, whom she had recognized as Scarlet's adoptive daughter, chose the job of the Judge's Assistant and Phoenix approved, as he did many other jobs. The only one he was reluctant to accept were requests of being Nurturers and Caretakers of the Old. In those instances, he and other older children would make them swear never to conduct a Release. Other mock-Ceremonies would take place, but not many participated. Rhiannon saw other kids trying to raid the Fish Hatchery. Some attempted to eat the fish raw and gagged, but many were close to starving, so they choked down bits of the fish. She hadn't attempted to do this, but now, it was awfully tempting.

* * *

Several children died of disease. Very few doctors were still alive and those who still worked had a huge load on their hands and very few supplies. They were able to treat minor infections, yet the death toll rose. Rhiannon witnessed the disease spread from child to child and the doctors called for quarantining. Pretty soon, all the sick children were kept inside the hospital building and from what Rhiannon heard, conditions were poor. She was grateful that the plumbing still worked. The quarantining seemed to have some effect, as fewer children were dying in the community. As for what happened in the House of the Old, she couldn't be sure.

One day, when she tried to enter the House of the Old, a few adults and some children stopped her.

"What is your business here?" asked a young female named Rebecca.

"I want to visit my mother," Rhiannon said, "My real mother from Elsewhere."

"Rhiannon," said Rebecca in awe.

The other young adults bowed their head in respect and Rhiannon bowed back, which amused the group. They all shook hands with her, calling her "Rhiannon the Resilient". By now, rumor had it that she never took a single Relief-of-Pain nor Stirrings Pill to cope with the memories. They all respected her for her strength, not to mention her connections with Receivers.

"Your mother is Aerona, yes?" asked a male named Shane, who must have coupled with Rebecca.

Rhiannon nodded.

"All right, we'll let you in, but I'm warning you, she's pretty ill," said Shane, "Are you sure you want to risk it?"

Rhiannon changed her mind and turned around to see Fiona about to enter.

"Hello, Fiona," Rhiannon said, "I understand you were one of Jonas's friends."

"_Were,_" said Fiona, "And I know who you are. You were his Birthmother."

"Where's Asher?" asked Rhiannon, "Last time I heard, you two were coupling together."

"He's at home," she answered, "Taking care of Phillipa and Bruno. He's not usually the care-taking type, but he's getting better. Recreation Directors aren't needed much anymore, so he doesn't have much to do."

"I knew your Birthmother," said Rhiannon, "Her name was Scarlet."

Fiona said nothing and bowed her head in reverence, going inside the House of the Old to care for the elderly. Rhiannon knew there wasn't much hope for the weak and wondered what the conditions were for the other communities.

That night, she decided to make a plan.

* * *

**So what now?**


	25. Rhiannon: Age 52

Rhiannon headed toward the old Annex, not sure whether or not the Elders were still there. On her way out, she saw some adults taking out the dead bodies of the Elderly and assumed that whatever contained the dead bodies before had been filled up. They were placed on individual floatation devices and set off in the river, each one with a little note in their dead hands. Some cried during this impromptu ceremony, but Rhiannon couldn't bear to look at it. Such things made her think of Emanuel and her grief for him was unbearable as it is.

Rhiannon opened the door to find both Elders and the Attendant dead and rotting. Plugging her nose, she unlocked the door to the Annex and went in, locking the door behind her. The stench of the carcasses was horrible, so she shut the door tight to keep the stink out. There, she sat on the bed, feeling the luxurious covers and cried for her love. Everyone she could care for was gone now. Rosemary, Emanuel, her Birth-sister and her Birth-daughter were dead, Aerona was sick, and Jonas and Gabriel were gone. Whether or not her sons were still alive, she didn't know. She started to wonder about this Elsewhere Jonas hoped to find and thought about escaping.

First, she needed supplies.

She raided the room's drawers and bookshelves for maps of the communities and found several. One contained a map of this community, which was labeled Hurupolis. It showed all the Dwellings and various Departments as well as neighboring facilities, such as airports and nearby agricultural fields. She saw that almost all of the fields had been crossed out and labeled as Spoiled, except for one. Rhiannon marked its location and proceeded to use other maps.

Another map revealed the communities that surrounded Hurupolis and realized that Hurupolis was by far the largest community on the map. Smaller, scattered communities as well as agricultural fields, airports, fuel stations, and other resources surrounded Hurupolis, which was placed directly in the center. She started to wonder which route Jonas had taken in order to avoid other communities, as she had known that Receivers had business in every other community as well. She saw the unmarked agricultural field she had taken note of earlier on this larger map and plotted a path to a neighboring community, which she learned was named Puterastadt. Hurupolis was considered the head community, for it had the Receiver, and communities like Puterastadt came second in status. The Elders (along with the Receiver) were close allies with the Elders of communities like Puterastadt, so naturally the communities came to be friendly to each other. Rhiannon remembered having a field trip to Puterastadt when she was just an Eight and pushed the thought aside. She took a writing utensil and marked Puterastadt on her map, plotting a trip on the outer edges of the community cluster. The agricultural fields were closer to those communities. Rhiannon planned on taking a motor vehicle, despite not having yet learned to drive. She hoped there was an instruction manual somewhere in the plethora of books and continued plotting.

* * *

She came back to the Annex every day to plot her journey, hoping that the other communities weren't doing as awfully as Hurupolis. She was hungrier than ever and knew that she was running out of time. One day, she took the maps and a motor vehicle book outside of the Annex and was caught red-handed.

"Rhiannon," asked Fiona, "What are those?"

Rhiannon stopped cold when Fiona had asked her. The maps were folded and fitted inside the pages of the motor vehicle book, which Rhiannon gripped tightly. Fiona was standing beside her bicycle, gazing at Rhiannon. She tapped her handlebars nervously.

"Nothing you need to know," snapped Rhiannon.

"Why would you have a motor vehicle book?" she asked, "Unless you're planning to leave?"

Fiona snatched the book, taking out the folded maps. She tried to conceal them as she looked at them, her jaw agape. Her fingers traced over where Rhiannon had plotted her journey and she finally closed them, concealing the maps inside the book.

"Don't tell anyone," said Rhiannon.

"Okay," said Fiona, "But on one condition."

_"What?"_

"You let me go along with you. Asher and our siblings, too."

Rhiannon wondered whether or not she could afford to take a whole family with her. On one hand, she would have to find sustenance for them as well as herself. On the other hand, she could risk Fiona blabbing to someone if she wasn't allowed on the trip. She reluctantly agreed.

"Fine," said Rhiannon, "We have to leave tonight. I know curfew is no longer strictly enforced, but few people go out at night, so meet me over the bridge at midnight. If you bring anyone other than who you said you were, I will leave you here to starve."

Fiona left for home quickly and Rhiannon decided to go over the bridge that afternoon. She rode rapidly to the next fuel station, which she plotted on the map, and arrived to see some abandoned trucks designed for transportation of resources. She saw a few cargo planes opened up and raided and decided to search through them for supplies. The under belly of one cargo plane was left open, so she climbed into the cargo hold.

Rhiannon saw boxes of various items strewn everywhere. Right now, her main concern was fuel and food. She searched through the boxes and found that Pilots and other personnel already raided many boxes of food. However, there was still one box that was full and she took a nearby bag, opening the box and filling the bag with small food cans. Just then, she heard a noise and hid.

"Hey!" called a low male voice, "Hey, Rob, did you see that bike over there?"

"Nah, Fred," said Rob, "Why?"

"Do you think someone's trying to steal our supplies?" said Fred, "We need those to get out, Elsewhere."

Rhiannon saw the two men sit down, leaning against the walls of the cargo plane. She struggled to keep her breath silent, but the two men didn't notice her, so she relaxed just a little. It wasn't much, but she remained undetected.

"Do you think we'll make it to Elsewhere?" asked Rob.

"Why?"

"The Receiver-In-Training from Hurupolis left to Elsewhere," said Rob, "We can't be sure if he is alive or dead."

"We have to try," said Fred, "I heard Hurupolis is nearly devastated. Puterastadt is a little better, but I'm not sure about the other communities, nor am I taking any chances."

"I heard a third status community is holding up all right," said Rob, "What's it called? Servofors, I think. We could scout there, see what's going on, maybe get some medical supplies for our trip."

Rhiannon took note of Rob's comment and watched as Fred and Rob agreed to go to scout Servofors that night. They took a large cargo-transport van and rode off, allowing Rhiannon to get more food and fuel for her trip. She found a single van and filled it with gas. A window was broken and the keys were in the ignition, which struck Rhiannon as quite lucky, and she threw the food in the passenger seat. She opened the book and turned the ignition on, listening to the engine make a quiet roaring noise. After figuring out the gears, she buckled her seatbelt and experimented with the van, trying to get used to operating such a huge vehicle. When she started to get the hang of it, she giggled to herself and drove in the direction of Hurupolis. She glanced at her watch and noticed it was past 11:30 p.m.

Driving the van was a bit of a challenge, so she took longer than what she assumed it would normally take for a seasoned driver. She finally arrived at the bridge and noticed several buildings were in flames. Fiona and Asher rushed to the van, bringing Phillipa and Bruno with them. They shut the van doors behind them and ordered Rhiannon to drive away. Once they were far enough from the community for no one to follow them, Rhiannon questioned them.

"Oh, hello," said a familiar voice, "Remember me, Rhiannon? I hope you don't mind, but my Birth-child insisted I come along."

"Scarlet?" Rhiannon asked, "Why is Hurupolis on _fire?_"

"Someone had announced that the Climate Control was malfunctioning, so we needed to find a way to keep warm. A girl named Thea suggested we use fire. As you can see, it ended badly."

"Thea was in my age group," Asher pointed out, "And where did you get all that food, Rhiannon?"

"At a fuel station for planes," said Rhiannon as she drove to one of her stops on the map she stole from the Annex, "I overheard some guys from another community say they were scouting the community of Servofors. I originally planned on stopping at Puterastadt, but I heard it's not doing much better than Hurupolis."

"I'm hungry, Ash," whined Phillipa.

Asher grabbed a food can from the passenger seat and fed it to Phillipa. Bruno eyed the food hungrily and Fiona took to feeding her little brother. Soon enough, the little ones were fed and tired, so they fell asleep. Asher took to comforting Fiona and Rhiannon saw in the rearview mirror that they were kissing.

"Really, kids?" Rhiannon reacted jokingly, "You stop that this instant, Number 14-04!"

"Oh, uh," Asher said, "Sorry about that. Stirrings, you know."

Fiona chuckled and snuggled against Asher, quickly falling asleep. Scarlet laughed at Asher's comment while Asher blushed, cuddling with his lover-girl. Rhiannon smiled at the pair and sighed, wishing that Emmy were here with her. She gripped her own arm, trying to mimic the feeling of being held and comforted. She shed a single tear and wiped it away, sighing and pushing away unsatisfied desires.

"All right, kids," she said, "I'm driving a little further away from Hurupolis and then we're sleeping."

They all agreed and Rhiannon drove a little further, getting more comfortable with the vehicle. She started to enjoy driving and they stopped a little bit off the path to another airport before Rhiannon got out of the van. She stretched her sore legs and took a good look at the blazing Hurupolis. It had finally hit her that the place Aerona had given birth to her, the place where she and Emanuel used to play games as children, the place where Emanuel taught her to ride the bike, the Auditorium where she had her Ceremony of Twelve years ago, the Birthing Center where she had many memories, the various Dwelling she occupied, Rosemary's room, and the roads she walked on were burning, its memories belonging to the dead.

She became weak at the knees, fell forward, and went into hysterics.

* * *

**So, as for the names of the communities, I did some research.**

**Hurupolis comes from "huru" (sovereign in Swahili) and "polis" (city).**

**Puterastadt comes from "putera" (prince in Indonesian) and "stadt" (city/town).**

**Servofors comes from "servo" (servant in some language) and "fors" (a common city suffix meaning "strong"). **


	26. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 2

Rhiannon let the others sleep as she drove to her plotted fuel station and looked at the gas level. She hoped that was enough to make it to Servofors and looked at the map. Rhiannon scouted the arena for any signs of other community citizens and went to grab a few medium-sized gas tanks, making sure they were secured tight. Last thing she needed was for them to spill and have something light her van on fire.

She secured them below the passenger seat and looked around for any signs of food. Considering how many of them there were, she knew she was going to need whatever she could get her hands on. She remembered Scarlet's comment on the Climate Control malfunction and thought it wise to grab whatever they could to keep warm. There were some extra changes of clothes and she grabbed an entire heap of them, just in case. Rhiannon went back to the van, counting her supplies and driving past Puterastadt. Asher woke up and smiled at Rhiannon through the rearview mirror.

"Good morning," she greeted the adolescent boy, "I grabbed some more fuel and some extra clothes. If the Climate Control is malfunctioning, we can expect it to get colder."

"Smart move," Asher replied, "I see we're passing Puterastadt. We went on a field trip to this community once. We had a lot of field trips like that."

"Have you ever been to Servofors?" asked Rhiannon.

"Nope."

"Me neither."

They both looked outside to see Puterastadt in a state of urban decay. Trash was strewn everywhere and many of the community citizens were very hungry, to say the least. Rhiannon couldn't look anymore, so she braked and looked at the map, wondering how far it was until Servofors. They would have to pass by other second status communities. Other than Hurupolis, there was only one other first status community in the cluster. Rhiannon wondered how they were holding up and noticed it was on the way, so they better take a look. Perhaps they had some food and medical supplies left.

"Asher," said Rhiannon, "You ever been to Brenhinesboro?"

"Yeah," he said, "We went there as Sixes."

"You think Brenhinesboro will still be intact?"

"I doubt it."

Phillipa woke up, complaining about hunger yet again. Bruno followed suit and Asher took a can of food from the bag in the passenger seat and fed them both. Scarlet and Fiona were both still asleep, so Asher was left with the burden. Rhiannon chuckled when Asher struggled with the little ones, making the boy blush and Rhiannon smiled.

"Asher, you look _adorable_ when you blush. No wonder Fiona is all over you."

Asher's face became even redder and he shied away, so Rhiannon knew to leave him alone. She studied the map as she drove, careful to dodge any obstacles. Since Brehinesboro was on the way to Servofors, she figured it couldn't hurt to stop. If it turned out no community was intact, she would have to take her chances and travel elsewhere. She put the map down and looked at her journal, which now sported leather binding that Emanuel had given her once when the other cover was falling apart. It made her think of Rosemary's diary and she pushed the thought aside, driving further. It took no less than an hour to arrive at Brenhinesboro and by then, everyone was awake.

"Rhiannon?" yawned Fiona, "Why are we at Brenhinesboro?"

"I wanted to see how this place was holding up," she replied, "It was on the way to Servofors, so I figured I could see what was going on."

Rhiannon stepped out of the vehicle, thankful that she parked just out of sight. The community was doing somewhat better than Puterastadt, but she noticed a riot happening at one of the facilities. Fiona stepped out of the van to take a look and frowned.

"What a letdown," she sighed, "I guess we're heading straight for Servofors."

Rhiannon noticed that the medical center they were parked behind was somewhat running. She started to wonder why Brenhinesboro hadn't aided Hurupolis when the community was running low on pain pills and assumed they had adopted the same mentality as many others: look out for your own. She guessed that she had the same notion going for her and wasn't so sure it was working.

She snuck in the building, ordering Fiona to get back in the van. Rhiannon entered the lower Storage levels and found that the facility had been raided at least once. There were still some antibiotic pills hanging around, so she grabbed those. She never knew when the little ones could get sick. There was some disinfecting liquid for surface wounds as well as some gauze and tape. There was a medical bag on the floor and it was relatively clean, so Rhiannon poured her medical supplies in there.

"Who is she?" asked a distant female voice and Rhiannon looked up.

An older woman stared angrily at her frightened visage and Rhiannon made a break for it. She raced to the exit and the older woman chased after her, demanding to know who she was.

"I know you're not from here!" she cried, "WHO ARE YOU?"

Rhiannon sensed that revealing her identity wasn't the wisest decision at this point and kept running until she made it to the van. She threw the bag of medical supplies onto the passenger seat and started the gas, driving away speedily as the older woman chased after the vehicle. Rhiannon didn't stop driving until they had escaped Brenhinesboro completely and finally stopped when the town was far out of sight.

"What happened?" asked Scarlet.

"I was grabbing some medical supplies and someone caught me. She demanded to know who I was."

"Did you tell her?" asked Asher.

"Of course not," said Rhiannon, "What do you think would happen if they knew I was the Birthmother of the Receiver-Who-Ran-Away?"

"Good point," he sighed and reclined where he was, wrapping an arm around Fiona. Fiona saw that Bruno was crying and figured he needed a fresh diaper. She plugged her nose and gagged.

"Rhiannon," Fiona asked, "Do you by any chance have something I could put on Bruno?"

"There's extra clothes here," said Asher and grabbed a small cloth and a pin to hold it together. Fiona changed his diaper quickly and held his used one with only a few fingers. Asher and Phillipa plugged their noises, coughing from the smell.

"Rhiannon," Fiona asked, "Where do I put this?"

"Throw it out the window," she replied and Fiona did just that.

Rhiannon second-guessed her own suggestion as she kept driving; knowing that such waste could get someone infected. She laughed at herself, figuring that she couldn't afford to care about anyone else other than who she carried in her van. She was going to look after them like her own family and disregard any other citizen of any community, as there was no one else she could become close to anymore.

_Look out for you own._

* * *

**Brenhinesboro comes from "brenhines" (queen in Welsh) and "boro" (another suffix meaning town). **

**What do you think? It's a little short, I know. I just wrote it last minute. **


	27. Jonas: Age 15: Part 6

"Oh my god," gasped Jonas as he closed the diary. He looked around to see that Esme had fallen asleep with the book closed around her finger and Magdalene had crawled under the covers, tossing and turning. Magdalene pushed herself up, noticing that Jonas had been reading the diary again.

"Mmm, what happened now?" Magdalene asked, squinting at the light.

_The Giver, _Jonas thought, _he's with Rosemary now._ He thought about what Rhiannon had written down about The Giver waiting for her when he went to Rosemary and couldn't help but wonder if there really was an afterlife. If so, then their family unit was fully restored in the Elsewhere that they had dreamt of when they died. He held onto that cold comfort and replied to Magdalene.

"My mentor," Jonas whispered, "He's dead."

"Your mentor?"

"Emanuel," he answered, "I only knew him as The Giver."

She shifted herself so she could sit up, yawning. Jonas stretched himself out and faced Magdalene, who was genuinely curious.

"Oh," she replied, "The man with the memories and all? What else did I miss?"

"Well, I read about the part where Gabe was voted to be Released," Jonas said.

"And by that, you mean killed."

"Yeah," Jonas yawned, "I ran away with Gabe. That was when the communities started to destroy themselves. The Giver turned out to be my _uncle_."

Magdalene's face held a confused and disgusted expression as she pulled up the blankets to cover herself. Jonas had some trouble understanding what Magdalene was thinking, which wasn't much of a problem, as Magdalene had a habit of making her thoughts clear.

"But your Birthmother and the Giver were Spouses, that's _incest_. They felt THAT for each other?"

Jonas nodded.

"Eww."

"Well, how were they supposed to know?" Jonas asked, "Rhiannon didn't find out until a few months before I ran away."

"How'd she find out he was her brother?"

"She visited her Birthmother in the House of the Old and found out that her mother, her name was Aerona, was assigned Birthmother because they needed someone to birth a Receiver. Any female descendants were assigned Birthmother as well. Aerona was from Elsewhere, that's why they chose her."

"How did the communities destroy themselves?"

"I'm not sure about the others," Jonas answered, "I'm only sure about Hurupolis, that's where I lived. There were riots because of the shortage of pain pills. After that, it was the Stirrings pills. People committed suicide. Some found out what Release was and they held a kangaroo court. They tried all of those involved in Release and tortured and killed them."

"I'm not sure that makes them any better then the Releasers."

"That's what I thought. Remember, these are community people, they didn't know how to be angry," Jonas said, "Anyway, due to the constant feeling of starvation, there were food shortages. Children tried to eat raw fish. Medical facilities broke down and people started getting sick."

"Oh, wow, raw fish," Magdalene sarcastically replied, "Like they would have any idea of how to prepare sushi."

Normally, Jonas would be offended by such a comment and chastise her for mocking someone's desperation and pain. However, considering how late it was, he couldn't help but giggle too. Magdalene's smile disappeared and she gazed at him with genuine sympathy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "For what happened to your home. I never knew."

"That's okay, I didn't know either. I brought this upon them."

Jonas started to cry and turned away, hugging the diary close to him. Only his tears could be heard in the nearly silent room and he was surprised that he didn't wake anyone up. His eyes started to hurt and his nose started to run a little and he buried his face in a pillow, muttering something incomprehensible.

"What, Jonas?"

He lifted his face a little bit and said, "It's all my fault."

Jonas buried himself underneath the blankets and pillows, trying to quiet his sobs. At least he could fall asleep this way. Much to his surprise, Magdalene had come to one side of the bed and comforted him. That night, he had his first Stirrings dream in a long time.

* * *

"Umm," Esme muttered as she stood above the pair, "Is there something you two should be telling me?"

"No," said Jonas as he got up to change his clothes.

"Good," she replied, "Mom told me we're visiting the cousins today for a short time and I don't want you two looking like you're dating."

"Um, no, that's kind of incest," Magdalene laughed and went to the bathroom to change into fresh clothes. It didn't take long for them to get ready and they were soon driving to Aunt Robin and Uncle Simeon's house. Ernest, Eleanor, and Gabriel were making a ton of noise, as usual, and Esme took to quieting them down. Magdalene insisted that Jonas take the diary to read on the way, but he didn't want to read any more until the ride back. Magdalene accepted this compromise and almost fell asleep, had it not been for Eleanor teasing Ernest constantly.

They arrived and the sisters helped with the little ones. Jonas only concerned himself with Gabriel and the family went inside the house, which was bigger than any dwelling that Jonas had ever come across.

The house was only two stories, but it seemed to spread everywhere. The architecture was strangely elegant and the front yard had several potted plants that bloomed even in the harshest weather. Lights adorned the place, nearly blinding anyone that came by, and the Christmas wreath was hung on the door with only the best lights and decorations. Jonas was about to use the gold knocker on the door when a woman seemingly younger than Lillian answered the door. She stood next to a man about Jacob's age and Jonas assumed they were Robin and Simeon.

"You must be Jonas," Robin greeted, "Jacob and Lillian told us so much about you."

Jonas smiled in a shy manner and waited until Jacob and Lillian came to the door, greeting the other couple with hugs and pretend-jovial hellos. Robin and Simeon welcomed them in and Jonas stepped into the warm house, amazed by what he saw.

One of the walls had sculpted leather paneling that depicted growing camellias. Another wall featured a large picture of the family broken into small, scattered squares. There was a roaring fireplace and what must have been expensive leather couches sitting nearby it. In one of them, a young girl that Jonas assumed was Lucille was drawing a picture, paying no attention to them. He scanned the room, unable to describe and list everything, and appreciated the house's beauty.

"Your house is beautiful," he said out of the blue. Needless to say, his comment was more than appreciated.

Magdalene giggled beside him.

"What?"

"You're a kiss-ass," she whispered so only Jonas could hear her and walked off with Esme.

"Lillian, this boy is just the sweetheart," Robin gushed, "He has a little brother, isn't that right?"

Gabriel presented himself to Robin, who fell head-over-heels in love with the child. It wasn't hard for Gabriel to have this sort of control over another, as his childish mannerisms and cherubic face could charm anyone. Jonas sensed that Gabriel would get along just fine with his cousins and his aunt and uncle. The little boy stood by Jonas, holding his hand. Jonas picked him up and Gabriel rested his head on Jonas's shoulder.

"Isn't that a face to love?" Robin asked her husband, who rolled his eyes and smiled. The twins wanted their companion back, so Jonas let him down and explored the house while the adults took to casual small talk. He heard them clinking glasses and had the feeling that one of them was going to get mildly drunk. He hoped that neither Jacob nor Lillian would end up in such a state and decided to explore the second level.

The second floor wasn't as heavily decorated as the first, but it still amazed him. There were oil paintings adorning the walls and tiny chandeliers evenly lined up on the ceiling. Jonas saw a young boy, who he assumed was Ezekiel, run down the stairs out of his sight and proceeded down the long hallway.

Jonas passed by a bedroom clearly meant for Lucille, as it was filled with pink toys and other feminine items. He thought about his younger sister, Lily, and wondered if she would have enjoyed something like that, had she known color. Lily would no doubt want several comfort objects in her room and Jonas laughed at the thought, leaving that room behind.

Jonas passed the room Ezekiel exited and didn't pay much attention to it. He passed by a few grand bathrooms, some linen closets, and other things that Jonas didn't have in either Dwelling he lived in. There was an art studio and Jonas took note of it, promising himself he would come back to look at the work hanging inside that room. He heard a strange noise coming from the end of the hallway and debated whether or not he should go there. Curiosity got the better of him and he approached the mysterious door, pushing it open ever so slightly. He couldn't believe his eyes.

A girl about his age sat in a rocking chair, her abdomen protruding out of the rest of her body and Jonas quickly figured out that she was pregnant. She looked somewhat gaunt and was wearing long, thick pants that covered her feet. The girl adjusted her heavy sweater and pulled down a large, wool patterned cap that covered her entire scalp. She pushed back a strand of hair with an unmistakable color and turned her head to see Jonas.

"Fiona," he muttered and felt his knees go weak, yet he mustered up the strength to approach her, "Is that you?"

"Go away," she shivered weakly.

"It's me, Jonas."

"I know," she huffed, "Now leave me alone."

Jonas wasn't sure what to feel. A part of him wanted to embrace her and thank _someone_ that she was alive, yet another part of him wanted to cry because she was rejecting him. He couldn't think of one question to ask her on the spot, yet he was sure that when he left, he would be able to think of a million.

"I – I'm sorry, Fiona," he whispered, "I'm just so happy you're alive."

"You caused all of this," she wept before him, "My home is destroyed and it's your fault! Go away, I hate you!"

Jonas backed away slowly as Fiona tore her hateful gaze away from him and back to the window mournfully. He closed the door behind him and ran downstairs, trying to distract himself from what he had encountered and failing. Gabriel had noticed how distraught Jonas was and kept asking what happened, yet Jonas was silent and Gabriel went off with the twins. Esme was supervising the children while the adults were busy sipping rum and eggnog. Only Magdalene remained and she knew better than to ask.

* * *

"Are you okay, Jonas?" asked Magdalene in a hushed voice as they drove home.

"I saw Fiona."

"Who's Fiona?" she asked.

"My childhood friend," he whispered, "She was my first crush."

"Oh," she replied and asked, "What happened to her?"

Jonas started to look around cautiously and noticed that both Jacob and Lillian were busy changing the radio station constantly, Gabriel was asleep and Esme was entertaining the twins, so he was confident that no one would hear him if he spoke quietly enough.

"I saw her up in a guest room, or something. She looked starved. I think she's pregnant."

"How did _that_ happen?"

"Only one way to find out," said Jonas, pointing to the diary he brought in the car.

And so they read…

* * *

**Did you expect that? Did you? Maybe? No? Yes? Ahh, I'll guess. Sorry if the Jonas chapters bore you, but there had to be a break. I didn't particularly enjoy writing the Jonas chapters either, but they were building up to something decent, I hope.**


	28. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 3

They had been driving to Servofors when Phillipa screeched. Scarlet had woken up from her slumber and Asher and Bruno were startled. Rhiannon pushed hard on the brakes and everyone was thrust forward slightly. She looked at the back seats and saw Phillipa pointing at Fiona, who was fretting as well.

"I'm bleeding," she raised her voice, "I'm bleeding!"

Rhiannon rolled her eyes and looked through her pile of supplies. She wondered what she could use to absorb blood and looked through the medical supplies back, taking out gauze. She grabbed a pair of undergarments and attached some gauze to the bottom, throwing the pair of underpants at Fiona.

"Fiona," huffed Rhiannon, "You're just on your period. You're not dying. Put those on."

"Period?"

"Yeah, you're going to bleed out of your birth canal for a week," she said, "It happens once a month. I put gauze on the bottom of your underwear to absorb the blood. Have Scarlet explain it to you."

Fiona changed into her fresh underwear and Asher plugged his nose in disgust. Phillipa mimicked his gesture and Fiona looked away, ashamed. Bruno ignored everything and Scarlet took to explaining Fiona everything. Asher shifted uncomfortably when he heard the graphic discussion and Rhiannon laughed at his reaction, remembering when she was first learning of the reproduction process. From then on, the car ride was silent. Rhiannon told herself she needed to clean the van seat when she got to Servofors and soon got sick of the smell. Everyone became irrationally irritated with Fiona, who sensed their discomfort and cowered in her bloody seat.

When they arrived, Rhiannon noticed there were fewer people there. Two people were standing on an elevated podium outside, addressing the community of Servofors. She parked the van just outside the community and the rest of the gang got out of the van. Rhiannon tried to scrub the blood out of the seat to no avail when someone from Servofors noticed her.

"It's the Birthmother!" cried a young child, "The Birthmother of the Receiver!"

Everyone's attention turned to her and she stepped just a little bit forward from the group she felt responsible for. The child approached her and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the crowd. They directed her to the two people on the stage, one male and one female, and she looked at their names. The male was Salvatore and the female was Cinzia. They pushed her to the front of the podium and the Servofors residents cheered.

"Citizens of Servofors," said Salvatore, "I bring you Rhiannon the Resilient."

"Honored Birthmother of He-Who-Fled and Spouse of The Late Receiver," said Cinzia.

"Citizen of the First Status Community of Hurupolis," said Salvatore, "Will you tell us the state of affairs from your native community?"

"All right," said Rhiannon, "But you won't like it."

"We need to know."

"Okay," said Rhiannon and raised her voice for the audience, "There has been a great misfortune. After my son had fled, everyone received the memories. Several committed suicide. Some had fled Hurupolis. Many had requested Relief-of-Pain habitually. Medication shortages caused riots and several were Released. Someone had found that Stirrings Pills, when one overdoses, numbs pain. Again, there was a medication shortage, followed by another riot and raid. I had to speak to the community about why my son had fled, revealing the secret of Release. Many were outraged and established kangaroo courts. They tried anyone who conducted or sentenced people to Release. The punishments were torture-transfers, exile, or death. The last punishment was the most brutal. The entire Department of Justice was overthrown. The remaining Elders went into hiding and died. People were starving and desperate, so desperate that they tried to eat raw food and fell ill. With the medical facilities becoming run down, disease spread rapidly. Rumors of Climate Control Malfunction spread across Hurupolis, so the remaining citizens tried to keep warm with fire. They didn't know how to control it, so the entire city burned. I'm not sure whether or not there are any survivors. I'm sorry that's what you had to hear, but I don't want to lie."

The entire community of Servofors was silent in awe and despair. Cinzia and Salvatore hushed the citizens and spoke again, letting Rhiannon withdraw to the back of the podium.

"Remember, citizens," said Salvatore, "Just because one community has fallen, does not mean that we cannot rise from this tragedy. When our government had failed us, we stood up and chose our own rulers. We made something of ourselves. Once we return to our former state of strength, we can bring the fallen communities up from their pitiful state and once again become a thriving civilization."

The citizens cheered with hope at the sound of Salvatore's speech and Rhiannon slowly exited the podium, returning to her van. She thought of the supplies she raided and wondered if she should stay in Servofors for just a little longer. The people here were surprisingly resilient and the community was functioning relatively well. Rhiannon wondered if many memories spread out this far and thought otherwise.

Later that day, the leaders Salvatore and Cinzia asked Rhiannon to stay, if only to boost up the morale of the citizens, and Rhiannon agreed. The gang still stayed in the van if they needed to escape. The group ended up staying for three months and each person developed an established role in Servofors. Rhiannon became a figurehead and participated in town meetings, Fiona had assumed a primary role in caretaking for the weaker citizens, most notably New-children and the Old, Asher provided entertainment (which the leaders had thought very useful, as it kept their spirits high), and Scarlet acted as Rhiannon's assistant. Phillipa and Bruno were the young children that charmed everyone's hearts. Since the group thought they were staying for a good while, Rhiannon thought she could volunteer some of the gas to the community. This helped them run certain facilities and in return, the former Hurupolis residents got priority access to whatever they needed. The group became increasingly content with their state of affairs and Rhiannon developed some hope for the communities. Still, she found herself yearning for Emanuel's company.

During nightly gatherings of entertainment, in which Asher was the star of some story that he had written, Rhiannon thought of Emanuel and Rosemary. She couldn't help but cry when she thought they were together now, in some imaginary Elsewhere that Emanuel had fashioned up. She wished they were here with her, enjoying the nightly rituals of bonding in Servofors. If any community had the power to become like the Elsewhere that Jonas yearned for, it was Servofors.

Scarlet sat by her one night, holding her hand. Rhiannon leaned against Scarlet's shoulder and sighed. The two women stared out at the sky, noticing the sparkly stars that adorned the blackness for the first time. Rhiannon smiled weakly.

"Thank you, Rhi," Scarlet whispered, "For what you have done for us."

Rhiannon chuckled and held Scarlet close. Phillipa and Bruno were with some other children, happily laughing at some dance that Asher had taught the other adolescents. She noticed that Asher and Fiona had gone back to the van, holding hands as they ran. What they did in their alone time, Rhiannon rather wouldn't think about, so she laughed and pushed the thought aside. For the first time in a while, Rhiannon had felt whole, and she thoroughly believed she had found her final home.

Or so she thought.

* * *

**So yeah, by the end of this chapter, it's the beginning of April. About eight to nine months before Rhiannon sees Jonas and dies. I don't want her to die :'( ...**


	29. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 4

"Rhiannon!" cried Fiona in the middle of the night, "What's happening?"

Rhiannon woke up suddenly and Bruno started crying. Fiona shook Asher and Scarlet awake and Phillipa woke up from Bruno's screaming. Rhiannon looked in the rearview mirror and outside, seeing citizens fleeing from something that Rhiannon could not see. She exited the van and saw an invading armed force. The citizens of Servofors were hiding behind buildings and other obstructions while the armed force shot their guns, sending some of their forces to raid buildings. Rhiannon hid while she saw an individual from the aforementioned armed force and noticed a band tied around the person's arm. She recognized the insignia sewed onto the band, realizing that this had come from another second-status community. She remembered this community had past tensions with Puterastadt, Hurupolis and Brenhinesboro and wondered if this community had been raiding other communities as well, accelerating the downfall of the community cluster as a whole.

When she got back into the cab, Asher asked her, "Where are they from?"

"Luopiothorpe," she said, "They're raiding supplies and shooting people. We need to get out."

"But the people–" said Asher.

"We can't help them, Ash," said Rhiannon, "We have to leave, or who knows what they'll do to us?"

Rhiannon started the van and they drove outside of the community, barely escaping the Luopiothorpan forces. Scarlet looked back and commented on the killings and raiding. Rhiannon peeked at the rearview mirror and saw a Luopiothorpan man failing to chase the van. Fiona and Asher were gripping tightly to each other's hands and Scarlet was holding the two little ones close together. Rhiannon pushed harder on the acceleration, panicking while she drove. They rode in silence as she sped away from Servofors, lamenting over the loss of her second home. Once they parked in a spot where Servofors was finally out of sight, Rhiannon got out of the van. She needed to be alone.

She walked off the road and into the flatland forest, eventually going into a run. She hoped that no one had run after her and finally stopped, as she had run out of breath. She could still see the van, but stood behind a tree large enough to conceal her. Once she caught her breath, she screamed. It was all too much.

_I want to be with Emanuel…_

_ No, you're not this person._

_ What's left for me now?_

She felt a soft, chilly breeze and held her arms to keep warm, rolling into a ball. Her hands then gripped her legs and she buried her face, weeping. Her hands fell into the soft dirt and Rhiannon no longer cared if someone had found her like this, whether it was her van gang or a Luopiothorpan militiaman. Someone could kill her on the spot and she wouldn't put up a fight.

_I'll be with him again. Rosemary too._

_ Stop it! You're becoming weak!_

_ So?_

_ This isn't you._

_ It is now._

"Rhiannon!" cried Asher.

Rhiannon looked to her left as Asher ran to her, skidding on his knees when he embraced her. She held him in return and Asher nudged his head on her shoulder in relief.

"I thought you were hurt," he panted, "Then what would happen?"

"Then I would be with the people I love."

Asher backed away and shed a single tear, which streaked his dirty face. Rhiannon sensed that she had said something regrettable and felt heartbroken. When he had cried, in that moment, Rhiannon saw Rosemary.

_Curse them for having the same Birthmother, curse their resemblance._

"You don't love us?" he said in a volume just above a whisper.

"That's not what I meant."

Asher sat beside Rhiannon and wiped his tears, sighing and fidgeting with a tiny piece of wood that had fallen off of a tree. She smiled weakly at him and he returned the sentiment, holding her hand. She cried.

"Please don't leave us, Rhiannon," he said, "We still need you. I still need you, I need a mother."

_A mother…_

"And they need a leader," said Asher, "Scarlet may be a mother to Fiona, Fiona and I may be parenting figures–"

"Parental figures."

"Whatever," he huffed, "We may be _parental_ figures to Phillipa and Bruno, but not one of us knows what we're doing, not like you do. Imagine if we were left alone with Scarlet!"

Rhiannon laughed weakly at the morbid joke. She held Asher close to her, her face in his full head of hair, tears trailing down to his scalp. He welcomed the embrace and held her arm like a comfort object. He felt her body quaking as she sobbed and heard her shaky voice let out a few coughs. Asher couldn't help but cry a little too.

"I would feel so lost if you left, Rhiannon," he whimpered, "We all would. You are the strongest person I know. You're more capable than what you think? What makes you have so little faith in yourself?"

"Umm," she said with a smile, raising her head a little, "Maybe it had to due with the fact that I was assigned _Birthmother_."

Asher laughed at her joke. They looked at each other and Rhiannon, for once in her life, had gotten what she always wanted: a son.

* * *

**That moment made me happy :)**

**But of course, like the sadistic author I am, I have to rip her heart out at some point o.O**


	30. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 5

Rhiannon had no idea what to do now, since they had fled Servofors for good, about a month ago. She started to wonder what the Luopiothorpan forces had done to the Servoforic people, but the current circumstances reminded her that she couldn't afford to care about them now. She had her own new family to think about and looked at the dwindling food supply. Rhiannon had sacrificed portions for them daily and Scarlet was picking up the same habit. One day, Rhiannon had gone completely without food so the children could eat. She looked at the gas gauge and knew that they either had to stop at a nearby fuel station or abandon the van altogether. They couldn't stay in one place forever. They would starve otherwise.

Rhiannon thought they were completely asleep and decided to check their supplies again. There was enough food for another week or so and she checked out the maps. There was an agricultural field they could scout and another fuel station on the way, so she plotted her path, glad to have some sort of plan now. She thought about scouting other communities, hoping that there was at least _one_ still intact. However, she knew that what she saw in Servofors couldn't have been the first of incidents of its kind in the community cluster. If other places had adopted the same mentality as Luopiothorpe, then the entire community cluster was moribund. She had seen the first status communities fall apart first hand and without their authority, the second and third status towns would fall after them. She hoped that the outside resource settlements were relatively intact and kept driving, holding on to that hope. She couldn't think of anything else to keep her going.

"Hey, Rhi," said Asher, "I know you're hungry."

He presented a small portion of his last meal and she refused. He insisted she eat, as she was their stronghold and her demise meant their end, so she ate a little bit. Asher smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Why couldn't you be my mother before?" he asked, "You're so much better than the parents I had."

"Thank you," she whispered, "But I wasn't much better. I was distant from Rosemary and she was my daughter. It's no wonder she favored her father."

"You're still better than my mother," he said, "She could barely handle me. She once joked that she would apply for Release because I drove her crazy."

She patted his scalp and kissed his forehead in compassion. Her hand remained on his head even as she separated from him. Everyone else was sleeping, so no one could judge the moment. Rhiannon was glad she agreed to bring Fiona and Asher. Well, mostly Asher.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Ash," she replied lovingly, "I love you like a son."

"Something tells me you have wanted a son for a long time."

"You're more than anyone gave you credit for."

"Same goes for you," he said, "I think you're more like me than like Jonas."

Fiona woke up just in time for the sunrise and yawned. Asher turned his head to face her and pulled away, leaving Rhiannon to witness their affection. Sometimes she giggled at their young love and wishing she had that in her life, other times, she was concerned about what they would do. If they engaged in the "primitive method" that others had called sex, then Rhiannon had no idea what to do if Fiona ended up pregnant. No doubt would the baby die with its mother. Considering their circumstances, she had the feeling their premature deaths were inevitable. She couldn't tell that to the rest of the group, as they seemed to know that too. It was an unspoken truth that haunted them daily.

"Careful," Rhiannon said, "I don't any dirty business in this van."

Asher blushed, "You are never going to leave us alone on the matter, are you?"

Rhiannon laughed as she reclined in the driver's seat, "You wanted me as your mother, these are the consequences."

The couple had showed their affection to each other in the form of passionate kissing until Phillipa had woken up and asked what they were doing. They stopped in embarrassment and the rest of the group woke up, making the car ride unbearably awkward for the couple. Rhiannon was smug.

She kept driving to the next fuel station, crossing her fingers that some fuel would be left. She couldn't fail them. Not now.

Not ever.

* * *

"Curses!"

When Rhiannon had arrived at the fuel station, she prepared herself for it to be empty. She got there and raided the station for gas, getting only enough to make it a little bit past the next agricultural field. When she got back to the van, she saw three men harassing her van group for medical supplies. One was ransacking the medical supplies from the passenger seat, one was restraining and harassing Scarlet, and the last one restrained Fiona and Asher. Rhiannon dropped the gas cans and grabbed a glass shard from a nearby broken window, running to stab the thief. It was then when she recognized the men as Luopiothorpan.

She got the man in the shoulder, as she wasn't tall enough to get her neck. The man turned around and threw a punch at Rhiannon, who barely dodged it. She tried to hit him, but he caught her fist and twisted her arm. The man restraining Asher lost focus for a second, allowing Asher to escape his grip and run to the other man. He started throwing punches at the man, which was ineffectual in terms of causing injury. However, it was enough to distract his attention long enough for Rhiannon to kill him.

She had grabbed the shard and made several cuts to the major arteries on his arm, causing him to bleed profusely. The adrenaline caused her to make more fatal wounds on the thieving man, giving her a surge of energy with each wound inflicted. When he turned to face her, gripping his bleeding arm, she slashed his neck and blood spilled on her clothes. It was only when she dropped the shard of glass when the implications of her actions hit her full on.

_I killed someone… I'm just like _them.

"KILLER!" said the man restraining Fiona and he lunged for Rhiannon.

Rhiannon fell backward and her ribs seemed to be crushing under the man's pressure. Fiona trembled in fear and Asher went to Rhiannon's rescue, throwing a punch at the man's jaw. The man that harassed Scarlet went to beat Asher. With both men focused on the boy, Rhiannon got up, her abdomen incredibly sore. The medical supplies that the dead man had attempted to rob were scattered on the concrete, some no longer usable. Scarlet lunged for the rest of the dwindling medical supplies and shoved them back into the van. The two little ones were screaming.

Rhiannon shuffled on her feet, grabbing the nearest heavy object and bashing it against one man's head, killing him instantly. The man fell beside the first dead man and the third, living man lunged for Rhiannon, attempting to asphyxiate her. Rhiannon struggled, trying to push him away as she felt herself losing oxygen. Scarlet, Fiona and Asher came to her aide and tried to pull him off. When they did, he threw them onto the ground. Rhiannon got up, throwing up onto the ground and on the man's shoes. He was outraged and struck a hard blow, disorienting her. Scarlet got up and jumped on the man, trying to choke him. Asher looked around for a hard object and when Scarlet dropped, causing the man to stumble against the van, Asher pounded the man's face in. The gang went back into the van and they drove off, not saying a word.

* * *

They made it to the agricultural field. Their food supply was running even lower and everyone's food ration, aside from Phillipa and Bruno, had been reduced to one small meal a day. Rhiannon would often go without, for the sake of the group, and sometimes Scarlet and Asher would do the same. Asher would volunteer his meals sometimes to Rhiannon or Fiona. Rhiannon placed her cold hand over her stomach, attempting to soothe the pain. Having a memory of it was one thing, but for the experience to be solely from your waking life was another. She tried to bring back the memory of a birthday party with its frosted cake, but not even the memories had a strong hold on her anymore. She parked the car and saw that most of the field was empty and reaped.

She went with Asher to gather some food while Scarlet and Fiona watched over Phillipa and Bruno. They had taken to the edge of the massive field where they picked some almost rotting crops. There wasn't much else, so they took what they could. Rhiannon looked at their meager gatherings and sighed, knowing it wasn't enough.

"I know that face," said Asher, "You know something's wrong."

"I'm not sure if this is enough," she sighed, "I don't know how far we can go. I don't even know where we're going."

"We're going _somewhere_, Rhiannon," he replied, "Phillipa has it in her head that you're leading us Elsewhere."

"Elsewhere," she chuckled weakly, "Now you're sounding like Jonas."

"He-Who-Fled," he stated, "You should have been Selected, not him. You're so much stronger."

"Do you really think that's why he fled?"

"Yeah," sighed Asher, "I think that story you were told was some sort of cover up. I think you were lied to."

"If that's the issue here, then it's not the first time it happened," said Rhiannon, who proceeded back to the van with Asher following suit.

When she arrived at the van, she saw the disappointment on Fiona's face. Scarlet held the same expression and Asher shrugged, placing his gatherings neatly with the rest of the food supply. He went to the backseat with Fiona, who complained.

"That's all you found?" she asked.

"Well, why don't you figure something out, miss?" Rhiannon snapped and Fiona shut up, retreating to the back of the van with Bruno and Phillipa. Rhiannon started driving away in no particular direction, knowing that their gas would run out soon. She tried to think of other options, to no avail. That familiar sense of hopeless returned and consumed her entire being. The others sensed it, yet they kept quiet. Any wrong thing said and she could snap.

* * *

The gas had run out when they were driving by a river. Their food supply was completely gone, aside from the gatherings that Rhiannon and Asher had collected, and they were starting to quarrel with each other for no good reason. Rhiannon and Fiona quarreled the most and their bitter arguments often ended with Rhiannon stating that she was pulling most of the weight and Fiona better carry a similar burden before she started to complain even a little bit. One time, Fiona retorted this contention with the fact that she was caring for Phillipa and Bruno, but Rhiannon had stated that the care of the younger ones was a group effort. They argued less frequently since then, but there was still a bitter tension between them and Rhiannon second-guessed her decision to let them come along with her escape plan. She then remembered Asher and lost her feeling of regret over such a decision. If not for that boy, she would be emotionally empty inside.

"River," Phillipa pointed out, "Swimming time."

The group had agreed, as they all secretly craved the idea of much needed emotional release, and Rhiannon said they should take shifts on their excursion to the river. Rhiannon and Scarlet agreed to watch over the van while Fiona and Asher took Phillipa and Bruno to the river. While Scarlet consumed a small portion of food, Rhiannon had gone to the backseat of the van and fell asleep.

She dreamt that she and Emanuel were at the river. His form was that of a fourteen-year-old boy, yet he still looked taller than her. He smiled at her and she looked down, blushing. She noticed that she was twelve again. He held her in a tight embrace and she returned the gesture of affection. Emanuel led her to the edge of the river and knelt down, turning over a rock. A single crawfish cowered away from his towering form and he brought his hand down to catch it. He brought it up for Rhiannon to see and she noticed how the crawfish struggled, its tail pinched by Emanuel's index finger and thumb.

"Try to catch one," he said, smiling as he placed the crawfish in a nearby cup.

He placed one hand on her back affectionately and his other hand pointed to a tiny crawfish cowering behind a small rock. She overturned it and pinched the tail with her fingers, holding it up to look at. The thing wriggled in her fingers, producing a ticklish feeling, and she dropped it. She couldn't stop giggling and Emanuel's hand moved from her back to around her waist. He pulled her close and held her there as she watched the dropped crawfish swim away. The slippery surface of the river caused her to land on his lap.

"I love you, Rhi," he said and looked out at the river.

"I love you too, Emmy," she whispered and attempted to kiss his cheek when he surprised her by turning his head, his lips touching hers.

She felt flushed by what they were doing and they separated. Emanuel pointed to the shore and they struggled to get there, trying not the slip. Once they got there, they landed in the sand and lied in a supine position, relaxing. She rested her head on his shoulder and he placed a hand on her arm.

"Rhiannon," Scarlet asked, shaking her awake, "Are you okay?"

"I was okay before," she said, angry that the dream wasn't real, "Now I'm awake."

"I'm sorry, Rhiannon," she sighed and held her hand, making Rhiannon feel very _confused._

Just then, Asher opened the van door, breathing heavily. His clothes, aside from his underwear, were in a soaked bunch and water was dripping from his muscular form.

"It's your shift now," he reminded them, "Just go there and tell Fiona, she'll come up when you get there."

Rhiannon and Scarlet exited the van before Asher entered it and went down to the river. Phillipa and Bruno were tossing mud into the river and Fiona was watching them. A soft breeze made the leaves rustle and Rhiannon kept thinking about her dream. Scarlet went down to tell Fiona that her shift was done and Fiona trotted to the van, leaving the older pair to look after the little ones.

"What were you dreaming about?" asked Scarlet.

"My former Spouse."

"What else?"

"A river."

"Oh."

Scarlet laughed as Phillipa made sloppy sand shapes. Bruno was ruining Phillipa's structures and she protested. Rhiannon knew she wasn't equipped to deal with it, so Scarlet took to calming her down. Rhiannon was amazed by Scarlet's ability to deal with this sort of situation and looked out at the river longingly. She closed her eyes once more, trying to will back the dream and failing. Rhiannon soon tired of this and decided to count the supplies they had so she could busy herself with some sort of plan.

"Scarlet," she said, "I'm going to check the supplies and make a plan. I'll send one of them down to help you with the kids."

"Okay."

Rhiannon went to the van, thinking of the dwindling food supply. She hadn't the slightest idea of how to find food in the wilderness and thought maybe they could travel to another place on the map, perhaps another fuel station to hijack another van so they could travel farther. Maybe there would be planes there and she could fly to Elsewhere. Laughing at her foolish idea, she pushed the thought aside. She imagined herself crashing the plane before she got to a substantial height and vetoed the idea completely.

She arrived at the van and opened the van doors, hearing what she never thought she would in a lifetime. As she climbed in, she caught Asher and Fiona completing an unthinkable deed.

As Asher collapsed and lay beside Fiona, Rhiannon screamed, "What were you two doing?!"

"Rhiannon," Asher stuttered.

"Are you crazy?" she ranted, "Do you _really_ think that's the smartest thing you two could do with your spare time?"

Asher and Fiona were frantically putting on a change of clothes as Rhiannon huffed and pounded a fist in the seat out of anger. Once Fiona had finished changing, she cowered in a corner to hide from Rhiannon's burning eyes. Asher was about to crawl next to Fiona when Rhiannon screamed again.

"You stay away from each other!" she huffed, "Are you two that stupid, she could get pregnant! Do you really think we can feed a pregnant girl? Oh, for the love of _whatever_, what makes you think you'll live if you end up pregnant, Fiona? That baby would probably make you starve and even if it doesn't, you'll die in childbirth! What makes you think you'll live and we'll be able to feed a newborn? Leave, one of you! Scarlet needs help with the little ones. I don't trust you too together anymore!"

Fiona left the van to help Scarlet supervise Phillipa and Bruno, leaving Asher to face Rhiannon's fury. She started counting the supplies to busy herself, thinking it silly that they could survive another week if things continued the way they were. Rhiannon knew that they would have to find another resource settlement; otherwise they'd be in trouble. If Fiona ended up pregnant, she swore she would resort to cannibalism with Fiona being her first target. As for Asher, she had no idea what to feel.

"I'm sorry, Rhiannon," Asher whimpered and looked away.

"Sorry isn't going to do anything, now is it, Asher?" she yelled again, "How could you be so stupid?"

"I, I – I, I don't know," he said quietly, "Now I know why we had the Pill before."

"Well, wouldn't _those_ come in handy for the two of you?!"

Asher shut up and Scarlet and Fiona returned with the little ones. Phillipa and Bruno fell asleep in the van instantly, cuddling up against Scarlet. Rhiannon ordered Fiona and Asher to sleep on the opposite sides of Scarlet and they did so without protest. They knew they couldn't win that battle with Rhiannon. She saw them stare longingly for each other and wasn't having any of it. She knew nothing would ever be the same again and sighed, overwhelmed with stress and fear.

That night, for the first time, she yearned for murder.

* * *

**Well, now that whole Fiona-pregnant issue in the previous Jonas chapter makes sense now, doesn't it?**

**Hehehe...**


	31. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 6

It had been a week and their crop supplies were used up entirely, much to the group's dismay. They had turned to Rhiannon for answers and when she couldn't provide any, they sank deeper in confusion and hopelessness. Rhiannon would go outside of the van while they were sleeping to get some much needed solitude and sneak back before they woke up to avoid any questions. This system has kept her sane.

Rhiannon had found a lighter in the glove compartment and smiled. She thought of the memories of camping she received some time ago and hoped that it would help her figure things out now. As the rest of the gang slept in the van, Rhiannon would go out and wander a little bit. She would always keep the van in sight, as she had no way of navigating the wilderness. Her hand played with the lighter a little and she thought of catching some fish or some animal to cook and eat.

She saw a strange, furry creature scurrying near the river their van was parked close to and her stomach growled. Rhiannon had a hard time remembering what it was and after a while of thinking, she figured out it was an opossum. It spotted her and played dead, causing the desperate older woman to run to it in hopes of hunting it for her meal. She ripped her sleeve off of her tunic and tied it around its neck. Rhiannon kept pulling her sleeve around its neck tighter and tighter, asphyxiating it until it struggled to breathe its last breath. Considering herself lucky, she held the opossum by the ends of the sleeve, swinging it slightly and snapping its neck. Once she made it back to the van, she gathered some sticks and leaves to start a fire.

"Hey, Rhiannon," Asher said with a yawn.

"Hi," she replied, focusing on the fire and the dead meal.

Rhiannon started to wonder how she was going to prepare the meal and looked around the van for something sharp. Asher realized was she was trying to do and helped her with this, finding a rock with a pointed edge.

"Rhiannon," he said, showing her the rock, "Would this help?"

She took it and tested it against the dead opossum, tearing against its skin. She pulled the skin off cleanly, which she was quite impressed with, and wondered how she was to cook the meal. Asher went looking around the car, going through a first aid kit in the medical supplies back. He found a pair of sharp scissors in there and handed them to Rhiannon.

"What are we going to do with these?" she asked, "I don't see how this would hold it over the fire."

"No, that's what the sticks are for," he answered, pointing to some long sticks that were beside the fire, "Use the scissors to cut the meat into small bits. I think they'll cook faster that way."

Rhiannon messed with Asher's hair affectionately and started cutting away the meat. Asher went through the van, finding an old can and going to rinse it in the river. He came back, drying it off with his tunic, and set it down beside Rhiannon.

"You can put the cooked pieces in here," he said, "We'll eat some and feed the rest to the mothers and little ones when they wake up."

"The mothers?" asked Rhiannon.

"Scarlet and Fiona," said Asher, "Since you went on that pregnancy rant, I always thought Fiona would end up as a mother."

"I'm still angry with the both of you, you know," she huffed.

Asher sighed as he helped her cook the opossum, "I understand. I'd be angry too, if I were you."

Rhiannon and Asher dumped some of the cooked pieces into the can and attached yet more meat pieces to the end of their sticks, holding them over the fire. They were kept warm by it and Rhiannon couldn't help but stop to appreciate its beauty. Asher leaned against her arm and felt the same thing.

"I swear, Asher, if we resort to cannibalism, I'm eating Fiona first."

"…That was cruel."

Rhiannon stopped with the morbid jokes and continued cooking the meat alongside Asher. Fiona came out of the van to stretch her legs when she saw Rhiannon with Asher. Fiona gave her a polite smile and walked away, knowing that if she even sat near Asher, tensions would rise again. The young redhead went back into the van to watch over the little ones. They finished cooking the opossum meat and the pair ate some themselves before sharing it with the group.

"How did you catch one?" Scarlet asked when Rhiannon told her what animal it was.

"It started playing dead and I choked it," she said, "Its neck snapped."

"Thank you," said Fiona, "for the meal."

They ate in silence as the night progressed. Rhiannon saw Asher and Fiona smile at each other in wanting and made it quite clear where she stood on the topic. Fiona would look down in shame whenever Rhiannon reproached them about what had happened. Asher would look to the side whenever Rhiannon did this and Scarlet would try to remain uninvolved. The red-haired woman would comfort her daughter as much as she could while Asher took solace in solitude. Nevertheless, no one dared to challenge Rhiannon.

* * *

Disaster happened.

Scarlet had fallen ill and Fiona stayed behind in the van to watch over her, so Rhiannon and Asher took to entertaining the little ones at the river. Rhiannon busied herself with Bruno and when he needed a diaper change, Asher went up to the van quickly to get a spare cloth. While Rhiannon wasn't looking, Phillipa screamed.

"Phillipa!" she cried as she turned around, trying to find the four year old. Once she did, she was horrified.

A snake had lunged at the child and bit her thigh, injecting venom into her bloodstream as its body curled and twisted. Rhiannon started to panic and didn't want to startle the snake; otherwise she would be lunged at and bitten, so she could only attempt to suppress the urge to scream. The rest came to Rhiannon in a blur and she had trouble recording it in her diary, so she only wrote minor details of it, and prepared a funeral.

When the snake had gone, Rhiannon and Asher brought Phillipa's body to the front of the van and dug a hole. Rhiannon gently placed her body in the hole, wrapped in an impromptu blanket. Asher kissed the dead child's forehead as his way of saying goodbye and Rhiannon shoveled dirt into the hole. They all stood around Phillipa's grave and the young lovers wept. This time, Rhiannon allowed them some alone time to grieve inside the van. Scarlet had gone of somewhere that Rhiannon didn't know about. She didn't want to enquire of her whereabouts anyway, as she wanted to be alone. Rhiannon took to writing in her diary and reading old pages.

_"Emmy became The Receiver today. The Elders told him he would face 'indescribable physical pain'. Also, there were a couple things that people had to have in order to become Receivers. They said that he would always be alone. Isolation, they said. They said he could Hear Beyond. I can't stop wondering what that is. I don't want him to be alone. He's my best friend. People are treating him differently. I'm not going to do that, because he's my best friend, and doing that to him is just mean. He wouldn't do that to me, if I were him. I told him this. I want to play imaginary games with him by the river, but I don't think he'll have time to do that anymore. I don't want him to be The Receiver."_

Rhiannon read that single page and wept for her only love. She now understood the overbearing responsibility that Receivers had to face for the community to thrive, as she had been the leader of their van gang and was personally responsible for the deaths of three men and one child. The guilt of making one wrong choice must have been unbearable and Rhiannon now understood that's part of why Emanuel had grieved so much for Rosemary. She wanted the responsibility no longer and stared at the river in temptation, wondering how exactly she could drown in it. Scarlet's sudden appearance stopped her and she jumped from surprise.

"It's okay, Rhiannon," she said soothingly, "It's just me, Scarlet. What is that?"

"Oh, it's my journal."

"Oh."

Scarlet leaned her head on Rhiannon's shoulder in attempt to comfort her, to no avail. Rhiannon still kept crying and Scarlet wiped away her tears with her thumb ever so gently, making Rhiannon want to cry more in order to receive more of that tender care Scarlet was giving her. Rhiannon was quite tired of being the only grown-up in the situation.

"It's not entirely your fault, Rhiannon," she said with her lovely, soothing voice, "We all could have done something."

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked.

"Yeah, Fiona's been giving me some pills from our medical supplies. We're almost out, though."

"I figured as such," said Rhiannon, "Just don't ask me what I'm going to do about it."

"Okay."

* * *

Bruno was inconsolable without Phillipa. Every night, he cried for her and Fiona would hold him close, to no avail. The crying of the young child would drive everyone mad and no one would get any sleep. This changed the group's sleep schedule entirely, practically making them nocturnal. Rhiannon could only hunt every so often, so the group had to make the portions last. They were always hungry.

Rhiannon was only able to make one kill every week. First, it was the opossum. Then, it was a large fish she had luckily caught in the river. She wasn't sure how that happened, but she was sure she could never do that again. The third week, she had scavenged a meal. Each time Fiona ate one of Rhiannon's meals, she barfed. Rhiannon had the bad feeling that the young lovers' unthinkable act had caught up to them.

In short, Fiona was pregnant.

Rhiannon no longer cared what Asher and Fiona did together in their alone time anymore, as she figured it couldn't get much worse anyway. It didn't surprise her that the couple took advantage of this, so Rhiannon took Bruno with her whenever this happened. She didn't want Bruno to see what they were doing anyway, as he would have started to ask questions that she would rather not answer. Rhiannon had no idea how much longer they were going to stay by the van, yet she knew that they were going to expend their resources and would have to travel to Elsewhere. She kept hoping for such a place with all her heart. If Jonas and Gabriel were there, then she would be whole.

She _had_ to find it. She _had_ to!

* * *

**All right, who's next to die? MUAHAHAHAHA!**

**No, but seriously, what should happen? They come across a clan of citizens from another community (Puterastadt, Brenhinesboro, Servofors, etc)? Or worse, a cannibal tribe from Luopiothorpe?**


	32. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 7

Some matter of time later and Bruno caught what Scarlet had put into remission. It wasn't long until Bruno was gone and they had no funeral. Rhiannon decided it was time to stop mourning the dead.

Asher and Fiona found solace in each other and sometimes a little too _much_ "solace" for Rhiannon's standards. Of course, there wasn't much Rhiannon could do about it, as Fiona's situation couldn't get much worse. Since they no longer had young ones to watch over, they could all go hunting and scavenging together. Rhiannon hadn't found very many opossums and none of them had the slightest idea of where to find fruit in the wilderness. Scarlet kept close behind Rhiannon when they went on their little gathering trips. One time, they had gone so far out that Fiona panicked about the location of the van.

"Do you really think we should be sticking by that old thing anymore?" asked Rhiannon, "It's not like we're near any fuel stations. Besides, whatever's left of them wouldn't sustain the van anyway."

"I know," Fiona said quietly, "But I feel safe there."

"There's no such thing as safe anymore," Rhiannon sighed as she progressed through the forest, "We could die tomorrow. You saw Bruno."

The group remained silent as Rhiannon led them in no particular direction, hoping to stumble upon _something._ They had been walking for an entire day and they still hadn't found any food. Fiona placed a hand over her abdomen and Asher tried to comfort her. Finally, Rhiannon let them rest and they sat by the river, watching the rapids flow. The sound of the rushing water taunted the room and they started to drink. They felt a little less dehydrated.

Scarlet fell asleep beside Rhiannon, who feigned her slumber. She simply closed her eyes so she didn't have to be bothered by questions and be left alone in her thoughts. Rhiannon tried not to think of the past anymore, as the simple pleasures of a lost time would taunt her endlessly, mocking her pitiful state. However, the more she tried to suppress the thoughts, the more her dreams took their place.

When Rhiannon was pretending to sleep, she opened one eye slowly to see a pile of clothes next to Scarlet and turned her head. Asher and Fiona were playing in the river, laughing as they splashed water at each other. Fiona fell in and Asher leaped after her, holding her in a tight embrace as she blushed furiously. They swam to the edge where the river met the sand and lied down there, the water covering their lower halves. Rhiannon had a feeling they were going to do a little more "solace-seeking", so she tried to fall asleep in attempt to ignore them.

One day, after a long period of involuntary fasting, the gang had gone for another long trek of finding food. They found a few berries here and there, but it ultimately wasn't enough to satiate their hunger, so they kept walking to find new food sources. Rhiannon had the feeling that Fiona would complain again when the younger girl had pointed to a running male, no older than Asher. Rhiannon noticed the insignia on the boy's tunic and recognized him as a child of Servofors. He was looking back occasionally and frantically and Rhiannon looked up to see a few Luopiothorpan men chasing after him. She whispered orders for them to hide as she saw a Luopiothorpan catch up to the Servoforic boy, taking out a weapon and slicing his neck open. The other men cheered for him, congratulating him on their "hunt" and the killing man dragged back the dead body to his peers. Rhiannon was about to back up when she tripped and made a branch underneath her foot snap loudly, catching the attention of a Luopiothorpan male. Pretty soon, they all saw her and her gang, who had come out of hiding to assist Rhiannon.

The men quickly gained advantage over the small group. One man stood directly above Rhiannon, one man restrained Scarlet, and the other held Fiona and Asher. Rhiannon was crying.

"Please, please," she whimpered, "Don't kill us, please."

"Lucas," said one man while evaluating Asher, "We got an older boy. He could work."

"I don't think that's all the treasure, Vlanin," said Lucas, licking his lips, "Two young females. I know after today's hunt, we'll need a good prize."

Vlanin quickly figured out what he meant and smiled, presumably fantasizing about what they would do with Scarlet and Fiona. The third, unnamed man pointed down at Rhiannon and asked Vlanin and Lucas.

"What do we do with this one?" he asked.

"Quinn," said Lucas, "That one, I don't know. Well… I could be particularly nice to you, young female."

"Please," Fiona begged, shedding tears, "Please don't hurt us. Don't hurt her."

"Well," said Lucas teasingly, "In order to be spared, you'll have to pay a certain price."

Lucas used one arm to trail his fingers against Fiona's body, causing her to shiver in disgust and fear. His finger started at her hips, trailing up her abdomen and eventually reaching her chest, where two appendages were developing rather quickly. He had a sinister smile, making the entire group feel tense.

"And if you want her to live," he whispered, making the same physical contact, only a little more discomforting, "You'll have to pay a little bit more…"

"I'll do anything," she whimpered, "Just don't hurt us. Please."

Rhiannon looked up at the men who were taunting Fiona. Although she didn't particularly like Fiona, she didn't want the men violating her in the way they were fantasizing about. Rhiannon had a memory of it back when they were in Hurupolis and when she thought about it, she shuddered. She knew the men had far more nefarious purposes in mind.

It sickened her that she couldn't do anything about it, so she traveled with the cannibalistic group, wishing that the Luopiothorpan men would inflict the pain on her instead.


	33. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 8

Vlanin, Lucas and Quinn brought Scarlet, Asher, Fiona and Rhiannon back to their camp, where other former community members were waiting. The clothes revealing their respective community insignia were worn out, threads hanging from all sides and some places covered in holes. Rhiannon noticed there were few females in the group and they were in an isolated bunch, guarded by a few men. These men saw Scarlet and Fiona, greeting them with sinister smiles. Asher held on to Fiona's hand tightly.

"What have we here?" said a man who was apparently their leader.

This man appeared better fed than the rest of the group. He had hazel eyes and stubble grew from his chin, which seemed to mark a symbol of manhood. His sleeves were torn from what must have been his tunic and his muscles were more defined than the rest of the group. He looked to be in his thirties and everyone around him seemed to revere him. Lucas brought the dead boy from Servofors and man smiled, patting Lucas on the head.

"Is this enough, Srecko?" asked Lucas.

The man named Srecko examined the body with a grin, placing a hand on Lucas's shoulder. Lucas tapped his foot anxiously, waiting for Srecko's approval. Vlanin and Quinn watched anxiously as well and Rhiannon watched the other men and women's reactions. She assumed they were having the same feeling as Lucas and watched them breathe a sigh of relief when Srecko smiled.

"Yes," he said, "You have done well. I understand Quinn and Vlanin assisted you?"

"Yes," said Lucas, kneeling before Srecko, "They did. We found _them_ when we finished the hunt."

Srecko gazed at the group as Vlanin and Quinn presented Scarlet and Fiona to him. Lucas nodded when Srecko looked at him and the younger male went back to Vlanin and Quinn. Rhiannon paid attention to the three grouped females guarded by two males and noticed their downcast faces. One female, not much older than Fiona, looked up to shake her head at the redhead girl. One guarding male raised his hand to smack her cheek and the female lowered her head again, hiding her face with her hands and knees. The guarding male lowered his hand and looked at the other two females, who kept their heads down. The two guarding males exchanged glances and smiled at each other, presumably from the sadistic pleasure they took in "disciplining" them.

"What's wrong with this one?" Srecko asked, pointing to Fiona's enlarged abdomen, "Her arms and legs are thin, but her stomach–"

He placed a hand on her lower abdomen, causing her to wince in discomfort. She tried to step back, but his other hand grabbed her arm. She looked away as his hand rose up from her lower abdomen to just below her chest and Rhiannon saw Fiona's expression contort into one of fear. Asher, who was standing just beside Rhiannon, held an expression of protest. Rhiannon could have swore that Asher was about to run up to Srecko and jump on him before pounding his face in for even _looking_ at Fiona the wrong way. Rhiannon had seen how Asher had defended Rhiannon in the past. Rhiannon was a mother figure, but Fiona was his _lover. _No doubt was Asher outraged.

"Is she pregnant?" Srecko asked and looked at Asher, "You did this, didn't you?"

Asher stood in a hesitant manner, not sure how to answer. Srecko walked up to him slowly with a mischievous grin, pointing to him in a casual manner. Lucas took to examining Fiona's slightly enlarged abdomen with his hand, causing Fiona to step back slightly. Lucas didn't treat Fiona as harshly as Srecko did, for which Rhiannon was only somewhat grateful. Srecko placed a hand on Asher's shoulder and chuckled.

"I can see why you did," he whispered in a crude way, "She's irresistible."

"What are you going to do?" he asked angrily, which interrupted Srecko's period of mild contentment.

"Same thing you did," Srecko whispered, closer to Asher's ear. He backed away and chuckled, ordering one of the guarding males to take Fiona and Scarlet to the other three females. Asher grimaced at Srecko's suggestion. Vlanin and Quinn kept an eye on Asher and Rhiannon while Lucas took to cutting up the body of the dead boy. For some time, they could only hear the hacking of flesh, which seemed to echo throughout the wilderness. The guarding males, whom she had learned were Sasho and Ciro, were eying the cut up meat. After Lucas had cut up the meat, he attempted to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. Rhiannon watched as Lucas grew increasingly frustrated. Eventually, Lucas threw the two sticks down and huffed.

"I swear, this worked yesterday!" huffed Lucas, angering Srecko.

"What did I just hear?" asked Srecko when he turned to see Lucas and the failed attempt to create fire.

Rhiannon wasn't sure she wanted to witness violence today and she thought helping the group might get her and her gang on their good side. If they were on Srecko's good side, less harm would come to them, thus their chances of becoming a meal would decrease considerably. Somehow, Rhiannon knew there was a chance it wouldn't work, but she needed as much luck as she could get.

"Boys!" she said, taking the lighter from her pocket and lighting it for them to see, "Are you needing this?"

Srecko trudged to her, gazing at the flame that seemed to emanate from Rhiannon's hand. Rhiannon wore a sly smile, despite not knowing why, and Srecko examined the flame. He smiled and took the lighter from her hand, almost burning himself in the process. He almost dropped the lighter when he felt the flame lick one of his fingers. Once he did, he picked it back up promptly, bringing the device to the set of wood underneath the Servoforic boy's cut up body. The leaves adorning the wood were set ablaze immediately and Srecko whistled in satisfaction. He placed the lighter in his pocket and turned around.

"Whoever you are," he said with a smile, "I have to thank you. Let me introduce the group."

"I figured out who you all are," Rhiannon spat back, "You're Srecko, the hunting men are Vlanin, Lucas and Quinn and the guarding men are Sasho and Ciro. I assume you males are from Luopiothorpe. The females you were previously guarding, however, I don't know who they are."

"You are quick with names," commented Srecko, "As for the females, the one sitting next to your pregnant girl is Roshanak from Puterastadt."

She recognized Roshanak as the girl who was threatened with the slap from Sasho. She wasn't much older than Fiona. Rhiannon noticed that Roshanak wasn't particularly strong or pretty, by certain standards. She assumed that aspect of Roshanak was probably why the men were pleased with the arrival of new females.

"That girl," Srecko said, pointing to the one with black hair, "Is Aune from Servofors."

"OW-neh?" asked Rhiannon, who had not recognized this girl, despite having spent three months in Servofors just a month or two before.

"And she," Srecko said, pointing to the oldest girl on the far right before directing his message to her, "Wait, you, what's your name again?"

"Ilse."

"Ah," sighed Srecko, "Ilse from… I think it was… Brenhinesboro?"

"Now," said Srecko, "Since it looks like we _won't_ be making a meal out of you, why don't we learn your names?"

Rhiannon stood uncomfortably before Srecko. She found it odd that he was being unusually polite, as she had just moments before witnessed his potential cruelty. The thought of her name being well known among the communities frightened her and she started to wonder if revealing her true identity was such a good idea. As for the others, having their real names known wouldn't do too much damage, as their names held no reputation.

"You're all from the same community, I assume?" Srecko asked, "I don't see any insignia on your clothes."

"Hurupolis," Rhiannon answered.

"That's where the runaway Receiver came from!" announced Ciro, who was watching over Aune and Ilse at the time.

"The pregnant girl is Fiona," said Rhiannon, "The older girl is her Birthmother. Her name is Scarlet."

"And the male?" asked Srecko.

"My name is Asher," said the younger adolescent, who still seemed to loathe Srecko. It was understandable, thought Rhiannon, as she had witnessed Srecko's treatment of Fiona.

"And you?" asked Srecko before he gazed into her blue eyes, making Rhiannon shiver in fear, "Wait, I know who you are!"

Sasho and Ciro took their eyes off of the guarded females to gaze at the eldest woman. Vlanin, Quinn and Lucas did the same thing and everyone knew what Srecko meant. Rhiannon waited for their response and hoped it wasn't anger, for whatever reason they may have. Mostly, when she encountered people after Jonas fled Hurupolis, she was greeted with reverence.

"Rhiannon," the males seemed to echo each other and Srecko flashed her a reverent smile, confusing the older woman. They bowed their heads briefly before returning to their duties and Rhiannon looked at Srecko.

"You're that Birthmother," he chuckled, "That revered Birthmother."

"So now what?" she asked coolly, which surprised her.

"You're staying with us," he said, "You don't have any food, as far as I can tell, and you aren't healthy enough to, well, you know."

He pointed to the sizzling pieces of meat over the fire and Rhiannon understood what he meant. She reminded herself not to eat too much when she was with the group, as she wanted to decrease the chances of becoming just like that Servoforic boy. Lucas noticed it was nearly cooked and called the guarding males to receive their share.

One by one, all the males aside from Srecko lined up near the fire, receiving their pieces of meat. Lucas took to serving them, giving Vlanin and Quinn the food first. They bowed their heads in gratitude and moved to sit beside the females. Sasho and Ciro came next, receiving a smaller portion than Vlanin and Quinn. They protested and Lucas explained that if you hunted, you got more. Srecko excused himself to receive a larger portion, placing a hand on Lucas's neck and bowing. Rhiannon assumed this was a gesture only given by the leader and sighed, her stomach rumbling. Srecko motioned for Asher to come and receive his share, but the younger boy was reluctant. Rhiannon nudged for him to go and he went there at a slow pace. Srecko placed a hand on Asher's back and the younger boy moved away as soon as he received his share, going back to Rhiannon.

"Females," called Lucas after he took a few bites, "Come."

Aune, Ilse and Roshanak enthusiastically trotted up to the fire, putting their hands out for their small meal. Scarlet followed them, grimacing at the sight, but eating nonetheless. She ate slowly, Rhiannon noticed, and very little. Once she ate a few pieces, she offered the rest of her share to Aune, Ilse, and Roshanak. Ilse refused, so the other two girls ate it eagerly. Ciro and Sasho noticed that Fiona hadn't gotten up from where she sat and pulled her by her arms. At first, she protested, but then Ciro whispered something in her ear and she became limp. They dragged her in front of the fire, making her hold out her hands, and Lucas served her some of the meat pieces. Sasho and Ciro ordered her back to where the females were kept and she sat down, staring at the food.

Srecko called Rhiannon to the fire, "Aren't you going to eat?"

Rhiannon knew she had no choice, so she went up to the fire and collected her portion. She remembered holding the mentality of looking out for your own group only, so she couldn't afford to care about that dead boy. He wasn't one of them. She took a piece and plopped it into her mouth, chewing it with gusto. It had been such a while since she last ate, so the tender meat tasted particularly good. For this, she felt guilty.

Srecko smiled at her and motioned her to sit with the men for reasons beyond her. Only Sasho remained with the females, intimidating them whenever he could. Lucas, Ciro, Vlanin and Quinn sat a little farther from Rhiannon then Srecko did and the older woman assumed it was out of respect. At this moment, Srecko didn't seem as cruel as he did before and Rhiannon wondered if it was possible to feel compassion for this man.

"We've heard about you," said Srecko, "Every community knows your name."

"So it seems," Rhiannon replied, "Several months ago, I escaped Hurupolis with my group and we traveled to Servofors. I have never been there and everyone knew who I was."

The younger males gazed at Rhiannon without uttering a word. Apparently only Srecko was allowed to speak with The Honored Birthmother.

"I remember you Luopiothorpans raided Servofors," she spat, "Is that how you got Aune?"

Srecko chuckled, "You despise me, don't you?"

Rhiannon said nothing.

"Be glad you don't have to pay for your staying with us, _Honored Birthmother_," Srecko mischievously taunted, "And someone's going to have to pay for Asher."

When he mentioned that name, Rhiannon noticed Asher still sitting by the fire, barely eating. Asher and Fiona would occasionally smile weakly at each other, but Sasho would snap at Fiona and she would look away. Asher grew increasingly indignant and Rhiannon worried it would cost him his life.

"Lucas," Srecko called, "How would you like a prize?"

_They sicken me_.

Lucas nodded fervently and Srecko ordered Sasho to bring Scarlet to him. Sasho grabbed Scarlet, who protested, but Sasho threatened him the same way he had threatened Roshanak and Scarlet restrained herself. Lucas got up, grinning from ear to ear, and he took Scarlet away from the group into the darkness. Rhiannon could only imagine what Lucas would do to her and almost barfed.

Asher saw Scarlet fade into the distance with Lucas and bit his lip, seething. No doubt was Fiona next.

Srecko, Vlanin and Quinn laughed amongst themselves while Ciro and Sasho guarded the remaining females, wondering when Lucas would be back with Scarlet. Rhiannon decided to sit by Asher at the fire, enjoying its warmth. She noticed Asher started crying.

"Asher," Rhiannon whispered and he fell into her arms.

"They're going to hurt Fiona," he whimpered, his voice muffled, "They're going to hurt her."

Rhiannon tried her best to comfort him even though she knew he was inconsolable. She occasionally looked back at the group of girls, who aside from Fiona, were talking amongst themselves. Fiona was just gazing at the spot where she last saw her mother with Lucas and grimaced. Rhiannon assumed Fiona knew that she was next.

"I know, Ash," she said, "You love Fiona."

"So much," he cried, "I can't let them hurt her."

The males got up and approached the females, appearing to be examining them. Vlanin took Ilse by the arm and led her away from the group. Quinn took Aune, Sasho took Roshanak, and Ciro was ordered to sit by the fire. Ciro sat across from Rhiannon and Asher and the pair watched as Srecko took Fiona's hand. She tried to make him let go, but he held onto her firmly and led her to some place near the river. Asher was gripping the soil beside him to resist the urge to kill Srecko. Rhiannon placed a hand on his shoulder and he breathed in, still angry.

"I hate them," said Asher, "I don't even know them and I hate them."

"I know," Rhiannon sighed, making sure Ciro wasn't listening to their conversation. Ciro was looking out into the darkness, waiting for one of the other males to come back so he could have a chance at one of the females. Rhiannon wondered if Srecko had denied Ciro often, the way he did tonight. If so, then she found a weak link.

"You know," Asher sighed, "I keep having this fantasy."

When Asher said this, he blushed. Rhiannon placed a comforting arm around him and he leaned in like a young child with his mother. They both breathed slowly and Asher calmed himself a little, as if Ciro hadn't been there at all.

"I keep imagining us finding Elsewhere and Fiona and I would get married, like I used to see in the memories Jonas left behind," he said, "She would have our baby. Sometimes, when we were alone, we would talk about names."

"Don't get your hopes up, boy," she teased. He clearly didn't appreciate the joke.

"Although sometimes I imagine you being there when the baby's born," Asher added, "Then I would let you name it."

"Oh, hehe," Rhiannon said, "I remember, years ago, us Birthmothers would make a game out of child-naming."

"What would you name the child?" Asher asked, "If you had the chance?"

Her memory jumped back to when she was a young woman, chatting with other Birthmothers on hospital beds. She remembered Nasrin and Sigilind joking with her about the pills, about Mattan the Male Nurse, watching her companions birth children for the community, and watching Birthmothers become Laborers. She remembered Evette being Released years ago, when Rhiannon was not yet Twenty. As she remembered this, she traced over the journal she kept, which she tied to her body so she couldn't lose it. Her clothing concealed it, but she always felt its presence. She tried to remember the name choices, but only remembered what she would name her own children if she had the chance.

"I remember I would choose Eliot for a boy, Evette for a girl," she said, "I liked names that would start with E."

"Why?"

"Because my Spouse's name started with an E," she said, "Emanuel. He loved me."

She sighed again, holding Asher close, "I chose Evette in remembrance to a Released Birthmother. She was Released for her infractions. Now, I'm thinking we name it Emanuel if it's a male."

"And if it's female?"

Rhiannon thought for a moment and then smiled.

"I would name her Rosemary."

* * *

**So... you can figure out where they took the girls...**

**What should happen with Rhiannon's group and this cannibalistic tribe?**


	34. Jonas: Age 15: Part 7

"We're back," said Lillian.

Jonas and Magdalene had literally gotten closer since they started reading the diary on the way back to the inn. He hadn't noticed this until Lillian had alerted them of their arrival. When they stopped abruptly in the parking lot, Jonas and Magdalene had bumped heads, giggling as they placed their hands on the places of impact. Jonas closed the book, marking the page they were on, and they all went inside. Esme helped with the little ones, as usual, and they all got back to their usual business. Esme was reading her foreign language book, Gabriel and the twins were busy wrestling, and the parents busied themselves with potential plans for the kids. Jonas placed the diary on the nightstand and sat on his bed, looking down. Everything he had read in his mother's diary became too much. Magdalene sat on the bed opposite him, facing him.

"So that's what happened," she sighed, "Now I know why she's pregnant."

Jonas and Magdalene turned to Esme, who had a pair of headphones on while she was reading her foreign language book. They both sighed in relief that Esme wasn't listening to the conversation, as she would start asking all sorts of questions. Magdalene turned to Jonas with a soft smile.

"I can't believe those men," Jonas stammered, "They – they violated her…"

"That part isn't your fault, Jonas," Magdalene said, "Those Lopothorpes?"

"Luopiothorpan," Jonas corrected.

"Whatever," Magdalene snapped, making Jonas think of Asher when he was corrected for his language, "Them choosing to even touch her – they had control over that. It's not your fault."

He was too confused by his own thoughts to answer. Asher and Fiona's siblings died, the Luopiothorpans had gone completely rogue and raided Servofors (and other communities, no doubt), and Rhiannon had taken a life, no, _three_ lives. They were absorbed into a cannibalistic tribe. His thoughts focused on Fiona. Asher had impregnated her and the older men touched her in ways that sickened his stomach. He tried to imagine how that must have scarred her psychologically and when he succeeded, it was overwhelming. Jonas started to cry. Magdalene did nothing.

* * *

"Jonas," said Lillian, "Robin really liked you. They invited us out again."

"To where?"

"Robin asked us to go to lunch with her. She told us to meet her at some outdoor shopping center she goes to a lot; I think it's called the Alcove. She's going to show us some restaurant. I forget which. She specifically asked for you, Jonas."

"That's nice," he said blithely.

Magdalene had overheard the conversation and gave Jonas a funny look. He wasn't sure why she was doing this when Gabriel fled from the twins, running into his leg. The dazed boy shook his head and fled to the adjacent room, followed by Eleanor and Ernest. Jonas could tell that Magdalene was getting sick of the small quarters.

"Your kiss-assery is paying off, Jonas," said Magdalene.

Lillian overheard Magdalene's comment, "You can come too, so long as you don't ask me to buy a whole bunch of stuff."

Jonas flashed Magdalene a funny look and went to his room to change into some fresh clothes. He picked a warm, thin striped sweater and some jeans, expecting Magdalene to comment on his fashion choices. Almost every time he got changed in the morning, he expected this from Magdalene. As a result, he learned what her taste was and learned to avoid major "mistakes", yet Magdalene always found something wrong. Today was no exception.

"Different sweater," she muttered and Jonas refused to change. She chuckled in response and dropped the subject.

Magdalene was picking out a slightly ruffled blouse to go with her attire, constantly looking in the mirror to check her makeup. It seemed to take her forever to get ready in the morning, so Jonas waited in Lillian's room. Jacob was preparing lunch for the younger kids, which mainly consisted of easy-to-cook meals that they had bought on the way to the hotel. He had a hard time getting their attention, so Esme was stuck assisting him, as usual. Magdalene was finally finished getting ready and the trio left.

"You two are getting along better," said Lillian, "Usually you two are at each other's throats. Is there something I need to know?"

Magdalene chuckled as they got into the car, forcing Jonas into the back seat. He wasn't surprised that she vied for the front passenger seat and let her have it. Jonas didn't see any particular value in it, so he was content staring out the window from the backseat. Everywhere, little snowflakes fell, reminding him of his first memory of the sled. He started to think of who that memory went to and if there were any more people left to receive that memory. If there were, they wouldn't be in good shape. Thinking of the communities depressed him, so he tried to distract himself with the bright lights that shone outside. Magdalene was constantly changing the channel on the radio, which Jonas paid no attention to.

"So when do they have that party?" asked Magdalene.

"That's your main concern, Mags?" Lillian asked playfully, "And you know that it's tomorrow. They always have their parties on Christmas Eve, Robin and Simeon."

Jonas thought what Lillian had said. If they were going there tomorrow night, then perhaps Jonas would have another opportunity to speak to Fiona. There was no doubt that Fiona was going to curse him again, but he knew that was to be expected and was prepared to deal with it. He would confess everything to her in hopes that she would forgive him. Jonas wasn't sure why he was so anxious to see Fiona again. Part of him still had strong feelings for Fiona and the other part just wanted forgiveness in general. He started to wonder about Asher and Fiona's baby, but for some reason, the thought disgusted him, so he pushed it aside.

They arrived at The Alcove and Lillian parked their car in an indoor parking lot. The trio walked out into the center of The Alcove, where Jonas saw a huge Christmas tree adorned with lights. A tall angel sat at the top of the tree, a hand outstretched to those below, as if to bless them. In one arm, the angel held a tablet of some sort and its eyes were closed, wings outspread. He couldn't stop admiring it when he heard a familiar voice.

"Lillian," Robin called, dressed rather fashionably, "It's so good to see you!"

The two sisters embraced each other warmly and Robin hugged Magdalene, not that the younger girl really enjoyed it. When Robin saw Jonas, her eyes lit up.

"Oh, Jonas, you came!" she said with a smile, motioning him to hug her. He obeyed and felt like his ribs were being crushed when she embraced him. She only did this briefly, for which Jonas was grateful. They separated and Robin looked around, stopping to point in a general direction.

"The restaurant is that way," said Robin.

They followed Robin to the restaurant and the two older sisters started talking about different events happening in town, one of them a formal party after a church service. Lillian seemed to like the idea and Magdalene overheard, dreading the church service. She didn't seem to mind the idea of a party, as Jonas knew Magdalene was thinking about potential "hook-ups". They arrived at a quaint little restaurant with a red door, which Jonas liked. The color red always seemed to appeal to him, as it was the one that carried the most symbolism and the first color he ever saw. They went inside.

"Hello, sir," Robin greeted the man at the front desk, "Table for four, please."

"Right this way, miss," said the man, whom Jonas learned was named Zack.

Zack led them to a table in the corner and the two sisters sat by each other. Magdalene sat beside Jonas, who was looking at all the food choices on the menu. During his past two years here, he had dined out on several occasions, yet he still couldn't wrap his head around the idea of so many _options_ for food. He almost drooled when he looked at the various desserts. _Bread pudding_, he thought, _chocolate lava cake, lemon tarts, apple pie, sponge cake…_

"Jonas, what are you getting?" Robin asked, catching his attention.

"He's drooling over the desserts again," sighed Magdalene, looking over at Jonas, "Jonas! Robin is talking to you!"

"What? Oh, uh, I haven't decided yet," he said, blushing in embarrassment.

Robin smiled sweetly and started talking about the various dishes that she preferred, pointing to the menu every so often and giggling. Jonas couldn't stop thinking about the desserts, which was a habit he never broke. He started thinking of the memories The Giver had transferred, particularly one about a child celebrating his birthday, complete with frosted cake. His mouth watered.

"Still drooling over cake, Jonas?" Magdalene whispered with a smile. He had noticed her change in demeanor and started to wonder if it could be credited toward something more than just reading the diary together. Jonas decided to look at some of the actual meals for once, reading the food choices more than three times.

"I'm getting the fish," she said, "How about you?"

"How do you pronounce these _names?_" Jonas asked, pointing to a side of the menu that had various French dishes, "Ba-eck-off? What's that?"

"If only Esme were here," said Magdalene, "She'd be able to pronounce that."

"What was that book that Esme was reading?" Jonas asked, "I noticed it's not in our Common Modern Language."

"Oh," replied Magdalene, "That's for her old foreign language class. In our Common Modern Language, it's Crime and Punishment, published a good five or six thousand years ago. I don't know how she can understand it."

"What language is it in?"

"I think Old Russian," Magdalene said, "Again, I don't know how she does it."

The older sisters' laughter interrupted their conversation. They both looked up from their digital menus and Robin smiled at Jonas sweetly. He thought he was going to like this woman. Lillian looked away from Robin and back at her digital menu, scrolling up and down to see the food choices.

"Lillian tells me you're from those Sameness communities," Robin inquired, "How long ago did you come here?"

"Two years ago," said Jonas.

"You know," replied Robin, "My husband went into that region recently with some of his friends from the local charity. That whole community cluster had some sort of isolationist policy, so we never really knew what went on inside. He said the entire place was devastated."

"I know," Jonas said, "Someone had arrived to our house recently. She died on our doorstep and left us her diary. The communities are destroyed."

Robin held a sympathetic expression and sighed, "Do you know who she was?"

"She was my Birthmother."

They were completely silent up to the point that a waitress came to their table. She had brought them all glasses of water and pulled out some digital device for typing. They all looked at their menus once again, Jonas still struggling with his decision. Magdalene saw him and chuckled.

"I'll have the Bouillabaisse," said Magdalene, "You, Robin, you wanted the…"

"Paella."

"I'll take the Carbonara," said Lillian, "What about you, Jonas?"

"Oh, uhh," he muttered, scratching his head while trying not to smudge the digital menu, "I'll have the, uh, pasta."

They all looked at him incredulously. Magdalene's face expressed the most mockery and Jonas felt the need to hide from her, so he kept looking at the menu again. He had mistaken a heading for a dish and laughed at himself in embarrassment.

"Spaghetti."

The waitress left, nodding toward everyone and left. Everyone laughed at him. Jonas had the feeling his face was entirely red and covered it with his hands, shying away from the three females. Robin smiled at him and Magdalene kept laughing.

"Jonas, what is _wrong_ with you?" Magdalene shouted, giggling, "You are the strangest person I know!"

Robin and Lillian at least made an attempt to control their laughter. Lillian tried to make a stern face toward Magdalene, but she bit her lip to keep from laughing. Jonas tried to shrink in that seat, staring at the decorations on the walls and avoiding their gaze. It seemed as if everyone in the entire restaurant could detect his mistake and he felt ashamed. After about a minute of shifting uncomfortably, Jonas saw the three girls calm themselves.

"Robin," Lillian said, "Continue with Simeon's story of…"

"Oh, right, the communities," gushed Robin, "Well, Simeon went with his friends through that several mile geographical barrier that separates the communities from the outside world. I couldn't believe what he told me! Simeon talked about some group of cannibals that chased after his multi-terrain vehicle. It was madness!"

"He didn't get hurt, did he?" asked Lillian.

"Oh no," Robin sighed, "But he was gone for a long time. He saw these demolished cities. One was burned down. He visited another one and several men tried to raid his food supply. He and his friends fled back to the geo-barrier. It was heartbreaking for him. No wonder he didn't want me to come."

"Did he find anyone?" Jonas asked, wanting to steer the conversation toward Fiona, who was hiding in a room at the end of the second story hallway in Robin's home.

"Yes, actually, he brought her home," answered Robin, "She was a young pregnant girl with red hair. You should have seen her. Her limbs were just skin and bones. We've been taking care of her ever since."

The younger sister sighed, "She was shivering when Simeon brought her home. God, the poor girl must have been so traumatized; she hardly spoke or ate for the first week she was here with us. She speaks a little more now, but only to express immediate needs. She mostly hides in that guestroom. She has so much trouble with new people."

Their food finally arrived. Magdalene had some sort of soup, Jonas realized, Robin had some rice dish and he and Lillian had a pasta recipe. They all ate slowly, as every other bite was interrupted by conversation. He started to wonder what Paella tasted like.

"She hasn't even told us her name."

They went back to eating and all Jonas could hear was the moderately quiet murmur of other diners and the clanking of silverware. Occasionally, Jonas would turn to his side and see a young couple walking in. The woman wore a sultry red dress and Jonas couldn't help but admire her as she walked arm in arm with an older man. Magdalene caught him staring.

"Oh," she chuckled, "So _that's_ what your interested in right now."

He gave her a funny look and she went back to eating with the rest of the group. After finishing their meals, Robin had clicked something on the digital menu, calculated their check, and swiped a small card through a slot on the side. Jonas heard a high-pitched sound come from her digital menu and the three girls got up. Jonas followed suit.

"Oh, Lillian," said Robin, "Why don't you come over to my place for some girl time? Simeon's out of the house with Ezekiel and his charity friends I told you about."

Lillian sighed reluctantly, remembering that Jacob and Esme were left alone with those three rascals. Magdalene seemed to like the idea and smiled at her mother, hoping it was going to work. Lillian stood silently, as if she was making a decision, and finally agreed.

"Sure, why not?" Lillian answered and Robin grinned from ear to ear.

They separated and Magdalene (again) raced to the front passenger seat in hopes of controlling the radio. Lillian turned on the heater in the vehicle and Jonas occupied himself with watching falling snowflakes. Magdalene often mocked him for this habit and today was no exception.

"What are you _seeing_ out there, ghosts?" Magdalene asked.

Jonas ignored her for the time being. She kept switching stations until one mentioned an almost ancient "rainbow song" that spoke of nature being one's guider. It captured Jonas's full attention.

_"And I love you so, and you help me see. And to see you in all is to see you in me. I'm in you and you're in me…"_

"What's a rainbow song?" Jonas asked.

"I dunno," the two females answered in unison.

It wasn't a long drive to Robin's house. Although Jonas knew what to expect, he still couldn't wrap his head around the glamour of the dwelling. When Robin parked her vehicle, Lillian parked hers just beside it, and they all went into the house together.

"You're not worried about leaving Lucille and that girl alone?" Lillian asked as Robin swiped her fingerprint on the scanner, which was neatly placed above the door handle. It blinked and Robin turned the knob.

"It's a very safe neighborhood," Robin answered, "Most people don't even lock their doors."

They all entered and Robin closed the door behind her. Magdalene sat on a leather chair in front of the fireplace while Robin offered Lillian a drink. Lillian refused politely, yet Robin insisted.

"Magdalene," Robin asked, "Do you want something?"

"No, thanks."

"What about you, Jonas?" Robin asked, holding a cup of chilled eggnog. There was another mug of it sitting beside her on a kitchen table. His mouth watered yet again.

"Yes, please," he answered and Robin handed him the second mug. He chugged half of it down greedily.

They all poked fun at his odd tendencies and engaged in some conversation about the upcoming party. Magdalene, as usual, was going on about the various fashions she had soon and the style of dresses she had brought along with her. Jonas grew bored of the conversation and left to the second floor. He _needed_ to speak with Fiona, no matter how angry she was at him.

When Jonas climbed up the staircase to the second level of the house, he passed by Lucille's room, noticing she wasn't there. He thought of the art studio he had passed by yesterday and thought of taking a look inside. When he walked in, he was amazed.

To his left was a sketch of a ballet dancer thrown into the air. Below her was a dark-skinned man waiting to catch her and Jonas traced his fingers along the edges of the canvas. There were a few black streaks of paint here and there and Jonas smiled. He walked away from the canvas and took a look at a finished painting to his right. A single child stood in a sunlit patch of grass surrounded by trees that towered over her. The light that shone on the child contrasted the gloominess of the surrounding forest and Jonas started to wonder whose studio this was. Several other paintings depicting dancing, picnics, and other pleasures of Elsewhere were hanging on stands and the walls. Jonas thought that The Giver would have liked this place and couldn't help but sigh when he remembered him.

"Are you Jonas?" a small, high-pitched voice said from behind, completely startling him.

A young girl wearing a purple dress stood behind the doorway of the studio. Her hair was tied back into a few braids, revealing her ears. Her eyes were like black orbs and her top lip seemed somewhat larger than the bottom. She stood in a slumped manner and the decorated socks she wore sagged to her ankles. Her general casualness reminded Jonas of Lily and he started to wonder what happened to her.

"Yes," he replied shakily, "You must be Lucille."

"How do you know my name?"

"Your mother told me."

"Oh."

Lucille walked into the studio, gazing at him while he glanced at one painting at a time. He ended up glancing at all the paintings, some amateurish, some that displayed the great skill of the artist, and looked back at Lucille.

"Do you like drawing?" she asked.

"Well, sort of," he replied, "I don't draw often."

The girl shifted, using one foot to scratch the other leg. She was surprisingly balanced and tiptoed closer to Jonas with a smile.

"You want me to teach you?" she asked, "I'm teaching the girl in the other room how to draw. I guess you could meet her, but she doesn't like new people very much. She's going to have a baby, you know. I hope it's a girl."

"Sure," Jonas smiled, "Show me how to draw."

Lucille walked out of the studio and Jonas followed her up to the slightly opened door of the guestroom. She crept behind the door and pushed it closer to the doorway, making it hard for Jonas to see what was going on.

"Do you want to draw more?" Jonas heard Lucille asking softly, "Are you tired?"

Another pause and Jonas assumed Fiona had gone nearly catatonic. He wasn't sure why Fiona wasn't speaking now when just yesterday, she was screaming at him. Jonas probably thought it was the strong emotional surge that fueled her that one time and wondered if she could take seeing him two days in a row. Just then, he heard Lucille speaking again.

"Are you hungry?" she asked softly and another pause came before she said, "Okay, I'll get something."

Lucille came out the door, closing it softly behind her, and held some art materials with her left arm.

"She's hungry," Lucille said, "Help me get some food."

Lucille had placed the materials down beside the door and trotted down to the lower level, Jonas following close behind. Lucille would sometimes slide across the wooden floor with her socks, making Jonas giggle a little. Lucille held Jonas's hand as she walked down the stairs ever so slowly, making the adolescent rather impatient. They finally got to the first floor, walking straight to the kitchen.

"Oh, hello, Lucille," Lillian greeted her, "Where have you been?"

"Teaching the redhead girl how to draw," she said, "Now she's hungry."

Robin got up to see just what Lucille was taking from their food storage. She saw Lucille taking out a jar of chocolate-flavored paste (with a spoon) and some ham from the night before, which was placed in an airtight container. Lucille smiled nervously at her mother.

"She gets cravings," the younger girl explained, "She likes this stuff."

"Chocolate paste and ham?" Robin asked, "That sounds like something _you_ would crave."

"But the girl ate an entire _jar_ yesterday!" Lucille claimed.

"Take something else for her as well," Robin sighed, looking through her food storage thoroughly.

Robin looked at a batch of fruit and picked out an apple, taking it to a chopping board and slicing it. She took out a container, similar to the one that contained the ham, and placed the apple slices in it, handing the container to Jonas. Lucille trotted up the stairs and Jonas followed suit until they were just outside the guestroom, standing next to the art materials Lucille dropped earlier. Lucille handed Jonas the container of ham and opened the door. She ran to Fiona, who was in some silky nightgown and fluffy robe that concealed her pregnant abdomen.

"Here's that chocolate stuff you like," she said to Fiona cheerfully.

Fiona hadn't even noticed Jonas as she opened the jar and ate hungrily, which humored Jonas. Jonas wasn't aware that he was chuckling until the female had turned his way. She turned away quickly to avoid Jonas's gaze. He handed Lucille the other two containers and she opened them. Fiona snatched the food hungrily.

"She doesn't like strangers," Lucille sighed.

"I'm not a stranger," blurted Jonas, which both surprised Lucille and got Fiona's attention.

He left the room and stopped by the art studio. Jonas leaned his head against the doorframe and turned his head slightly to look back at the guestroom door. After seeing the door fully closed, he walked just past the art studio and was halfway to the staircase when he heard the door creak. Once he turned his head to face the door of the guestroom, he saw Fiona opening the door slightly so he could only see half of her body as well as her entire head. She still wore that patterned cap that dwarfed her face and when she looked at Jonas, he saw not anger, but pain. Jonas was about to turn around and walk back to the guestroom, but when he took two steps forward, she closed the door solemnly.

For the first time in a long while, Jonas remembered the feeling of heartbreak.

* * *

**So the next chapter is DEFINITELY going to be a Jonas chapter. I thought that Fiona should have her moments of sweetness here and there, so I made her less angry in this chapter. Only Magdalene and Jonas know her name... muahaha...**


	35. Jonas:15:8–Rhiannon:52:9

Jonas, Magdalene and Lillian drove back to the hotel in silence. Occasionally, Magdalene would look back at Jonas to see if he was all right, but she would never ask. The drive wasn't very long and Jonas sulked as he walked back to the room at the inn. Lillian opened the door for them and when she went inside, Magdalene placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He tore himself away from her and went inside.

"Where have you guys _been?_" Jacob asked, "I thought you were just going for lunch."

"Robin wanted me to come over," Lillian replied, "She told me they adopted this young pregnant girl. You know the Sameness community cluster Jonas escaped two years ago? It's completely devastated."

"When did this happen?"

"I don't remember."

Eleanor and Ernest were fighting over a toy and Jacob demanded them to stop. When he failed, Esme got up, rolling her eyes, and took care of the dispute. Gabriel was in the other room doing who-knows-what. Jacob was still scrubbing the dishes the younger ones used for lunch and was currently making them dinner. Magdalene went into the other room and Jonas followed suit.

"So what happened this time?" Magdalene asked when the door was closed. It was a good thing Gabriel wasn't paying attention.

"Not much."

"Then why the long face?"

"No reason."

Jonas sat on the bed while Magdalene decided to look at her dresses just one more time. He could hear the clanking of the hangers and turned around. She was examining a strapless red dress with a one-shoulder transparent black covering. Jonas didn't see anything particularly eye-catching about the dress, aside from the slight ruffles at the bottom of it, but he could see that Magdalene really liked the dress. He pretended to take interest.

"That your only dress?"

She gave him a sarcastic look, "No, idiot, I never pack just one dress."

She placed the garment she previously examined and took out two other dresses. She held one against herself and Jonas saw it had lace flowers covering the entire thing. He raised an eyebrow and Magdalene put that one away.

"Didn't really like that one either," she commented.

"Then why'd you _bring_ it?"

Magdalene shrugged. She looked at her third dress, which was some color Jonas forgot the name of and had some gaudy bow in the back, and put it back in the closet. Jonas didn't like it anyway. She took out that red dress and admired herself in the mirror, much to Jonas's amusement. She was quite materialistic and there was no doubt in his mind that she was thinking of how much the dress _looked_ like it cost and what jewelry to wear with it. Jonas turned away and looked for the diary on the nightstand. He thumbed through the pages he had read all ready, unable to stop thinking about Asher and Fiona. How many times had they done _that?_

"Looks like I'm wearing this tomorrow," Magdalene said when Esme walked into the room, "What about you Ezzie-May?"

Esme shrugged, "That blue skirt I brought."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Well, _sorry_ I care about different things than you do," Esme retorted, "Which reminds me, I have to finish that book."

"By Frodo Dottisky?"

"_Fyodor Dostoyevsky!"_ Esme huffed, "You can't pronounce anything right! You're just like Dad!"

Jonas decided to ignore them and continue reading the diary.

* * *

Rhiannon couldn't remember how much time had passed since Srecko decided to spare them. He had been particularly nice to her, although she didn't understand why, and she decided to figure out where she stood if she could keep manipulating him into letting them live. He was an easily charmed man.

Srecko had the men alternate guards when it came to the grouped females. When Rhiannon first arrived, it was Sasho and Ciro guarding them for about ten days. After that, it was Lucas and Sasho, then Quinn and Lucas, then Vlanin and Quinn. This time, it was Ciro and Vlanin guarding them. Vlanin kept eying Ilse and intimidating her, making crude gestures that sickened Rhiannon. Ilse kept huddling near Roshanak and Aune, who too were repulsed by Vlanin and Ciro. Throughout their time with the cannibals, Scarlet and Fiona drifted apart and the latter bonded with Roshanak. Fiona didn't seem to particularly care for Ilse and Aune, but that was just as far as Rhiannon could see. Selfishly, she was thankful that Srecko and the other men paid attention to them and not her. She wasn't sure whether or not she could feel guilt anymore.

Now, during the cannibal hunts, Srecko told Asher to go along with Quinn, Sasho, and Lucas. Sasho, she learned often went without a weapon while Lucas and Quinn kept themselves armed. Sasho thought about using the lighter to burn his victims, but Srecko instructed him against it, as they needed it for the cooking fire. Asher reluctantly agreed to accompany the three men and Rhiannon watched them leave, hoping the three men weren't plotting to kill the young boy.

"Consider this an initiation ritual for him, Rhiannon," said Srecko as he sat down beside her, "It's a good test."

"What did you do to Fiona that night?" she asked angrily.

"Relax, I didn't do anything that could hurt the baby," he teased cruelly, "She didn't even have to take off anything."

"Don't force me to imagine."

"I can't. Whether or not you want to picture it is your choice."

"You sicken me."

Rhiannon decided to check on the grouped females, which mildly surprised Ciro and Vlanin, but they didn't show their shock openly. Of all the girls, she felt the most pity for Fiona, but was glad she wasn't taking her place. Rhiannon knelt down and touched Fiona's cheek. The young girl placed her fingers over Rhiannon's hand, unable to smile, but she knew the pregnant girl was comforted. She eyed the small hump on her abdomen, hoping the baby would live even if Fiona died. Scarlet was sitting alone, still near the group, but within her own world. Rhiannon wasn't sure she cared for Scarlet anymore.

They had waited two hours until the hunting men came back. To Rhiannon's surprise, Quinn, Lucas and Sasho were congratulating Asher wholeheartedly as he helped carry a dead body to the fire-pit. Asher had streaks on his face where tears must have been, but if he was upset now, he didn't show it. All that Rhiannon saw was numbness.

Srecko examined the body and smiled, bowing his head to Asher and placing a hand on his neck. Sasho and Lucas were patting his back on either side and Quinn was whistling in awe. After the huddle ended, Asher sat away mournfully.

As Lucas took the honor of preparing the food, Rhiannon left to see how Asher was doing. He was gripping the soil beside him in anger, shedding a few tears for the boy that roasted over the fire.

"Asher," she whispered to him, "What happened during the hunt?"

"They made me kill him," he whimpered and leaned against her, crying, "I didn't want to kill him, Rhi, I didn't. I just saw him and he – he, he just wanted some food. I was about to tell him to run away bec-causssse they were g-going to kill him but they found him and they ss-st-s-started running aff-fter him and I stood there and they tt-old me to run too and Luc-k-k-as made him fall and they held him and they ttt-to-told me to khh-kill him-mm."

She held him close and his face being against her shoulder muffled his sobs. His whole body was quivering under her arms. Rhiannon placed her head near his neck, hearing his voice shake as he cried. She didn't dare look at anyone else right now.

"I tt-t-told the boy I was sorry and he was crying and they made me cut his throat. I still see blood on my hands, Rhi," he whimpered, "I hate them, I hate them! Th-they hurt Fiona and they made me kill someone."

He was inconsolable. Rhiannon held him for what seemed like an eternity while she watched meat chunks hiss over the flames. Her stomach rumbled as she stared guiltily and she wondered if the other females felt like this too. She glanced over to Fiona, who looked down at her abdomen, and took a look at the other girls in disgust. Rhiannon wasn't sure why she thought herself above those three, but the feeling seemed to consume her like fire.

Lucas whistled, "Asher, my boy. Your food."

Rhiannon nudged Asher, whose face was now completely dry, and he went up to the fire. Lucas let him choose the specific pieces he wanted and Asher took the smaller ones. Lucas laughed at him, patting him on the back and flashing a friendly smile. Rhiannon sighed in relief. If they thought Asher was one of them, then the lesser the chance he would die at their hands.

The other men took their meals and sat down in their respective places and Rhiannon was called up. She walked to the fire, taking her portion, and ate as if it no longer bothered her. It didn't sicken her as much as it used to, but what Srecko did to Fiona always made her want to vomit blood. It was only moments until Srecko would ask the hunting men if they wanted a "prize", which they always agreed to, and the girls would unwillingly be dragged into the darkness.

Lucas whistled and Srecko smiled, waving to Asher.

"Asher," Srecko called, "It's time for your prize."

Asher grimaced as he approached Srecko, who pointed to the grouped females. Asher turned around and saw Fiona raise her head with a weak smile. Asher looked back at Srecko, who stood up and nodded.

"Take your pick, Ash, my boy," Srecko chuckled affectionately as he pushed them toward the grouped girls.

Asher scanned the group and looked at Fiona, who held out a hand for him. Her fingers traced the palm of his hand gently and he gripped her hand, helping her get up. When she stood beside him, his hand gently rubbed her back and Srecko smirked.

"She's a good one, isn't she?" he chuckled, "Nice choice, Ash."

Asher gave him a funny look and the pair went into the darkness while the other males picked out a female. Srecko picked Scarlet, who had become so numb that she could be easily guided to do anything. Vlanin decided to go with Aune for a change, swapping with Quinn, who took Ilse. Lucas took Roshanak and Sasho and Ciro were ordered to watch over Rhiannon. She didn't appreciate being monitored.

"So, Rhi?" Sasho smirked, "You glad you aren't one of _them_?"

Rhiannon said nothing and studied the fire. She sometimes saw shapes in it, but they were mostly abstract, so she couldn't name them. Sometimes, she would think about her past, but it would make her feel incredibly lonely, so she could only think of it at certain times. Rhiannon wouldn't let anyone see her cry and although she wouldn't admit it to the others, she missed the van. She even missed Phillipa and Bruno, whom she hadn't thought of in a long time. Rhiannon no longer felt guilty about Phillipa's death and as for Bruno, she wasn't sure she cared.

"You think you're better than them, don't you?" Sasho taunted.

"What do you want?"

Ciro looked at Sasho and smirked. Sasho returned a giggle, patting the other man's knee and looked back at Rhiannon.

"Well, you know how Srecko always denies Ciro a good time," Sasho slyly said, "I feel sorry for him, don't you?"

"No."

Sasho got up to sit beside Rhiannon, rubbing her shoulder and whispering, "Well, since you _are_ female…"

"I don't generally prefer older women," Ciro added, "But I'll make an exception."

Sasho tried to hold her arms back while Ciro leaped at her. Rhiannon struggled against Sasho and kicked her legs repeatedly at Ciro, who struggled to get a firm grip. Sasho's hands dug into Rhiannon's wrists as she contorted her body to free herself.

"Stay still!" Sasho shouted at her.

She got one hand free and kicked Sasho repeatedly in the legs while he tried to grab her free hand. Rhiannon jabbed him in the stomach and Ciro jumped on her again, hitting her side. She shoved him off quickly and got up, running away. Rhiannon fled away from the campfire and into the darkness. They quickly ran after her and Rhiannon quickly turned to her left, running without really seeing, and tripped.

"What the–?" Srecko's voice asked, "Who are you?"

"Srecko?"

Sasho and Ciro caught up to her and saw Srecko hovering just above Scarlet, their clothes in a heap. Rhiannon was still catching her breath when Sasho nearly tripped over Srecko, who had become irritated with the interruptions.

"Oh, why are you here?" he asked irritably at the three, Scarlet still wincing underneath him.

"They were getting bored," Rhiannon lied, "They were hoping one of you was done."

Just then, Vlanin returned with Aune and tossed her to Sasho and Ciro carelessly. The two men both smiled as they took each of her arms and dragged her somewhere else, giving Rhiannon a sick feeling in her stomach. She turned to see Srecko still with Scarlet and nearly barfed, had she not gotten up and fled.

Some days after that incident, Rhiannon never let herself be alone with two males at the camp. Oftentimes, when she was forced to stay behind, she would keep herself distant from them and wait until they fell asleep. Sometimes, Srecko would come back early enough so they wouldn't have a chance to do anything, which would relieve Rhiannon. She felt herself die at the camp and suspected that the same thing had happened to Scarlet, Asher and Fiona, long ago.

One day, Asher had gone off hunting with the men. Sasho and Srecko were left behind to guard the other women. They were all growing restless, so when the hunting group had arrived, Sasho and Srecko got up anxiously. This time, though, they came back empty handed.

"What happened?" Sasho asked nervously, "You are usually always catching something."

"Ask _him,"_ Vlanin said angrily, throwing Asher to the ground.

Asher fell face first, scraping it with bark and dirt. Rhiannon heard him grunt as he landed roughly and Vlanin kicked him back when he tried to push himself up.

"This idiot let someone go free!" he complained, repeatedly kicking the adolescent boy.

Srecko looked at the pitiful figure whimpering before him and motioned for Vlanin to come close. He whispered something in Vlanin's ear and Vlanin smiled, nodding. Rhiannon had no idea what Srecko said, but she knew it couldn't be good. They had to run away from these Luopiothorpans, but she had no idea where to run or if they would find food. _Maybe I could get the other girls to kill them…_

Rhiannon thought the idea silly because the other girls seemed to have lost their will to resist. Scarlet wouldn't fight, Rhiannon thought, so it was just up to her, Fiona and Asher. Still, there were six men and only three of them. She knew she would have to pull it off at night and kill them in an instant. After their deaths, they would consume the men as food before finding something new to figure out.

* * *

That night, disaster happened.

They were sitting by the fire with nothing to eat when Srecko smirked, nodding at the other men. Asher was sitting by Rhiannon, who was nearly asleep, and he was watching Srecko approach the girls.

"So," Srecko said, "After a long and fruitless day, I think we need a little bit of entertainment."

The other men cheered and Lucas whistled, rousing Rhiannon and giving her an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. Srecko grabbed Fiona and hoisted her up until she was on her feet, facing him.

"So, my pretty," he taunted her, "Can't you show me what you can do?"

"Leave me alone," Fiona whimpered, crying, "Just leave me alone."

Asher was seething, but he tried to control himself. Rhiannon fretted the whole time. The other men kept jeering and Srecko placed her hands underneath his own shirt, making the young girl grimace and pull away. Rhiannon saw Aune, Ilse, and Roshanak squirm where they sat and Scarlet staring plainly in the distance, feeling contempt for all of them. Fiona struggled under Srecko's strong hands and crinkled her nose in a sneer.

"Feisty," he taunted further, "Why don't you show me…"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Asher screamed, sprinting towards Srecko.

Srecko threw Fiona down and grabbed Asher when he leaped to him. Srecko whistled for the other men, who had raced to his aide. They grabbed Asher and Fiona tried to go after them, but Srecko grabbed her arm and restrained her, doing unspeakable things. He made her watch as the other men restrained Asher. Rhiannon knew that if she did anything right now, they would kill her on the spot. Asher screamed for them to let him go, his cries mixing in with Fiona's and echoing throughout the wilderness.

"Through him in the fire," he commanded them and one man removed the cooking board.

They tossed Asher in the fire pit and he screamed in pain, trying to get up from the flaming wood and other flammables. The flames licked him flesh, turning it red and tears ran down his face, barely enough to trace a single line on his dirt covered face. Every time he tried to escape his torment, one of the men kicking him back down into the flames, sentencing him to the most cruel death.

"See what happens, Fiona?" Srecko said with a low growl into her ear, "Now, what did I ask you to do?"

"To-to," she stammered, "To show you…"

Srecko forced Fiona to obey and Rhiannon checked the fire. His skin was burned off entirely and the flames were cleansing his body of his flesh, his blood doing who-knows-what, and there was no way one could recognize him anymore. The flames made their way into his vital organs and the rest of him was charred black, eventually leaving nothing but bones. Rhiannon's one last joy was gone.

Asher was dead.

* * *

Jonas wanted to cry. He remembered The Giver transferring memories of martyrs being burned at the stake, but at least they hadn't died without reason. He folded the corner of the page and closed the diary, wanting to throw it across the room. Instead, he placed it on the nightstand and rocked himself to ease the pain. It was no wonder Fiona was so angry: her lover was ripped from her. It was a good thing they had returned to the inn rather late, as the girls were getting ready to go to sleep. He took off his day clothes and decided to sleep in his underwear. Once the lights were completely out, he placed a pillow over his head and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

"Jonas," Magdalene sighed as she rummaged through his suitcase, "I'm picking out your outfit tonight."

"Funny," he sighed numbly.

Magdalene picked out a plain sweater, a collared shirt and some nice pants for him and Jonas had to admit that she did have some style. Jonas could hear the three youngsters in the background and decided to check on them. Eleanor was spinning around in a new red skirt and ruffled blouse that she had gotten last Christmas, Lillian was struggling to get Ernest ready and Gabriel was running all over the place, playing with some toy that Jonas didn't recognize.

"Gabriel!" he chuckled, "What are you _doing_?"

"Playing," he replied, "We're getting presents, right?"

Jonas picked him up and held him close, grateful that he at least had the child whom he had saved. Gabriel hugged Jonas's neck and he patted the younger child's back. Gabriel giggled and parted from him so he could look him in the eye.

"What's wrong, Jonas?" he asked, "You look sad."

"I'm just tired, Gabe," he lied and kissed his cheek, setting him down, "Now you have to get dressed."

"Okay," Gabe sighed.

Jonas looked through Gabe's clothing and picked out a set of formal attire that Lillian had packed before. He helped Gabe put on the shirt, but Gabriel insisted he do the pants himself. Jonas watched, chuckling as Gabriel struggled with the pants, but he succeeded. Gabriel threw his hands up in triumph.

"I did it," Gabriel shouted, "By myself!"

"Yes, you did Gabe," Jonas smiled and went to his room to change.

He walked in to see Esme in a blue skirt and a modest blouse while Magdalene was adjusting her saucy red dress. There turned out to be a slight slit in the skirt part of her dress that exposed her leg, but Jonas assumed that Magdalene had done that intentionally. The one-shoulder covering only covered part of the top, so one side of her dress was completely exposed. Jonas rolled his eyes and took his clothes to the bathroom.

After he had finished, Lillian asked Jonas and Esme to help carry the presents to the vehicle while Magdalene put on a pair of fuzzy boats, taking a pair of fancy shoes with her. Lillian was carrying Gabriel and Eleanor and Ernest were holding their father's hands, attempting to drag him down. They were both giggling and almost kicked Jonas's leg, causing him to nearly trip and drop the presents. Once they had gotten into the car, young children strapped in and presents carefully handled, they started to drive.

"So who's coming to the party?" Magdalene kept asking.

Esme rolled her eyes, happy that she brought her foreign language book, and the three younger ones were goofing off, as usual. Lillian kept telling Magdalene to stop asking the same question over and over while Jacob kept driving. This entire ruckus was driving Jonas crazy. He was glad to concentrate on the gentle snowflakes outside, although they didn't stay in one place for long. It wasn't long until they arrived at Robin's and it was a pain in the ass to get the three younger ones out of the backseat. Esme watched over them while Jonas helped carry presents. Magdalene was busy changing into her high-heeled shoes, much to the annoyance of everyone in the family. Finally, they approached the door and knocked.

"Oh my, you all look amazing," cheered Robin gleefully, hugging each family member. The little ones unleashed themselves into the house, searching for others their age and charming the adults (Gabriel especially). Esme had stuck by Lillian and Jacob while Magdalene had gone off to mingle with others her age. Jonas thought of only one person: Fiona.

He tried to push his way through the crowd, being polite every time he had to squeeze through until he made it to the staircase. There, he climbed up until he was on the second floor and trotted up to the studio, where he saw Lucille.

"Hi Jonas," she waved, "I was just painting."

Jonas saw a canvas with intricate patterns being painted sloppily. Everything marked red was painted outside the lines, messing up the pattern and creating something that altogether seemed funny. It made him think of Asher's language, back when they had lived in the community before Jonas was selected as The Receiver of Memory and everything had changed for the worse.

_Asher…_

He couldn't afford to think of him right now, in front of this girl whom he had met only a few days ago. Jonas waited until Lucille went back to her puerile methods of painting and proceeded to the guestroom at the end of the hallway. He was glad to be away from the hubbub of the party.

Jonas noticed the door was closed and placed a single hand on the knob, turning it slowly and listening it creak. The sound seemed to bounce off the walls, amplifying itself until it haunted the soul, and Jonas opened the door slowly.

He saw that it was somewhat dim and inched himself inside, softly closing the door so as not to make too much noise. Fiona sat in the same rocking chair as she did when Jonas first saw her in this house. She still wore that patterned cap over her red hair and kept adjusting a wool-knit sweater. Her right hand covered her protruding abdomen, which looked as if it was going to burst. Her eyes were closed at first and when she opened them, her whole body tensed up.

"Fiona," he spoke softly, "I know you probably don't want to see me, but I need to talk to you."

"What more do you want?" she snapped.

"Fiona, I know what happened to you."

"No you don't," she angrily replied, standing up and pointing at him sternly.

She retreated to the bed and clung tightly to a pillow, burying her head in it. Her back quivered, but Jonas couldn't hear the telltale sound of sorrow, and he stood before her. Her hands shivered as she gripped tightly to the pillow.

"I know what happened to you, Fiona," Jonas sighed, "And I understand why you're so angry with me. After I left, everything was ripped from you."

She threw the pillow at him and sobbed, "You don't understand! You don't!"

"Yes, actually, I do," he continued, "Once upon a time, there was a boy who was Selected. He was Selected to be alone, to love and be unloved, to endure indescribable physical pain on a daily basis, to See Beyond, to have horrible nightmares every night, to understand what true joy and true sorrow was."

"Stop it!" she cried, "Stop it, please!"

"He thought it unfair to hold the burden alone. He thought the knowledge should be shared. He witnessed a tape of his father killing a male infant on the basis of being a twin that weighed less. He alone felt the true agony of betrayal."

"Jonas! Stop it!" she cried, "STOP IT! PLEASE, I BEG YOU STOP!"

"He and his mentor, whom he knew as The Giver, came up with a plan. The boy would find Elsewhere, where he would hope to find a life of color, joy, true family and most importantly, _love_. The Giver would stay behind to help the community cope."

"Why are you doing this?!" Fiona screamed, "What more do you want!? Why do you want to hurt me!?"

"Now, he – I, have to admit that I was wrong about everything. After I fled, everything came back to you and it was unbearable. The Giver never came out. During the Ceremony, four were called up to the stage: Aerona, Maeve, Emilienne and my Birthmother, Rhiannon. You would know her as Rhiannon the Resilient. They were given the responsibility of maintaining order. It failed. There were riots for pain medication. They wanted _her alone_ to contain the pain. Several were Released. Some time later, a riot for Stirrings pills happened. More were killed. People constantly felt the gnawing of hunger inside themselves. Food shortages happened. Rhiannon had to speak to the people about why I left. They found a new scapegoat."

Fiona looked up, her eyes bloodshot, yet less angry. She pulled her legs up and rocked in a ball, hiding her face and quivering. His confession must have felt unbearable to her.

"They held mock trials. The boy in our group of Elevens whose father was Released several years ago? He appointed himself as the judge. They tortured and killed anyone directly involved. You were brought up. Asher spared you because he was in love with you. Once upon a time, when I was back there, I loved you deeply, more than I thought you would ever understand."

"What?" she asked incredulously, "No, you don't. Asher loved me!"

"At some point, you moved in together and took Phillipa and Bruno with you. You saw that Rhiannon had a plan to flee, you asked her to take you with her. So she took you, your new family and your Birthmother and fled to Servofors. You remained there for three months until the Luopiothorpan forces raided the city. You all fled there, you endured starvation, disease, death."

"Stop it, Jonas! Please!" she whimpered.

"Phillipa and Bruno died. You encountered cannibalistic Luopiothorpans. They made Asher kill and they raped you and your Birthmother."

"Stop it!" she cried, "How do you know all of this?"

She was standing up now, glaring at him. He didn't feel uncomfortable at her anger when her eyes met his, but instead sorrow for her pain and love for her being. Jonas still loved her, no matter how much she screamed at him in this room, and even if Fiona were to assault him for everything he brought upon the communities, Jonas still loved her.

"Also, I know that they killed Asher right before your eyes," he whispered and came closer to her, "I know because of Rhiannon's diary. She died on our doorstep."

"She… died?"

"One more thing that I know," Jonas whispered, "Is that you're carrying Asher's child."

_And I wish _I _put that child in you instead of Asher,_ he thought to himself, but he did not dare say this aloud.

"And I'm coming before you now to ask for your forgiveness because I still love you just as much as I did over two years ago. I never stopped loving you, Fiona."

She had gone weak at the knees and nearly fell to the floor had Jonas not been there. He propped her up and she leaned against him, shaking against his body. Her hands found their way to his shoulders and she was sobbing, her face buried in his neck. Jonas wrapped his arms around her, feeling her pregnant stomach poke against his own. He kissed her cheek and leaned forward, resting his head against her.

"I want Asher back," she whimpered, "I want him here with me."

"He is, Fiona," Jonas said as she separated from him, "He's right here."

Jonas placed his hand over her abdomen, smiling as he thought of the way babies _should _be made: out of love. Although at first, he wasn't particularly happy about someone else lying with the girl he loved, he was more pained by the news of Asher's death. Fiona's child would meant that a part of that fun, playful, not-so-precise-in-language best friend of theirs would live on, mixed with a part of the mother whom he had loved. Jonas and Fiona both started to cry.

"I felt him kick," Jonas said, "It must be a hyper one."

"That feels like Asher," Fiona whispered, rubbing the area over her expanded womb, "Hyper and playful. I want him back."

"You have his child," Jonas whispered back, "And his child will love you just as much as you will love him. Or her."

Fiona nodded, crying while she held her unborn child. Jonas didn't take his hand off of it and stood behind Fiona, wrapping an arm around her. Neither one of them was sure why Fiona had suddenly changed from angry to hopeful, but neither one of them questioned it. Jonas took in her scent, wishing he could take in and preserve her entire being and felt something kick against his hand. He chuckled a little and kissed Fiona's cheek.

"He's right here, Fiona," he whispered.

Her lovely voice echoed his words and she held onto his hands, finally forgiving him.

"He's right here."

* * *

**So, yeah, the first Jonas/Rhiannon hybrid chapter? What do you think of that last part? A little sappy, I know. I'm not sure if it's realistic enough. **

**And yes, Asher is DEAD! I had to kill him off, I'm sorry, but I actually planned that to happen the ENTIRE time.**


	36. Jonas: Age 15: Part 9

Jonas backed away from her slowly and sat down on the bed, seeing Fiona keep her hands over her womb. He admired her, thinking of the fact that in one way, he had succeeded in his goal when he ran away. Yes, they fell apart. Yes, they couldn't handle the pain. Yes, the entire area was devastated. At least they knew love.

But was it really worth it?

Jonas saw Fiona's pained face as she grieved for Asher. He didn't think that Fiona would ever love him now, as all the deaths were still technically his fault. Still, she seemed less angry at him and he thought that was enough for now. He started to wonder about the child, which made him think of when his family had received Lily, back in the community. Then, they discussed what the child would look like, what his or her name would be, and how the child's personality would develop. He realized he had the same questions about Asher's child and wished that his best friend could be here to see his currently unborn baby grow. Many times, he had heard of an afterlife and wondered if Asher, Rhiannon, The Giver and others were watching over him. If so, then he could theoretically pray to them and ask their forgiveness among other things. The Giver, Rosemary, Rhiannon and Asher were together now and he held on to that cold comfort.

"Jonas?" he heard a feminine voice coming from the hallway, "Where _are_ you?"

"Ugh, Magdalene," he sighed and opened the door, seeing her strut in her high heels towards him.

"Jonas," she huffed, "Robin's been looking for you. What are you doing here?"

Magdalene then saw Fiona, who turned around to return her gaze. Fiona was mildly frightened and looked away at the window. Jonas chuckled silently at the stark contrast between the two girls standing before him and wondered what it would be like if they got to know each other.

"Uh," he said awkwardly, "Let me introduce you to someone."

He walked closer to Fiona, pointing to her form. She shyly eyed Jonas before looking away again and he sighed, taking her hand. Fiona reacted awkwardly to his touch and took only two short steps forward.

Jonas spoke, gesturing towards the pregnant girl, "This is Fiona."

The girl in the red dress came closer and smiled, provoking a similar expression on the younger girl's face. Jonas still held the girl's hand and she shied away, hiding behind his shoulder. Magdalene chuckled at her childish gesture and spoke.

"I know who you are, Fiona," she said, "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you."

Fiona came out from behind Jonas and walked slowly towards Magdalene, nervously adjusting her sweater as she got closer. Jonas wasn't sure how to describe his feelings right now; he could only describe the quickening of his heartbeat and his tendency to grip his other arm at a time like this. Magdalene seemed oddly gentle toward Fiona and wondered what their meeting would have been like had Magdalene not known who Fiona was and they met by chance. No doubt would she have acted more hostile towards her, wondering why in the world was she pregnant. Fiona would have been too angry and traumatized to reason with Magdalene and who knows what would have happened. It was a good thing that Magdalene had read those diary entries about Fiona before.

"Fiona," Jonas spoke again, "This is Magdalene. There was a family that took me in when I escaped. She has a younger sister named Esme and a cute set of twins. They're Ernest and Eleanor. They love Gabriel."

"So you're having a baby," she said sweetly, "Have you thought about names?"

Fiona nodded and looked down at her abdomen, her lip suddenly twitching as if she felt a brief instant of discomfort. Her hand seemed to jump for a split-second and both Magdalene and Jonas recognized what that meant.

"He's kicking, isn't he?" Magdalene spoke again, barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," Fiona sighed, "He's hyper, like Asher."

They stood there awkwardly and Fiona retreated to her bed, rolling up into a ball. Magdalene and Jonas looked at each other and the older girl gestured her head to the door. Jonas had a sick feeling in his stomach, yet he couldn't understand why. Magdalene took Jonas's hand, her thumb tracing over his fingers, and she had a weak smile he had rarely saw on a girl like her. Jonas wasn't sure how to interpret neither her gestures nor his own feelings toward her at the moment, but he wasn't sure either of them were particularly good in this context. Independently, he would have interpreted them as methods of comforting someone, but he wondered if Magdalene had felt something more.

_Nonsense, _he thought to himself, _how could we ever like each other? We hated each other._

_Then why is she being so nice?_

Jonas remembered that Robin had supposedly been looking for him and he exited the room, Magdalene only partially closing the door behind him. She stuck her head out and called him with a whistle.

"Jonas," she said quietly, "I'll meet you down there. I want to talk to her first."

"Okay," he sighed and trotted down the hallway, going down the stairs and returning to the party.

He had waited awkwardly near the staircase, scratching his neck as he kept scanning the crowd and noting the odd clothes he saw. In one corner, there was a young, blonde woman wearing some provocative green dress and holding a drink. She gave a fake laugh while some wealthy man told an anecdote to what must have been some old friends. His eyes focused on a far part of the giant room, seeing Ezekiel and a few children his age playing with toys that mimicked guns. His stomach seemed to turn itself into knots as he remembered that depressing Unscheduled Holiday. He saw Gabriel and the twins entertaining some older adults, possibly grandparents of some of the children, and smiled again. Gabriel saw Jonas staring at him and smiled, pointing at him. The older men and women turned around to see whom the child was pointing at and Jonas grinned politely. They turned away and Jonas sighed, scanning the room again.

"Jonas!" Robin called as she jostled through the crowd of guests, "Where have you been?"

"Upstairs," he admitted, "I met that girl."

"Oh," she replied, dramatically putting her hands to her lower face, "That must have been so heartbreaking. You really are something."

Jonas shuffled where he stood, noticing Robin's concerned face as she placed a hand on his shoulder. The noise from the party started to seem overwhelming and he wanted to be alone. When he looked up at Robin's face, remembering her constantly saying that he was "something special" and "really something", he felt a little guilty. Jonas wanted to out himself as the perpetrator, not the victim, of the communities' downfall. After everything, he wasn't sure he could lie to her. He had lied for long enough.

"Robin, I uh," he stammered, "Can we talk privately?"

"Sure," she said, "Why not? I think Simeon has the party under control. We can talk upstairs."

They went up the stairs, Jonas occasionally looking back to see if anyone had seen them leave. All of the guests had seemed so preoccupied in their reminiscing and flirting that he doubted they were paying attention. After he had seen Robin waiting for him at the top of the steps, he trotted up the stairs quickly and Robin scanned for a room where they wouldn't be disturbed. They saw Lucille retreat to her room and chose the art studio, Robin closing the door behind her. Jonas nervously scanned the paintings, looking at the one with a dancer guiltily.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" Robin asked, motioning him to sit down on a stool beside her.

Jonas kept pulling his sweater down, avoiding her gaze. She seemed to be so proud of him for reasons beyond his knowledge. His back rocked to and fro slightly as he tried to figure out where to start with his confession. He thought of Fiona sitting in the room with Magdalene, chatting away about whatever topic Magdalene had chosen, as it was very typical of the older girl to dominate a conversation. _Yeah, Fiona, _he thought, _let's start there._

"Well, uh, that girl you talked about during lunch yesterday," Jonas said, biting his lip, "I talked to her the day before. I know her name."

"Is that it?" she asked, "What did she say to you? Who is she?"

"Well, her name's Fiona. She didn't talk really. She screamed at me," he replied, "She told me to go away and said that she hated me."

Robin looked shocked, "Why would she hate you? What did _you_ do?"

Jonas kicked his legs anxiously, rocking somewhat and staring at the ceiling. He recalled his escape, the fact that he stole his father's bicycle (he found it odd that Father had a bicycle to ride with after he left and assumed he must have gotten a new one that day or borrowed Mother's) and stole Gabriel. The planes had searched for him and he used the memories of cold to make them undetectable. Eventually, they had been on the brink of starvation when he was taken in. That vivid memory overwhelmed him and he started to cry.

"I'm the reason the communities fell apart," he whimpered, his voice shaky.

"I don't understand," she answered, "How?"

"I ran away."

They sat there silently when Jonas heard that familiar clanking of heels against the floor. He couldn't stand the tension that was building up in the room, or so he imagined, so he opened the door just when Magdalene was about to open it.

"Jonas?" she asked quizzically, "I thought you were downstairs."

He saw Fiona hiding behind Magdalene and opened the door more widely. Magdalene saw Robin in there, likely wondering what was going on, and Fiona was glancing away. The older girl looked at the paintings in there while Fiona followed her in, pointing to one in the corner. Magdalene focused her attention and Jonas looked guiltily at Fiona.

"What's going on?" Robin asked, "Does anyone else know, Jonas?"

"Just Magdalene," Jonas replied, "And only recently."

"But," Robin stammered, "Why would you running away lead to the devastation my husband witnessed? I – I don't understand."

Jonas looked at Magdalene and Fiona. The latter of the pair looked away and Magdalene nodded her head, urging him to tell the truth. Every distant memory seemed to play before his eyes. Somehow, it no longer seemed like only two or three years ago, but like an ancient memory that once belonged to someone else.

"In the Sameness communities, children were placed in an aging system so they would be considered a One by the end of the year. They would receive their 'age' at an annual December Ceremony. When we turned Twelve, we would receive our jobs. Mine was Receiver of Memory," Jonas explained, "They did more than just wear uniform clothing there, Robin. They were colorblind and they couldn't hear music."

"Wait, how does _that_ work?" asked Magdalene, "Music?"

"They could hardly feel emotion," Jonas continued, "They had me contain every memory of pain and war and music and love so they could continue a life of Sameness. When someone had failed ten years before me, they couldn't take it. It was a few weeks worth of memories and they panicked. I had a year's worth of memories when I fled and took Gabriel with me. Even my mentor couldn't help them. He died and that must have tore them apart."

"Why did you flee?" Robin asked, although Jonas suspected she knew the answer.

"There's a process they did, it's called Release. It was done on the old when they were finished living in our community. They did it to new-children they deemed Inadequate and on people who committed three major infractions. We were told it was going Elsewhere, but they killed them. My mentor and I planned on my running away to change the community and he would help them change. I left early because they were going to kill Gabriel for being Inadequate."

No one in the room showed anger. There was just a brief moment of silence before Robin embraced him, rubbing his back and comforting him in attempt to understand. Fiona peered into his eyes once again and Magdalene shifted, having heard the story before. He felt a sense of peace, being able to tell the truth. That constant gnawing feeling had lessened and he knew what he had to do.

"Oh, poor boy," Robin cooed, "You're okay now, child."

Robin and Jonas separated and Fiona approached him, her face down. Magdalene moved out of the way for her and the younger girl stopped just before Jonas, biting her lip nervously. She held her hands before her abdomen, looking down and slightly rocking on her feet.

"I forgive you, Jonas," she whispered.

"How do you know each other?" asked Robin, causing Fiona to blush and back away slowly.

"Oh, Fiona. She and I were in the same age group," Jonas admitted, "She's only perhaps a week older than me, actually. We were best friends with her child's father."

Fiona rubbed her pregnant abdomen when he said this, her hand appearing to jump away. Magdalene chuckled again and Fiona smiled at the older girl. No doubt the baby kicked again. _Hyper, just like Asher._

Jonas started to wonder who the child will resemble more. What would his (or her) name be?

Fiona opened the door and the group could faintly hear the noise coming from the party. Jonas started to wonder if he actually wanted to go back down there again. He just wanted to be alone with Fiona, for some odd reason. They could talk about names, what Asher was like before, even the funny clothes they saw here. Jonas started to miss Asher and felt his eyes becoming heavy again.

"Well," Robin said, "My husband's probably looking for me. Are you guys staying up here?"

Magdalene looked at Jonas, asking, "Are you gonna come down with me?"

Jonas shook his head and the pair left, leaving Fiona and him in that art studio alone. The redhead girl paced around the room while Jonas sat awkwardly in his stool, wondering who else he could tell the story to. It made him think of several personal journals of war survivors being published and sold on bookshelves and electronic devices. He thought of his Birthmother's diary and wondered if Rhiannon had wanted her story told after death. It would be his debt to her and to the community to tell the truth.

"Fiona," he asked, "Why now? Why did you forgive me?"

"…I don't know," she whispered, "It's hard to understand."

He decided to switch the topic to something more lighthearted, "How do you like it here, in Robin's place?"

"It's nice," Fiona sighed, "There's food here. Colors and music too. Lucille's been teaching me how to draw. Warm here."

She tugged the sides of her patterned cap and pulled her sweater around her abdomen, causing Jonas to chuckle at her cute mannerisms. He got up to assist her and noticed how cold her hands were, rubbing them to keep them warm. Jonas noticed Fiona blush and kissed her hands, which he had rolled up into soft fists that could barely hurt a fly. He couldn't help but feel that same rush he did when he had his first Stirrings dream three years ago. To her surprise, he leaned in so closely that their lips touched. When they did, he pursed his own, wrapping them slightly around hers to give him a strange and warm feeling, but when he separated from her, he knew she wasn't feeling the same thing.

"Jonas," she said warily, "What are you doing?"

"Something wrong?" he asked her.

"That's what Asher did with me. I can't replace him! Every time I think of it, I think of those sick Luopiothorpans!"

She left the room and Jonas heard the music from the party increase in volume, suddenly overcome by the urge to ask Fiona to dance with him. He knew, however, that she would reject him. She would do that with Asher only. Still, he wondered if she was even curious about the party and thought of something.

"Fiona," he stammered, "Do you, uh, wanna go downstairs with me?"

"I don't know, Jonas," she replied, "A lot of people. Robin gave me a dress in case I wanted to go."

"…can I see it?"

"Sure."

They went into the guestroom and Fiona rummaged through her drawers, sorting through hand-me-down clothes that she must have received from Robin. Jonas had made sure the door was closed, although he doubted anyone would be checking on them any time soon. Fiona finally pulled out a garment, holding it out before her body and Jonas was surprised.

It was a white dress made of satin fabric (Magdalene was one to know this) that draped to Fiona's feet. There were tiny pieces of amethyst sewn into the neckline of the dress with red thread, but otherwise the dress had a stark simplicity to it. It didn't look anything like the dresses he saw at the party tonight and wondered why Robin would give such a garment to Fiona. She examined the little gems with her fingers, likely wondering whether or not she wanted to go with Jonas. Finally, she took it with her to the bathroom, where she locked the door, and Jonas waited.

When she had finally changed, they left the room and crawled near the stairs, watching the party from a distance. Magdalene was no doubt flirting with some boy she had met earlier, Gabriel and the twins were probably still playing, and he had no idea what might have been going on with the other family members. They kneeled down, surveying the scene, when Simeon had caught the pair.

"So," he chuckled as he saw Jonas, "You got her out of the room, and in the ritual garment, no less."

"This is Fiona and, wait, _ritual garment_?"

Simeon giggled again, patting Jonas on the head while he held a drink in the other, "She's due for a child soon. As we often do with women expecting to have a child near a Holy Day, we plan to perform the ritual."

"What ritual?" Jonas asked, very confused. He had never heard of this ritual within the two years he had stayed with Lillian and Jacob, so he assumed it was something that they had not practiced. His curiosity was peaked.

"The rebirth ritual," Simeon explained, "It marks the end of the girl's life as she was before her child and the beginning of her life as a mother. It's similar to a baptism in Old Christianity."

Fiona and Jonas looked at each other, very confused. The boy guessed that explained the simplicity of the garment and wondered just how this was done. Simeon had explained how it was similar to a baptism, so he assumed there was going to be a tub of water somewhere in the room. Where, he had no clue.

Simeon took Fiona's hand, motioning for Jonas to follow. As they walked through the crowd, everyone seemed to part for them reverently and Jonas sensed Fiona's confusion. Some men in the distance had flipped a switch that made the blank wall open to another room, where there was an elevated tub and a book in yet another foreign language, which rested on a stand nearby. He wasn't really sure what language that book was in, but he assumed that Esme would know the meaning of the words written all over its pages.

"So how does this work?" Jonas asked, "Does some religious leader just dip her in water?"

"No, Jonas," said Simeon, "A religious leader or a language scholar reads from the book, up on that stand. It's the father of the child that guides her in the ritual."

"What if he's…" he replied, not wanting to give too much away, "not present, like if he couldn't make it, or something."

He heard a murmur among the crowd, similar to what he had heard upon his Selection, back in that auditorium in what seemed like an eternity ago. This time, though, it sounded like _singing_. The sound was unintelligible, or so Jonas thought, but the feeling was haunting, like the voices inside a church. At first, he heard it from the back of the two crowds surrounding them. Slowly, the murmuring reached those closest to their proximity and increasing in volume as Fiona was guided to the tub.

Jacob sighed, "Usually the Father assigns someone to do it on their behalf if he fails to abide by his obligation. If such preparations couldn't be made, then the Mother chooses just before the ritual."

"Oh," Jonas muttered and, to his surprise, admitted, "The father's dead."

They stopped just before and Jonas was unsure as to where to go. He walked off awkwardly to the side of that small room extension and saw Esme at the front of the audience, waving. Fiona was instructed to remove her cap, much to Jonas's amusement, and he saw that Magdalene had previously put thin braids in her hair. _Since when did Magdalene show such kindness_, Jonas thought to himself, as he would have expected Esme to do that sort of thing. He saw Esme eying the foreign language book the way that Lily had admired those bikes on her Ceremony of Eight. Simeon noticed this as well and motioned her up to the elevated room. Esme went to stand beside Simeon, reading from the book with relish. How many languages did she _know?_

Esme had uttered a verse of what Jonas assumed was a prayer and the crowd uttered the last few words in response. Even the children had stopped playing and Jonas noticed, Ezekiel, Eleanor, Ernest, Gabriel, and other children sitting in the front, watching with awe. Gabriel fidgeted the most, which amused Jonas, and the older boy saw Simeon instruct Esme to read some additional verse. She read some lines, unintelligible sounds seemingly flowing together. Jonas thought it was a lovely language. Suddenly, Esme stopped and Fiona whispered something in her ear.

"Asher," Esme repeated, albeit in a funny accent and with the intonation on the wrong syllable. She read the rest of the verse in a solemn tone, bowing to the left, right and center and prompting a similar gesture from the audience. Fiona stood nervously, staring at the tub, her fingers tracing the edges. Her other hand seemed to be holding her womb up and he saw by the way her hand reacted that the child was kicking _again._ Fiona was instructed to whisper something into Esme's ear. She then cleared her throat.

"Jonas," Esme spoke loudly and Simeon motioned him to approach the redhead girl.

Jonas walked nervously to Fiona, who was smiling at him. She took his hand, her thumb rubbing over his fingers and sighing.

"What's going on?" Jonas asked Simeon.

"You're being asked to guide her on behalf of Asher," he replied, "That's why Esme read the verse."

"Fiona, why?" Jonas asked, "I can't replace Asher."

"Consider this your debt," she replied, "You owe this to him and to me."

"My honor."

He gazed at the crowd tentatively as he held Fiona's hand, guiding her to the water. He pulled the dress slightly up so she could step in without slipping and kept his hand near her back in case she fell. Jonas faced Fiona, who was holding the edges of the tub. He pulled his sleeve up, holding up her head with one hand and her waist with the other. With Simeon whispering instructions in his ear, he felt more comfortable that he was doing this right. There seemed to be a sense of purity and closeness that Jonas felt doing this for Fiona and he lowered his hands, allowing her to dip beneath the surface. The dress seemed to float just above her skin and her hair spread out. Slowly, he brought her back up.

"On behalf of Asher," he whispered as she was closer to his face, "I love you."

She embraced him and he held her above the water. The crowd cheered and gave congratulatory shouts, singing those foreign language verses along with Esme. Some even broke out into dance. Simeon praised Esme for her religious fervor and she trotted back to her family, beaming. Jonas kissed Fiona's cheek just out of sheer, inexplicable joy, wanting to show that same gesture again and again (hopefully in a more private setting). He turned his head to see the crowd and saw Magdalene gripping her arms, looking down. The older girl then looked up at Jonas, who was trying to detect that strange look in her eyes. It was only after she had walked away when he had successfully guessed it.

_Jealousy. _


	37. Jonas: Age 15: Part 10

Jonas saw Magdalene walk away, jostling through the crowd angrily and confusing anyone she had pushed away. Fiona was still in his arms and he guided her out of the water, making sure she didn't fall. Her dress was, of course, soaking wet, but Jonas didn't mind whatever part of his sweater would get damp from holding her. The blank wall made a beep and closed them in. Only Simeon, Jonas and Fiona remained in that small room extension and the older man retrieved something from a compartment that Jonas hadn't detected before. He threw a towel at Jonas, who lovingly wrapped it around Fiona, and the older man searched for what Jonas assumed would be something Fiona could change into. Fiona held the towel snuggly and Jonas peered at the book that Esme previously read out of. He got up to look at it and noticed the language print read right to left, not the other way around.

"What language is this in?" Jonas asked as he examined it.

"Oh, that? A close relative language of Hebrew. Esme read that very well, don't you think?"

"She's unusually adept at foreign language," Jonas replied, "She's reading a book in Old Russian. She's unusually smart, even for her advanced placement education. I kept having suspicions that she was genetically engineered."

Simeon chuckled, "Her father told me she was studying a modern derivative of that language you see there. That language is thousands of years old."

Simeon brought out an emerald green garment that must have been long enough to cover Fiona's feet. It had two thin shoulder straps and indigo thread was used to sew it together. He placed in on the stand where the book was previously kept.

"If you want to change out of that, here's something," he said to Fiona, who merely nodded, "I'll leave to give you some privacy."

Simeon pushed a button in the wall, making a small portion of the blank wall open so he could leave the room extension. Jonas looked at Fiona one more time before he followed Simeon out and he scanned the crowd for Magdalene. He needed to talk to her.

Jonas received respecting stares from the crowd whenever he passed by anyone, trying to make his way through everything. He went to the staircase, where he would be elevated enough to scan the entire room, yet he didn't see her. A funny feeling settled in his chest and he went upstairs, checking all of the rooms to see if Magdalene was in any of them. His frustration grew as he noted her absence and went back downstairs, finding someone in his family to ask. Ezekiel bumped into him and Gabriel crashed into his leg in a fit of laughter.

"You know where Magdalene is?"

"I think she went outside," Ezekiel mentioned before running off with Gabriel trailing behind him as they went on to chase the twins.

Jonas tried to push himself through, avoiding Robin (no doubt would she want to talk about the ritual). Sometimes he had to jostle through little groups that took up so much space. One man accidentally shoved him to the side and he pushed back in irritation, making him spill his hot drink on his girlfriend's patterned dress. Jonas turned around, watching hilarity ensue, and the men around him teased him relentlessly. The girl huffed as she left to clean her dress and Jonas left the scene, finding the front door.

He turned around, making sure no one was watching, and opened the door effortlessly. Jonas slowly closed the door behind him, hoping not to get locked out, and saw Magdalene standing solemnly in the front yard, which was adorned with a thin layer of snow. Why she was standing there with high heels, Jonas couldn't possibly understand.

"Magdalene?" he called out to her, "What are you doing outside?"

"What were you thinking, Jonas?" she turned around, raising her voice.

_Oh, _he thought to himself, _she's talking about Fiona._

"What am I thinking, what are _you_ thinking?" he retorted, "You're shivering in the snow and wearing heels. You'll freeze."

She rubbed her arms slightly to compensate for the temperature and Jonas approached her, noticing how angry she had looked. Her braid was coming apart and the curls that she so carefully placed in her hair were straightening out. Some of her make-up had worn off and she looked down, huffing through her nose.

"I'm not the one pursuing a pregnant girl, Jonas," she spoke, "Especially when she doesn't want me to."

"I'm not pursuing her!"

"Then why did you kiss her?"

Jonas was stunned. That kiss that he shared with her in the art studio was something he didn't think Magdalene would know about. Of course, Fiona wouldn't have returned such sentiments and Magdalene knew that much. Now that Jonas thought about it, Magdalene had a habit of knowing things she shouldn't, so he guessed he shouldn't be too surprised. Still, he didn't appreciate Magdalene bringing it up, as he had hoped it was something that remained in his and Fiona's memory only.

"How would you know about that?" Jonas demanded to know, "The door to the art studio was closed!"

"You _what?_ I was talking about your fervent cheek kissing at the ritual, dumb ass!"

"Never you mind," he muttered and placed his hands in his pockets nervously, his feet shuffling and the snow ruining his dress shoes. He couldn't possibly expect Magdalene to ignore his comment now.

"What happened in the art studio?" she demanded to know.

"You don't need to know!"

"Yes, I do, Jonas!" she shouted, "For all I know, you could have forced yourself on her!"

Her harsh eyes almost made him cry out against such an accusation. The snowflakes were swirling around them, some getting stuck on Magdalene's dress and melting quickly. Some of the snow lightly adorned Jonas's shoulders and the top of his head, chilling him. He noticed that little flakes of snow sprinkled Magdalene's hair and her shoes were almost completely ruined. Jonas found it odd that she wasn't noticing these things.

"You really think I would force myself upon her after _everything_ that happened?" Jonas shouted back.

"Well, how _did_ she react to your little gesture, huh, Jonas?!"

He was taken aback. For a moment, he could hear the laughing from inside the house and the music playing. The lights around him seemed to compete for his attention and the hairs on his arms stood up. He was suddenly on that hill, riding a sled with Gabriel in his arms two years ago. When his mind went back to focusing on the present situation, he stammered.

"She said she couldn't replace Asher," he muttered, "That every time she thought of it, she thought of those men that killed him."

"Was she calm about it?"

"…no."

She came closer to him, almost walking past him before turning around to make her point, "You aren't fooling anyone, Jonas! I saw the way you looked at her during that ritual. Believe me, that was more than just friendship. Quit pursuing her, I suggest you give up now before you scare her away!"

"Since when did you care so much about what I do?" Jonas asked, "It's not like I'm trying to hurt anyone! Why do you care if I liked someone?"

"You're wrong for this, Jonas!"

"Really, Magdalene?" he replied, "Then why would she ask me, of all people, to do that ritual on Asher's behalf? Who would understand her pain other than me? You think you can help her? All you're concerned with are your stupid dresses and shoes. By the way, the snow might ruin them!"

"Do you really think that's all I care about?" she asked angrily.

"That's the impression I got for the last two years! Ever since I moved in, you hated me!"

She started to cry and whimpered, "I don't hate you, Jonas."

He huffed, angry and confused, "Then explain why you were such a 'bitch' to me for the first two years, Magdalene."

"I despised your damned specialness! Esme's a god-damned prodigy child, the twins are damned special, and now we hosted two _special children _from who-the-hell-knows-where!" Magdalene explained, "I was thirteen, what did you expect?"

"Considering Gabriel and I arrived starving on your doorstep, I expected a bit more than _that_!" Jonas replied, "And now, all of the sudden, you care about what I do with someone who was my childhood friend?"

"I care about the fact that you're hurting both her and yourself trying to replace Asher in her life, damn it!" Magdalene shouted, "Do you really think Fiona can love you, Jonas? She hated you for so long!"

"Oh, like you're all that different?" he screamed at her, "Why were you being so nice to me during the past week, no, not even! A few days! Were you just that fascinated in some gossip-worthy story?"

"No, Jonas, that's not it! That's not it at all! Didn't I tell you I was sorry that day? Damn, you are so blind!"

"_Blind to _WHAT?"

"Never mind," she huffed, "I'm not dealing with this right now."

Magdalene went back into the house and brushed the snow off of her clothing. Shortly after, Jonas went into the house, going to some other location to avoid Magdalene and to find Fiona. He saw some vested man serving eggnog and took two cups, one for him and one for Fiona. Jonas took a sip of his own and looked around the room. There was Esme, talking to the adults who were praising her reading, no doubt. Eleanor and Ernest were eating various sweets accompanying the holiday and Gabriel was pestering Ezekiel about some toy. Magdalene was talking to the boy she must have been flirting with earlier and Jonas noted that he seemed much more interested in her than she in him. He looked away before Magdalene could notice and saw Fiona hanging around the staircase. Jonas approached her there, motioning to the cups in his hands.

"You like eggnog?" he asked, trying to sound more lighthearted than he felt.

"Never tried it," she replied and took the cup offered to her, taking a sip.

He nearly gulped the whole thing down and placed the cup in a nearby disposal container, relaxing on the staircase once again. She traced the sides of the dress with the indigo thread and Jonas stared at her fingertips. He noticed that she was wearing the patterned cap from earlier and couldn't help but chuckle silently. The dress hung loosely from her shoulders and Fiona kept pulling up the straps to conceal her chest. She had only finished half of her drank before she disposed of it.

"I'm getting tired of the party," Jonas admitted, "I'm going upstairs."

Jonas went upstairs, heading toward the art studio when Fiona had called for him to wait. She pulled the front part of her dress up so she wouldn't trip on it and caught up to him slowly. The dress trailed behind her as she walked and she pulled her cap just a little lower. As they closed some of the space between them, Jonas pulled off the cap and unbraided her hair. She stood before him warily, but he didn't notice this so much as he admired her fiery red hair. His hand moved to stroke her cheek and she inched away slightly. Although he wasn't sure why he did this at the time, he did the same fervent cheek kissing as he did at the ritual and she backed away.

"Jonas, what are you doing?" she asked, worried.

Jonas pulled away quickly, yet only a short distance backward. He saw the anxiety in her eyes and knew Magdalene was right when she yelled at him in the snow. He _was_ pursuing her.

"You're not Asher," she uttered above a whisper.

"I'm not asking to be Asher, Fiona," he replied, "I just want to mean something to you."

"We have known each other since we were new-children, Jonas."

"I knew the version of you that didn't have feelings and could learn 'the fine art of Release' without a second thought," Jonas replied, "And you knew the version of me that was satisfied with community life. You knew Jonas the child, not Jonas the Receiver. As for the Fiona that came after I left, I have no idea who she is."

"I mean nothing to you, my love," he concluded and turned around.

"Jonas, wait!" Fiona called after him, but he had left the second floor, went down the stairs, and gotten in the car with his family.

* * *

"Look at my presents, Jonas!" Gabriel cheered and Jonas smiled weakly.

Gabriel was shaking around toys, bothering the tired twins whom Esme was strapping in. Magdalene had changed from her heels to her boots and Jonas sat near the window on the way back to the inn. Jacob and Lillian were too busy making plans for the remaining time until Robin's New Year's event Jonas had heard about. Apparently, there would be another gathering like the one tonight, so he would see Fiona again. As for the rest of the days, he wasn't sure.

Esme was finishing Crime and Punishment. Jonas couldn't stand to look at Magdalene since their fight just outside the party, nor she at him. It was as if no one had noticed the tension between them and Jonas was thankful, for he didn't want to be questioned or spoken to about the matter. Their argument still confused him and he tried to push it to the back of his mind.

When they arrived at the inn, Jonas trudged to the room. Esme, as always, helped her parents with the little ones and Magdalene held that same irritated attitude that Jonas did. He hoped he could sleep in a different room and wondered if he could convert the bathroom into a bed. When they got to the room, Jonas quickly changed out of his party clothes and into his pajamas. Esme decided to wear earplugs and go to sleep early, leaving Jonas and Magdalene in the room together.

"Jonas," Magdalene asked, "What's wrong?"

"Like you don't know?" he said rather sarcastically, "You were right anyway."

"Oh," she sighed, "About Fiona."

Magdalene sat down beside Jonas, despite him wanting to be alone. Jonas looked at Esme, who was sleeping soundly. The connecting room door was closed, so he doubted that anyone in the other room was listening. It had been a late night, so everyone must have been asleep by now.

"I'm sorry, Jonas," Magdalene whispered, "I didn't mean to be so harsh with you earlier."

"You were right, though," Jonas said, "It's pointless."

Magdalene held his hand and yawned. They both leaned back and stared at the ceiling and Jonas started to cry. He hadn't made any noises when he cried, so Magdalene hadn't figured it out until she leaned over to fetch the diary. When she pulled the diary back to Jonas's right side, she noticed a few tears streaming down his face.

"Jonas," she whispered.

"Why did I think she'd feel what I did," he muttered.

Magdalene wiped his right cheek with a thumb and looked into his eyes, smiling at him compassionately. She leaned down to kiss him and Jonas suddenly knew why Magdalene had been so angry during their argument earlier. She felt strangely soft against his own face and he responded, shocking even himself. He hadn't intended to respond or even _want_ to do this with Magdalene. Never, in a million years, had he thought this would happen. She parted from him.

"Magdalene…" he muttered and she shut him up with an obnoxious chuckle.

"Let's just finish this thing," Magdalene said, holding up the diary, "You were almost thirteen when you left. I'd say since that point, we read up to a year and a half of her life. Six months to go."

_Six months to go before she died on my doorstep, _Jonas thought. If only he could go back in time to tell her that, then he would give her hope that she could at least see her son again. To think about the fact that she finally saw her son just moments before her death was depressing. Still, he wanted to know her story.

Magdalene cuddled beside him and opened the page that Jonas had bookmarked. He wrapped his arm around her and they kept reading.

* * *

**So, a few side notes:**

**If you have read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, you will know it was written in the mid-1800's. Magdalene states that it was written some "5/6 thousand years ago", which means this story takes place in the 8th millennium (7000's). I tried to combine cultures as much as possible. The religion of the Robin/Simeon family is a combination of Judaism, Christianity and a fictional religion. **

**As for Fiona's dresses, I actually looked up the meaning of the colors. For her first dress, I looked up wedding dress color traditions and learned that although in the Western world they use white, in some countries, they use red. There was some Japanese tradition (I used Wikipedia) for wedding garments where red symbolized rebirth. I made the dress white (purity) with red threading (rebirth) and amethysts (I learned this stood for clarity or something). **

**As for her second dress, I found (on the internet: Sensation Color . com) this about green: **

** "In several religions, green is the color associated with resurrection and regeneration."**

**"The God of fertility in Celtic myths was associated with green."**

**"Green is the color of love associated with both Venus, the Roman goddess and Aphrodite, the Greek goddess"**

**and this about blue:**

**"indigo turns the blue inward to increase personal thought, profound insights, and instant understandings."**

**So, read and review. Thanks. Why did I spend so much time researching colors for a DRESS? I know, the last two chapters were kind of sappy. Oh well. I needed some JonasXFiona action! ;)**


	38. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 10

Rhiannon woke up to the men devouring the boy's charred body. All the girls except for Scarlet and Fiona were sound asleep. Roshanak was twitching and Rhiannon assumed she was having a nightmare. Fiona placed a hand on the girl's back and sighed. Scarlet was elsewhere. Rhiannon thought of her own children. Two were far away somewhere, one committed suicide, that child's twin was Released years ago, and her very first child died before it was born. She wondered about that miscarriage. Had that child lived, he (or she) would have been Scarlet's age. Her younger sister wasn't much older than Scarlet. She, too, was dead.

Rhiannon had woken up from a particularly horrible dream. The community was still intact and she entered a Release Room with a syringe in her hand. Aedan was beside her, smiling and touching her arm. He guided her into the Release Room.

"Oh," Aedan said to whoever was in there, "You made it on time."

Rhiannon entered and saw Jonas holding Gabriel tightly. Beside him sat Emilienne, holding her twin sister, who was still an infant. A small fetus was set aside, its umbilical cord wrapped around it like a noose. Rosemary and Asher sat together, not even acknowledging that they were birth-siblings. Maeve sat beside Emilienne. They were all lined up before the bed-like structure. The twin baby was wailing in pain. Why she was in pain, Rhiannon had no way of knowing.

"You were assigned to Release them," Aedan cooed, "Like I showed you, Rhi."

She glanced at Aedan, who was grinning. He nodded his head toward the group and she gulped. Rhiannon saw the door that led to the trash disposal, which was swinging just slightly and creaking. Behind it, there was only blackness and cold. She could have sworn she heard a haunting voice call to her, but she couldn't detect what it was saying. Rhiannon looked back at Aedan and then turned her head to the group.

Instead of them all lined up before the structure, they were all sitting, their necks broken and bleeding. Their chests were still, the twin baby was lopsided against her sister's arms, Maeve's head was hanging off the edge of the structure, and Sigilind's children were leaning away from each other. The fetus had burst, bits of the umbilical cord on the wall behind the bodies, limbs barely recognizable. Gabriel's head was turned in Rhiannon's direction and Jonas was arched over his brother, his blood spilling on the child's face. Of all the dead, only Gabriel's eyes remained open. Rhiannon was gulping for air and she found it hard to breathe.

"That wasn't so hard, was it Rhi?" Aedan taunted.

Rhiannon looked down at her own hands, which were incarnadine with blood. The fluid dripped from her fingers, down to just in front of her feet. She started to cry and her voice came out in short, high pitched cough-like sounds. Her eyes were in pain and her tears nearly blinded her. She looked at Aedan, who was taking a scalpel from her hands and cleaning it. The bloody cloth was disposed of and the scalpel was set aside the syringe, which was still full.

"See? Not so hard. You understand now, don't you?"

She turned around to the bed-like structure again and saw Rosemary and Jonas, facing each other and holding each other's hands. Their faces were pale and there was a pool of blood around them. It hadn't even struck her as odd that everyone else was gone. The voice behind death's door was growling, the door swinging back and forth rapidly. The creaking noise competed with the voice. It resembled a hungry monster.

The door stopped and locked itself shut. Rhiannon turned around frantically. The door to the hallway disappeared. She was trapped.

Rhiannon turned back to the bed-like structure and saw Emanuel kneeling before his apprentices, sobbing. His entire body was quivering and his hand reached out to Rosemary. The blood dripped off the bed, staining the sleeves of his white robe. She could hear his shaky voice whimpering. Rhiannon knelt beside him and when he saw her, he threw himself onto her, his arms wrapped around her neck and his head buried in her shoulder.

"Kill me," he whimpered, "Kill me, please. I want to die."

"No," she cried, "I can't."

Despite her words, her hand held the scalpel shakily. She held the weapon to the back of his neck while he sobbed and held her. She struggled to bring the scalpel any closer and looked at the bodies on the bed. Only Rosemary remained and her head turned, despite her broken neck. Her eyes remained closed and her face was still pale. It was a grotesque sight.

"I want Father," her lips spoke.

"She wants me, Rhi," he begged, "Kill me."

Her hand held his head up and she felt consumed with the urge to kill. Suddenly, she tossed him over and hovered over him, smiling sadistically. Her scalpel touched the left side of his neck, pressing down until she drew blood. She then slashed his throat and once he fell back, he disappeared. Rosemary had disappeared as well and Rhiannon looked at the door that led to darkness. The door swung open and she felt a rush of cold air. It swung closed again. _Open, close, open, close…_

The voice seemed to howl, occupying the small space around Rhiannon. She felt cornered, her hands still sticky from the blood and the scalpel gone. She looked down at her hands, trying to scrub the blood off and making her skin irritated. It seemed to grow thicker as she scrubbed; yet she couldn't stop. The darkness beckoned her and she screamed.

Rhiannon woke up to see her hands completely clean of blood, yet she kept rubbing them, trying to rid herself of any memory of the dream. When she couldn't, she recorded it in her diary, hoping to feel some feeling of release. It hadn't worked.

* * *

The men were asleep. Roshanak, Aune and Ilse were looking away and Fiona glanced at Rhiannon. Scarlet was pacing mindlessly around some tree, to Rhiannon's irritation. The dream that happened some nights ago seemed to fill her with some sort of energy. The sight of her clean hands sickened her now.

Rhiannon walked up to Fiona, who was curled up into a ball. She sat beside her, watching the dying fire. The men didn't even seem to stir in their sleep. Had Rhiannon not known better, she would have guessed that one of the men had just died. She started to wonder how long they could live like this. Roshanak looked like she was becoming sick. It was no doubt that Aune and Ilse would catch whatever Roshanak had. It would spread to Fiona, who would unwillingly give it to the baby. Now that Asher was gone, that child was all Rhiannon had left. She knew it was unrealistic to make such a promise, but she made herself vow that she would find a way for that child to live.

First, she needed to take revenge.

* * *

"Sasho, Ciro," Srecko announced, "You guard the girls. We're going hunting."

The two men sat beside the fire pit, eying Fiona. The men trotted off, taking their weapon of choice, and Rhiannon wondered how far they went on their little trips. If they went far enough, then she could take Fiona and flee in the other direction. Scarlet seemed completely satisfied with giving in to the men's desires. One time, Rhiannon recalled Scarlet returning with a wide smile after one of their sessions. Tonight, Scarlet seemed to miss the men and looked at Sasho and Ciro. The two men smiled at each other and laughed. Scarlet looked away into the distance, rubbing her arms to make up for the cold. Rhiannon counted every girl, aside from Scarlet, and wondered if they could overpower Sasho and Ciro.

Ciro had fallen asleep beside Sasho, who was eying the three other girls. Fiona was inspecting Scarlet, who seemed completely oblivious to her presence. Rhiannon looked back at Sasho and then at the fire pit. The idiot left his weapon beside it and Rhiannon slipped it in her small pocket. Sasho rubbed his eyes and lied down, struggling to stay awake. She watched him patiently, hoping that the hunting men were struggling tonight, and saw him fall asleep. Rhiannon withdrew the weapon from her pocket and crept up to Sasho.

Sasho turned his head slightly, reacting to the sound of Rhiannon's soft footsteps. His eyes became thin slits, barely seeing a thing. She heard a slight groan before his head dropped to his side again and she sighed in relief. Rhiannon saw Ciro's head on Sasho's lap and wondered whom she should target first, but she realized that Sasho was more likely to wake up and made her decision.

She brought the sharp blade to his neck and slashed through it quickly and cleanly. It had barely made a noise, yet the blood was plentiful. Some covered his neck and most of it dripped to the earth below. Rhiannon stepped over him and moved on to Ciro, whose eyes were fluttering from whatever dreams he had. For a moment, she was curious as to what he was dreaming. She looked at the other girls, who hadn't even noticed what had happened. Only Fiona saw what Rhiannon had done and she knew to keep silent until Rhiannon approached her on the subject. She glanced back at Ciro's face, which seemed less malevolent during sleep. Still, she couldn't afford to care for such a man, and brought the weapon to his neck.

Rhiannon finished the same maneuver that she used on Sasho and wiped the blade on the dirt. Bits of soil stuck to it, but it was otherwise clean, and Rhiannon placed it back in her pocket. She trotted to Fiona and grabbed her arm.

"We're leaving," she whispered, "If we don't, we die."

Fiona looked back at the two dead guards and understood. She looked at Scarlet and tugged Rhiannon's sleeve. Rhiannon turned around and saw Fiona pointing to Scarlet. The red-haired woman saw the two dead men and shuffled to them, her lip quivering. Rhiannon felt a heightened sense of urgency.

"We have to leave her behind," she whispered, "She wouldn't come with us anyway."

"But she's my mother," Fiona replied.

"Not anymore, she's not," Rhiannon retorted, "She belongs to them."

Roshanak turned around and saw Rhiannon and Fiona whispering to each other, distant from the fire pit. The girl took a single step forward and the two huddled together again. Rhiannon listened for any sign of the hunting men and when she found none, she whispered to Fiona.

"What about Roshanak?" Fiona asked.

"Do you really think we can afford to bring her?"

"Just her, Rhiannon, I promise."

Rhiannon looked at Roshanak, who was stepping forward slowly and periodically looking back at Aune and Ilse, who were reoccupied with the sight of the dead men. They reacted rather stoically while Scarlet was bending over them, weeping. Rhiannon gave in.

"Fine, but her only. We gotta move quickly."

Fiona waved to Roshanak, who scurried after them, and they started running through the darkness in the opposite direction that the hunting men had gone to. Fiona couldn't run as quickly as Roshanak and Rhiannon, so the pair had to wait for her. Rhiannon and Roshanak ended up holding Fiona's hands and they kept running at alternating speeds, fumbling through the darkness. Rhiannon's legs were getting tired, but she kept fleeing, as it was only a matter of time before the hunting men returned and found their guarding men dead. No doubt would Scarlet tell them everything.

"My legs hurt," Fiona panted.

"We have to keep running," Rhiannon huffed in short breaths, "They'll kill us if we don't."

She wasn't sure how long they ran for, but she was sure they expended a good amount of their energy. Rhiannon couldn't allow them to stop completely before she knew they were safe, so she busied herself with finding shelter. They kept walking and Fiona complained of fatigue. Roshanak and Fiona held hands while Rhiannon went in front of them, looking around and wondering where they could remain hidden from those Luopiothorpans.

* * *

"Are you girls awake?"

Fiona and Roshanak stirred from where they slept, rubbing their eyes. They had slept behind a large boulder, their side facing uphill. This way, if the cannibal men came, they could see them from afar. Rhiannon's neck cramped up from the way she slept and when she stood up to stretch, every part of her body ached. Her stomach started to growl from hunger. She looked around and walked up the hill. When she made it to the top, she saw it overlook yet another forest. She noticed that this forest seemed abundant and crossed her fingers that she would finally get to eat something besides other humans. Fiona and Roshanak trudged after her and stood with their jaws agape when they saw the sight.

They trotted down slowly as not to tumble down the hill and Rhiannon was the first to make it to the edge of the forest. There was a small creek running through the place and Rhiannon saw a young boy hunched over by a berry bush of some sort. He rinsed his hands in the creek and combed them through his matted hair. An older man approached him and Rhiannon hoped he wasn't a Luopiothorpan. She saw the insignia on his tattered clothing and sighed a breath of relief, learning he was from Servofors.

"Kester," the man called.

The boy returned to the man, whom Rhiannon assumed was his father, and she watched them trot off. She was overwhelmed with curiosity and stepped through the creek, following the pair. Fiona and Roshanak shyly followed her; unsure of what the older woman was doing. Rhiannon saw Kester and his supposed father rejoin a group of survivors. Some weren't wearing clothing that bore insignia and she wondered just where they came from. Kester turned around and saw Rhiannon, alerting his father. The older man turned around and approached her carefully.

"Who are you?" he asked rather sternly, catching her by surprise.

"I, uhh," Rhiannon stammered, wondering if she should reveal her identity. It kept her alive among the cannibals, so no doubt would it hold some leverage here.

"That's Rhiannon!" some child announced.

The older man examined Rhiannon closely. He peered deeply into her eyes, which made Rhiannon's heart quicken. His finger traced the slight wrinkles of her aged face and he withdrew his hand, turning to his little tribe with a nod. They all stood up before her and Rhiannon recognized a few of the children from Servofors. Those children smiled at her and one even stepped forward in reverence. They were the same children that would occasionally act out Asher's stories back when the van group had stayed with them. The memory pained her and she focused her attention to Kester's father, who must have been the leader.

"Rhiannon," said the man, "Do you recognize me?"

It had finally clicked. She remembered the two leaders of Servofors that had welcomed her and her group. They had presented her to the barely-alive community and asked her to report the state of Hurupolis to them. As the citizens grew accustomed to her, she played a large role in the community. Rhiannon thought back to the Luopiothorpan invasion and felt sick.

"You're Salvatore!" she cried, "You were one of the elected leaders after the downfall."

The man smiled. Kester stood by him and held his hand, looking up at Rhiannon timidly. She looked at the rest of the group, realizing that some were from another community. Had the Luopiothorpans raided them too, wherever they were from? Were there other militaristic communities? How they had adapted such a brutal approach despite the gentle nature of the communities puzzled her. Just how many ways could the memories have affected everyone?

"What happened to Cinzia?"

"I'm surprised you remembered her," said Salvatore, "She was killed during the raid that destroyed the community."

Fiona and Roshanak eased up a bit and came forth to meet Salvatore. Fiona didn't seem to remember the man. As for Roshanak, everyone was a complete stranger.

Rhiannon started to become paranoid about the men they had fled from. Just how soon had they seen the dead bodies? She could imagine them charging down the hill, racing to them with deadly weapons, screaming for vengeance. Rhiannon considered alerting the group about the cannibal group when Salvatore cut her thoughts short.

"You may stay with our group if you want," Salvatore stated, "Who are those two?"

"This is Fiona, I don't know if you remember her," Rhiannon replied, "That one's Roshanak from Puterastadt."

Salvatore motioned them to join the group and they sat down in a circle. One of the children offered the younger girls some berries that they had picked earlier and they both ate hungrily. Rhiannon licked her lips and Salvatore offered some small fish he had caught in the creek. They didn't taste particularly good, but she swallowed some anyway, wondering how her stomach would react to what she was eating. After a few months of eating nothing but humans, she wasn't sure her digestive system could make such a switch.

"What happened after you left?" Salvatore asked.

"I took the van and my group with me. We drove off and ran out of gas near a river, so we ended up staying there for a while. Both Phillipa and Bruno died there, so we abandoned the van altogether."

"How'd they die?"

"Phillipa was bit by a snake. Bruno died of some illness."

"What about Asher and Scarlet?" asked Salvatore, "I noticed they aren't with you."

Rhiannon glanced back at Fiona and Roshanak, who seemed to be getting along with the other people of the group. Some women were comforting the girls in some sort of ritual and the children were beating sticks for a game that they had learned from Asher, long ago. The memory of Asher's screaming came back again, but this time, she did not feel the familiar pain.

"We came across some cannibalistic Luopiothorpans. They took us into our group. They made Asher hunt and violated Scarlet and Fiona. Their leader was going to do something to Fiona when Asher lashed out. They threw him in the fire."

"How'd you run away?"

"They went out to find some food and they left two males behind to make sure we girls didn't do anything. They fell asleep so I killed them and took the two girls with me. We couldn't take Scarlet, she belonged to them now."

"They'll be searching for you," Salvatore reminded her, "We'll have to get up and move soon. One of our kids was already lost to them."

Soon enough, Salvatore announced to the rest of the group that they would have to move. The entire tribe got up and they proceeded westward, none of them nearly as fatigued as Rhiannon, Fiona, and Roshanak. Sometimes they would have to stop for Fiona and Rhiannon, much to the annoyance of the children, but that didn't stop them from getting far. They had walked alongside the creek, which had joined a larger river, and Rhiannon saw a few fish swimming around the edges. Rhiannon could no longer see the hill they had climbed over earlier and she sighed a breath of relief, thinking that the hunting men wouldn't travel this far. They stopped at a place where the river ran slowly and had a deep middle. The children took to swimming in the river and Rhiannon saw Fiona and Roshanak guiding each other slowly into the water. She started to think of Asher and Fiona swimming in the river together, doing things Rhiannon rather not see once they had finished. Fiona must have yearned for Asher the way Rhiannon had yearned for her late Spouse for several months. She held her own arms, thinking of that night in the Annex where she had danced for the first time. A single child had stood before her, but she did not look back at him. Instead, she stared blankly at the river, remembering the suicides she had witnessed. Had the dead found each other? She likened death to an eternal sleep and toyed with the idea in her head. The child that had stood in front of her moved on to someone else and Rhiannon proceeded to the river, embracing the chilliness of it. She didn't notice the movements of any other swimmer. Instead, she walked forward until the water was passed her waist.

She made sure no one was watching, closed her eyes, and let herself fall into the water.


	39. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 11

Rhiannon held her breath for as long as she could. When she failed, she vaguely spotted bubbles rising to the surface and heard that strange popping sound they made when the air of the bubbles met the air above the water. She likened that sort of situation to the dead rising to meet the other dead. Her chest was tightening and something inside her went into panic mode, causing her to leap out of the water again. Her own human nature had prevented her from joining Emanuel and Rosemary and she dug her nails into her arm as a form of self-punishment. Rhiannon looked down, occasionally taking her nails off to see the white, curved indents in her flesh, surrounded by reddened skin. She turned away from those facing her. As she stared out into the distance, she started to cry uncontrollably. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity, but for everyone else, it was only a fleeting moment.

She shivered where she stood, covering the nail indents with her other hand and decided not to bother with her futile attempts, and so she walked to the dry land where others waited. Rhiannon noticed Fiona sitting alone at the edge of the river, rubbing her protruding abdomen forlornly. Some of the survivors were bathing naked in the river, scrubbing themselves of whatever dirt they had accumulated on their bodies and splashing each other, laughing for who-knows-why. The others were washing their clothes and hanging them up on the leaves to dry, unembarrassed by their exposed state. She wondered just what those people were laughing about and guessed that Fiona was wondering the same thing. Roshanak took Fiona's hand and they walked into the water. Roshanak took off her shirt and soaked it in the water, scrubbing Fiona's filthy back with it and Rhiannon could have sworn she saw Fiona smile. She hoped the best for this blooming friendship. They had looked so sweet, watching over each other in the serene water. Rhiannon rubbed her own arms, aching.

* * *

Rhiannon was starting to learn everyone's names. Salvatore had paired up with a young woman named Herminia, who once held the title of Agriculture Supervisor. She learned that Herminia was originally from Luopiothorpe, but she had fled to Servofors after the self-appointed militaristic leader had accused her of something similar to heresy and killed her two originally assigned children. Herminia had adopted a Puterastadt girl named Agnetha, who was about Kester's age, and the two adults had teased the children about coupling in their later years. Seeing Salvatore and Herminia run off together for some "private time" wasn't uncommon, so Rhiannon took to making jokes about them. Occasionally, though, it made her think of Asher and Fiona.

There were five young children, including Agnetha and Kester (who must have been about seven years of age). Out of the remaining three was only one female, about nine years old, whom Rhiannon learned was named Eurydice. The older woman thought it was a funny name. Eurydice often took to supervising the younger children and Rhiannon thought about what assignment Eurydice would receive had Jonas not fled, leaving the communities to self-destruct. She imagined her directing recreational activities and coming up with various new games to entertain the younger children. However, she seemed a lot more mature than Asher was when he was directing games and Rhiannon attributed that to Eurydice's current situation.

The two remaining males, whom were ages eight and six, were named Sosigenes and Oscar, respectively. Sosigenes often pulled pranks on Eurydice and Agnetha, much to their annoyance, and the younger would retaliate by beating her fists until a higher-up caught her. Eurydice would seethe, but try her best not to show Sosigenes her anger. Instead, she would pace around, occasionally kicking the water in the river, making Sosigenes laugh. Oscar would hide behind the older boy, giggling quietly.

There was only one adolescent besides Fiona and Roshanak and the only male of the age group. Rhiannon learned his name was Austin and he often courted Roshanak, much to Rhiannon's amusement. When Fiona and Roshanak would finally separate from each other, Austin would somehow appear out of nowhere, right in front of Roshanak with his arms wide open for acceptance. Roshanak would shyly blush and turn away and Austin would interpret this as a further invitation, so he kept pestering her until she finally gave in. Rhiannon saw Roshanak and Austin frolic alongside the river once before they left to be alone in the woods and giggled to herself, knowing exactly what they were up to. When Fiona witnessed this, however, she withdrew into herself and Rhiannon knew she was thinking about Asher. That time Rhiannon first inadvertently witnessed their lovemaking seemed somehow like both yesterday and an eternity ago. The aging woman started to think of her own past desires for Aedan, Emanuel, Mattan, and pretty much every male Nurse that had taken care of her in her youth. Inexplicable moments of loneliness weren't strangers to Rhiannon now, and she would walk away in solitude to deal with her own tears.

* * *

It had been two months since Rhiannon had encountered Salvatore and Kester in the forest. The falling leaves were slowly starting to turn red, yellow and brown and the breezes were getting chillier. Rhiannon walked with the rest of the group when she had seen that strange type of creature she had killed once to feed her van gang. She thought of trying to hunt again, but she knew she couldn't do it, so she trotted along with the rest of the survivors. Rhiannon didn't write in her journal often, but she kept little marks to record the days she had been with them, so she had a rough idea of how much time passed.

Fiona's stomach was getting bigger and bigger and Rhiannon couldn't ignore the question of how Fiona was going to give birth. She had the bad feeling that Fiona would die birthing her child, but she kept this concern to herself so as not to worry the rest of the tribe. Rhiannon noticed that Herminia's stomach was starting to bulge and wondered if that was to be attributed to the time Herminia and Salvatore spent apart in the forest. Sosigenes started to get along better with Eurydice, but he still bothered Agnetha from time to time. Kester somehow managed to split up Sosigenes and Oscar, befriending the latter and making him turn on his older friend. As a result, Sosigenes got in trouble more often with Salvatore and he no longer had Oscar to back him up. Sosigenes started to pick on Kester frequently and Rhiannon didn't bother to interrupt these quarrels, as she had resigned the role of peacemaker long ago.

One day, Austin proposed to Roshanak with an impromptu kiss on the hand and a little bow. Roshanak blushed uncontrollably when this happened, as they had been swimming in their birthday suits at the time, not to mention in front of some of the younger children. When they had kissed, Kester, Oscar, and Agnetha crinkled their noses, still disgusted by the thought of coupling. Sosigenes made sly comments to Eurydice, who brushed it off and attributed the comments to his immaturity, which he always laughed off. Later that night, Roshanak made a request to Rhiannon.

"Rhiannon," Roshanak asked, still blushing from the day's events, "I know this may sound strange but Austin wants me to be his Spouse."

"Yeah? So?"

"Well, in some of the memories we used to receive back in the communities, there was one with a little ceremony for Spouses," Roshanak said, "It was called a wedding."

"You want a wedding?" Rhiannon asked skeptically, her tone of voice becoming lower pitched as she asked the question.

"Well, we just want a little ceremony, just for us."

"Ask Salvatore."

"Fine," Roshanak muttered and Rhiannon found herself jealous of Roshanak's happiness.

Roshanak asked Salvatore and Rhiannon saw him nod. It wasn't long before Roshanak and Austin were brought underneath a tree and Rhiannon was standing before them, reciting some long lost speech about the institution of Spouse-hood. Roshanak and Austin were giggling to themselves, holding hands while staring up at the sky so stupidly adorned with twinkling lights. Rhiannon tried to sound enthusiastic about this, but she had the feeling that someone could see right through her act. No doubt would someone question her later.

"I now pronounce you Spouses," Rhiannon exclaimed in her most enthusiastic voice and the two young lovers had embraced each other tightly before running off somewhere to celebrate in the comfort of each other's arms. Fiona stood somewhere, solemnly staring at the sky. Kester, Agnetha, and Oscar were splashing each other at the river, Salvatore was lecturing Sosigenes, and Eurydice was trying to get Fiona's attention, to no avail. Rhiannon wanted no part of this, so she walked off into the forest and slept.

* * *

**This sounds like one of those "filler" chapters. Sorry, I wasn't sure what to write, but I want to get to near the end of Rhiannon's story already! Also, I kind of miss Asher. Why did I kill him? *sigh***

**Leave a review stating whether the next chapter should be a Rhiannon or a Jonas chapter. Whichever one you choose, explain what you think should happen in the following chapter. Please? Thanks.**

**As for Fiona's baby, do you think it should be a boy or a girl? Twins? Twin girls, twin boys, or one male and one female? Suggest names!**


	40. Jonas: Age 15: Part 11

Jonas closed the diary and saw that Magdalene had fallen asleep. He took a spare thick-ended pen that the inn had provided and decided to write Rhiannon's name on the cover. In his community, people were only identified by their first name, age and birth-number. Right now, had he still lived in Hurupolis, he would have been "Jonas: Number 15-19". Now, he thought about the name patterns here. It was your birth-name, the other-language word for daughter or son (no one knew what language it was anymore), your mother or father's name, and your surname. The full name of the girl that was sleeping beside him was Magdalene Meita-Lillian Izbavitelov. Jonas thought about his own new name, which he had written on several homework assignments during his home-tutoring sessions: Jonas Dels-Jacob Izbavitelov. He uncapped the pen and thought about writing in large letters on the leather cover.

"Rhiannon Meita-Aerona"

_She doesn't have a last name_, thought Jonas. He thought about what their last names were typically based off of and remembered what Izbavitelov meant. _Savior_, he thought. _Quite suiting, as they had saved me from certain death._ Jonas contemplated Rhiannon's past and traits, thinking of her sarcasm, her bravery, her sacrifices, and her love. He thought of all the languages Esme knew and finally decided her last name.

"Rhiannon Meita-Aerona Maneyodati"

_Maneyodati, _he thought, _matriarch._

Matriarch, he thought to himself several times and thought the title quite suiting for his mother. He thought of the implications of such a role and stared at the ceiling, his brain working like a dictionary.

_Matriarch – female head of a family or tribe – older woman who is powerful within a family or organization._

Hadn't Rhiannon been just that when Jonas fled? It was a shame that she couldn't have taken a larger role in the community before its downfall. Rhiannon had seemed so intelligent. He thought of what he used to think of Birthmothers – as a lower position in society. Now that he was reading her story, his thoughts worked like ongoing parts of a factory, never stopping until someone had pushed the OFF button. No one was there to push the OFF button with a sudden interruption, so he kept thinking of positions and last names.

The Giver would have been Emanuel Dels-Aerona Something. _Something, _he thought, _something, patriarch, __Patryjarch. _

_ Emanuel Dels-Aerona Patryjarch, for The Giver was a patriarch in the truest sense._

He started to wonder if he should change his own last name, as he wasn't related to the Izbavitelovs in the slightest. The surnames indicated genetic relations. He would have to ditch the "Dels-Jacob" along with his surname, which left him with his birth-name alone: Jonas. That's all he was, wasn't he? Jonas, Jonas the Child of the Community, Jonas the Receiver, Jonas the Runaway. Never was he Jonas the Revered Patriarch, Jonas the Savior, or anything else.

And he was definitely not Jonas the One Fiona Loved.

"That's my name then," he whispered to himself, "Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Obemind. _Unloved."_

Except he wasn't unloved. There Magdalene Meita-Lillian Izbavitelov was, lying right next to him, his arm wrapped around her. There Esme was, in the opposite bed, the girl who made him that candle holder where he lit a small light for Rhiannon. There, in the other room, rested Lillian and Jacob, caring for young Gabriel, the boy too young to remember just how close he was to death. He moved the diary to where it had originally rested and wrapped his other arm around Magdalene, trying to close his eyes, thinking of his own surname. He came up with what he thought at the moment would be his final name: "Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Renaștere".

_Reborn…_

* * *

"Good morning!" Esme had shouted.

Eleanor and Ernest were hitting the pair with pillows, irritating Magdalene. She withdrew from Jonas's arms and chased them around with her own little fluffy weapon, making them squeal as they fled into the other room. Gabriel sought out Jonas while Magdalene was threatening the twins. Jacob and Lillian were sorting out plans for the day in the little kitchen. Gabriel was squirming in Jonas's embrace and the adolescent couldn't help but hold his little brother tightly, his head buried in the younger boy's shoulder. Gabriel had just been bathed.

"Jonas," he whined, "You're squishing me."

"I'm doing it because I love you," he replied, his voice muffled.

"Doesn't mean you have to squish me," the boy's high-pitched voice spoke.

"Do you love me, Gabe?" Jonas asked, raising his head to the young child's ear.

"Yes," Gabriel giggled. Jonas relaxed his grip, allowing Gabriel's arms to be free. His small hands traced the outlines of Jonas's fingers and the edges of Jonas's fingernails. Jonas breathed deeply, enjoying the moments with his little brother. Gabriel was staring off somewhere and Jonas focused his gaze there, realizing that the younger boy was staring at Rhiannon's diary.

"How much do you love me?"

"This much!" Gabriel laughed, spreading his arms until they were the farthest apart they could be from each other and Jonas smiled widely. He kissed his brother's cheek and Magdalene walked in, chuckling.

"Do you two need a room?" she asked, smiling.

"You are a deeply, deeply disturbed person," Jonas replied as he released Gabriel, who trotted off to annoy Ernest and Eleanor.

Magdalene sat down beside Jonas, holding his hand, her thumb rubbing his palm. Jonas thought of last night and what it could have possibly meant. Could it ever work? He had no idea. Jonas knew Esme was very accepting of whatever form love came in. Lillian had a similar nature, yet hers was more restricted. Jacob, however, was another story.

If they legally adopted Jonas, then it would _technically_ be incest. Incest was wrong, as far as he had learned. His loves were forbidden to him. How could this be at _all _fair?

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

He nodded and looked at her. Her hands cupped his own and she leaned in closer to him, looking at the bottom half of his face. Jonas inched closer to her when Esme had barged in, the door swinging open.

"Hey, I came to tell," Esme said before noticing just how close they were physically, "Um, am I interrupting something?"

"No," both of them said, quickly separating.

"Whatever you two are doing, you can tell me," Esme replied, folding her arms, "I can tell something's up with you two."

Jonas and Magdalene looked at each other quizzically. Both decided to keep their mouth shut and Esme raised an eyebrow at the pair, but no one spoke. Esme just stood there with her arms crossed, staring at Jonas and Magdalene, coming up with ideas as to what was happening between them. Magdalene feigned annoyance and Jonas tapped his fingers uncomfortably until someone else came in. Esme eyed the diary while Lillian came in the room.

"So," Lillian spoke, distracting the trio from their current tension, "I thought of taking Esme to that ancient culture concert someone told her about yesterday."

"I get to go?" Esme cheered, her black curls bouncing as she jumped.

"Now, the question is whether or not you two are coming," Lillian addressed, "Jacob is taking the little ones to Robin's. You two can go to either. Oh, and Esme, I heard that concert's a long wait. Bring a book with you."

"But I already finished Crime and Punishment," she whined.

Jonas got up and held the diary that now read "Rhiannon Meita-Aerona Maneyodati" on the cover. He drew a line underneath it and wrote "The Matriarch". Once he was satisfied with what he read, he approached Esme and presented the diary. She smiled.

"Take this to read, if you want," Jonas said, "It's probably a little too easy for you, but you'll enjoy it."

Esme read the cover, tracing the edges with her fingertips, and placed it in a bag that Lillian gave her. Esme placed the bag beside Jonas's bed and changed into some fresh clothes. Lillian went into the other room and Magdalene sighed.

"Why'd you give her the diary?"

"I knew she wanted to read it," Jonas replied, "Besides, why not?"

"Are you sure she should know about, well, you know, the _cause_ of the downfall?"

"She's very mature, Magdalene," Jonas responded, "If anyone would have had a problem about it, if would have been _you_. Seriously, Mags."

She hit him in the arm and he retaliated, causing them to go in a wrestling match. Magdalene was surprisingly strong and she pinned him down on the bed, causing him to laugh and blush furiously. She smiled at him and Esme came out of the bathroom, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, seriously, what is _up_ with you two?"

Magdalene jumped off and messed with Esme's hair, causing the young girl to laugh and throw up her hands in retaliation. Esme started to kick around, which made Magdalene rub her fist on Esme's scalp. Lillian came back in and huffed.

"Mags," she sighed.

"_Mother_!" she replied and left Esme alone to fix up her hair again.

Lillian made sure Esme had everything and they left. Jacob was busy trying to handle Gabriel and the twins before he called Jonas and Magdalene for help. The pair chuckled and went into the other room.

"Help me with Eleanor's clothes," Jacob sighed, "Jonas, you handle the boys."

Jonas watched as Gabriel and Ernest kept flinging clothes at each other and Magdalene picked out some nice shirt for Eleanor. Jonas stepped in and grabbed Gabriel, who was squirming against Jonas's arms. Ernest was jumping around, much to Jacob's annoyance, and Jacob grabbed Ernest, setting him down on the bed to get changed.

"Jonas, let me go!" Gabriel whined.

"I have to get you ready, silly," Jonas replied, "You're going to that house we went last night."

"And play with toys?"

"Yes, Gabey, lots of toys."

"Are you coming?"

Magdalene turned her head when she heard that question. Eleanor was finished with getting dressed and leaped on one of the beds, jumping up and down. Ernest was finished getting changed as well and went to play with Eleanor, hugging her tightly. She squirmed under his grip and whined playfully, making Jonas smile. If only there was this kind of life back in the communities without the horrible price. He could see that they loved each other.

"Do you think we should go, Mags?" Jonas asked playfully.

"Jonas, you better be prepared for what's coming," Magdalene replied, normally hating the nickname.

"Oh, I'm _so_ scared."

"You two bicker like an old married couple," Jacob laughed.

Jonas blushed suspiciously, despite Jacob not detecting it, and turned away. He pulled on Gabriel's shirt and the younger boy went with the twins, who were pushing him around on the bed. Eleanor's braids were getting messed up and Magdalene sighed, knowing she would have to redo them. Jacob warned them about pushing each other off the bed, so Gabriel left and ran to Jonas, grabbing his leg.

Jacob told the younger children that they were leaving. Magdalene and Jonas looked at each other and Jonas knew she wanted to be alone with him. Thinking of everything that happened before Rhiannon came, he thought of an excuse.

"Magdalene and I still have some education assignments to finish," Jonas said. It technically wasn't a lie.

"All right," Jacob sighed, "I'll be gone for a while. Your mother and Esme too."

"Bye," Magdalene and Jonas both said, waiting for the group to leave.

Jacob was about to open the door when he turned around and took a hologram device out of his pocket. It was smaller than a house key, but it felt unusually heavy. He tossed it to Jonas, who almost dropped it (just as Asher always dropped that apple once in a game of catch over three years ago), and Jonas examined it. A single button to turn it on, he realized.

"In case you need to contact your tutor," Jacob said, "You know how to work it. Turn it on, access the virtual keyboard, type her name. She may or may not be online, but you can leave a message if you don't get something."

"Thanks," replied Jonas, watching them leave and holding the device in his hand. He forgot what it was called.

"Clever excuse," Magdalene replied.

"I actually do have assignments to finish," Jonas said, "This one's a paper comparing a federation and a unitary state. Relatively easy, actually. My tutor just assigned it so I don't 'waste my brain' or something."

His tutor was a friend of Simeon's from the charity, although he had only learned this recently. They had worked alongside each other in a previous project addressing famine. When Jonas had just arrived two years ago, Jacob introduced him to her and once he had recuperated, she gave him various tests to see where she should start. She was surprised by his exceptional language and mathematic ability, yet was completely puzzled as to why he had no understanding of the nation's history and politics. Jonas learned about this quickly and realized how small the communities' world was in comparison.

He retrieved the instruction book from his bag and flipped to the page that contained information about his current assignment. Jonas decided to type the assignment on the hologram device and send it to his tutor electronically. Magdalene decided to busy herself with her assignments, which were mostly math and science. Neither were her strong suits, so Jonas knew she was going to ask for the hologram device to contact one of her friends. He wasn't particularly fond of any of her friends, but said nothing.

"How long are you going to be?" Magdalene asked.

"Let me guess, you miss your friends," Jonas asked and then joked, "Or maybe you want to flirt with that kid you met at the party. What was his name?"

"Macario Dels-Feofan Teitzae. His mother worked at the charity Robin was talking about," Magdalene replied with a smile, "What do you care?"

"I don't."

"Liar."

"Can I just work on my paper?"

Magdalene shut up and went back to her assignments, which Jonas knew she was going to turn in late. She had a habit of neglecting her studies, much to the annoyance of her parents. In the past, Jonas had to help her so she wouldn't get in trouble with her education institution again. No doubt would she be missing the answers to quite a few questions again and this time, Jonas didn't want to be a part of it. He finished his paper after quite some time due to distractions and extra time including some examples of federations and unitary states, read it over, and made little corrections here and there. Saving the document, he brought up the contacts and typed in the search engine. _Satomi Meita-Aoi Alkaev._

"Are you done yet?" Magdalene asked.

"I just need to send my assignment to my tutor. Why?"

"My friends and I were assigned to come up with a charity project. I planned on coordinating something with Simeon's charity."

Jonas thought of what Robin had said about Simeon going into the community cluster and wondered what they had planned on doing for them. Suddenly, that strange feeling of guilt came back and everything rushed through his memory. He felt sick all over.

"Is something wrong, Jonas?"

"You mentioned his charity," he replied, "It made me think of the communities."

"Look, Jonas, I know you feel guilty, but you have to forgive yourself…"

_Wait a minute…_

"You mentioned a project, right?" Jonas asked, prompting a nod, "Who's supposed to be working with you?"

"My two friends, Maite and Amalia, why?"

"Contact them later. We could suggest a community cluster restoration project to the charity. I'll tell the idea to Simeon and Satomi. We can get our family in on it. Fiona, too," Jonas said excitedly, "Just think about it!"

"Why do I have the feeling that you think this is your path to redemption?"

"Because it is, Magdalene!" Jonas exclaimed, "What do you want me to do?"

Magdalene smiled, "So this is what happens when I mention school assignments. I end up involved in philanthropy."

"Oh, shut up," he sighed and opened up a message document, changing the setting to vocal commands, "Send to: Satomi Meita-Aoi Alkaev; Simeon Dels-Yonah Birambaum."

He paused and looked at Magdalene, whispering, "Say the names of your two friends."

She raised her voice, "Maite Meita-Wendy Portchester; Amalia Meita-Corine Llewellen."

Jonas started again, "Message: From Magdalene Meita-Robin Izbavitelov and Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Renaștere."

Magdalene gave him a funny look and whispered, "Why the name change?"

"I'll tell you later," he spoke quietly before raising his voice, "Message: This is a suggestion for the charity project. As you know, Magdalene, Maite, and Amalia need to finish a charity project for their education institution. Now, I, Jonas, am suggesting to the charity a restoration project. As Simeon and I have learned recently, the Sameness Community Cluster has been devastated and it's complete anarchy. We could send famine relief and contact our clinics for medical care. As for other forms of reconstruction, we may have to contact our local government."

"Wow, Jonas," Magdalene sighed quietly, "You're really getting yourself into a lot. Do you plan on revealing your identity the way you did with Robin?"

"That's a whole other question," Jonas replied before continuing his message aloud, "As for further discussion, I suggest we speak personally. I won't organize any meetings until you all make further contact. _Send!_"

After Jonas received confirmation from the device that the message had been sent to all four contacts, he felt some of his guilt leave him. At the same time, anxiety filled his entire being. Will this work? He had no idea. The plan may not even go past the charity board. Even if it did, it may not be the local government's priorities. However, he did know that the government was looking to spread its influence and such a project help achieve this goal. He hoped for the best and when Magdalene saw his worry, she embraced him.

"Rhiannon would be so proud," she said, "Emanuel, too."

"Thank you, Magdalene," he replied in a whisper, almost crying, "I never knew you to be the philanthropic type."

"I'm not, silly," Magdalene retorted, "I'm doing this for you. Well, that and so my teacher would stop bugging me."

Jonas chuckled and looked into her eyes. After two years of nearly hating each other, it had come to this. It reminded him of an ancient play Esme had read called _Taming of the Shrew_ and he chuckled again at the memory. He held Magdalene by the waist and her arms were resting on his shoulders. He realized she was smiling at him and leaned in.

She responded and he held her tighter, her arms encircling his neck. He closed his eyes, remembering last night and wondering why on Earth it was happening again. He withdrew from her and saw that her expression told him not to ask questions. Jonas embraced her, kissing her again and he tripped over her foot, landing on the bed.

"Really, Jonas?" she chuckled and he started again, this time more passionate.

They moved up higher on the bed so she could rest her head on the pillow when he realized that they hadn't even changed out of their nighttime clothes. He kissed her again and her hands explored his neck when his lips started to ache. He withdrew, taking in a breath and smiled.

"I – I really like you, Magdalene."

"Igualmente," she replied. It was an Old Spanish word that meant "likewise" and was used colloquially in this region. It was one of the few foreign words Magdalene actually knew the meaning of.

"Seriously?"

She chuckled and pulled his head down to meet her lips. He hadn't done this often, so he tried to figure out exactly what he was doing, but he discovered that some things just come naturally. Her hand slid onto his shoulders, yet underneath his shirt and he felt very Stirred. He had no idea when either Jacob or Lillian would come home, but somehow, the thought of getting caught made it all the more thrilling.

Jonas heard the door open in the other room and the sound of something being dropped on a table. He knew that Jacob wouldn't be back this early and heard a high-pitched chuckle from the other room. The footsteps were less frequent and less loud. There was no screaming of young children or stern commands to quiet down. He assumed that Lillian had come back with Esme already and looked at Magdalene, who held the same worried expression. Suddenly, he heard Esme's voice.

"I'm home!"


	41. Jonas: Age 15: Part 12

Jonas quickly shuffled off the bed before either Esme or Lillian entered the adjacent room. Magdalene went to her bed, pretending to look over her assignments in a state of exhaustion. Jonas relaxed on his bed, trying to slow down his breathing when Esme entered the room. She took the diary out of the bag she had been carrying at smiled at Jonas.

"Thanks for letting me read it," Esme said, "You're right. It's an easy read. Finished it pretty quickly."

She said it aside Jonas and took out another odd device from her bag, which had a similar shape to the device Jacob had given him earlier. However, he noticed it was lighter and had more buttons. It was thinner, too. Jonas noticed the buttons were red and smiled. He always liked red.

"Jonas," Esme continued, "I got this AMP at the concert. I thought you'd like it."

AMP. Automatic Music Player. Jonas was satisfied. He ran his fingers over the small buttons and started to think of music, which led to thoughts of the community, which turned themselves into thoughts of pain, loneliness and death. The player started faintly playing soft electric notes.

"Yeah, Jonas," Magdalene laughed, "That thing mind-reads."

The player sang a song of sleeping alone, someone "killing" pain, finding his or her "salvation in everyone", among other things. He noticed the lyrics tended to repeat themselves in the concept of no longer hiding your identity. Jonas started to wonder who had written the song.

_Audioslave_, he heard, but no one else seemed to notice. He placed the AMP near Rhiannon's diary and thanked Esme. Jonas thought about the restoration project and wondered when – and if – they were going to respond. Simeon would probably ask for a personal meeting with Jonas, accompanied by Satomi. As for Magdalene's friends, whatever their names were, Magdalene would relay the information to them. He looked at Magdalene. The device that Jacob gave Jonas buzzed. He pressed the ON button.

A holographic screen appeared and Lillian came in the room. The woman paused by the door as Jonas opened a message labeled "Satomi Meita-Aoi Alkaev". Lillian sat down beside Magdalene.

A blank space appeared and Jonas heard a click, knowing that it was originally an audio message. He learned a while back that Satomi preferred spoken messages. Jonas saw a small picture in the right hand corner of a woman with thin, cat-like eyes, a somewhat pronounced nose, and a pale complexion. He waited for her rough, yet graceful voice that would be accompanied by appearing words, printed black and bold.

"Hello, Jonas. Firstly, thank you for sending in your assignment early."

Lillian chuckled.

"Secondly, I am sending this to tell you that both Simeon and I have discussed the matter. He told me what he witnessed when he passed through the geo-barrier. As for the community restoration proposal, he has Robin on board with this and we both sent the proposal to the charity board. They approved. As for you, Magdalene, send a message to your two friends. The charity board wants to schedule a meeting with all of us, possibly in Simeon's home in a couple of days. They'll want to discuss where to start with the restoration project. My guess is they'll want to start with assisting those stuck in the geo-barrier. Tell this to anyone else willing to become involved in the effort. Mirai ma-deh _(until the future)_."

The message disappeared and Jonas turned off the device, tossing it aside until it rolled to Jonas's pillow. Lillian gave a weak smile.

"Tell me about this proposal, Jonas."

Esme gazed with fascination as Jonas started to explain, "Magdalene said that she and her two friends needed to complete a charity project and she planned to work with Simeon's charity. I proposed to him, my tutor, and her two friends that we start a restoration project for the devastated communities, starting with famine relief and medical care. As for reconstructing everything else, like infrastructure and whatnot, we would need to send our proposal to the local government."

"Jonas," Lillian beamed, "That's wonderful."

"I'm in on this, too," Esme stated.

Magdalene held Jonas's hand and he started to blush from excitement over this project. Esme, Lillian, Magdalene (and hopefully her two friends), Simeon, Satomi and the entire charity board were in on it now. Jonas would probably have to talk to Jacob about this, too. He was already anticipating the meeting. Shortly after, the device buzzed. Jonas picked it up.

A holographic screen appeared. There was an invitation for a video chat. Jonas clicked on an arrow and two names appeared: Maite Meita-Wendy Portchester and Amalia Meita-Corine Llewellen. Magdalene jumped up, pushing Jonas out of the way and causing him to fall on the bed. She clicked the invitation and accepted.

Two girls were sitting in the seats of some transportation vehicle that Jonas didn't recognize. One had frizzy blonde hair and freckles all over her face and Jonas learned this one was Maite. Amalia had a purple braid and each eye was a different color. _Heterochromia_, Jonas thought, yet he realized that Amalia's eye colors were unnatural. One was orange, the other yellow. The roots of her hair were black.

"Amalia, what did you _do_ to your _eyes?_" Magdalene teased. Jonas wanted to know, too.

"Color change, stupid," Amalia replied, her voice unusually high-pitched, "So you mentioned something about a restoration project."

"For the charity my uncle Simeon works at. I told you we would be working with them. Now, you know those various Community Clusters distributed around the world? The Sameness ones? One of them is completely devastated."

"Yeah, we know, Magdalene," spat Maite.

"Jonas's tutor messaged us just now and she said the charity board approved. We're going to hold a meeting in a couple of days at Simeon's house and they want everyone involved to come."

"You mean near the old-class bourgeois outskirts?" Amalia asked.

"Hypocrite," Magdalene muttered and then spoke aloud, "Yes, near the old-class _bourgeois outskirts_."

Jonas thought about how ridiculous Amalia looked and wondered where she was from. He examined her clothing, realizing that she must have been somewhat wealthy, and looked over at Maite. Jonas soon figured he thought that Maite was pretty. He placed his hands in his pockets, wondering what was up with him and his _Stirrings._ He chuckled to himself. _No wonder they had the Pills back home._

"We're flying in that direction anyway. We just came from the uhh, what was it called? The Luna Colony," Amalia laughed, "We'll be there by tomorrow."

Amalia then looked at him, "I assume you're Jonas."

"Yeah," he sighed, rather shyly.

"You're rather attractive."

"He's _preoccupied_," Magdalene replied, emphasizing on the obvious euphemism. Jonas realized he would have to explain that to them later.

"And we have some stuff to finish up. I'll see you tomorrow."

The device was shut off and Jonas couldn't stop thinking about the meeting. Later that night, Jacob came home with Gabriel and the twins, talking about what Simeon had told him of the restoration project. Jonas and Magdalene were overhearing Jacob's conversation with Lillian and Esme, holding hands as they stood behind the door. Eventually, Jonas's hand made its way around Magdalene's waist and she smiled at him, kissing his cheek.

"It's time we get to bed," she whispered.

"Is that a euphemism for something?"

She chuckled, "I bet you _wish_ it was. But seriously, we have to sleep."

* * *

Jonas was in the car, sitting next to Magdalene, aching to hold her hand. She took Jacob's device and started messaging Maite and Amalia nonstop and eventually, Jonas was stuck overhearing a conversation about clothes at the local shopping mall that Jonas, Magdalene and Lillian had gone to just days ago. Amalia kept uploading pictures of ridiculous dresses, prompting laughs from Magdalene, and Maite kept talking about shoes to go with them. Soon, he started to get annoyed with the conversation and tried to think of something else, but all he could think of was his kissing session with Magdalene.

"Is Jonas _preoccupied_?" Amalia asked jokingly.

Jonas turned to the holographic image and then at Magdalene, noticing her svelte figure.

"Leave him alone, Amalia," she said, "You know what time to get to Simeon's, right? It's not a party, so don't dress up."

"So unlike you to say such a thing," Jonas smiled, still blushing unwillingly.

"Kiss. Kiss! KISS!"

Jonas glared at her, getting irritated with her high-pitched voice and fake eyes and hair. Maite seemed to fade into the background, idly staring off somewhere. Aside from the blonde hair and freckles, Jonas could have sworn he was seeing Rhiannon. The mere thought almost brought him to tears. He started to wonder what Maite was actually like.

"And yes, we know what time. We're on our way, don't worry," Amalia continued, "I can't believe we're doing something so big."

"I'm going, I'll see you there."

They said their goodbyes and Magdalene turned off the device, giving it back to Jacob. He promised her he would buy one for her and she smiled, brushing her fingertips over Jonas's hand while keeping this gesture concealed. Jonas felt that strange, good feeling again and looked out the window, hoping to straighten his mind by watching snowflakes fall. He squeezed her hand tightly before pulling away and felt a strange emptiness inside him as he kept staring outside. The drive to Simeon's didn't seem too long.

They arrived and the younger children were sent to Ezekiel's room to play. Esme stood by her mother while Jacob greeted Simeon warmly. There, Jacob gathered with the other charity members, most notably the charity board. Jonas saw Magdalene stare into the mini-crowd and realized that Macario was here, feeling slightly jealous. Macario was standing by a woman with dark hair and realized that was his mother.

"Jonas!" he heard Robin shout from behind, "I can't believe what you planned!"

He turned around and she greeted him with a tight embrace that lasted only a moment before she patted his head. Robin put her hand on his back and guided him to the older group, who all greeted him warmly.

"Hello, everyone, this is Jonas. He was the one that came up with the community restoration proposal!"

"Jonas, these five belong to the charity board," Robin said, first pointing to Macario's mother, "Aracelis is that boy's mother. That short, plump girl is Xanthe, the bald man is Folke, and the twins are Gratien and Rade."

She briefly introduced the board members to Jonas personally. Aracelis had a soft voice and when he shook her hand, she barely maintained a grip. Xanthe was more abrasive in manner, which put Jonas off, and he made a mental note not to get on bad terms with her. Folke was somewhat indifferent, which puzzled the adolescent. Xanthe and Folke went on to discussing some other matter, so Robin introduced Jonas to Gratien and Rade and he couldn't tell whether they were male or female. He didn't ask, as that would have been impolite. Robin had informed him later that they were simply identified as "androgynous".

Several chairs had been set up in a circle with one chair propped a little higher. There sat Simeon with Robin on his side. Jonas was instructed to sit beside him and everyone took their seats whenever. Magdalene ended up sitting beside Jonas and he resisted the urge to hold her hand, folding his arms and waiting for the meeting to start. Finally, Maite and Amalia arrived, racing for a seat beside Magdalene, and Jonas rolled his eyes. He looked across the room and saw Satomi.

"First, allow me to take roll," Simeon proceeded, "Raise your hand if you are here. Robin… Jacob… Lillian… Magdalene… Jonas… Esme… Satomi… Aracelis… Xanthe… Folke… Gratien… Rade… Macario… Maite… Amalia…"

Roll was finished (Jonas knew not _everyone_ at the charity was here) and Simeon started the meeting. Everyone focused on him intently.

"As you know, I have traveled past the geo-barrier with some workers from the charity a few weeks ago. Throughout the geo-barrier, there were various nomadic tribes on the verge of starvation and we gave some food to a few of them. More often than not, they tried to raid our vehicle. Once we passed the geo-barrier, we went through the flat-terrain communities. One was burnt down, a few others were raided and devastated, and one was turned into a completely oppressive military regime. This community was named Luopiothorpe."

Jonas shuffled in his seat uncomfortably, knowing just who the Luopiothorpe citizens were. They had raided every community (Servofors in particular) and killed anyone getting in their way, violating the women in ways that made Jonas want to puke blood.

"As the head of the charity board," spoke Xanthe, "I would like to suggest that we first start with centers of refuge for those in the geo-barrier. We have built similar institutions around the globe, each one within a matter of weeks and in some cases, days. First, we need to examine which region of the geo-barrier has the most in need of refuge."

"Permission to speak?" Jacob asked.

The charity board nodded in unison and Jacob stood up, "That matter will be easy. We will distribute centers around the geo-barrier. We have other charity branches in each province surrounding the Sameness Community Cluster. That won't be a problem. My question is, once we provide a refuge for them, will we integrate them into our society or go into the communities, rebuild their infrastructure and obliterate the oppressive government?"

"What do you mean obliterate?" Satomi stood up, "Can't we negotiate with them in some way?"

"You heard what Simeon said about Luopiothorpe!" he replied, "They're an oppressive military regime."

"It's not like our government hasn't tried to negotiate with other totalitarian regimes!"

"And that means these people are capable of reason?!"

Jonas looked at the staircase and saw Fiona staring at the crowd, partially concealed. She nervously watched as the argument ensued and Xanthe called for order. The two sat down and Jonas saw Satomi place her hands on her knees in impatience. Xanthe cleared her throat and gave permission to the next speaker.

"Now, as Jacob suggested, we should build centers around the geo-barrier. However, in my opinion, these houses of refuge shouldn't just be for those in the geo-barrier. I suggest that, as Jacob said, at first we just build it along the perimeter. Once we get those established, we infiltrate the geo-barrier further and develop roads. That way, no matter how far we penetrate the geo-barrier, we always have ways of transporting food and medical supplies. As we slowly break down the barrier, the militaristic regimes have less protection against the outside world. The Sameness Communities are nothing compared to our provinces in size and resources. They'd _have_ to negotiate with us by then," Lillian spoke.

Jonas did _not_ expect this from Lillian.

"Well, now that we have _that_ established," said Aracelis, "Can we figure out just exactly where we're going to distribute our refuge houses?"

Simeon left his seat and fetched a map of the geo-barrier. Jonas saw the city they were in and the distance from the edge of the geo-barrier, along with the town he had escaped to a few years ago and several other settlements. Lillian's hometown was the closest to the geo-barrier and Simeon made note of this.

"This town here, Fort Hansfield," Simeon pointed, "Is the closest to the geo-barrier. I suggest we build our first refuge center in this area. The center would have easy access to resources. After that one is built, we contact the governments of the other provinces to build the refuge houses. That way, we have centers all over the perimeter."

The charity board seemed to approve and took notes. Jonas, Magdalene, and the three other kids their age sat idly while Esme was looking through her bag for something that Jonas didn't know about.

Gratien spoke with a strange, monotone voice, "Wouldn't we have to receive a legal license to the land? That Sameness Community Cluster had an isolationist policy for hundreds, no, _thousands_ of years and the geo-barrier has been declared prohibited from settlement."

"That's why we have to contact our government about the state of affairs," Simeon spoke, "We tell them the Sameness Communities have turned into the militaristic regime our government has tried to squash in several nations and the people are sorely lacking in food and medical supplies. Ending the prohibition on the geo-barrier is imperative to our goal."

They were all silent. Fiona just tilted her head out a little more to see Jonas, leaning over slightly when she almost tripped. Fiona grabbed onto a rail quickly, the mere sound of her mistake attracting the attention of everyone. She only gazed at Jonas, who bit his lip in nervousness. _Stupid Stirrings…_

"May I be excused?" Jonas asked, feigning the need to use the lavatory.

Simeon excused him and he went upstairs, Fiona following closely behind. When they were out of sight, Jonas grabbed Fiona's hand as they crept down the hallway, passing the studio and the other bedrooms. He ran his thumb over her hand affectionately when they stopped just outside the guest bedroom. Fiona's free hand touched the doorknob and Jonas looked around, hoping the little kids wouldn't come bursting out one of the rooms. He heard the creak of the guest room door and followed Fiona inside.

Fiona closed the door and went to open the door to her private bathroom. She placed a hand over her stomach, rubbing it to soothe whatever was hurting.

"The baby kicking again?" Jonas asked, more playfully than he intended.

"Yeah," Fiona replied, "He's been doing this a lot now."

She looked down, her hands on the underside of her protruding abdomen, and she spoke in a high-pitched voice (presumably to her child), "And he never stops, does he? Just don't hurt Mommy, okay? Mommy loves you."

Jonas smiled. Unexpectedly, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, one hand making its way to her pregnant belly. He felt the baby kick and almost cried from happiness, not really understanding what was going on with him. Fiona placed her hand over Jonas's, her head leaning on his shoulder. She was breathing more slowly now and he put his nose in her hair. She smelt good.

"Do you feel him kicking?" Fiona asked, feeling Jonas nod, "I always imagine him as a boy. He's going to be a handful."

Jonas chuckled. She left his grasp and went to the bathroom, starting up the bathtub. She placed her fingers under the faucet and adjusted the temperature, making it warmer. He thought about his first Stirrings dream and blushed as he watched the water rise, later spotting a sponge thrown on the side of the tub.

"Aren't they expecting you at the meeting?" Fiona asked, "You were talking about a community restoration project."

"How much did you hear?"

"Something about refuge centers around the geo-barrier," Fiona replied, removing her garments and carefully stepping in the tub, "I don't know what to think of it."

"It's a start," Jonas answered, "They're hoping to have a charity branch in each surrounding province to start a refuge center."

"The restoration project was your idea, wasn't it?" she asked, completely relaxed.

"Yeah."

Jonas held Fiona's hand and drops of water accidentally splashed all over the absorbent floor, which was made of some material Jonas wasn't familiar with. It struck him as odd that they were sitting in a bathroom and Fiona was completely comfortable with being so exposed. He closed his eyes and sighed, kissing her hand. Her hand traveled to his cheek and Jonas realized she was smiling at him. He placed his own hand over hers.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because all of it was my fault," he whispered, "You'd still be taking care of the old and not caring about a thing had I not left."

"Jonas?" Fiona asked as she sat up, her voice soft and tempting, "I'm sorry for being so angry."

"You had every right to be," Jonas replied, "If I stayed and did my job, Asher would still be alive and you would have never known pain. I'm surprised you forgave me."

Fiona shed a tear for Asher and used her free hand to wipe her cheek. Jonas held her close, crying on her shoulder, and her arms wrapped around his neck. Jonas didn't care that he was getting his sleeves wet. He felt her body slightly quake under his hands and suspected that Fiona felt the same thing with him. He rubbed her back lovingly and managed to cry a little bit less. Fiona parted from him just enough so they could look into each other's eyes. Out of nowhere, Jonas started to kiss her tears and Fiona let out a sound of surprise (which Jonas no doubt enjoyed hearing). A tear rolled down her left cheek, followed by her right, and one rolled down until it reached the side of Fiona's lips. He wasn't so sure why he started to enjoy this, but he stopped himself short of her mouth and realized what he was doing.

"Fiona, I – I'm sorry."

The door swung open and Magdalene stood, her arms crossed and her face showing a mixture of surprise and annoyance. Jonas separated himself from Fiona completely. How was he going to explain _this?_

"Simeon was wondering how long you were going to be," Magdalene stated matter-of-factly, "In fact, Robin was wondering if you wanted to reveal your _real_ reason for proposing the restoration project. Simeon just considered introducing Fiona and getting her on board with the whole thing."

Fiona looked at Magdalene quizzically and then blushed as she replied, "Oh. Sure, I could 'get on board' with it. I'll be downstairs after I get dressed."

"Do you need any help?" Jonas asked.

"If she does, I'll help her," Magdalene spat out, skeptical of Jonas's intentions.

Jonas exited the room while Magdalene assisted her and helped pick out a change of clothes. He went downstairs and returned to his seat, just realizing that someone was going to ask why his shirtsleeves were wet. He rolled them up and tapped his feet where he sat. Simeon smiled at him and moved closer until he was close enough to speak in a whisper.

"Robin told me your story, by the way," he spoke, "Do you want to share it?"

"Not yet," Jonas replied, "We can still introduce Fiona, if she wants to."

Simeon nodded and reclined in his seat, observing everyone else and Jonas did the same thing. Maite and Amalia were talking to each other, Esme was silently observing in the same manner as Jonas, Jacob and Lillian were holding hands and whispering to each other, and the charity board members were talking amongst themselves. Robin turned around to see Magdalene and Fiona standing at the edge of the staircase. Magdalene walked forward and then looked back, motioning for Fiona to come forward. Fiona took a few steps forward shyly and Jonas saw that she was wearing only a thin gown and the patterned cap that he had become so accustomed to seeing on her. Magdalene held her hand and they walked to Magdalene's seat. The older girl allowed the redhead to sit down. Jonas let his hands fall to his sides, as did Fiona, and he glanced at the pair. Could he have both?

Everyone looked at the pregnant girl, who blushed shyly and looked away. Jonas touched her hand and she looked at him. He nodded to Simeon and she looked at the older man before standing up and going next to him. Fiona smiled at him weakly, her hands over her child, and Simeon stood up.

"Everyone," he announced, "This is Fiona."

"Hello," she said somewhat quietly.

"While crossing back through the geo-barrier, I found her. Or rather," Simeon said, this last comment with a soft chuckle, "she found my multi-terrain vehicle and hid in it until I made it back to the charity. It was after my friends all had their rides home when I found her hiding."

He placed his hand on the shoulder farthest from himself and Fiona looked at his hand, tracing it with her own fingers. Simeon smiled and Fiona let her hands fall, prompting the same action from the older man. He continued to speak.

"She is the first official refugee of the Sameness Community Cluster," Simeon said before turning to Fiona, "And if you want, we'd like your input on the project. Would you like that?"

"Yes, I would."

Magdalene had sat down in her seat again, leaving Fiona with nowhere to rest. Jonas motioned her to come to him and she sat on his lap, one arm wrapped around him. She relaxed and Jonas placed his hand over her stomach, waiting for the baby to kick again. He couldn't help but wish that were his own child. _Someday_, he thought, although when he went over the idea again, he concluded that the mere notion was ridiculous. Fiona kept his hand over her pregnant belly and he smiled, leaning in to breathe in her scent.

It wasn't long until the meeting was adjourned and Lillian went upstairs to fetch the younger kids. Jacob and Simeon chatted for a bit and Magdalene kept Amalia and Maite occupied. Esme was introducing herself to the charity board members and other adults, so Jonas and Fiona were ignored, for the most part. They kept to themselves in the other room where they had performed the ritual three days ago and Jonas noticed that the tub he had dipped her in that night was still there, albeit empty.

They sat down on a couch (that must have been new) and Jonas wrapped an arm around her, his face turned toward her. She was staring at the wall, her hands on her lap, her breathing steady and her baby kicking again. Jonas started to thoroughly enjoy the feeling of the child kicking about underneath his palm, resting inside its mother. He was looking forward to its birth more than anything, even the restoration project.

"Have you thought about names?" he asked.

"Not really," she replied, "I'm not used to such choices."

"Would you think about them now?" he asked again, "Since you seem almost certain it's a boy. You know about the naming system, right? First name, Meita or Dels, mother or father's name, surname."

"I have to change my surname," she whispered, "I'm not related to them."

"I changed mine. It's Renaștere. Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Renaștere. I would use my father's name, except I don't know my father."

Fiona sighed, rubbing her stomach, "Neither will he."

They sat in that room, almost dozing off in each other's arms when Jonas heard some noise coming from outside. They were both woken up and Fiona yawned, leaning on Jonas.

"If it's a boy, what would you name him?"

"Bruno."

"And a girl?"

Fiona paused, breathing deeply. Jonas watched her chest rise and fall and kissed her cheek, satisfied that she didn't object to this. His arms were fully wrapped around her now and she felt cold, so he rubbed her arms and back to soothe her. Her head was on his shoulder and he thought of kissing her again.

"Rhiannon."

Jonas smiled at the mention of his mother and looked into her eyes. The thought of seeing her in that tub four years after his first Stirrings dream was driving him crazy. Her eyes were looking right into his and her lips were slightly parted, although barely enough to notice her teeth. He leaned in, wrapping his lips around hers and pulled on them just slightly, although not enough to make a visible difference. She didn't respond, yet she didn't object either, which puzzled him. He pulled back to see her reaction.

"Jonas?"

He kissed her again.

* * *

"Esme, go to sleep already," Magdalene complained, "Everyone in the other room is dead tired and you're keeping us up."

"Fine," Esme replied, putting in her audio earplugs that connected to the music player, which she bought for herself two days ago.

Esme had her eyes covered as well, much to Jonas and Magdalene's relief. They were lying side by side, looking up at the ceiling. The room was dim, so everything looked like a shade of dark blue. Magdalene held Jonas's hand before and withdrew from him. He wondered what was wrong.

"What were you doing with Fiona?" she asked.

"We were talking, that's it."

"I don't believe you."

Jonas sighed, crawling under the covers to keep from getting cold. Magdalene did the same, as she was nearly falling asleep. Pretty soon, they were facing each other, everything covered except for their heads.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I worry about you, Jonas. I worry about Fiona, too," she replied, "I know how crazy you are about her."

"I'm not going to hurt her, if that's what you're thinking."

"You still like her."

Jonas was getting frustrated. Why couldn't this be _easier?_

"Why do you care?"

"Am I not enough for you?" she asked with annoyance and turned over, facing away from him.

"Maggie, I–"

"We'll talk in the morning."

Jonas huffed as Magdalene fell asleep with frustration and tried to figure out a way to entertain himself. He thought about using the AMP Esme bought him, but it would wake everyone up, so he decided against it. He tossed and turned until he spotted the diary that Esme had finished reading (she read _fast!_) and picked it up. Flipping through the pages, he finally found the page he bookmarked and knew that Magdalene would have wanted to read alongside him. He chuckled slightly at the thought of annoying her and began to read.


	42. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 12

Rhiannon didn't remember how long it had been since Roshanak and Austin's mini-marriage, but she still vaguely remembered what month it was. It was either September or October and Rhiannon had a bad feeling about the upcoming months. She had seen memories of snow and blizzards, freezing people to death and preserving their bodies, which all held a silent scream. Rhiannon examined her own clothes and wondered how they were going to cope with it. They had better find Elsewhere soon, or they were doomed.

Since Roshanak and Austin were always "busy", Fiona took comfort in Eurydice's company. Oftentimes, the nine-year-old would be helping Fiona bathe in the river or coming up with names, none of which Fiona was too fond of. Sosigenes was trying to win over Oscar again and Kester and Agnetha were growing closer, prompting more jokes from Salvatore and Herminia. Rhiannon noticed a little bump growing on Herminia and wondered if it was Salvatore's fault. When she figured it was, she snickered to herself and thought that the same thing would happen to Roshanak as well. When she thought about it, she wondered how it hadn't happened to her already.

They walked to somewhere new every day, sometimes straying from the river, which was slowly becoming chiller. The days grew shorter and the nights longer and colder. Some of the leaves were falling off the trees and the little kids made a game of collecting them and spilling them on an unsuspecting victim. Rhiannon was never the center of their attention and she mostly spoke with Salvatore when he _wasn't_ having fun with his girlfriend. Otherwise, she kept to herself and recorded things in her journal. This time, she described the scenery.

_Chilly river. There are leaves falling. Sosigenes threw some on Eurydice and some fell on Fiona. Kester and Oscar are trying to climb trees. Agnetha is eating berries. Fiona is holding her unborn child, Eurydice is saying names. Eurydice hopes for a girl. The rest hope for a boy. I don't know what Fiona hopes for, if she even hopes for it to be born. _

Next, she drew a rough sketch of Roshanak and Austin sitting close by. It wasn't long before they all noticed her drawing and asked for pictures of themselves. The sketches looked rather cartoonish, but none of them minded. Some tried to read her writing, but it seemed that the younger children had already forgotten how to read. Fiona had approached her and demonstrated some ability to make out the letters, but she struggled just a little. In the days following the sketching, she took to teaching them how to read again, finding that she had a little to remember herself. It seemed to help Fiona take her mind off of other matters and she was soon helping the younger children. Rhiannon noticed that even Roshanak and Austin joined the group of learners and acted indifferently.

"I think I can remember how to write," claimed Sosigenes, "Watch this."

Sosigenes wrote "Annoying Agnetha" in the dirt, prompting a playful punch from the younger girl. Fiona was staring off somewhere, her hand over her pregnant belly, and Eurydice took to making peace between the two younger kids. The couple of lovers were too invested in each other to notice and when they did take note, they regarded it as a mild irritation.

"I can't read this part!" complained Kester.

"Kester, I'll help you with it," Fiona gently spoke, "Just go letter by letter."

Eurydice had resolved Sosigenes and Agnetha's conflict and even helped them learn to read. Rhiannon looked in one direction and then the other, realizing that Austin and Roshanak had disappeared. She brushed it off as one of their sessions alone and focused on writing more in her journal while the girls took to teaching the younger ones. Rhiannon started to wonder why she had done this for them and kept hoping that they would find an Elsewhere soon. She started to wonder what it would look it and started drawing towering buildings. Beside them were small huts she had seen in memories and different animals. Behind them were hills and mountains, some covered with snow. She smiled at her doodles and took a break.

"Hey, Rhiannon," Fiona sighed, sitting beside her.

"Hey, Fiona. You thought about names?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "I'm thinking of naming it after Phillipa or Bruno."

They remained silent for a while until Eurydice approached Fiona and admired her abdomen. Rhiannon smiled at her weakly and went back to drawing, not really sure what to draw. She flipped a page and drew a river with several trees behind. For no apparent reason, she started thinking of a dream she had months ago about herself as a child that took place at a river. Emanuel was teaching her how to catch crawfish. It was surprising that she hadn't thought about him in a few months and when she tried to think about him now, she couldn't remember his face. All she remembered was random details, such as the way he smiled at her on the day she turned Twelve, his blue eyes, and the way he cared for her like no other. The man was quite mischievous in his youth, as far as she remembered.

"Rhiannon," Fiona asked quietly, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"I know you're thinking about something."

"Oh," she said matter-of-factly before pausing, "Did you love him?"

Rhiannon smiled, "Like you loved Asher."

Fiona frowned and turned away in solitude. Rhiannon understood.

* * *

"Sosigenes is missing!"

Rhiannon dropped the food she was eating and turned around quickly. Herminia, now more observably pregnant, was panting and covered with sweat, despite the colder temperature. Tiny droplets of hail were everywhere in scant amounts. Salvatore had fallen asleep and everyone was huddled together for warmth. Salvatore and Rhiannon were on the outside of the huddle to keep everyone in. When Rhiannon had woken up, she gave a layer of her clothing to Fiona. Her thin, curly hair had covered her bare chest and she spread it around to cover her arms, but the inadequate covering did little.

Herminia's frightened expression alarmed Rhiannon and she woke up the others, alerting them of Sosigenes's absence. The children had trouble waking up, but the sudden wave of chilly air alerted them and they stood attentively.

"Sosigenes is gone!"

"Where would he go?" Rhiannon asked.

They quickly organized a search party. Austin, Rhiannon, Roshanak, and Salvatore went to search while Herminia watched over Agnetha, Eurydice, Kester, Oscar and Fiona. The four stuck together, walking through the forest and their stomachs rumbling. Roshanak stuck by Austin's side and Rhiannon had to catch up to Salvatore sometimes. Her knees were starting to hurt a little, but she kept going. She had endured worse pain.

"Do you think he's dead?" Roshanak asked quietly.

"We don't _know_," Salvatore said in an irritated manner. Roshanak kept her mouth shut.

The little bits of hail were getting softer and more abundant, but still barely made a difference. Everyone had intense goose bumps and Rhiannon could hear everyone's teeth chattering. The sound haunted the middle-aged woman, but she tried to ignore it as they started calling out for Sosigenes. Rhiannon's shoes were wearing thin, as everyone else's had. Toes were poking out of Austin and Roshanak's shoes and there was a hole in Salvatore's. The soles of Rhiannon's shoes were moist and she could feel a hole coming through one point. A rock entered her shoe and she stopped to pick it out, putting the shoe back on before proceeding.

Rhiannon heard an unmistakable scream.

"Sosigenes," she muttered under her breath, detecting where the sound came from, and started to run in that direction.

Her legs started to ache as she ran slightly uphill and then downhill again, hearing the footsteps of those following her. She kept hearing the scream in sporadic times, following it without breaking her pace, despite the feeling of the tough soil and the branches underneath her feet. Another rock got stuck in her shoe and she had to stop running. It was no matter, however, as it was perfect timing.

As she picked the small rock out of her shoe, she saw Sosigenes wailing in front of two men that looked like they were from Luopiothorpe. She instructed the rest to hide behind trees and squinted her eyes a little. Sosigenes was bleeding badly and begging for mercy when the older man looked away. Sosigenes looked around frantically, sensing a foreign presence, and made eye contact with Rhiannon.

"HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!"

The older man took note of Sosigenes's cry and looked in the direction the young boy was. The young boy appeared to be losing too much blood to live much longer and Rhiannon knew Sosigenes was going to die. She looked up at the older man, who seemed to immediately recognize her and took a few steps toward her. Her heart started to pound and her knees felt like they were going to give. The man gave a sadistic smile and she immediately remembered who it was.

It was Srecko.

* * *

**Can anyone guess how much longer (in months/days/whatever) it will be until Rhiannon dies? What do you think will happen with Srecko and Rhiannon (you guys didn't forget who Srecko was, did you) ?**


	43. Jonas: Age 15: Part 13

Jonas hadn't even realized he fell asleep until he woke up to a bright light shining in his face, Rhiannon's diary spread out across his chest, opened to the page Jonas read last. He had only read up to the middle of the page and briefly looked at the doodles his mother had drawn roughly on the pages. When he opened his eyes, they took some time to adjust to the light. Once they did, he closed the diary and bookmarked the page, setting the thing where he took it from. He curled up against Magdalene and fell asleep again, waking up later to a kiss on the forehead. Jonas stirred from his position and smiled.

"Hey, sex-hair," she chuckled, squeezing his hand.

"Does my hair _always_ look like that when I wake up?"

"Yes."

Jonas grumbled and got out of bed, changing into his day clothes and brushing his hair. Despite getting frequent haircuts to shape it, it had grown out to the middle of his neck, which annoyed him. He looked in the mirror and decided to change his shirt, which provoked a giggle from Magdalene.

"You plan on working out any time soon?"

"Shut up."

_Good thing everyone else was in the other room._

Magdalene had used the bathroom to change into some other clothes and took the time to look presentable, as always. She styled her hair to frame her face and picked a nice coat and scarf. Jonas remembered they were going to start planning again for the restoration project at the charity, so he picked a nice jacket. He checked Jacob's device for any messages and saw an ongoing chat between Simeon and the charity board. Satomi, his tutor, had joined in as well. He opened the chat log.

"What are you looking at, Jonas?" Magdalene asked.

"A chat log about the project," Jonas said, "They're talking about what to write in their proposal to end the geo-barrier prohibition."

"And?"

"Someone asked about the issue of how they're going to construct the charity. My tutor started going on about how we would contact the other provinces."

There was a knock on the door. Lillian came in and saw that the pair was already dressed, so she smiled. She saw that the device was on.

"More about the project?"

"Yup," they said in unison.

Jonas decided to enter the chat-log and asked when they were going to contact any member of the government for a law change. Satomi had answered that they were writing a letter right now and Jonas wanted to review it. Simeon opened up the document for him and Jonas read aloud.

"Dear Secretary of Border Affairs, Legislative Office of the Provinces,

This is from the charity branch of the eastern province proposing a law change. A group from this charity branch has penetrated the geo-barrier – with government approval – and came back with reports of the community cluster that has upheld an isolationist policy for several thousand years. The communities have been devastated, and we must say, more devastated than military regimes we have repaired in the past. Our plan is to build refuge homes to provide for runaways before we go deeper into the communities' restoration. However, this requires repealing the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's. We need to secure legal claims to the land within the geo-barrier to build these refuge homes where the runaways would have access to them. Once we repeal the act, we can build these refuge homes and start paving roads to further penetrate the geo-barrier and access the communities.

We plan to secure a legal claim to some land near Fort Hansfield, the city closest to the geo-barrier. If this Act is successfully repealed, we can contact the charity branches of the other surrounding provinces in order to build refuge homes all around the geo-barrier. If you appeal to our proposal, contact us and visit us at the Eastern Province Charity Branch.

Sincerely, the Eastern Province Charity Board."

"Where's my credit?" he typed jokingly into the chat-log, approving of the letter otherwise.

"I'm guessing we're going to have a lot of driving to do," Lillian sighed, "And a whole lot of work."

"This is what happens when I tell Jonas that I have a community service project to do," retorted Magdalene, "At least I'll get a good mark for effort."

Several more messages came up on the chat log and Jonas opened them, reading them aloud.

"Simeon says if the Secretary of Border Affairs agrees, we have to meet at the charity. He wants me to come along."

"Of course," Magdalene sighed, "After all, you are the mastermind behind _all_ of this."

Jonas nudged Magdalene playfully, "Not _all_ of it and even masterminds need help."

Magdalene smiled and Jonas wondered if she completely forgot about last night. He doubted it and just assumed that Magdalene either forgave him or was saving the discussion for later. Jonas hoped it wasn't the latter.

* * *

"Jonas!" Satomi said through an audio message, "The Secretary of Border Affairs is willing to discuss our proposal! We're meeting at the charity branch today at five thirty!"

In a written message, Satomi had given him the address and a link to a site that provided directions there from the inn where they had been staying for about a week. He opened up the link to the directions and found that it wasn't far from where he was right now. He got the family to look at the directions as well and checked the time. _Five fifteen!_ Lillian saw how little time they were and told those who were going to put something nice on. She gave special instructions to Magdalene not to bother too much about her hair, prompting a laugh from Jonas. She hadn't brought up _the_ topic with Jonas, so he was relieved.

Jacob decided that the little kids shouldn't have to go, as it would bore them, so Lillian remained at the inn with them. Only Magdalene, Jonas and Esme would go with him and it proved to be a smart idea, as they didn't have the little ones to strap in and it would have been a waste of time. He took Jacob's device (and remembered that he should get one for himself) with him there. After going through his typical routine when they went driving, Jacob parked their vehicle in front of the charity building.

Jonas hadn't been expecting the charity building to be so big, considering that this branch was a local charity. They got out of the car, anxious to get inside the building because it was so cold outside. Jonas's teeth chattered as he walked in, noticing a gold plaque beside the door.

"Dedicated to the lost daughter of the Argall Family"

They walked in, meeting Simeon and Satomi. Simeon was bundled up in several layers of clothing, making his abdomen appear plumper that it actually was. Satomi was in thinner garments and her hair was tied back, making her look unusually graceful. The young tutor greeted Jonas warmly.

"And how is my student doing?" she smiled, "Just for this project, I might not assign so much homework."

"Like that's in your nature," he retorted, "Who are the Argalls? I noticed the name on the plaque outside and it said they lost a daughter."

"Oh," replied Simeon, "They're the family that founded the Eastern Province Charity Branch. The Secretary of Border Affairs is an Argall, actually. That's how we got lucky."

They gathered into a private room where the Charity Board was sitting at a round table that could fit about thirty people. The androgynous twins sat next to each other, the plump blonde midget sat on their left, the bald man sat near the blonde midget and Aracelis sat to the twins' right. Her son, Macario sat by her side, grinning at Magdalene. Jonas felt that more people should have been here to witness the discussion between the Charity Board and the Secretary of Border Affairs.

"I'm glad you made it, Jonas," Simeon said, smiling as he sat beside him, "You'll like the Secretary."

They waited until a woman in her sixties came into the room and Jonas noticed her brown, curly hair was tied back. When she came closer, he noticed that she had blue eyes with a brown dot in her left iris. He tried to remember where that same description had appeared before and remembered Rhiannon's diary. Rhiannon's Birthmother, Aerona, had the same description. _They couldn't _possibly _be related._

They all stood up (Jonas realized she was the Secretary) and one of the twins (Jonas still couldn't tell them apart) addressed her with her abbreviated name, "Rhosyn Argall."

"Thank you for inviting me here today," said Rhosyn, her voice unusually deep, however sweet, "I'm sure you understand that repealing the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's is going to be an arduous process, as far as I know. I already spoke with the other members of our government about repealing the Act. They are currently debating it and some see no reason to interfere with the Community Cluster Affairs."

"Why wouldn't they?" Jonas cried in an indignant manner.

Everyone looked at him incredulously and only Magdalene and Esme understood. His heart started to beat faster and his palms covered themselves with sweat as he worried over his plan. Jonas started to worry that the Act wouldn't get repealed, the refuge homes would never be built, the geo-barrier would never be penetrated, and the communities would forever be in ruin due to his own past desire, long ago. Everything he learned from his dead mother seemed to build inside him and he almost cried right in front of them. If he had cried, he would have to explain why he was so passionate about the restoration project. If he were to explain his passion, he would have to tell the truth: he was the reason for their destruction.

Rhosyn was unsettled by his outburst, to say the least. She returned to her previous state and calmly addressed the boy.

"I understand your frustration, mister, uh," Rhosyn said, "I'm sorry, I don't seem to know your name."

"Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Renaștere," he answered, "I proposed the restoration project to the charity."

"Jonas," she calmly replied, "I understand your frustration. Believe me, I'm frustrated too. I've wanted to repeal that Act for years."

Knowing that she was on his side soothed him and he calmly reclined in his seat, hoping for the best. Rhosyn actually seemed to resemble Rhiannon when the latter had appeared on Jonas's doorstep, aside from the fact that Rhosyn must have been older and was _alive. _Everyone took their attention off of Jonas's recent outburst and focused on Rhosyn, who was looking over some files.

"Now, as for means of persuasion," Rhosyn said, "The mere fact that the Charity has taken on projects like this before hasn't been enough to sway their decision-making. The Sameness Community Clusters around the globe have isolation policies and no one knows what goes on there, but that hasn't stopped us from keeping ourselves out of their business. It was difficult enough for one of the charity groups to get a legal license to drive through the geo-barrier. The fact that they had actually gotten into the communities could give them legal trouble."

Jonas noticed the signs of worry in Simeon's body language, even if others hadn't been paying attention. The man rubbed his palms on his pants to rid them of sweat and sighed. Jonas started to worry as well and wondered when he should just tell the truth already.

"Didn't your family found this charity branch, Rhosyn?" Jonas asked, knowing he was taking a risk in asking her a personal question, "In dedication to a lost daughter or something."

"We'll discuss that privately, Jonas."

The adolescent couldn't tell whether or not he was in trouble, so he tried to remain calm until he could find out. Rhosyn addressed the difficulties of getting the Act repealed, as the Act hadn't just applied to the provinces surrounding the Community Cluster where Jonas had been born. They applied to the lands surrounding _every_ Community Cluster and Jonas learned that some of those lands didn't exactly have the best intentions. Rhosyn clarified that they needed to aim for adding a corollary to the Act exempting them for philanthropic purposes. The Charity Board approved of this and they drafted a proposal on the spot. Rhosyn had a hologram device similar to Jacob's and activated it, opening up a document.

"To the Office of the Provinces," Rhosyn had recorded, as she preferred audio recordings, "This is regarding the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's. I have discussed extensively about repealing it. However, the repealing of the Act would apply globally, so instead the Charity Board and I are requesting a corollary for the Provinces."

Jonas started to smile. Magdalene noticed this and held his hand, feeling his excitement. He started to wish that everyone involved could be here (even Magdalene's stupid friends) and thought about Fiona. What would all of this mean to her? He thought about her unborn child and all the stories he (and everyone else) would tell him or her. He realized now that he wasn't doing this for himself anymore, if he had ever done this exclusively to soothe his own guilt.

"The corollary for the Provinces is not meant to satisfy imperialist desires. Rather, this is being requested merely for philanthropic purposes."

Jonas watched as Rhosyn explained to the Board of the Provinces as much as she knew and the woman asked for additional information from the Charity Board, from everyone else in the room, and eventually Jonas himself. This caught him off-guard.

"As the one who proposed the restoration project," Rhosyn stated, "Would you like to share anything?"

"Yes," he said, standing up slowly. It was time for the truth.

"I was born in the Communities."

The Charity Board and the Secretary gasped almost silently. Rhosyn tried to regain her composure, as did the Charity Board. Jonas looked at Magdalene, who gave him an approving nod, and continued.

"I fled just before their downfall," Jonas admitted, "Actually, my escape led to their downfall. I'm not sure how to explain, but in a later meeting, I can bring a primary document that tells of the Community Cluster's destruction."

"And how did you obtain this 'primary document', Jonas?" Rhosyn asked skeptically.

"It was my Birthmother's. She died on our doorstep."

The room was silent. Jonas sat back down and Rhosyn cleared her throat, her hands on the table's edge. She sighed deeply and scanned everyone in the room. After some thought, she excused everyone but Jonas from the room. Magdalene squeezed Jonas's hand and followed everyone out of the room. Jonas waited until Rhosyn closed the door behind everyone and looked straight into his eyes.

"Just who are you, Jonas?" she almost demanded to know, "And who was your Birthmother."

"I was the Receiver of Memory," he explained, "The most prestigious position available in the communities. My job – my existence allowed for the communities to continue in pain-free sameness. I held every memory so they didn't have to."

"So your absence led to their destruction," she concluded.

_Smart woman._

"As for your Birthmother?"

He gulped, staring at the walls of the nondescript room, and continued, "She was a direct descendant of a woman who ran away."

"What do you mean?"

"My Birthmother, named Rhiannon, was born to a woman who must have fled the Provinces and came into the community some fifty or sixty years ago," Jonas explained feeling the need to change the subject, "So that plaque, the lost daughter, who was she?"

Rhosyn sighed, "That 'lost daughter' ran away when she was eighteen, fifty eight years ago. Two years before, she had a baby at the start of a ten-year Civil War. The first two years were relatively peaceful, but the increasing violence caused her to flee because she had the awful feeling that she was going to die. She couldn't flee to the other Provinces or pretty much _anywhere_. Her name was on the digital records. Anything she did here could be searched. She had to go somewhere off the grid."

"The Communities," Jonas realized before asking a seemingly random question, "Did this woman have heterochromia? Blue eyes with a brown dot in the left iris?"

Rhosyn seemed surprised and then saddened, pointing to her multi-colored eye without really intending to, "Yes."

"The woman," he said, "Was her name Aerona?"

Rhosyn nodded.

"Why couldn't she take her child?" Jonas asked, now quite curious.

"I don't know. I guess she didn't want to. That pregnancy was _forced_."

Jonas shuddered at the implications, thinking about the plight of the women that had fallen victim to the cannibals he had read about. The strange, awful feeling consumed him and he saw this manifest itself in Rhosyn as well, as she held a downcast expression. He took a good look at her brown, curly hair and blue eyes, his brain adding up everything.

"Guess how old I am."

"Sixty?"

She nodded.

"You were her child."

She nodded solemnly. There was a strange sense of understanding between the two. _No, wrong word, _he thought, _camaraderie. _He got up from his seat and sat closer to her, perched up on the table, his hand resting on her shoulder. It was overwhelming, how much he was learning about his lineage within a matter of days. Rhosyn, too, must have felt guilt. Jonas's guilt came from his actions, however, Rhosyn's came from her mere existence. She reached for his hand and shed a single tear, making Jonas's own emotions overwhelming.

"We're both descendants," she muttered, "Of the lost daughter."

"Is that why you wanted the Act repealed?" he asked, "To find your lost mother?"

She nodded and he thought that Aerona must have died by now. Still, he tried to suppress his emotions. They needed each other to get the corollary added so they could penetrate the geo-barrier. Rhosyn finally smiled.

"I guess what's left of her came back, in a way," Jonas stated, thinking of Aerona's DNA that had mingled with others, running through his veins.

Rhosyn had nodded. She went back to the audio-document and finished up the details, sending it to the Board of Provinces and signing her full name: Rhosyn Meita-Aerona Argall, Secretary of Border Affairs, Legislative Office of the Provinces. Once she sent the document, she looked at Jonas with a weak, pained smile, and patted his hand in comfort. Here he was, Aerona's grandchild, one of only two descendants of hers that made it to Elsewhere and lived. He felt whole, somehow. Rhosyn must have sensed the same thing, otherwise she wouldn't have said the following words.

"Welcome home."

* * *

**What'd you think? I'm adding way too many twists here. So, in case you got confused, basically, the lineage is this:**

** Aerona Argall had:**

**Rhosyn**

**Emanuel**

**Rhiannon (who had ****Emilienne – dead twin –**** Jonas – ****Gabriel)**

**Maeve (who had Katherine + 2 unknowns)**

**Wow, 90% of the characters are OCs. Anyway, we are actually pretty close to the end of the story. I'm planning on ending the story where it started (if that makes any sense). **


	44. Jonas: Age 15: Part 14

Jonas was up all night trying to scan Rhiannon's diary on Jacob's device. Right when he got home from the meeting, he flipped page after page right in front of the holographic device. He realized he could have just used some speed-typer or something, but if he did, people would question the document's authenticity. Jonas used a picture scanner instead; so holding up the pages to the scanner was a tedious process. He had gotten to three quarters of the diary when he noticed just how many pages had been ripped out from Rhiannon's earlier life. _It was no wonder there was so little to read there._ Jonas guessed that she must have used those pages to keep the fire going when she was stuck with the cannibal tribe and started to wonder what was written on them. He flipped the page in front of a blue light, which scanned the document and Jonas heard a satisfying beep noise before he flipped the page again.

He checked the time on the device. 23:34. Sometimes he would change the clock settings from astronomical time to the 12-hour clock, enjoying the difference he saw. He kept it on astronomical time for now and yawned. There was only so much more he had to scan. His eyes were getting blurry and heavy from the lack of sleep, so he rubbed his eyes and fetched some energizing drink from their mini-fridge. Jonas was certain that he inadvertently woke someone up.

"Jonas?" Magdalene yawned, just raising her head above the pillow, "What are you still doing?"

"Finishing up the scan," Jonas replied, "I promised Rhosyn I would send it to her."

"Oh."

Jonas had told her everything before, so there was no need to explain it now. He returned to the couch and scanned another page. His arms started to get sore from this. He took a sip of the energizer drink, noticing how flavored it was. Even in the darkness, he could see its unnatural color and glow.

"This thing will kill me someday," Jonas muttered.

Magdalene went back to sleep and Jonas continued with his work, realizing how little he had left to read. He finally made it up to the page he read last and wondered if there was a point in scanning the pictures. He figured it wouldn't hurt to do so and continued scanning. As he scanned some of pages, he read some words of the pages he hadn't gotten to yet. However, he forgot what these words were. He finished scanning and organized the pictures in one document like a book. The diary was tossed aside on a nearby table and Jonas dimmed the light for the device he used. Jonas noticed the cover and crossed out "Maneyodati", replacing it with "Argall" and thinking about renaming himself again. The cover looked odd now and he placed it back where he threw it. He saved the document, trying to come up with a label for it. _Rhiannon Meita-Aerona Argall._ He shook his head. _The Birthmother._ He nodded slightly in approval, thinking it was an okay name. _The Matriarch._ Ehh.

It came to him.

_Descendant of the Lost Argall Daughter: Her Diary._

Jonas quickly typed the name in and saved the document, opening up a message to Rhosyn. Before he sent it, he typed a message.

"Rhosyn Meita-Aerona Argall, Secretary of Border Affairs, Legislative Office of the Provinces.

I spent today scanning Rhiannon's diary into this attached document. I'm proposing that we make this document public in order to gain support from all the provinces for this corollary."

He attached the document and paused, staring at the holographic screen. A strange feeling filled his chest as he thought about Rhosyn growing up during a Civil War without a mother. Did he not feel that horrible loneliness and pain when he was the Receiver? Rhosyn would never know her mother or her dead siblings. Did she know her father? Jonas felt that he should write something personal to her.

"If you want to talk to me about anything, you can. I, too, was a child of war."

_Send._

* * *

Jonas checked his messages sometime that afternoon. Lillian took everyone outside to build little snow figures and Jacob was running errands somewhere that Jonas didn't know the name of, so he was left alone in that room. He started to enjoy the solitude and awaited Rhosyn's reply. A little beep and Jonas saw a new message. He smiled.

"Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Argall (_thanks for the name change, Rhosyn)_

Thank you for sending me the document. I finished it early this morning and made it public. In case you haven't noticed, when something like this goes on the public net, it spreads like wildfire. Some of the adult populace and several advanced education students are already starting discussion boards surrounding the issue of philanthropy. Even my son, Drystan, finished it in a day. He's a doctor and works part-time at the Charity Clinic. If popular support like this goes up, the corollary would have to be enacted within a week. I've never seen a law change gain so much support so quickly. Check the ratings for yourself."

Jonas closed the message and searched for the document on the public net. He saw that several essays and other work had been published recently (within the last week) and the diary he scanned was at the top of the list. Each work had a description under it and he clicked the document Rhosyn had submitted. After enlarging the text, he realized why it had become so popular. No other work about the Sameness Communities had been published since their inception.

_How long ago was _that?

He had to refresh the site page every minute due to the increasing ratings. The knowledge of the diary had spread throughout the entire Eastern Province, hitting age groups as low as the youngest adolescents. It was starting to gain a little bit of influence in the Northern Province and Jonas smiled. He noticed a discussion board pop up on the side and opened it.

There was a brief discussion about the possible consequences of trying to get through the communities. One had argued that restoration wasn't impossible and the other stated that considering how inexperienced the community folk were, they could be more devastated than they could handle. An older male argued against interventionism, but most had jumped on his case, so he must have left early in the conversation. Suddenly, a familiar name popped up.

_Macario Dels-Feofan Teitzae._

Jonas recognized him as the son of a Charity Board Member and the boy who had flirted with Magdalene at that Christmas part less than a week ago. He never really spoke to him directly. Now, he enlarged the text to read Macario's submissions.

"My mother is on the Eastern Province Charity Board. We had a meeting with the Secretary of Border Affairs just recently discussing a corollary to the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's for philanthropic purposes."

Jonas noticed that even Maite and Amalia had gotten involved in the Discussion Boards. They had pretty much said the same thing as everyone else, so he withdrew from that discussion and saw one discussion started by a young girl who went under the name of Theory. The title read "The Receiver" and Jonas couldn't help but open it. He checked the time and looked out the window at the darkening sky, knowing that everyone would be back soon. Jonas turned his attention to the Board again and read.

"Where is Jonas?"

He gulped. What was Theory's reason for wanting to know? Jonas kicked his legs in discomfort, trying to think of the different possibilities for her curiosity. Soon some other messages within the same discussion popped up.

"He fled to Elsewhere. Specifically, the Provinces."

"I know _that!_ I want to know where he's hiding."

"What makes you think he's hiding?"

Jonas put his palm to his forehead. He _wasn't_ hiding! The whole thing was his idea!

"There is no public net record of a kid named Jonas. I would hide too if something about me being the destruction of an entire community went up on the public net."

"However, he wasn't the first to cause damage," added Theory, "There was Rosemary."

He hardly thought of Rosemary anymore. Now that someone had already mentioned it, he couldn't help _but_ think of her. She had been dead almost thirteen years. Jonas started to wonder what she looked like, what her voice sounded like, and just what she thought when the memories pushed her over the edge. The Giver had a diary belonging to her and Jonas wondered if that had been burned with the rest of the city. He started to hope it had somehow been preserved in that secluded, luxurious room where he had received several memories. He couldn't stop thinking about Rosemary and started to cry.

"Wrongly condemned," someone had typed, "Both of them."

"Where is Jonas?"

Jonas noticed that Macario had joined this discussion and waited for his submissions. Tapping his foot anxiously, he saw Macario's message pop up.

"It was _his_ idea to expose himself," Macario had written, "My mother works at the Eastern Province Charity Branch and we proposed a corollary in order to start the Sameness Community Restoration Plan. All of this was Jonas's idea."

Theory, a child Jonas never knew, typed a single word that summed up his entire reason for doing this. He watched as ten letters were typed and entered into the discussion board, defining the populace's view of himself, and took a deep breath. He sighed.

"Redemption."

* * *

It was late at night. By the time Esme had gotten back inside, she caught Jonas reading the message boards and got deeply involved in the hype surrounding Rhiannon's diary. With her help, the story's influence spread to most of the Northern and Southern provinces and a little bit in the Western one. He wasn't sure how it had spread so quickly within a day, but then he remembered that this was the holiday season, so everyone had shortened work days and more free time. Jonas watched as she typed a few essays on the work and figured that she would be a prominent figure in politics someday. He reclined on his bed, Magdalene lying beside him, and stared at the ceiling.

"I still can't believe how fast this is going," muttered Jonas.

"This isn't ancient times, Jonas," Magdalene whispered, "Things spread like wildfire here."

"I know, but still."

They sat there for a while, waiting until Esme was finished writing her second essay. Finally, Esme had completed her work and fallen asleep. Jonas grabbed the original diary with its leather cover. Despite it being all over the public net, he couldn't help but feel like this story was something rare; something he had to protect. Jonas concentrated on his Birthmother's name before his eyes hurt from squinting. Finally, he pulled out a small light and opened to the page he left off.

"Did you read without me?" asked Magdalene.

"Relax, you can have access on the public net. I don't have to worry about how slow you'll read."

"You're an ass," she joked, nudging him playfully before she went to sleep.

He yawned and reclined against his pillow, starting to read once again.

* * *

**Sorry, rushed filler chapter. The Rhiannon ones will be fewer, I think. :'( I'm going to miss Rhiannon. And Jonas. And Fiona. And this story in general! What, you never got that feeling?**


	45. Rhiannon: Age 52: Part 13

"Run."

"Who is that?" Salvatore asked.

"The cannibal."

Srecko flashed them a sadistic smile and the younger man took Sosigenes's body away. Rhiannon didn't remember the younger man nor did she care. All she knew was that Srecko wanted vengeance and if the group didn't run, they would die. Rhiannon turned around to see the worry register on Roshanak's face. Austin grabbed her hand and tried to pull her away. Salvatore grabbed Roshanak's other hand and they darted in the other direction. Rhiannon's knees felt weak and it was only a few seconds before the older woman felt a surge of adrenaline and sprinted. She knew that Srecko wanted her, so she chose to run in a different direction, so as not to endanger her group.

She couldn't remember which direction they came from, so she started running in any random direction and hoped for the best. Her legs started to hurt, but the pain was numbed by adrenaline or whatever was pumping through her body, so she kept going and occasionally looked back to see how far away Srecko was. She nearly tripped over some large branch and stumbled. Some rock or any other object made a cut in her leg, but she swiftly got up and started again. However, catching up to her previous speed proved difficult and Srecko was gaining on her.

"I know you killed them!" he screamed and Rhiannon remembered her stealthy murder months ago. The dead faces of Sasho and Ciro flashed through her mind and she almost forgot where she was until she heard Srecko's voice again. What he said exactly, she didn't know.

Rhiannon saw that even though Srecko was gaining speed, he was still far behind. She was heading toward an icy river and saw that a fallen tree hovered over it. On one side, all the roots were torn from the ground, its intricate weave left completely bare. The trunk was thick and steady and the path was wide enough for her to walk slowly. She looked at the path alongside the river and realized that it led to a cliff with a frozen waterfall. Rhiannon took her chances with the trunk and climbed, using the interwoven roots before she crawled steadily on the cold trunk. The bark would sometimes scrape and poke at her knees, but she kept crawling nonetheless.

Halfway there, she almost gripped and then tightly gripped on the bark, saving her from falling and breaking a limb. Her right arm pulled her up while her left pushed her away and her right leg wrapped around the trunk. She kicked her left leg in attempt to pull it up and barely succeeded, her heart still beating like that of a hummingbird. As she inadvertently turned her head around, she saw Srecko climbing up the roots, panting.

"Don't think you'll make it across, Rhiannon!" he shouted and she turned around again, crawling a little faster and risking more slips, but she eventually made it to the end. There were several little branches at the end and she made sure not to step on them, for fear of more cuts. Once she slid off slowly, she sprinted away, sure that Srecko was only half way across. Rhiannon moved away from the cliff and ran deeper into the woods. Eventually, her legs gave up.

She fell on the ground from exhaustion and realized she had nothing to eat. Her breathing was still heavy and she crawled, freezing and alone. It was a wonder that some predator hadn't found her and eaten her yet. She was reduced to eating some of the snow, which chilled her tongue and throat as she swallowed. Her fingertips were purplish, but she continued.

When she once fell, she noticed that the small diary, which she had kept in her large pocket and tied to her leg, had become colder. She rubbed her arms, regretting that she had given up her shirt to keep Fiona warm earlier, and hoped to find _something _to keep her warm. She ate some more snow and kept walking.

After some time, she had stumbled upon another stream with a thin layer of ice easily broken by a fallen rock. Rhiannon sat down by the stream, finding a nearby rock, and hitting the ice. There were a few dead fish floating just below and she took them, eating the eyes. A little spherical object rested in each of the eyes, so she spat them out and tried to figure out what else she could eat from the fish. Hopefully there would be no parasites. She kept them in her other pocket and continued.

Rhiannon started to worry about shelter when she saw a van with odd-looking wheels. The wheels sported chains and the doors on the van were larger. She hid behind a tree and watched as the van stopped and a few men came out. Considering her past experiences, she couldn't be sure if these men were friendly. She saw some boulders to hide behind and retreated, waiting until nightfall to rob.

While she waited, she wrote in her diary about her experiences and kept on the lookout for Srecko, wondering how far he had caught up. She figured that he had more food than her and was naturally stronger, so the trek up here wouldn't have been as difficult for him. Rhiannon found it difficult to sleep, so she tried to fashion a sort of roof with several branches and packed a layer of snow and dirt over it. The roof was low, but she didn't mind. She shimmied inside and felt warmer already. She finally fell asleep.

* * *

"Rhiannon?" a male voiced asked, "Are you okay?"

She woke up and saw a familiar pair of blue eyes and a wide, loving smile. The man's arms wrapped around her thin frame and her head rested on his shoulder. She felt instantly warm and comforted.

"Emmy," she whispered, "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Rhi."

"Mother?"

Rhiannon and the man she loved turned their heads to see a young girl, about twelve, standing in front of them. Her hair was in thin braids that Rhiannon had fashioned on her years ago and she sported a smile that said she was free of pain. Rhiannon gasped and almost cried.

"Rosemary?" she asked, "Come here, baby."

She trotted over, joining their embrace and Rhiannon kissed her forehead, "Where have you been?"

"Over there," the younger girl said nonchalantly, pointing in the general direction of some place emitting light, "It's lovely there."

Rhiannon looked into the light, seeing several faces. She saw Evette and Filipa (the Released Birthmothers), the dead twin of Emilienne, Justin, Phillipa and Bruno, and her dead relatives. She looked more closely and saw Asher longingly watch someone, guessing that he saw Fiona somewhere. She saw Sosigenes, who still cried for his companions and for the blood of his killer, and those who committed suicide during the Downfall. Those faces blurred away and Rhiannon saw Roy the Released Pilot. Rosemary turned her head and smiled at him.

"I told Roy I'd be right back, Father," Rosemary said and kissed his cheek, "Meet me there, okay?"

"Okay, love," he said, rubbing her back and watching her disappear into that other world, her laugh becoming high-pitched and evanescent. Rhiannon started to cry and yearned to go into that little place her daughter disappeared to. Somehow, she knew she couldn't go.

"Emmy?" she asked.

"Oh, Rhi," he replied, "I have to go."

"Please don't leave me!" she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. She could have sworn she heard music translating her thoughts, which prompted her to weep more.

"I have to," he replied, "I'll wait for you, I promise."

"Please, no…"

His thumb rubbed her cheek and he kissed her, "I'll watch over you and I'll wait for you."

He separated from her until he only held her hand. He was standing over her cowering form and her head was at his knee. Her back was quivering and it became difficult to breathe. Rhiannon's lips started to pout and her eyes became heavy and sore.

"I'll wait for you. We all will."

"Please, don't leave me Emmy! I love you! Please, no!"

"I love you, Rhiannon."

He separated from her completely and turned his back, walking where she had previously seen Rosemary disappear to. She started to crawl desperately toward him, but a strong, unknown force held her back. She started to scream. Once that strange place absorbed him completely, her world turned dark and cold. She was completely alone.

A clump of snow hit her face and she sat up quickly, accidentally breaking the roof she made the night before. She was faced with blinding light and a small gust of chilly wind before she saw the landscape only partially covered with a thin layer of snow. In that instant, she remembered her dream.

She sobbed.

* * *

It wasn't long before she destroyed the impromptu roof completely and took a peek at the van. One door was open and a man slid out, stretching his legs. He wore a thick coat and equally thick pants. When he exhaled, his breath came out resembling white smoke. He called his friend's name and laughed while someone else shorter than him came out of the van. Another guy who appeared to be in his twenties got out of the van and started playfully wrestling with the other guys. Rhiannon heard them mutter something about "ice-fishing" and saw them grab some large, thin sticks with strings and lures attached. She noticed that none of them locked up the van as they went to the nearby stream. Rhiannon waited until they were out of sight (and earshot) before she crept to the van. She did a quick check on her surroundings before opening the door.

The heavy door almost knocked her to the ground, nearly knocking her diary out of her pocket, but she regained her balance and took a good look at what she saw. There were little bars of food in a bag and placed as many as she could in her pockets, taking out the fish she caught yesterday. No doubt were there parasites in them, so she disposed of them and went back to van raiding. A gray shirt that looked similar to the community garments she once wore was strewn around on the van's floor and she quickly put it on, grabbing a thin blanket when she could. She took another food bar and closed the van door, knowing that the van wouldn't be here tomorrow, and took off in another direction until nightfall.

* * *

Despite the decreasing temperature over a week and a half, she found ways to keep warm and the food supply was coming in handy. Occasionally, she would write the number of food bars she had left and how many days had passed. She was sure it was December, but not entirely sure what day. She started to wonder where Srecko ended up and what had happened to the group she once had been a part of. Rhiannon missed the young children pestering her about reading lessons and what she had been drawing and occasionally looked at her old doodles. She flipped the pages back until she saw a picture Nasrin had drawn of her in her youth, tracing over the lines with her fingers. It had seemed like an eternity ago, yet she could remember the conversation perfectly.

"_You can't draw," _she had said to the older girl.

"_I'll prove you wrong. Just sit there and let me draw a picture."_

"_You'll bastardize me."_

"_Such big words for a Birthmother."_

"_Just draw me."_

_Rhiannon sat still, looking at a food tray in front of her and playing with a broken fork. Nasrin was giggling as she drew a picture. Rhiannon could hear the writing utensil trace over the paper and focused her eyes on Mattan, who was just outside the room._

"_Any special dreams?" Nasrin asked playfully._

"_Oh, stop it!"_

Rhiannon flipped the pages to the entry where she had recorded the sightings of colors and looked over them again. How long ago was that? Almost fifteen years? Whenever she thought about time, a strange feeling would occupy her stomach and chest cavity, so she pushed the thoughts aside.

She thought about her own promise to find Elsewhere and started to doubt if she could ever make it. Still, she had the feeling that someone would find her, dead or alive, and she wanted _someone_ to know that she yearned to find her sons. It had been a while since she thought about them, but when she tried to remember their faces, she failed. This alone broke her heart and she made a promise to herself that she would one day find them. If not, then she at least wanted them to know her.

She tore out a little note and wondered what she should write. The piece of paper was small, so she had to make it count. She noticed that she was running out of room in her diary as it is, so she couldn't just rip out another piece of paper. Finally, it came to her.

_Jonas and Gabriel,_

_If you, by any chance, are reading this note, there are two things you need to know. One, the community you left some years ago is destroyed. Everyone either committed suicide or fled. Two, I am your Birthmother. Here is my diary. Read it and you will know everything._

Something told her that it was missing an essential detail and she tried to think of the one thing she had wanted to tell her son, the one thing that might have kept him from running away and leaving the communities to burn. Something told her she couldn't outright say those three words, but she still could in another form. Finally, she wrote.

_Love, Rhiannon_

* * *

**HEY! HAPPY READING! Well, not so happy, but you know...**

**I imagined the song "You" by The Pretty Reckless playing when Rhiannon has her dream with her Emmy :) Rhi and Emmy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G (okay, I'll stop. I just couldn't help it)**

**Leave a review saying your thoughts, criticisms, etc. Does anyone remember previous mentions about that van? Anyone? ANYONE?**


	46. Jonas: Age 15: Part 15

Again, he had fallen asleep while reading and woke up with the book covering his chest. He saw that there were only a few more pages left to read, but decided not to deal with that now, so he closed the book and left it on the table. Jonas saw that Magdalene wasn't next to him and Esme wasn't in her bed. He panicked a little before he heard their voices in the adjacent room and calmed down.

"Jonas!" Magdalene asked when she burst through the door. "What were you doing still sleeping? We tried to wake you up several times!"

Jonas checked the time and realized he had never slept in so late before. Magdalene looked at him skeptically and Jonas sat up, running his fingers through his hair. No doubt would she joke about his mane again.

He got up from his bed and yawned, much to Magdalene's dismay. She sat beside him, fully dressed for the day, and sighed, looking at the diary. Jonas rubbed his eyes. It didn't work. They still felt heavy.

"What's going on?"

"Uncle Simeon's in court today," Magdalene explained. "After the Office of the Provinces read our proposal, they questioned how we knew of the communities' devastation. They found out that Simeon entered the communities without legal permission and now he's on trial for it."

"Is that why you all tried to wake me up?"

"Yes," Magdalene said. "Actually, Jacob, Lillian and Esme went without us. The little kids were all under my care."

"I can't imagine that," Jonas chuckled.

"You don't have to see it either, they're back now," Magdalene smiled and kissed his cheek.

Jonas yawned again, rubbing the back of his neck. He lied back down on his bed and Magdalene rested beside him, looking up at the ceiling. He cuddled with her, but she hardly moved from her supine position and placed a hand over Jonas's head.

"So what would happen to the proposal if Simeon gets in deep trouble?" Jonas asked.

"Mmm, I'm not entirely sure. It would get halted I guess, but with all the public support, I don't think that would last very long."

Jonas relaxed. He almost fell asleep had that small device (Jacob got Jonas one that day) not buzzed a little. Jonas turned it on and saw a live-communication request from Simeon. Jonas accepted and the device projected a holographic screen with live-feed depicting Simeon in his current state. Simeon must have been holding the device while walking, otherwise the image wouldn't have been so shaky.

"Hey, Jonas," he said. "You probably heard I was in court today."

"Magdalene told me," Jonas replied. "All because you went into the communities without legal permission."

"The members of the Office are split on that issue. Some are excusing my offence because of the consequences. The other half is contemplating my punishment. There was one strict one who thought of giving me permanent imprisonment," Simeon said as he was walking up the stairs (or so it appeared). "Thankfully, that wasn't taken too seriously. It seems the most I would have to do is pay a heavy fine and revoke my charity membership as well as other licenses. It'd be a shame though, that means I'd have no hand in that project if the proposal passes through."

Jonas heard Fiona's voice in the background and Simeon's head perked up in another direction. Simeon then smiled at Jonas and walked towards what Jonas assumed was the guestroom of his house. He heard that door creak and heard Fiona's voice again, smiling. Magdalene squeezed his hand playfully and he nudged her, prompting a remark about his infatuation for the redhead.

"Jonas," Simeon peeped, clearly overhearing Magdalene's comment. "You wanna talk to Fiona?"

He nodded and Simeon gave the device to the young mother-to-be. Jonas saw that Fiona was wearing that patterned cap and a nightgown that exposed her arms. She held the device close to her body and Jonas couldn't help but want to kiss her.

"How are you doing, Fiona?" he asked.

"All right," she replied. "Some doctor named Drystan came by to check on my general health. He said I was doing very well, considering my circumstances. He offered to tell us the sex of my baby, but Simeon wanted a surprise."

She then added, "I think it's going to be a boy. He's kicking again. I don't know why."

She looked down at her stomach, saying "don't hurt Mommy" in a soft and playful voice. Fiona's hand drifted to her abdomen and Jonas sighed in wonder. It was only so long before she would give birth.

"Did Simeon tell you about the proposal?"

"Yes," she replied. "I also found Rhiannon's diary on the public net. I couldn't read all of it."

"I understand."

Fiona sighed. How far had she read up to? She probably didn't read anything after Jonas's escape. There was so much chaos and confusion and too much loss. It would have been too painful for her to relive the memories so accurately described in the pages of his mother's journal. Jonas wanted to grab Fiona's hand in attempt to soothe her, but he knew he was just staring at a holographic screen and sighed. Fiona smiled weakly.

"Simeon told me you'd be coming over in a few days or something."

"Another one of his parties," Jonas said. "I was told they have one every Christmas and every New Years."

"Did they get you another ritual dress?"

Fiona chuckled and shook her head, "No. They got me a regular dress this time. Even some funny looking shiny pieces. If I remember correctly, it's jewelry. I don't understand the point of it."

"You and I are complete opposites," said Magdalene, who left the conversation soon after.

"Do you want to see the dress?" Fiona asked, about to get up from the bed.

"No thanks, I want to be surprised."

* * *

Jonas got a message from Rhosyn the next day. He saw that she had sent it early in the morning and opened it up while Jacob was ordering lunch from some place that Jonas had never heard of. Lillian and Magdalene had taken the younger children out to some amusement park, leaving Esme at home with Jonas. He noticed that ever since he grew closer to Magdalene, he had spoken to Esme a little less. When he saw Esme walk into the room, he noticed that Esme had sensed the drift as well. She didn't seem too pleased about it.

"I noticed you and Magdalene getting closer," Esme said. "And I know you and the Secretary of Border Affairs are related. Thanks to the publication of that journal, everyone knows who you are. Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Argall. You might as well set a public identity on the net like everyone else."

The younger girl sat beside Jonas, seeing the message Rhosyn had sent him. Jonas peered at her skeptically and sighed, wondering what she was up to. He knew she had gotten quite busy on those discussion boards surrounding the diary. Jonas figured that he could trust Esme (more-so than Magdalene), so he relaxed and read about the proposal.

"It's not long before people notice your closeness to Magdalene," Esme spoke again. "And you're dragging Fiona's past into it too. I'm not sure she's ready to have everyone know about her brutal memories."

Although she didn't say them in a harsh manner, Jonas still felt pained by her words. He went back to reading the message, realizing he had barely read the first paragraph. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"On the bright side," Esme said, focusing on Rhosyn's message. "The proposal is gaining wide public support from all the provinces and the Office will have its decision by tonight. Have you read the message boards? There's wide debate on whether you should be seen as a traitor or a hero. Some are praising your willingness to take on such a project and others are demanding your head. You really didn't think this through, did you?"

"Not true," he muttered and doubted his own words.

"Are you done with that message?" Esme asked. "I want to access the discussion boards."

"Yeah."

Esme rotated the device so she could go through the boards. Jonas saw that Esme had gone under an alias. _Elegy_, he read. He thought it suiting, as she always liked poetry. Apparently, Elegy and Theory were the most prominent figures on the discussion boards and were currently trying to sway the opinions of those that "demanded his head". At some point, Theory and Elegy were carrying out philosophical discussions on the moral issues of the communities' methods, the former arguing under consequentialist utilitarianism (or whatever it was called) and the latter arguing about the intrinsic good and evil of bringing about such an existence (Jonas leaned towards Esme's opinion, needless to say). Never mind that they were only thirteen and it had only been a few days.

Jonas could tell that Esme was deeply enjoying her debates with "Theory" and predicted that they would meet up some day and become good friends. He watched as Esme and this other girl led most of the discussions on the public net boards. No doubt would she become an influential political figure throughout the entire globe in adulthood. As for himself, he hoped to life a simpler life with a house and a wife to have children with. If he ended up caught up in more complicated matters, it wouldn't depress him too much. He had gone through far worse.

A little beep came from the device just as Jacob shouted that food was here. Esme briefly ended her discussion with her new friend and Jonas saw that there was a message from Simeon.

"To the Izbavitelovs (and the Argall boy)

I can't wait to see you at our New Year's Eve party tonight. The Office is finished with my trial. I'll tell you all the results tonight."

Jonas laughed a little. Apparently, Theory (or someone else) must have found the link between Jonas and the Secretary of Border Affairs when reading the journal. Esme brought two bowls of food and he showed Esme the message. She smiled.

"I'm pretty sure the outcome is good," she said. "Otherwise he wouldn't wait until the party."

Esme sat down beside him, unwrapping her tomato bredie and giving Jonas his bowl of food. He looked inside and was puzzled.

"What did Jacob get for me?" he asked.

"I don't know. It looks mushy."

"I thought you would know this kind of thing," Jonas said. "You were supposed to be 'very cultured', as far as I know."

"Not with food," Esme laughed and ate her tomato bredie with a smile.

Jonas poked at his mushy meal with his fork, splitting the patty-like object in half. He saw little grains of rice spill in the gap between the two parts of the split patty and little colorful spots on the inside. Esme peeked over.

"I'm assuming those are vegetables and some sort of meat," Esme said. "I don't think it looks particularly bad."

Jonas decided to try it and ended up finishing it rather quickly. Esme laughed at his eating methods, kicking her legs playfully. The adolescent checked the time on the device and then the clock. He checked the device again. Only a minute apart. Lillian and the others should be back soon.

"Can I use the device?"

"Let me guess," Jonas sighed. "You're debating with that girl some more?"

Esme blushed, "Maybe."

He leaned back in his chair and looked at her skeptically. The younger girl kept chuckling as she typed in her messages under her alias. She kicked her legs occasionally as she wrote to this other girl and Jonas later saw that she and Theory had stopped debating for now. They were in a private net system, sending each other messages.

"Who is this Theory girl?"

"Oh, she's a Traveler," Esme said. "You know, the nomads?"

Jonas nodded. It wasn't unusual for some to start a life of traveling without a permanent home and make money for sustenance only. He had met a Traveler his own age once last year. She started the nomadic lifestyle with her older sister and they stayed at various lodges. Last time he heard, she and her sister were staying at a village in the Northern province near the geo-barrier. Jonas started to wonder about Theory.

"She told me she was born in the Southern Province and traveled out to other Union-like nations. She recently left the District Union bordering the Province one."

"So she's coming back to the Province Union?"

"Mmm-hmm," she nodded. "She's in the Eastern Province now. She said she's going to visit her family for New Year's tonight."

Jonas looked up at the ceiling and then at his empty bowl. He set it down and looked at the time again, waiting for Lillian and her group to return home. If they were home soon enough, he would have enough time to speak to Magdalene before the party. He figured he was going to finish up his mother's diary before tonight. He looked at how many pages were left. Not too long.

"Did she tell you her name?"

"Yes," Esme replied. "Tasnim. I think it's a pretty name. Very graceful, in a way. I imagine her being a fairy or some other supernatural being with a lot of freckles."

"How much do you wanna bet that she thinks the same way about you?" Jonas teased.

Esme chuckled, her face reddening as she typed her last message to Theory/Tasnim before she turned off her device. Jonas had the feeling that Esme was going to use it to message Tasnim again later and went to his bed, grabbing the diary and reading unknown words for the last time.

* * *

**Oy, the story is close to done. A few chapters more! I think readwritereview wants a sequel/prequel after this. I'm betting on it (not really). readwritereview, if this is inaccurate, I apologize.**

**So Fiona will have her child(ren) soon. What should be the name and sex of her offspring? Choose wisely, in remembrance of Asher. **

**Sorry for the numerous minor (and therefore, unimportant) characters. I love searching through names and such. It's just too much fun. **

**List any criticisms/tips/suggestions in a review, please. Also, at the end of the story, I plan on writing an index (to name the characters and say whether they were OCs or not as well as their relations to major characters). Is it a good idea? If there are rather detailed reviews, I will cite them in the index.**


	47. Rhiannon: Age 53

Rhiannon counted the food bars she had left. There weren't many left. She had eaten most of them for the past week and a half that she had been separated from her group. She started to fret about them, but remembered that there was no way of finding them. She hoped that Srecko hadn't gotten to them. He was separated from his group, so she assumed that he was dead. He couldn't survive for long without food.

She saw that she had five bars left. Earlier, she had made the promise to eat only half a bar per day. However, her stomach gnawed at her, so she ate a whole one today and counted four. They didn't taste particularly good, but she didn't have very many options. Intense hunger made things taste a lot better. Her stomach gnawed again, but she forced herself not to eat many more bars. She couldn't be sure of when she was going to find another food source. Who knew how far Elsewhere was now?

She continued on in some direction. She thought it was east, for the sun had rose in that spot earlier today. Her legs were aching, but she still kept walking. Her hand would travel to her leg, rubbing her thighs to soothe her pained muscles. There wasn't much fat she had left to burn. She held her diary close to her body, hiding it underneath her thin blanket. It was still amazing to her that she hadn't frozen to death yet. She stopped when she was halfway to the top of a hill. Rhiannon dug a hole to sleep in so she could stay out of the cold wind. She watched the sun set from the hole she decided to sleep in. Fatigue consumed her.

For the following four days, she carried out this routine. Get out of the hole, cover it, mark the day in her journal, walk until her stomach pain was unbearable, eat an entire bar, walk up and down hills, dig a hole, sleep. Dream of Emanuel. Dream of Rosemary. Dream of kisses. Water. Food. Christmas presents. Music. Dancing. Red dress. Embraces. Sex. Sunshine. Laughter. Children. A son, perhaps. Her son. Loneliness. Loss. War. Pain. A broken leg. Worth it all? Perhaps not. Yes, no, maybe. More about Emanuel. More about light. That light. _The_ light. A resting place. Dream of love. Intense love. Friendship love. Familial love. Motherly love. Young love. Passionate love. Everything of Elsewhere. How colorful. Darkness, then light of the sun filtered through a thin layer of snow. How chilly. Stretch out. Accidentally punch a hole, dig outside again. Get out. Repeat.

She ran out of food. _Curses!_ Rhiannon ate snow. It chilled her tongue and throat. She chewed on little pieces of ice. It wasn't very windy today. She trudged along, her shoes wet from the snow. She was pretty sure she had developed scurvy at some point. The food bars must have kept it at bay. She had nothing now. Curse her lack of foresight!

The day wasn't long. She took a nap when the sun was at its highest. When she woke up, her skin was even colder. She tried to find some means of warming herself up. Not much worked. The sun was traveling west toward the Communities. Her stomach roared. Sunsets were pretty. She dug a hole and watched before she slept again.

Rhiannon reread her diary when she woke up in the middle of the night. She read over her Stirrings dreams. Her head felt feverish. Was she insane? She laughed. Her Stirrings dreams were funny. She wished she could have a Stirrings dream. They were an escape from her hunger. She placed a cold hand on her abdomen. No more babies. No more food. Just hunger. She fell asleep.

She dreamt that she was young. Emanuel was young too. He wasn't aging. They were just adolescents swimming in the water. There was no one but them. Rhiannon saw a nice little cabin just for them. She noticed it had one room. Emanuel placed a hand on her back and smiled. She held his hand and he kissed her cheek. He asked her if she loved him. She said yes. He didn't seem to believe her. _Why don't you believe me_, she asked. He placed a hand on her cheek and kissed her with more fervor than she expected. She took him to the cabin, neither of them drying off first. _Do you want me to prove that I love you_, she asked. He smiled. They removed everything and she proved it until he collapsed in ecstasy and believed her. By far the best Stirrings dream. She felt everything.

She woke up. Her blanket was thinner than before. Her throat was dry, so she ate some snow. Her legs were numb. She recorded her Stirrings dream. It made her laugh. She sometimes closed her eyes and saw her past. She sometimes thought about her dreams. Dreams were nice. Reality was tough. She wanted to dream. Dream forever and see that light with those faces in peace. First she needed Elsewhere. She needed her sons. Then she would go to dream forever.

The day passed and night came. Rhiannon thought about Asher and Fiona. At least they could express their Stirrings. She felt irrational jealousy towards them now. Still, Rhiannon got to spend more of her life with Emanuel than Fiona ever would with Asher. That is, if Fiona was still alive. She thought about the cannibal tribes and chuckled. They'd never find her in the hole. Safe, little, chilly hole. They'd never find her here. They can't hurt her again.

Fiona's baby must be bothering her poor mother. When will it want to come out? Rhiannon remembered wanting to kill her for getting pregnant. Stupid Asher. Stupid Fiona. Stupid, stupid, stupid… That baby will die. Rhiannon's promises were for nothing. Poor stupid baby. It'll probably kill its mother in the process. Oh, look, a little family in that light. Asher will have his lover girl. The baby will have Mommy and Daddy together. She laughed maniacally. Oh, she was crazy, wasn't she? She didn't want to speak anymore. There was no one to speak to. _Do you love me, little safe hole?_ Her head hurt. She fell asleep. No Stirrings dream this time. No dreams at all, for that matter. She woke up that morning.

She trudged down that hill and walked on flat land for a while. Her stomach gnawed. She placed some snow on her stomach to numb it. It didn't work. That stomach was a monster.

Her diary was running out of pages. What more of her life was there to write? One more page. She was going to save it.

The flat land slowly went uphill. She saw a speck in the distant snow moving about. That thing had arms and legs. Oh, what do you know, a child. She couldn't speak. She could hardly think. Her legs kept moving against her will. Walk, walk, breathe, walk. Her stomach decided to play a game. It's called "who is stronger". The stomach didn't like that the host was winning. The host told it to shut up. The host had no way of satisfying the stomach. The host was a mean mommy. The snow made her mean.

Rhiannon felt colder than usual. She pulled the thin blanket tighter and kept walking until she was at the foot of a small hill. Her legs gave. She tripped. Rhiannon decided to take a break. Something told her that Elsewhere wasn't far away. She looked at the sun, which was taking a slow ride to its resting place. It didn't have a very long journey. Bye-bye sunshine. The wind was faster and colder. Bye-bye warmth. Her lips were unmoving. She could think "bye-bye" but she couldn't say it. Her lips were fused together. Hurray for silence.

She turned her head around. There was music. She couldn't figure out where it was coming from but she thought it was beautiful. She crawled up the hill just a little bit and barely made it to the top. There were houses. Plenty of houses. Where was the music coming from? She wrote in her diary.

_I hear music. It seemed to be calling me. It's even saying my name. Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and who wouldn't love to love her? That's what it's saying. She rules her life like a bird in flight and who will be her lover? They will love me. These people of Elsewhere. They will all love me._

_ It is all a matter of getting over this hill._

* * *

**"Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and who wouldn't love to love her? She rules her life like a bird in flight and who will be her lover?"**

******That last song that played in the story is called Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac. That's where I got the character's name. I originally thought of naming her Liora, but think about it. After all you've read, can you think of her as a Liora? I doubt it.**

******Rhiannon, in Welsh mythology, was the goddess of fertility and the moon. After realizing that, I had to give her Birthmother and her Birth-sister (Rhosyn) a Welsh name. Argall is a Welsh surname that means "dweller in a quiet place". **


	48. Jonas: Age 15: Part 16

Jonas had completed the diary and set it carefully in his bag before getting changed. He and Esme waited for Lillian, Magdalene and the younger children to arrive while Jacob had been disposing of used plastic dishes. Esme simply decided to wear the same skirt she wore on Christmas and went back to talking with Tasnim. Jonas chuckled and picked out clothes to wear. Once he did, he checked the time and noticed they still had more than a few hours to spare.

"So what are you and Tasnim talking about?" Jonas asked.

Esme replied, "I'm asking her about her travels. She said she's been in every Province and District. She said she's going to her uncle's house for a party. Mom's side of the family."

"I can see you two dominating political affairs in your adulthood."

Esme smiled, "And perhaps an I.U."

Intellectual Union. Jonas heard of those before. At one point, there was just the idea of marriage, which was entirely religion based. Some time, about five thousand years ago, there had been a secular equivalent: a civil union. It had the same idea, of course, but the civil union removed any religious prejudices. An I.U. was completely different. It wasn't mostly a bond of emotion (or in some cases, tax benefits). There wasn't the idea of falling in love and having children and such. It was regarded as the bond of the intellect, the highest order of friendship possible. Once one joined an I.U, they never married. A relatively recent idea, Jonas knew, and one very suitable for a girl like Esme. Jonas chuckled at the idea of Esme and Tasnim getting an I.U.

"_Perhaps?_ I can _only_ picture you getting an I.U. You have never been fond of the idea of marriage."

They came home. Magdalene rushed into the room gleefully, carrying a new dress in. Esme chuckled at the sight and Jonas almost rolled his eyes had Magdalene not seen his face. She carefully placed the dress on her bed, slowly taking off the protective cover. Esme rotated the device and looked at Magdalene skeptically.

"Oh, don't tell me you did," she muttered.

Magdalene retorted, "What? You think I dragged the little kids with me to search for it? No, I put it on hold and picked it up on the way home. We bribed the little kids with mini pies."

Jonas saw that the dress was at least suitable for the winter. She took it to the bathroom and changed, taking her sweet time. Esme went back to chatting with Tasnim and it eventually turned into another debate. Jonas could tell Esme was enjoying herself.

Magdalene went on to curling parts of her hair, leaving the rest in a braid. Esme simply put on a sweater before changing into her skirt and returned to her debate, eventually asking Jonas if she could bring the device. He consented and she placed it in a bag along with her AMP. It wasn't long before the group was driving off to the house and Jonas knew they would be going home tomorrow night. He thought of how much had happened in less than two weeks and wondered about his legal status. He was now officially recognized as an Argall. Would he have to leave the Izbavitelovs to join his relatives? He had only known one of the Argalls. He knew they were an influential family in the Provinces, as he had done some research. They owned several businesses, as far as he knew. Would this family take Gabriel with open arms as the Izbavitelovs had?

"What's Tasnim's full name?" Jonas asked Esme, who was still using the device.

"I don't know," she replied, "Let me search her. There can only be so many girls named Tasnim from the Southern Province."

She typed some words in and Magdalene peeked over, "What have you two talked about since I left?"

"She's been debating with Tasnim on the public boards concerning the diary and now she wants to I.U. her."

"Aww, Esme," Magdalene teased. Apparently I.U.s get as much playful mockery as romantic bonds.

"I found her," Esme said, "Tasnim Meita-Aertimys Thwaite. I think she has a pretty name. Oh, I found her picture."

Jonas saw her image expand on the holographic screen and giggled. He noticed that she had a small button nose and freckles. Esme smiled and Jonas saw that Magdalene was going to make a joke.

"You were right, Esme," Jonas remarked, "She _does_ look like a fairy."

* * *

They were all at Simeon's house. The little children were gone, Lillian was talking to her sister and Jacob was busy befriending all of Simeon's friends from the charity. Macario was flirting with Magdalene and Esme kept thinking about Tasnim. Jonas wondered whether he should greet Magdalene with a hug and kiss to annoy Macario, but he saw Rhosyn across the room and waved. She greeted him with a smile and shook his hand.

"How've you been, Jonas?" she asked.

"Good," he replied, "I just finished reading the diary. The public net is full of discussion boards on it. Apparently, the two prominent figures in the discussion are thirteen year old girls."

As Jonas said this, he pointed at Esme, "Esme took the nickname Elegy. She's been debating with Theory and now she plans on meeting her and getting an I.U."

Rhosyn laughed at the joke. Jonas remembered when Esme had her little crushes, but she had long outgrown them. He couldn't think of one person that she would get involved in a romantic relationship with. It would mean too little to her. The more Jonas thought about Esme getting an I.U, the more it seemed to make sense.

"Rhosyn," Jonas asked, "Have you met Fiona?"

It took a second for her to remember that Fiona was featured in the diary and she shook her head. Jonas looked around, seeing that everyone was preoccupied, and looked at the staircase. He doubted that Fiona had gone down by now.

"I'll introduce you to her. She's upstairs."

He surprised Rhosyn by grabbing her hand when he guided her up the stairs and down the hall. They stopped right outside the guestroom door and Jonas knocked, waiting for Fiona's response. Rhosyn tapped her foot a few times and scanned her surroundings while Jonas waited for the door to open. He heard soft footsteps and the creaking of the door. Fiona peered at Jonas and Rhosyn.

"Hi, Fiona," Jonas said sweetly, as if he was talking to someone half-asleep, "I want to introduce you to someone."

She opened the door in order to allow them in. Jonas saw a lace dress with an empire waist hung up in a closet. Fiona, for once, wasn't wearing that patterned cap. She was looking at the pieces of jewelry that Robin must have left her, wondering why she should even use it. She kept some of her hair in tiny braids. Rhosyn examined the room and Jonas tried to imagine Fiona in the dress.

"Fiona," Jonas said in the same tone, which Fiona didn't seem to mind, "I want you to meet someone."

Jonas held out his hand and she grabbed it, allowing him to bring her closer. His hand massaged hers and she looked up at the older woman. Her resemblance to Rhiannon must have startled her; otherwise Fiona wouldn't have been so fascinated. Jonas looked at Fiona and placed a comforting hand on her farthest arm, kissing her cheek.

"Fiona, this is Rhosyn. Remember the proposal we discussed? She's the Secretary of Border Affairs in the Legislative Office. She's also my aunt."

"Rhiannon's sister?" Fiona asked like a timid child.

"Mm-hmm," he mumbled affirmatively.

"Hello, Fiona," Rhosyn greeted, outstretching her hand. Fiona brushed her hand over Rhosyn's, prompting a sweet giggle. After Rhosyn shook hands with Fiona, the younger girl shied away. Rhosyn didn't take this offensively, which relaxed Jonas. Fiona peered at Rhosyn from behind Jonas, causing him to chuckle at her shy and childish mannerisms. His head rose to her head and he tried to comfort her.

"It's okay, Fiona, she won't hurt you."

"I know," she sighed.

"Then why are you hiding?"

"She looks like Rhiannon."

He embraced her and his lips rose to her ear. Her hands were on his shoulders and his hands were on her waist. She sighed deeply.

"Are you okay, Fiona?" he asked, his hands gently rubbing her back.

"She looks like Rhiannon."

"What's wrong?"

She sniffled a little bit and Jonas knew she was crying. Her head leaned on Jonas's shoulder and he kept rubbing her back in order to comfort her. Rhosyn was standing there awkwardly.

"I want Asher back," she whimpered, "I want them all back."

"Shh, shh, Fiona."

Rhosyn had placed a comforting hand on Fiona's back and the younger girl took some time to notice this. A strange silence filled the room. Fiona held Jonas more tightly as she cried and he started to wonder how many crying episodes she has had so far. He hoped this hadn't happened too frequently and wondered how she would cope with the baby. She withdrew from him and rubbed her eyes.

"Do you want to wait before you go downstairs?" Jonas asked. She nodded.

"Jonas," Rhosyn remembered, "Simeon's going to want to make an announcement before the New Year countdown. It's time we head down."

"Okay," he said to Rhosyn before turning to Fiona, "I have to go downstairs. Love you."

She smiled weakly before setting up rag-like blankets over her bed. Rhosyn and Jonas went downstairs to see that everyone had congregated before a podium. Simeon stood there, holding a bubbly drink. Alcohol, no doubt. Jonas stood with his adoptive family and Rhosyn told him that she would be making announcements alongside Simeon. Jonas watched her stand by his side.

"Jonas," Esme nudged him, "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Tasnim's here," she whispered excitedly, "We've been talking all night. She told me she was traveling to Fort Hansfield after tonight."

_Fort Hansfield_, Jonas thought, _my current home._

Jonas registered the excitement on Esme's face before he heard the clanking of a fork against thin glass. Everyone turned to face the man at the podium. Simeon held an air of self-importance.

"Hello, everyone," Simeon bellowed out, "I have invited the Secretary of Border Affairs to announce some importance news. But first, I would like to announce that I have received my pardon!"

Everyone toasted to his lack of punishment. Jonas made a note to congratulate him later and clapped with some other people. Some sipped their drinks. All paid attention to the Secretary. She cleared her throat and held her hands in front of her. Rhosyn waited patiently for some background noise to cease before she started.

"As you know, I recently attended a meeting concerning the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's. My own nephew, Jonas, proposed a restoration project for the devastated communities. The entire Charity Board was involved and we proposed a corollary to the Office, stating our philanthropic purposes."

The entire audience was on edge and Jonas was able to predict what would happen. He held Magdalene's hand and she rubbed her thumb over his own. They smiled at each other and watched Rhosyn speak over the crowd.

"I am proud to announce that the Office has accepted our proposal and passed the Province Union Corollary!"

Magdalene started jumping and hugged Jonas tightly, prompting him to do the same thing. He started to feel giddy as well. Her arms were on his shoulders, his arms were around her waist and everyone was cheering joyously. It was all too much. They stopped jumping long enough to look into each other's eyes.

Jonas kissed her in front of his entire family with no room for interpretation. They separated when Simeon made clanking noises against his glass again.

"And now!" he announced, "I would like to begin the countdown of the New Year. I toast to the end of 7189 to the beginning of 7190."

He placed a device on the podium that projected a hologram of a clock that counted down the seconds until the New Year. There wasn't even a minute left. As soon as the clock hit eleven seconds, Simeon started the countdown and the entire audience shouted alongside him.

"TEN!"

Jonas thought of all that happened to Rhiannon and Fiona this year. It was a shame that Rhiannon couldn't witness this. He missed Asher too.

"NINE!"

Fiona would still have a chance to heal. She would have her adoptive family. She would have her baby.

"EIGHT!"

That baby would still have a chance at a good life. He (or she) would live a life full of love. Jonas would love that child like the father he/she would never have. Fiona would be such a good mother.

"SEVEN!"

Fiona would love her child so much. That little piece of Asher is still with her, giving her the love she needs. So much love, he kept thinking.

"SIX!"

The question was, would Fiona love Jonas? He cared so much for Fiona. Fiona had initially been so angry with him. His gaining her forgiveness was a huge achievement in itself.

"FIVE!"

Then there was the question of Magdalene. Did she love him? Was this all just for fun? What a stupid question. What part of this was fun?

"FOUR!"

If she did love him, would they live their lives together as a couple? They couldn't be in the same family if they did that. Jonas had to develop a separate identity as an Argall.

"THREE!"

So he was a direct descendant of the Lost Daughter. How exactly would he fit into the Argall family, with its complex history?

"TWO!"

How would Gabriel fit into all of this? He had grown so accustomed to the company of the Izbavitelovs. Gabriel could barely understand what was going on around him. What would happen with Gabriel?

What would become of them?

"ONE!"

Just before Simeon had the chance to play a ceremonial horn to symbolize the start of the New Year, Jonas heard a bloodcurdling scream come from the second level. Everyone in the room looked up in panic. Jonas knew exactly what was going on.

Fiona was about to give birth.

* * *

"Fiona, _push!"_

Rhosyn's son, Drystan, had attended that party. Jonas, the Izbavitelovs and the Birambaums were up in that guest room. Fiona was propped up in such a way that her pelvis pointed down so she wouldn't have to fight against gravity. She was entirely exposed. Normally, people would avert their eyes in the name of decency, but now such matters weren't so important.

Drystan's portable toolbox was in that room before Fiona went into labor, so he only had to press a button and the supplies would prepare themselves. Robin had set up a large, shallow crib in Fiona's room in preparation. Jonas was holding Fiona's hand as she tried to force the baby out of her womb. She was squeezing it tightly and he thought his fingers were going to break. He reminded himself that he had dealt with worse pain and returned to comforting Fiona, who was crying from pain.

"Relieve the pain," she cried, "_Please."_

"I can't," Drystan replied, "If I drug you, it'll affect the baby."

Fiona lamented as her muscles contracted, prompting a pained scream. Esme bit her nails and Magdalene held her other hand. This had been going on for a few hours and Jonas's eyes felt heavy. He had no idea how much longer this would last, but he hoped it wouldn't be much longer. He wasn't sure he could do this.

"I see the head!" Drystan said, "Push a little more."

Fiona gave one last push and Drystan was able to pull out a baby. It turned out to be a girl and Drystan cut the umbilical cord as she cried. Drystan instructed his assistant to clean off the newborn before he returned to Fiona, who was still in pain.

"You're going to have another one, Fiona," he informed her, "Keep pushing."

"ANOTHER ONE?!"

"Yes, now _focus,_" Drystan said.

Jonas desperately hoped that the second twin wouldn't take nearly as long as the first. His wish came true in a matter of minutes. He instructed Fiona on how to breathe as she birthed her second twin slowly and painfully. Drystan announced that he saw its head and helped pull out the infant, making it cry and removing its umbilical cord. Both twins were girls.

"You can relax now, Fiona," Jonas sighed and Fiona almost fell asleep, letting go of Magdalene and Jonas's hands.

Jonas gripped his own hand to soothe it and watched as Fiona saw her children, yearning for them. Someone helped Fiona up and made her stand over a small tub of water. Jonas assisted her with bathing while Magdalene replaced the bloodstained blanket for a fresh one. Fiona kept holding on to Jonas while he gently scrubbed her with the sponge. Soon enough, he guided her back onto the bed and pulled up another blanket to cover her lower half. Fiona saw her twin daughters and outstretched her arms.

"I want to nurse my babies," she said. No doubt were her breasts hurting from being filled with milk.

Jonas placed the older twin in Fiona's left arm, showing her how to properly grip the newborn. Magdalene did the same thing with the younger twin on the right side. The little girls searched for their food source and the older twin's tiny fist pushed against Fiona's chest.

"I bet the older one was the one incessantly kicking," Jonas remarked.

The younger kids, previously kept out, were allowed in the room for short visits. Lucille was first. When she came in, she noticed the color of the blanket. She was very particular about colors.

"That blanket color is called ash rose," Lucille mentioned, "It's not a bad name, actually."

Jonas gave it some thought. Ash Rose. Had one of the children been male, he would have wanted to give the child a good name in remembrance of Asher. Instead, both were female. Jonas wanted to give remembrance to those he cared for most and he had to choose wisely. The three people he wanted to give this honor to were Asher, Rosemary and Rhiannon. Ash Rose fulfilled two of these three requirements. It would do.

"We'll name the younger one Ash Rose," Jonas decided.

Fiona smiled. Another man, presumably a close friend of Drystan, was creating a public identity for the newborns. Before that, though, he had to create one for Fiona. Fiona wasn't even paying attention to anyone else but her newborns, who were gladly feeding off their mother. Jonas noticed that they had little bits of auburn hair adorning their scalps.

"What do I enter on the mother's public profile?" asked the man.

"Fiona Meita-Scarlet Renastere," answered Jonas. Fiona deserved the surname that held the meaning of rebirth.

The man entered the data into her new public profile. Beside it, he created two new entries for her daughters. He entered the data for the younger twin, muttering "Ash Rose Meita-Fiona" as he typed. Ash Rose didn't seem as feisty as her older, unnamed twin. Jonas patted Fiona's head and she turned to him.

"You can choose the name for the older one," he said.

Fiona didn't even have to think about it. Jonas remembered a conversation he had with her some days ago about potential names and knew exactly what Fiona was going to name her older daughter. Everything he knew about Fiona's past and what she felt now was enough to tell him. He looked around to see if anyone else would be able to guess. He assumed that only Magdalene and Esme could guess as accurately as he would. Fiona would name her child in remembrance of someone great. She spoke her chosen name.

"Rhiannon."


	49. Life

Rhiannon and Ash Rose were born January 1st, 7190 at 4:24 and 4:27 a.m., respectively. Eleanor, Ernest and Gabriel were falling asleep, so Lillian decided it was best to take them home. Esme protested, as she had just gotten into a heated debate with Tasnim. Tasnim comforted her by saying she was traveling to Fort Hansfield anyway, so they could meet up sometime later. Most people had left the party, leaving Rhosyn, the Izbavitelovs and the Birambaums behind to look after Fiona and her twins. They weren't even an hour old and Jonas could see that little Rhiannon would be the stronger and more rambunctious of the two. Ash Rose would be like Fiona: gentle, sweet and intelligent.

After Jonas said goodbye to Fiona and her children, the family returned to the inn. The little ones fell asleep once they hit the bed, refusing to change out of their clothes. Esme offered to put them in pajamas while Jonas organized their bags for their departure. Magdalene changed out of her dress and Jonas out of his evening clothes. They organized their bags before they fell asleep in each other's arms, leaving no room for interpretation of their current relationship. Esme smiled at the pair before she gave up sleep for her public net discussions, spreading the news of the Province Corollary and telling Tasnim all about it. She eventually fell asleep and the hologram image turned itself automatically after disuse, leaving the entire room dark.

* * *

A month after the Corollary was added, the Charity picked out a site for their first refuge home. Rather than going closer to the border like they planned, they penetrated the geo-barrier further for a site that most runaways would likely end up. Everyone else took after the Eastern Province Branch, finding a site for a refuge home. In a matter of a few months, eight refuge homes were built, two belonging to each province. By the middle of summer, each one was up and running. The government assisted in paving roads in order to transport supplies to each refuge home. At some point, the roads penetrated the entire geo barrier. Jonas saw more and more refugees making it to the refuge home near Fort Hansfield. By now, he and Magdalene were accepted as a couple and he was officially recognized as an Argall.

Jonas and Magdalene worked extensively with the Charity Board on administrative work and Magdalene's friends helped with supplies distribution. Everyone else thought it wise that he didn't interact personally with the survivors, considering his current infamy among the former Community dwellers. Between his periods of charity work, Satomi would tutor him on his school subjects and current political affairs. It didn't surprise him that he was the center of news for a long time. He started becoming curious of the other Unions guarding communities like the one Jonas had escaped. Reports revealed that the other Unions were carefully watching the Provinces and the District Union hoped for a similar corollary. There was heavy debate on it. Just as Jonas predicted, Esme and Tasnim participated heavily in this, increasing their chances of getting an I.U. together.

As for their personal lives, Jonas tried to hide as much from the public as possible. Not very many people knew of his still-burning love for Fiona and of Magdalene and Macario's side relationship. Jonas and Magdalene had consented to a polyamorous affair, so these other trysts didn't bother them. Maite and Amalia had something with Macario as well, but he didn't pay much attention.

Jonas often used his device for late night chats with Fiona, who was doing surprisingly well with the twins. She still had therapy sessions to help her recover from her traumatic experiences and Jonas noticed how effective it as. Ash Rose was trying to doodle with little crayons and Rhiannon was crawling all over the place, making loud babbling noises. He could already see that Rhiannon would be like Asher. Jonas was discussing the current state of the project when Simeon came in her room, bringing good news.

"Hey Jonas," he greeted, "You're doing wonderfully with the project."

"Thanks," he replied.

"Oh, hey, the whole family is coming to visit," Simeon said, "Fiona wanted to help with the project."

"The babies, too," Fiona joked, waving Ash Rose's hand, "Say hello to Jonas, Ash Rosie."

Rhiannon attempted to climb on Fiona and saw Jonas, who made silly faces to the young child. Rhiannon gave a wide smile, revealing her toothless gums and waving around one of her fists. She tried to stand up by leaning on Fiona's shoulder and fell flat on her butt, which would have normally prompted a loud cry. Instead, Rhiannon started crawling again, rubbing her pained area to soothe it before proceeding with her shenanigans. Ash Rose saw her sister fall and started crying a little, pointing her fallen twin. Rhiannon crawled to Ash Rose and tried to sloppily dry her tears, prompting laughs.

"I'll see you in a few days time," Fiona said, "Ash Rose, Rhiannon, say bye bye!"

Ash Rose acknowledged Jonas and waved a small fist playfully. Rhiannon turned, her smile showing her pink gums and tongue and tried to say what Fiona instructed her to do.

"Blah-ah oh-us!" Rhiannon blabbed with the proper intonation.

Jonas turned off the device and played the AMP that Esme had gotten him months ago, falling asleep.

* * *

Jonas decided to accompany Fiona on her visit to the refuge home. She brought Rhiannon and Ash Rose with her and the little twins received the attention of almost every survivor. Magdalene, Maite and Amalia were handing out food to the adults and the younger children were in separate rooms for education courses. Satomi spent part of her time teaching the children. Adults had separate allotted times for reeducation.

The survivors didn't seem to recognize Jonas immediately, which relieved him. He remained quiet as Fiona told the survivors her story, particularly her connections with the famous Rhiannon. Little Rhiannon was teasing Ash Rose, attracting the attention of a few pregnant women. The twins loved every minute of it.

"Fiona?" a girl Jonas didn't recognize asked, "You're alive?"

Fiona turned her head to the plain-looking girl and smiled. The unnamed girl sat beside the redhead and embraced her. The babies looked at her skeptically.

"Roshanak," Fiona muttered and Jonas recognized the name, "What happened to everyone?"

The girl became uneasy and Fiona held her hand in attempt to comfort her. Roshanak started to cry and Fiona gave her a hug before allowing her to speak.

"Kester and Oscar froze to death," she whimpered, "Salvatore died defending us from Srecko. Agnetha is here. Eurydice died of hypothermia."

"What about Herminia?"

"Starved to death."

Jonas went around hearing other stories while Roshanak and Fiona caught up with each other, learning more about the cannibal tribes that remained. Many survivors worried that they would make it here. He started to wonder about that issue and debated with himself on whether they should be taken in as well and reeducated. Cannibalism arose from desperateness. Take that way and the behavior would end. Wouldn't it? He thought it was an interesting idea to publish on the public boards, so he used his device and completed the task, waiting for Theory and Elegy to take the lead in the discussion.

* * *

A lot had happened over the year. Magdalene turned sixteen, plenty of roads were paved, many survivors made it to the refuge homes and the charities were erecting more buildings deeper inside the geo-barrier. Some other private organizations got involved as well. Jonas and Magdalene received the Youths for Peace Award from the Office. At the educational institution, Magdalene, Maite and Amalia received the Best Community Service Project Award. The trio received offers from other philanthropic organizations for paid jobs. Magdalene declined, but Maite and Amalia took up the opportunity. Magdalene stayed behind with Jonas for the charity project.

Fiona's twin daughters were walking now and the two families made frequent trips to each other's homes. Gabriel formed a fast bond with Ash Rose, who was quietly humming a tune playing on Jonas's AMP. Rhiannon tried to keep up with Eleanor and Ernest and kept tripping, yet didn't react at all to the minor pain. She would simply point to her injured area, say "owwie" and move on. Every time she spoke, her rudimentary words came out too quickly. Lucille bonded more with Ash Rose and tried to teach her to color _inside_ the lines. Fiona kept reminded her that Ash Rose was barely a year old and that it was impossible. Lucille ignored her and kept trying. Ezekiel started to bond with Eleanor and Ernest when trying to teach Rhiannon how to run without falling. Jonas smiled at the scene and thought about The Giver, wondering if he could see their loving family from his resting place.

* * *

The twins were two years old. Jonas, Magdalene and Fiona were all seventeen. By now, the entire geo-barrier was settled and it was time to actually go into the communities. Fiona stayed behind to care for Rhiannon and Ash Rose while Jonas, Magdalene and Esme volunteered to enter them. Esme received a notification saying that Tasnim had returned to the Eastern Province and begged Jonas to let her come along. Jonas approved and Esme squealed with delight, telling Tasnim all the details of the trip. Tasnim agreed to come along. They met up at one of the refuge homes and took several vehicles. No doubt would some be used to transport found survivors to the refuge homes.

"Tasnim!" Esme said, "I want to tell you everything about the project!"

Esme started talking about the progress rate of the education programs at the refuge homes, how many adult survivors were picking up a trade and becoming more integrated into province life, and how many people were coming in to work at the homes. Some of the workers were survivors that graduated the programs and led independent lives. Some of the survivors went on to become travelers like Tasnim. Tasnim absorbed every bit of information Esme told her.

It took less than a few days to enter the communities. Esme and Tasnim recorded everything they saw in the geo-barrier. Half of the vans they took with them had to go back, bringing survivors to the refuge homes. Simeon, Jacob and other charity friends were in a separate vehicle just behind Jonas's. Lillian, Robin and Rhosyn wanted to accompany them as well. Rhosyn was good company, Jonas concluded. They made it to Hurupolis.

Jonas almost went into shock because of what he saw. Very few buildings were still erect, dead bodies were being piled up in mounds and burned, and the few survivors had resorted to cannibalism. One young man had made it close enough to the vehicle for Jonas to observe him through the window. He could see that the man developed swollen gums and lost several teeth. His arms were bruised and his eyes looked funny. Jonas knew immediately that this man had scurvy. Several other survivors did too.

Jonas looked at his massive food supply seating neatly in the back of the van and back at the man. His hands were on the window and Jonas could see that he was desperate. A starved child stood beside him, her face covered in dirt and her clothes reduced to rags. Jonas and Magdalene looked at each other and Esme and Tasnim followed suit. Simeon's van pulled up beside Jonas's and he saw one of the windows go down. The young man previously standing beside Jonas's van moved to the other vehicle. Pretty soon, the other starving survivors gazed at the vans and swarmed around them like zombies. Jonas took a box of food bars and opened a window, distributing them in a semi-orderly fashion. Soon, he had been reduced to throwing them out the window.

Esme winced in the backseat and started crying, causing Tasnim to search for wounds. When she found none, she got Jonas's attention.

"What's happening to her?" Tasnim cried.

Jonas watched as Esme grabbed his hand for support, tears streaming down her face as she did so. She tried to pull herself up and one leg dragged lamely, causing her to make pained moans. He realized that she had been hit a memory.

"She has a memory," he said, "Like in the diary."

"Help her!" Tasnim shouted.

He leaned closer to Esme and whispered in her ear, aware of the watching eyes around him, "Put your hands on my back and think of what's hurting you."

"Okay," she whimpered.

Jonas received the memory of riding on a sled. He remembered the first time he received this specific memory in The Giver's Annex. He was only twelve years old at the time and hadn't suspected such a thing would happen. It was the first time he had known true pain and the trials only got worse from there.

Receiving the memory again brought every feeling back and he felt twelve years old again. He felt the familiar chill of the snow and the exhilaration of the sled ride. After some time, he was gliding across ice and lost control. The sled skidded until it hit a crack and he was flying through the air until he landed, breaking a leg. The pain itself didn't seem as awful as the first time, but the mere anticipation consumed him with fear.

He was lying in the van, holding his broken leg and rocking to soothe the pain. Magdalene watched over him as Tasnim distracted the starving survivors with food bars. Simeon did the same thing in his van and Esme started writing about the state of affairs on a sheet of paper. The public net devices didn't work out here.

After some time, the survivors had fallen asleep and Jonas kept record of how many buildings were still erect. Most of the House of the Old was burnt, only a few dwellings were still standing and the fish hatchery had fallen apart completely. Jonas noticed that the Annex he used to work in was still intact and decided to pay that place a visit.

He waited until he was absolutely sure there was no one spying on him. Magdalene was paying close attention to his mannerisms. Jonas looked over at Magdalene with a raised eyebrow, prompting a question.

"Just what do you plan on doing?" Magdalene asked.

"You wanna see where I used to work?"

Magdalene shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

Jonas opened the van door quietly, letting Magdalene out first. Once they were both out, he wrote a note telling Esme and Tasnim where they would be and closed the door softly, so as not to alert anyone. It felt like they were sneaking out to a party or something rather than to the place that served as a luxurious prison. Jonas was about to press the buzzer at the side of the door when he realized that he was not a Twelve, this place was not intact and there would be no attendant. He was seventeen years old, the city had been burned to pieces and all that awaited him was a button that unlocked the room. The door that led to the attendant's room was broken down, so he simply needed to step over some old junk before pressing that button. They heard a satisfying beep and opened the door.

Jonas saw that the entire room was covered in dust. The bed cloths had not been moved for years, no drawers for garments had been opened and a thick layer of dust rested on the exposed covers of the old books. The place felt empty without The Giver's presence. He remembered the conversations he had with the old man almost five years ago. The feeling of decay consumed him and he had a hard time understanding why that was. He surely didn't like it.

"This was the place?" Magdalene asked.

Jonas nodded. She looked through the bookshelves, making little patterns in the dust and came across something. Jonas saw her eyebrows dip in confusion as she pulled out a little book with an odd looking cover. Magdalene looked at it and flipped through the pages, eventually showing Jonas. He realized it was Rosemary's diary.

"Well," Magdalene teased, "We found our next public net entry."

Jonas smiled, "I've always wanted to know Rosemary."

Magdalene gave Jonas a kiss after he set down the diary on the table. He took her by surprise, embracing her until she couldn't possibly get closer to him. He felt the feeling of _hormones_ racing and knew that the communities weren't the best place to express such things. When he thought about his life here, he couldn't help but remember when he questioned the purpose of the Pills. It took him so long to figure it out and he thought of the reason as he was kissing Magdalene. However, primitive desire often overruled reason.

"It's been too long," Magdalene said in a pant, causing Jonas to smile as they fell on the bed, doing that one act that could have gotten him killed had the communities still functioned.

Naturally, Magdalene would still face a consequence.

* * *

Jonas was spinning in his chair, looking at the walls of his grand office. His eyes would gaze up at the hanging lights adorning the vast ceiling and down at the shining floor. His feet pushed himself around until everything became a blur and he fell flat on his back. The chair rolled back and hit the clear polished desk. Jonas pushed himself up and walked to the window, which held a beautiful view of his massive estate.

He remembered the trip he took to the communities three years ago and thought about the progress they had made since then. There were still those groups from Luopiothorpe that had taken over all of the communities, but their power was diminishing. The Eastern Province had absorbed the land containing Hurupolis and dealt with the memories there accordingly. Jonas, as well as a large team of psychologists, helped the survivors cope with the memories. The previous refuge home graduates helped with the project as well. There were still other communities to deal with, but when taking every factor into consideration, he'd say they had made quite some progress in repairing them. The Northern Province dealt with micro-communities that Jonas hadn't even heard of while the Southern Province dealt with Servofors. From the reports he read, the survivors of Servofors were making the best progress.

He remembered his rendezvous with Magdalene during the trip and smiled, looking at the parts of his estate he could see from his window. Jonas remembered when he and Magdalene announced her pregnancy three years ago and Rhosyn invited everyone to the mansion where he stood now. They had a baby shower and received gifts from their families. Jonas was getting to know the Argall family at the time and learned more than he wanted to about Aerona's past. It started to disturb him, so he left it in the dark and bonded with the remaining Argalls, particularly Drystan.

Jonas and Magdalene had a little boy, whom he named Eliot, and after he turned one, Rhosyn sold this estate to him for a rather cheap price. Jonas and Magdalene moved in with their son and when Jonas saw how big the mansion was, he invited the rest of Magdalene's family to live with him and they sold their old house. Esme and Tasnim finally got an I.U. and Tasnim ended her time as a Traveler. They moved in together and Jonas could still hear them debate current political issues when he passed by their rooms. This always humored him.

The house still felt empty with two empty floors and after Simeon ran into financial trouble, he let the entire Birambaum family move in. The Birambaum's home was sold for a hefty price and the family was financially secure for a long time. Fiona and her twins moved in as well, much to his delight, and he made a point to visit them as much as he could. Rhiannon and Ash Rose took well to Eliot's presence. Overall, the children got along very well.

The Argall family was now in control of many of the private businesses that pursued the restoration project and Jonas participated in many of the ventures, making him financially secure for the rest of his life. He hired the best tutors for the children and set aside money for their future. Oftentimes, he donated money to other philanthropic organizations. His name was becoming well known globally.

Jonas checked the time. Eliot, Rhiannon and Ash Rose were at the amusement park with Jacob, Lillian, Simeon and Robin. Gabriel, now nine years old, was at a summer recreational sleep-away camp with some of his distant cousins. Eleanor, Ernest, and Lucille, now eleven, were volunteering at the safer refuge homes for community service hours, which they were very close to finishing. Jonas excused Magdalene for a night out with her old friends, Maite and Amalia, which meant that she would find some other lover soon. Jonas didn't mind, as they had consented to polyamory. Only Fiona remained in the large estate, doing who knows what. He decided to pay her a visit.

Jonas trotted up a few flights of stairs to get to Fiona's room, which had a lovely balcony overlooking the lake. He noticed the door was slightly open and gave it a soft push, seeing Fiona tie up her bathrobe and flip her hair. _Soft, pretty red hair._

"Oh," her soft voice spoke, "Hey, Jonas."

"Hello," he replied, his voice huskier than usual.

"Did anyone else get back yet?"

"No."

She went into the lavatory room to start a bath, checking the temperature sporadically to make sure it was just right. Jonas thought about Magdalene going off with another guy for a night and wondered why he couldn't do the same thing now. He looked at Fiona, who smiled at him.

"What are you thinking about?" Fiona asked.

"The fact that no one is home and we don't have Stirrings Pills," Jonas said slyly, making the woman blush.

Jonas didn't remember whose idea it was, but somehow they ended up in each other's arms, talking in the tub. He had never been exposed like this in front of Fiona, but considering they were about twenty now, there wouldn't be much of an issue about it. They were adults, weren't they?

"What was your first Stirrings dream?" Fiona asked.

"Are you serious?" he replied, "All the possible questions in the world and you ask that?"

"Yes."

He held her closer to his own body until she was resting on top of him, her head relaxing on his chest. He could see her back rising and falling and she could feel him breathing. She moved her head up to hear his heartbeat.

"It happened when I was twelve," he admitted, "It took place in the bathing room for the House of the Old, but there was just one tub. I kept asking you to let me bathe you but you said no."

Fiona chuckled sarcastically, "Well, aren't _we_ different people now?"

She pushed herself up so there was a bit of space between herself and Jonas and she was looking down at him. He scanned her body and his hands traveled up her waist. He rubbed up and down her spine until his hands dropped as low as her hips, making her blush and bite her lip. Jonas liked what he saw.

"Kiss me, Fiona."

The explicit details of what happened in the bathroom were for Jonas and Fiona to keep to themselves. As the months passed, however, Fiona's body gave enough evidence as to what they did. Jonas would often think about what they did with a smile whenever he was alone. Ask Jonas if he ever could do this back when he was twelve years old and he would have looked at the questioner incredulously, stating that it could only happen in a dream world. However, Jonas was no longer twelve and never would be again.

* * *

Jonas and Fiona's daughter was named Rosemary. Just as he had done for the other children, Jonas set aside money for her future and hired only the best tutors for her education. She grew up to be like what The Giver had described his own daughter before she was given traumatic memories. As Rosemary grew older, she started to become curious as to what her name meant. Throughout her childhood, Jonas only told her that she was named after a special little girl that his teacher once taught. However, when she reached early adolescence, she knew there was more to learn and confronted her father.

"Father?" she asked, knocking on the door of his private office, "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Rosie-Mary," he said playfully.

The thirteen-year-old girl stood awkwardly in the doorway, her fingers fidgeting with one another behind her back. She rocked on her toes for a moment and bit her lip, thinking of what to say to the thirty-three year old man that sat before her. She nodded her head slightly and asked her question.

"Why don't you tell me who the original Rosemary was?" she asked.

Jonas sighed, spinning around in his office chair. He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing again. Rosemary didn't really like that her father was acting like this. Finally, he answered.

"You know the Eastern Province Charity Branch."

"Yes, of course."

"And the project that we've worked on extensively for fifteen years?"

"The reparation?" Rosemary asked, "Well, yeah, I know some details. The Eastern Province took Hurupolis, the Northern took Brenhinesboro and surrounding micro-communities, the Southern took Servofors and Puterastadt, and the Western Province took to Luopiothorpe. Luopiothorpe was the toughest, as far as I know."

"I think," Jonas breathed, "It's time you learn the deeper history of the communities."

"What does this have to do with the original Rosemary?"

"Everything."

Jonas gave her the addresses to Rhiannon and Rosemary's diaries on the public net and Rosemary took to reading them. After she spent time reading both journals, she devoured the discussion boards. She was sitting in Jonas's office one day after a tutoring session and went through the pages of the failed Receiver's journal. Finally, she turned around in her spinning chair to face her father, who was looking over paperwork about all the private businesses he had inherited.

"You named me after a suicidal failure?" she asked skeptically.

"Rosemary!" he snapped, "Why would you say that?"

"I'm sorry, Father," she replied timidly and cowered in her chair, turning away from him, "What's all that paperwork for?"

"The private businesses I inherited from Rhosyn after she retired."

"Your aunt?"

"Yes."

Rosemary spun around again, dizzying herself after looking at several things at once, watching them blur. She stuck her foot out at the ground to stop spinning and had to orientate herself, almost falling off the chair. Jonas giggled.

"How _old_ is Rhosyn?"

"Seventy eight," Jonas answered and checked through his messages on his public net device, which he had upgraded several times since he had first received it over fifteen years ago, "Gabriel and Ash Rose are getting married."

"What?" Rosemary laughed, "My uncle and my half-sister are getting married? How many years apart _are_ they?"

"Four," Jonas replied, "_They_ aren't related."

"Isn't eighteen a little young for Ash Rose to be getting married?"

"Your mother had her at fifteen and you at twenty," Jonas retorted, "So don't be talking about age limits and taboos, young lady. You were born when your mother and I were young."

"I was born because my mother was Aphrodite and you were a playboy."

"That wasn't nice," Jonas whined, yet Rosemary knew Jonas was laughing on the inside.

Rosemary looked at the numerous books in Jonas's private library, counting how many there were per shelf. She added the total number of books and did random math equations with that number, coming up with crazy results. She figured out that this made time pass by very quickly, which was useful for when her father was busy with his work or when she was stuck doing family excursions. She wasn't very fond of her parents' relatives and Rhiannon was the only exception. Only the older twin understood her sarcasm and questions. Rhiannon was always causing trouble, much to Fiona's dismay, and Rosemary delighted in hearing her stories. Ash Rose, on the other hand, was more like Fiona. They cared about rules very much. Rosemary got along with Eliot, but she didn't like him the way she liked Rhiannon. He had branched off from the family to become a Traveler.

"When is this wedding?"

"This weekend," Jonas answered, looking over messages from his subordinates.

"Well, you _did_ say I was grounded for that prank Rhiannon and I pulled on Ash Rose last week, so…"

"Rosemary, _you're going_."

* * *

Rhosyn died at the ripe old age of eighty-nine. Rosemary was a famous musician at the age of twenty-four, Esme took over Rhosyn's position after her retirement, Tasnim became a Traveler again and Gabriel and Ash Rose had inherited one of Jonas's private businesses. Rhiannon returned to the communities to see their current state and conducted weekly reports. Hurupolis was entirely reconstructed and running, Servofors was emerging as a local power, and Luopiothorpe was going under a complete reformation after the overthrow of the oppressive militaristic regime that had existed for so long. Fiona, Magdalene, and Jonas, at the age of forty-four, were almost religious figures. Magdalene and Fiona were known as some sort of matriarch while Jonas was known for his story as the Receiver of Memory and his efforts to repair devastated communities. His economic status didn't exactly hurt his image either.

The Argalls, the Izbavitelovs and the Birambaums attended her funeral. It was a short ceremony with one speech (given by Jonas, of course) about her life. Her body was then cremated and her ashes were spread in the lake at Jonas's estate. They had a small luncheon and Tasnim had visited Esme, talking about her travels. Esme, in return, talked about her duties as the Secretary of Border Affairs. Jonas needed a break and went into his private office, where he hid the jar of Rhiannon's ashes. _The original Rhiannon_. He traced his fingers over the jar and put it back in its protective casing, hiding them from everyone.

He returned to the luncheon to hear people talking about Rosemary's music. Jonas hadn't listened to it often, but he knew that she based her lyrics off of the stories she found in Rhiannon and Rosemary's diaries. They were satirical, in a way.

Gabriel and Ash Rose announced that they were having a child and everyone toasted. Lillian and Robin remarked that it must have been Rhosyn reincarnating. Jonas gave a fake laugh at their comments, looking out at the river. Magdalene sat beside Jonas and held his hand, trying to comfort him, but he still felt nothing.

* * *

"You have cancer, sir," the doctor said, "I am so sorry."

"It's all right," Jonas replied, "I have ample time to right my wills and set aside my finances."

Magdalene and Fiona sat in the room with him, holding each of his hands. Rhiannon and Ash Rose were on one side of the room and Rosemary on the other. Gabriel was trying to comfort his older brother, but it was of no use. Jonas knew he was going to die in a few months and he wouldn't even be able to meet his niece or nephew. Ash Rose rubbed her pregnant stomach and Jonas thought back to when Fiona had just given birth to the twin several years ago. Why did time pass so quickly?

Eliot, who had returned from the District Union, returned to visit his father. Jonas welcomed him with open arms and he hugged his father tightly.

"Father, how much longer do you have?" Eliot asked.

"Three months," Jonas answered, "This cancer is resistant to every chemotherapy existing."

Jonas felt numb. He wasn't really thinking about dying, to be honest. His thoughts concerned themselves with converting his finance accounts into something his children could inherit and writing down who would inherit which businesses. He figured he should give a little more to his brother, as he was starting a family. Eliot would spend his days as a Traveler, so he wouldn't need as much. He would split the rest evenly between Magdalene, Fiona, Rhiannon and Rosemary. Jonas decided that Rosemary would receive the estate and hoped she'd be kind enough to let everyone stay. _Of course she would_, he thought.

He spent the next month converting his finance accounts and writing his will. It wasn't very difficult, as this was something that he had actually planned out in advance. He noticed that everyone had grown distant from him and it made him feel uncomfortable. Jonas grew bored of doing paperwork the whole day, so he decided on a family excursion while he still had the health. He still had the family boat and Eliot knew how to drive it. Jonas got up and summoned everyone to the lake. Eliot prepared the boat for the family and everyone boarded.

"Rosemary," Jonas said as Eliot drove the boat to the middle of the lake, "I know you're going on another concert tour soon."

"It's after summer is over, Father," she said and kissed his cheek, "Don't worry, I'm staying for you."

Gabriel was hugging Ash Rose as they were discussing names for their child, which Jonas learned was going to be a boy. Rhiannon and Rosemary were reminiscing about the pranks they used to pull, prompting a smile from Ash Rose. Fiona and Magdalene were sitting beside Jonas and he put his arms around them. It was nice to see his family come together.

"I love you all so much," he almost cried.

They huddled around him in a tight embrace and he almost collapsed, hearing murmurs telling him that they loved him too. He was crying inexplicably and his entire body was quivering when it finally hit him that he was going to die. His knees gave and he held on to the two nearest people (Rhiannon and Ash Rose). They jumped slightly in reaction, but regained their composure and tried to comfort him. It was no use.

All of his wealth, all of his happiness, all of this love and he was going to die.

* * *

The year was 7219 and his family organized quite a grand funeral for him. Everyone from his closest relatives to the most distant of acquaintances was invited and everyone came. Almost everyone Jonas knew had a story to tell. The survivors that remembered his previous identity spoke of his path to redemption and that they had all forgiven him. Members and beneficiaries of the different philanthropic organizations he had donated made speeches that praised his generosity. Subordinates of the private businesses he had owned praised his ingenuity when it came to finances. Political figures all over the Provinces came and spoke of his influence. Finally, his family told personal anecdotes that moved people to tears. Anyone who was there would tell you that at one point, there was a communal cry over the loss of such a wonderful man who had done so much good and felt so much pain. At the end of the funeral, Rosemary performed a song she had written for her father and for the first Rosemary.

Rosemary understood that her father was at peace in a resting place where the lost loves ones he had would welcome him with open arms. After she had performed the song, she looked up and could have sworn she saw a cloud in the shape of a hand reaching her. She outstretched her arm and the fingers of the cloud almost seemed to wrap around her hand lovingly. Once Rosemary pulled her hand away, the cloud dissolved in the wind and she shed a tear.

"Goodbye, Father."

* * *

**Okay, I should have done this a few chapters back, but I will do it now. The idea of Esme and Tasnim becoming influential figures on the public net discussion boards came from the idea of the Wiggin siblings getting into the heart of political affairs in the book Ender's Game. Orson Scott Card, I give you full credit for the idea and you keep being awesome. **

**It's not over just yet. Don't worry... It will be over soon, though.**


	50. Death

_I closed my diary and put it under my shirt, which was tucked into my pants. I pulled the blanket over my arms and starting walking down, struggling to pick up my legs. Every time I lifted a foot, it felt like wax being removed from a candleholder or a puzzle piece being wrongly removed. Once I placed a foot down, it felt like it had trespassed on carefully sculpted land, ruining the work of art that nature had created. I saw light emanating from a window of a two-level house. A boy whom I almost recognized peered out the window in surprise and then disappeared from that light. The music I heard just moments ago was gone, but I didn't care. The boy came out into the blizzard with a large coat, running towards me. Did he recognize me? I saw his blue eyes. Jonas! My boy!_

_ I wanted to cry his name. I wanted to say, "Mommy's here". I wanted to hug him and tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry for never being there when he needed love during his time as The Receiver. The ice must have fused my lips together because all that escaped from my throat was a soft, low hum. My eyes started to blur, so I outstretched my arms to grab whatever would appear in front of me. It was so cold. My son was running towards me. I saw a younger boy with the same blue eyes in the window. That must be Gabriel. Jonas! Gabriel! My boys!_

_ "Hello!" he called, "Where did you come from?"_

_ I tried to speak, but my jaw wouldn't move. My legs would just keep moving forward until they expended all of their energy. My stomach gnawed at me. I told myself that it was no worry, my son would help me and I would live a life of love. Whatever was left of my life, anyway._

_A couple steps more and I found myself outside of my body, which fell in Jonas's arms. He seemed confused and I wondered if there was any way to speak to him now. I saw my boys and… now what? I looked up. It was very bright, almost unbearable for living eyes, but I was no longer living. I jumped into it, not really knowing for sure what it was, but I guessed that Emanuel and Rosemary would be there. I fell somewhere and noticed this was a place I had been before in a dream. There was light ahead of me and I knew that was the resting place. Emanuel came down to meet me with a wide smile. I ran toward him with such force that he would have toppled over, had he been alive. He wrapped his arms around me and I wanted to fuse with him. I could tell that he wanted to do the same with me._

"_Emmy."_

"_Rhiannon," he whispered, "You're here. I told you I would wait for you."_

_I looked down at the living and saw Jonas find my diary. He took it inside and was going to read it. I know he will. I smiled._

"_Come with me, Rhiannon," he whispered, "I waited for you for so long."_

_I kissed him and looked down at Jonas's new home again, pointing to it. Emanuel looked down and understood._

"_You have someone to wait for."_

"_And watch over."_

_Emanuel kissed my cheek one last time and squeezed my hand before returning to Rosemary. This time, despite being in a limbo in solitude, I did not feel alone or abandoned. This was my choice. I had a reason to be in the in-between, watching the living of Elsewhere. Sometimes I would jump back and forth, watching over Jonas and watching the broken communities out of curiosity. Time did not function the same way here as it did in the living world, so I could move as I pleased. _

_I watched Jonas find Fiona, make amends with her and saw that he dreamt of loving her physically. Jonas found love in a girl named Magdalene and redemption in a restoration project. I was so proud of him._

_I watched Fiona give birth to children and cheered as the older one was named after me. I watched my duplicate grow into a prankster and my spirit warmed up. I watched as Jonas worked to repair his own mistake and procreate in the meantime. I saw him do things with Magdalene in Emanuel's bed that my Spouse and I could only dream of doing and give the name I wanted to a little boy who grew up to be a Traveler. A few years later, I saw Jonas finally hold Fiona the way he wanted to, conceiving a little girl to be named after our daughter. I turned around to the light and saw the first Rosemary peer curiously at her duplicate, who grew up to be quite something. I witnessed the reparation of the communities and the Luopiothorpans kept under control. I listened to the conversations that healed the survivors in the refuge homes and saw the debates between two erudite girls, who were no doubt intelligent enough to be Receiver candidates, had they lived in the communities. I watched the young children grow and witnessed Gabriel and Ash Rose's union._

_I jumped from place to place, finally seeing a woman that looked like an older me rise to the in-between. It wasn't too long ago when I learned who she was and when I saw her, I gave her the warmest embrace. She should have been the sister I grew to love, not Maeve. This woman named Rhosyn, who tried to do everything to find her mother, just as I did so much to find my child, gave me the strangest feeling of warmth since my death. Rhosyn held me with just as much fervor, although I didn't know why at the time. She must have learned all that she did about me from my diary, which was spreading around the Provinces. She passed on into the light and must have found her mother, for I found them smiling before they disappeared. I looked down again and saw Jonas in the doctor's office. He felt numb as his family tried to comfort him. I would have gone down to speak to him, but my form was not accepted in the realm of the living, so I paced on the floor made of spiritual matter just as one of the living paced on the floor made of tile. I watched as Jonas went back to his estate and sort out his possessions while his family grew distant and the children, no longer juvenile, pursued their own lives. Rosemary created music with lyrics communicating my diary as well as the girl she was named after. I looked up into the light and saw Rosemary – the original Rosemary – smile at the girl who sang. Jonas tried to unite his family on a boat ride, but he fell apart right now. I whispered his name, praying for him to get up, but he cried for his upcoming death and told everyone there that he loved them. I'm sorry, Jonas, I didn't want this either. Life isn't ever fair._

_Jonas exited his body one night and checked on his family members before meeting me in the in-between. Ecstatic, I ran to him and he seemed to recognize me immediately. My boy grew so big. I wrapped my arms around him as I had previously done with Emanuel and we both looked down at the living world. We both kneeled to take a closer look at Jonas's funeral, where several people spoke in awe about the deceased man. I saw Rosemary make the last speech and sing something she wrote for her late father. Jonas and I almost cried and I looked up at the light._

"_I watched over you and waited for you," I told my son, "Let's go."_

_He seemed to like the idea at first, but then he looked down and saw Rosemary shedding a tear while looking at the sky. She only saw a blue backdrop for clouds, but Jonas knew he had a way of making her see more. He extended his hand, wanting to hold her again before he said goodbye and a cloud formed to model his gesture. Rosemary reached out to the cloud desperately. Jonas cried._

"_I can't go just yet," he said, his voice shaky from his tears._

"_I understand," I replied, "You have someone to wait for."_

"_And watch over."_

_I kissed his cheek and patted him on the back. His hand still remained extended, but the cloud that modeled him disappeared and Rosemary withdrew her hand, crying and saying goodbye. I looked into the light and ran._

_I was young again and Emanuel was too. I ran to find him in this realm of pure light and love. We found each other and I saw the first Rosemary, embracing her tightly. I heard her call me Mother and Emanuel Father. This little family ran as far as we could in this endless realm of spirit, our legs never tiring. I never felt so happy._

_And Jonas, just because I am happy, it does not mean that I won't wait for you to enter this realm with your Rosemary. I wait for you and for Gabriel every day and I wait for the rest of your family because I want to love them like I loved you and like we loved our Rosemary's. My Spouse waits for his former apprentice, yearning to thank you for the change he only dreamt of bringing about the communities. My Rosemary wants to meet you and your Rosemary. I hope you never doubted or forgot this last detail. It is something that many women of Elsewhere have said to their infants, their toddlers, their children, their adolescents and their adult offspring, something that I have desired to say to you since the day you were born and something I still desire to say you when you come here into the light with us. These words still burn in my heart. Here they are._

_I love you._


	51. Index

Index

*Named characters from the book will be **bolded**. Unnamed characters from the book will be underlined. Original characters are in plain text.

**Community Characters**

**Hurupolis**

_The Receivers_

**The Giver (Emanuel) **– Spouse/Birth-Brother of Rhiannon. He is said to be quite mischievous in his youth. He and Rhiannon fall in love. He dies shortly before Rhiannon leaves the communities. Selected for Hearing Beyond (Music).

**Rosemary **– adopted daughter of Emanuel/Rhiannon. Commits suicide shortly after becoming the Receiver. Selected for social intelligence and Feeling Beyond (Telepathy).

**Jonas **– main character in original book. Rhiannon's birth-son. While in Elsewhere, he changes his name in this order: Jonas Dels-Jacob Izbavitelov, Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Renastere, Jonas Dels-Rhiannon Argall. Selected for Seeing Beyond (Color).

Jasper** – **man who trained The Giver. He was acquainted with Aerona, who is Emanuel and Rhiannon's birthmother.

_The Birthmothers (with their children. Unknown children are not mentioned)_

Rhiannon – main character. When she is pregnant with Jonas, she starts to see colors. She helps receive the memories after Rosemary's death and takes on a similar role when Jonas flees. However, the communities are still destroyed.

-Miscarried Child

-Emilienne

-Released Twin

-Jonas

-Gabriel

Evette – one of the first four Birthmothers that Rhiannon meets. She is Released early on in the story. Rhiannon thinks of naming her child after her.

-Justin (although never explicitly stated)

-Harold

Shelia – one of the first four Birthmothers that Rhiannon meets

-Laverne

-Fransiska

Filipa – one of the first four Birthmothers that Rhiannon meets

-Mitch

Nasrin – one of the first four Birthmothers that Rhiannon meets. She teases Rhiannon about her infatuation with Emanuel.

-Jake

-Safira

Sigilind – the other girl in Rhiannon's age group that is a Birthmother

-Greger

-Rosemary

-Asher

Maeve – Rhiannon's Birth-sister

-Katherine

Natille – girl who cared after Rhiannon briefly

-Roy

Scarlet – a Birthmother that Rhiannon bonds with during her Laboring hours and takes with her outside of the communities. The group encounters a cannibal tribe that forcefully takes them in. Scarlet stays behind when Rhiannon and Fiona flee from them. It is evidenced that she developed Stockholm Syndrome.

-Fiona

Aerona – originally from Elsewhere (specifically the Eastern Province), she fled during a Civil War. Her first child was a rape baby, whom she abandoned when she fled.

-Rhosyn

-Emanuel

-Rhiannon

-Maeve

Marie – a girl who looked after Rhiannon during one of her pregnancies

Cara – girl in Rosemary's age group.

Ilanit – girl Rhiannon spoke to during her pregnancy with Gabriel

Odette – girl Rhiannon spoke to during her pregnancy with Gabriel

**Inger** – briefly mentioned in original book during the Ceremony scene. She is mentioned during a kangaroo court trial, wielding a broken table leg.

_Doctors/Nurses/Nurturers/Caretakers_

Aedan – Nurturer, adoptive father of Jonas. Spouse of Gaelle-Grace.

**Yoshiko **– doctor, childhood friend of Aedan. Briefly mentioned in original book.

Mattan – nurse that overlooks Rhiannon and her friends. Rhiannon was infatuated with him in her youth.

Ralph – nighttime nurse that Mattan instructed to overlook Rhiannon and Nasrin in their youth

Carlota – Rhiannon's adoptive mother, Caretaker of the Old

Savely – Rhiannon's adoptive father, Doctor in Pharmaceutical Department. He and Carlota applied for a son after Rhiannon moved out, but Rhiannon forgot about this.

**Fiona** – Jonas's childhood friend, Caretaker of the Old. Falls in love with Asher after the Downfall. She has his twins.

**Benjamin **– Rehabilitation doctor. Jonas muses about Benjamin in the first few chapters of the book.

Leonard – Scarlet's adopted son. Nurturer.

Rebecca – a girl working at the House of the Old. Rhiannon encounters her during the Downfall.

_Members of the Department of Justice and Law Enforcement_

Gaelle-Grace – The Head Judge at the Department of Justice. Jonas's adoptive mother. She gives Rhiannon her punishment after her first infraction. Spouse of Aedan, who isn't as smart.

**Katya **– Aedan's younger sister. Briefly mentioned in the original book when Father and Jonas talk about the Ceremonies. Her job is unspecified.

Dagney – Rhiannon's childhood friend, whom she abandons. Works as a Paralegal.

Lila – Instructor at the Civil Procedures Reeducation Center. She taught both Justin and Rhiannon

Jackie – overseer during Rhiannon's probation period. She catches Justin talking to Rhiannon.

Probation Officer – he accompanies Rhiannon during her probation period. He is never named.

_Misc. Children_

**Asher** – Jonas's childhood friend, assigned Assistant Recreation Director. Father of Fiona's children. He is burned to death after trying to defend Fiona from Srecko.

**Lily** – Jonas's younger sister. Loves to tell stories. One of several children to request Rhiannon's assistance with the memories.

**Harriet** – has the same birth-number as Jonas: 19. However, she is a year younger. Briefly mentioned in original book at the Ceremonies. Here, she drowns herself when dealing with a painful memory of a broken leg.

**Madeline –** she is the first born in Jonas's age group, assigned Fish Hatchery Attendant. She commits suicide after receiving a memory of war.

**Pierre – **pedantic boy in Jonas's age group, assigned Security Guard and Law Enforcer.

**Katherine** – blue eyed Six (in original book)

Phoenix – boy who has a Released Father (mentioned in book briefly). During the Downfall, he appoints people in his kangaroo court.

**Phillipa **– Asher's little sister. Dies by snake bite.

**Bruno** – Fiona's younger brother. Dies by illness.

**Thea** – briefly mentioned in original book, goes along with Fiona to receive their little brothers during the Ceremony of One. She is credited for the fire that burned down Hurupolis.

**Tanya** – Scarlet's adoptive daughter. Briefly mentioned in original book during the Unscheduled Holiday part.

**Gabriel** – Jonas's birth-brother. Jonas saves him when he flees. He grows up to be a playful and charming little boy.

Lysander – Dagney's adopted son in Rosemary's age group. He mocks a young boy who struggled with Language Acquisition and insulted Rosemary for standing up to him. Rosemary slapped him in the face.

Abel – a young boy that Rosemary defended from Lysander.

_Misc. Adults_

**The Elders** – a group of older adults, including the Receiver, that serve as the highest government positions in the community. They determine law changes, Spouse assignments and Assignments received during the Ceremony of Twelve. When Rhiannon visits Emanuel for the last time, only two are alive.

Roy – the Released Pilot-In-Training. He flew the airplane that appeared in the beginning of the original book. During his youth, he was Rosemary's best friend and defended her from Lysander's insults.

Justin – The Released Father mentioned on page 9 in the original book. Rhiannon meets him when he is just thirteen during her probation period and learns that this was his second infraction. His second infraction was Theft. He adopted Emilienne and Phoenix.

Xavier – a pedantic man who was considered Rhiannon's potential Spouse.

Terrance – another potential Spouse of Rhiannon. He was ten years older.

Greger – Sigilind's child. Spouse of Safira.

Safira – Nasrin's child. Spouse of Greger.

**Andrei** – Aedan's childhood friend, briefly mentioned in the book. He is the Engineer who made the plans for the bridge over the river. This bridge appears in Rhiannon's first Stirrings dream before it even existed.

**Attendant** – She works in a room just outside Emanuel's private Annex. Rhiannon dislikes her a lot.

Emilienne – birth-daughter of Rhiannon. Assigned Assistant Food Production Supervisor. Her brown eyes saved her from becoming a Birthmother.

Jake – Nasrin's son. He is the Repeated Offender that Gaelle-Grace complains about early in the original book.

Homer – a man Rhiannon meets after the start of the Downfall. He is credited for discovering that enough Stirrings Pills cause complete apathy towards pain.

**Brenhinesboro**

Ilse – a girl taken by the cannibals.

Fred and Rob – two people working at an airport. Their origin is never explicitly stated, but through the process of elimination, it is implied that they are from Brenhinesboro.

Unnamed Woman – she catches Rhiannon raiding supplies.

**Puterastadt**

Roshanak – a girl taken by the cannibals. Not much older than Fiona. She escapes with Fiona and Rhiannon.

Agnetha – a girl Herminia adopts. She is part of Salvatore's tribe that Rhiannon encounters in the geo-barrier.

**Servofors**

Aune – a girl taken by the cannibals.

Salvatore – elected leader of Servofors after the start of the Downfall. Once the Luopiothorpe forces invade, he escapes and forms a tribe of survivors from different communities.

Cinzia – elected leader of Servofors. She dies during the Invasion.

Kester – a seven year old boy that Salvatore adopted.

Eurydice – a nine year old girl that cares after the younger children. She tries to befriend Fiona.

Sosigenes – an eight-year-old boy who likes to play pranks on the other kids. Srecko kills him after he wanders off.

Oscar – a six-year-old boy who was best friends with Sosigenes.

Austin – an adolescent boy who pairs up with Roshanak. Rhiannon conducts a mini-marriage ceremony for the pair.

**Luopiothorpe**

Srecko – leader of the cannibal tribe. He is fascinated with Rhiannon when they first meet. At one point, Srecko finds her after she leaves. He is responsible for the death of Asher.

Vlanin – one of Srecko's henchmen. Usually a hunter.

Lucas – one of Srecko's henchmen. Usually a hunter.

Quinn – one of Srecko's henchmen. Usually a hunter.

Sasho – one of Srecko's henchmen. Usually guards the women. Rhiannon kills him when she flees with Fiona and Roshanak.

Ciro – one of Srecko's henchmen. Usually guards the women. Rhiannon kills him when she flees with Fiona and Roshanak.

Herminia – girlfriend of Salvatore. She fled after the self-appointed leader of Luopiothorpe killed her adopted children. She was once an Agriculture Supervisor.

**Elsewhere Characters**

**Izbavitelov**

Jacob and Lillian – couple that takes Jonas in once he escapes.

Magdalene – 15 years old at the start of the story. In the beginning of the story, she is portrayed as self-centered and materialistic. She bonds with Jonas over the diary and they develop a semi-romantic relationship.

Esme – 13 years old at the beginning of the story. She is fascinated with ancient culture, knows many languages and loves to engage in philosophical and political debate. She is the first to know about Magdalene and Jonas's relationship. When Rhiannon's journal is published on the public net, she goes on the discussion boards under the alias "Elegy".

Ernest and Eleanor – six year old (in the beginning) twins who accept Gabriel as a brother and worthy playmate.

**Birambaum**

Simeon – father of two children and husband of Robin. He works at the Eastern Province Charity Branch, founded by the Argall family. When Jonas sees his house, he concludes that Simeon must be very wealthy. He visits the communities and returns to see that Fiona hid in his van. He sees that she is starving and pregnant and takes her in.

Robin – younger sister of Lillian. Although Robin and Lillian did not previously have a closer relationship, the families grow closer in their involvement with the restoration project.

Ezekiel – Nine-year-old (at the start of story) son. He isn't a major character in the story.

Lucille – a six-year-old (at the start), about the same age as the twins. Esme remembers that Lucille and the twins didn't get along in their earlier years. Lucille is an amateur artist that looks after Fiona.

**Argall**

Aerona – previously mentioned in the list of Community Characters. She is known as the Lost Daughter. That title appears on a plaque placed outside the Eastern Province Charity Branch building. She went missing when she was eighteen.

Rhosyn – Aerona had her when she was sixteen. Rhosyn was the product of rape, which prevented Aerona from bringing her when she fled during a Civil War. Ever since she learned of her mother, she tried to get the Sameness Isolation Act of the 2800's repealed in order to find her. She is now the Secretary of Border Affairs in the Legislative Office of the Provinces, which gives her considerable power. However, her proposals need the approval of the entire Office.

Drystan – he is the son of Rhosyn. He is a doctor and works part time at the Charity's clinic. He checks on Fiona from time to time to check on her pregnancy and delivers her children. He is the cousin of Jonas and Gabriel.

Eliot – Magdalene and Jonas's son. He grows up to be a Traveler.

Rosemary – Jonas and Fiona's daughter, named after the failed Receiver. She becomes a famous musician who models her lyrics after the stories found in Rhiannon and Rosemary's diaries.

**Charity Board**

Aracelis – the mother of Macario. She is a gentle black haired woman with a soft voice.

Xanthe – an abrasive, blonde, plump woman who is not very tall.

Folke – a bald man who acts indifferently to people. He and Xanthe are good friends.

Rade – a twin. Zhe and zher's twin identify as androgynous. Jonas is puzzled by their gender identity. (Zhe and zher are recent gender-neutral pronouns).

Gratien – Rade's twin. Zhe is noted for having a strange, monotone voice.

**Misc.**

Satomi Meita-Aoi Alkaev – Jonas's tutor. She met Simeon through the charity, which leads to her involvement in the restoration project. Her name means "wise".

Macario Dels-Feofan Teitzae – a boy that Magdalene flirted with at the Christmas party. He is the son of Aracelis, a Charity Board member.

Maite Meita-Wendy Portchester – a girl with blonde, curly hair and light eyes. She is one of Magdalene's friends assigned to her community service project. Jonas remarks that she looks similar to Rhiannon.

Amalia Meita-Corine Llewellen – a girl with purple hair and eyes two different colors (orange/yellow). She is very concerned with fashion trends, more so than Magdalene. She is Magdalene's friend and is assigned to the community service project.

"Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jonah" – a couple related to the Izbavitelovs. The question of which person is related to Jacob/Lillian isn't addressed. It is implied that they are Jewish.

Tasnim Meita-Aertimys Thwaite– a thirteen year old (when first introduced) girl who, under the alias "Theory", debates with Esme on the public net concerning Rhiannon's journal. Esme likens her appearance to that of a fairy.

Rhiannon Meita-Fiona Renastere – Fiona's first-born daughter. As she is the older of the twins, Fiona decides to name her after Jonas's Birthmother. She grows up to be a mischievous young woman.

Ash Rose Meita-Fiona Renastere – Fiona's second daughter. Despite being the younger twin, she is named first. Lucille suggests the name due to the color of her first blanket and Jonas accepts it, as it combines the names Asher and Rosemary. She eventually marries Gabriel and has his child (unnamed).


End file.
